Storemags - Magazine Free PDF Magazine Back Issues

© 2010 The Patrón Spirits Company, Las Vegas, NV. 40% Alc./Vol. 

The perfect way to enjoy Patrón this holiday season is responsibly.

eliminate regifting. 

This holiday season, 

give the world’s finest ultra-premium tequila. 

Made with only hand-selected 100% Weber blue agave. 

simply perfect. 

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The all-new 2011 Jetta. 

It’s like “Cuff links” for the price 

of “Buttons.” 

German engineering, best-in-class rear legroom, and Intelligent Crash Response System. 

All standard. Great. For the price of good. 

Text JETTA to 892277 (VWCARS) and we’ll send back a video tour.** 

©2010 Volkswagen of America, Inc. *Starting MSRP of $15,995 for 2011 Volkswagen Jetta S 2.0L with manual transmission. 

Model shown is a 2011 Volkswagen Jetta SEL 2.5L manual transmission with a starting MSRP of $21,395. All prices exclude 

transportation, taxes, title, other options and dealer charges. Dealer sets actual price. **Not available for all carriers or devices. 

Message and data rates may apply.

Surprisingly priced at $15,995.* 

vw.com

Series 3 

View the video on braun.com 

“Life’s worth nothing 

Wear

without passion.” 

without passion.” 

your face.

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92 Icon: 

Will Arnett 

The Arrested Devel- 

opment star reunites 

with David Cross on 

Running Wilde. 

By Patrick Carone 

94 Season 

of Slam 

2010 hoops in your 

face! Durant on 

winning! Howard on 

farting! Artest on 

Celine Dion! 

100 The 

Main Event 

The Event’s Taylor 

Cole is 70 percent 

legs, 30 percent 

carbon, and 100 

percent gorgeous! 

By Brekke Fletcher 

106 Jackass: 

The Oral 

History 

Johnny Knoxville, 

Steve-O, Wee Man, 

and the rest relive 

TV’s sickest show. 

By Marc Spitz 

114 Motion 

Pictures 

Five cars of the 

future race across 

our pages and 

into your dreams. 

By Jesse Will 

128 The 12 

Most Dangerous 

Men in 

the World 

Our deadly dozen, 

from nuke dealers to 

serial-killing truckers. 

By Chris Wilson 

130 In the 

Mood for 

Italian? 

Scorching soccer 

WAG Melissa Satta! 

By Paolo Giovannazi 

132 Scarface 

in Stilettos 

The true story of 

a Colombian beauty 

queen cops say 

turned cocaine 

crime lord. 

By Mark Ebner 

features 

NOVEMBER 

2010 

86 avril 

lavigne 

Music’s bad girl is back 

to rock your world! 

BY RUTH HILTON 

on the cover: 

Photograph by Don Flood 

STYLING, JESSICA PASTER; HAIR 

AND MAKEUP, GABRIEL PANDURO 

FOR I.C.O.N.; MANICURE, KIMMIE 

KYEES FOR MINX/CELESTINE 

AGENCY; SET DESIGN, DAVID ROSS. 

THANKS TO SIREN STUDIOS. 

VINTAGE TOP COURTESY OF 

HOLLYWOOD TRADING COMPANY, 

FOREVER 21 BOY SHORTS, TOM BINNS 

NECKLACE, GASOLINE GLAMOUR RING, 

VAN CLEEF BRACELET, SO RUFF 

SO TUFF EARRINGS COURTESY OF 

DIAVOLINA, ROCK & REPUBLIC SHOES. 

NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 7

83 

SEX 

Twelve lovely ladies 

tell you what 

they’re thankful 

for in bed. 

8 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 

20 47 64 71 

50 

departments 

depa 

13 

Letters 

Hot shots from our 

Hometown Hotties 

party, and hot letters 

from our even hotter 

readers! 

17 

Circus Maximus 

Pointless achievements, 

much-needed 

celeb rehab, and the 

return of the Decider! 

It’s a 13-page funsplosion 

in your face! 

47 

Rated 

Out-of-this-world 

Syfy beauty Elyse 

Levesque, comedy 

genius Todd Phillips, 

and the return of rock 

gods Kings of Leon. 

57 

Stuff 

The Maxim gaming 

guide anoints this 

generation’s motioncontrol 

master. Plus, 

Tommy Lee’s killer 

chopper, and a woman 

with a tool. 

71 

Columns 

Plenty of sex and 

meatballs. Plus, we 

knuckle up for 

college football’s 

nastiest rivalries! 

138 

Style 

Witness the rebirth of 

classic American style! 

(It’s a lot less gross 

than witnessing the 

birth of a child.) 

156 

24 Hours to Live 

On his last day on 

Earth, the new Captain 

Kirk, Chris Pine, 

laments some breakfast 

burrito choices 

(and so do we—light 

a match, man!)

FELLOW RIDER MARISA MILLER ON THE CROSS BONES ® 

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EXTRA CREDIT 

More digital delights from your favorite mag. 

what to watch 

I’m allergic to cotton! 

Subscribe to 

our weekly sports 

newslet ter 

(maxim.com/ 

newsletters) to 

get our picks 

for the week’s 

best and worst 

showdowns. 

Hello, bocci! 

school spirit 

Scan with your 

smartphone for a 

chance to win a 

tailgating package. 

You’ll also be entered 

to win a trip to one 

of college football’s 

biggest weekends.* 

*For offi cial rules, go to Maxim.com/contests. 

GET YOUR 

CLICKS 

HERE 

Taylor 

Made 

Meet Taylor Cole (left), the 

insanely gorgeous actress 

starring in NBC’s smash The 

Event. No, take a long look at 

her brain-meltingly hot shoot 

in this very magazine on page 

100. Next, head to Maxim.com 

for more exclusive photos 

of the sexy star. The future of 

the world depends on it! 

APP ATTACK! 

Check out Maxim-approved 

hangouts with our city guide at 

Maxim.com/cityguide. We eat 

and drink so you don’t have to! 

Grab a full digital 

version of this 

issue for your iPad 

or smartphone at 

Maxim.com/iPad 

and Maxim.com/November2010. 

If you 

download in the next 

30 minutes, you’ll 

also receive nothing 

else—for free! 

Speaking of 

voting, v our Top 

10 1 Hometown 

Hotties H need 

your y ballots. 

One O click could 

determine de this 

year’s ye queen. 

You have great 

power! 

12 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY KAYT JONES 

Hottie e Heav Heaven

PHOTOGRAPHS, BRIAN BERKOWITZ, ZACH GOLDSTEIN (HOMETOWN HOTTIES) 

letters 

THE ONLY CURE FOR OUR LONELINESS IS YOUR MAIL 

We’re at letters@maxim.com. Do it before we cut ourselves. 

mail pattern 

awesomeness 

SOME CORRESPONDENCE IS SO SPECTACULAR 

IT MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED. 

Caught Lohanded 

Thanks again, Maxim, for making my day! First Milla Jovovich, 

then Olivia Munn, now Lindsay Lohan. How can you get any better? 

Lindsay has been one of my favorite actresses since I saw her 

in The Parent Trap. Then she became one of my fi rst crushes 

when I saw Freaky Friday! This has to be the best issue of Maxim 

I’ve ever seen! 

Daniel Agundiz Fort Stockton, TX 

Dude, she was, like, 16 in Freaky Friday. Oh...nice try, Chris 

Hansen. There’s no way we’re falling for that one. Again. 

Writer’s Road Block 

I’m a student at UC San Diego, 

and this summer I started 

driving between San Diego and 

L.A. The drive gets boring, and 

I can get drowsy. The only thing 

that keeps me awake is the 

Maxim magazine in my car. One 

look at your beautiful women 

and I’m wide-awake. Thank you 

for giving me the chance to read 

every month’s issue on the road. 

Ayk San Diego, CA 

PS: I wrote this while driving. 

“Ayk”? We’re pretty sure that’s what 

you’ll be screaming when you hit the 

guardrail. Good luck! 

Tug Job 

I love Maxim, but since I work on 

a tugboat in the Bering Sea in the 

summer, I can’t get a subscrip- 

PHOTOGRAPH BY MATT JONES 

tion. So you guys have to make 

sure your magazine is available 

in all the towns on Alaska’s west 

coast. I couldn’t fi nd a single 

one in fi ve diff erent villages. 

Nathan via e-mail 

We’ve dispatched Tenzing, our staff 

Sherpa, with a team of sled dogs and 

1,000 Maxims! He should arrive in 

the next eight to nine years. He’ll 

probably have dysentery when he gets 

there, so if you could be waiting with 

some antibiotics, that’d be super. 

Bracket Racket 

Regarding “The Ultimate Bracket 

Battle” in your NFL preview 

[September], sirs: You stated that 

the ’68 Colts were the AFC 

champions. This is wrong for 

several reasons. First, the ’68 

Colts were the NFL champions. 

these hotties likes to party! 

WE FLEW THE 2010 

HOMETOWN HOTTIES 

FINALISTS (FLIP TO 

P.38 TO SEE MORE!) 

FOR A WEEK’S 

WORTH OF FUN AND 

FREAKY FROLICKING 

IN SUNNY SAN DIEGO. 

HERE’S A TASTE 

OF THE DEBAUCHED 

GOOD TIMES. 

passing the torch 

2009 champ Kristin (right) with 

2010 hopeful Kaitlynn. We’re 

blinded by the double sexiness! 

(And our cataracts.) 

Bearly legal 

Hot enough to be a contestant, 

this partygoer crashed our 

rooftop pool bash sporting 

some recent roadkill. Chic! 

(Baltimore defeated Cleveland 

34-0). Second, there was no AFC 

(American Football Conference) 

in 1968. Third, the championship 

game that became known as the 

Super Bowl was played between 

the AFL (American Football 

League) champions (New York 

Jets) and the NFL champions 

(Baltimore Colts). From a faithful 

reader since issue number one. 

Albert Philadelphia, PA 

All those acronyms confuse us. We 

thought NAMBLA was a late-afternoon 

basketball league for years! So 

did Bayani, our houseboy, no matter 

what that little hairless minx tells you. 

lucky lineup 

From left: Hot girl, ball, hot girl, 

ball, hot girl, ball...We sense a 

pattern here! 

Herbie just 

blew a gasket. 

AWESOME GRIPE OF 

THE MONTH 

Whoever wrote the Tech Tonics story 

[Stuff, September] needs to do their 

research. If they knew anything at all 

about the current RC helicopter scene, 

they would know it isn’t for “old men.” 

The hottest pilots on Earth are young 

guns. Do your research before you 

fl ame the hottest talent around. The 

“Air Bud” is a joke compared to 

state-of-the-art helis. What moron 

wrote this? Fire him, as he just totally 

shamed your rag. Get it right or die. 

Anonymous via e-mail 

We read this letter while listening to 

“Danger Zone” and popped a serious 

Kenny Loggins in our pants. You can 

be our Goose anytime, ime, hotshot. hotshot. 

watch 

it all on n 

maxim. 

com! 

Charging in 

San Diego Chargers linebacker 

Shaun Phillips meets a few of 

the lovely ladies before sacking 

the buffet. Fumble! 


jokes 

SEE IF YOUR FUNNY BONE IS BIGGER THAN OURS… 

Send your funnies to jokes@maxim.com. 

A guy wakes up after an epic night of drinking 

and notices two rings around his pecker: one red 

and the other brown. Horrified, he goes to the 

doctor, who takes a sample and comes back 

in the room. He says, “I have some good news 

and some bad news. The good news is that the 

red circle is lipstick.” The guy hollers, “Hell, yeah!” 

The doctor continues: “The bad news is that the 

brown one is Skoal.” Greg Ingram 

Once Bitten 

A shark and his son go 

looking for a snack. The 

father says, “I’m going 

to teach you how to 

catch a human. First 

you raise your fi n out of 

the water and start 

circling, then you go in 

and eat them.” 

“Why circle them?” 

asks the son. 

The father replies, 

“They taste better 

without shit in them.” 

Roger Pal 

BEAT THIS CAPTION 


Ring My Bell 

Twelve monks are to be 

ordained. For their fi nal 

test, they must line up 

nude while a topless 

dancer performs. Each 

monk has a small bell 

attached to his privates 

and is told that if the 

bell rings, he’ll fail. 

The girl dances 

before the fi rst candi 

date and gets no 

reaction. She moves 

down the line, with the 

same re sponse until 

the fi nal monk. As she 

dances, his bell rings 

and falls to the ground. 

Ashamed, he bends 

down to pick it up…and 

the other 11 bells go off. 

Jamie Waterman 

Stand and Deliver 

“You seem to be more 

intelligent than the 

average witness of 

your background,” says 

the lawyer to the man 

on the stand. 

The man replies, “If I 

wasn’t under oath, I’d 

return the compliment.” 

Tim Jennings 

Condomania 

A man gets on a plane 

with six kids. The fl ight 

attendant asks, “Are 

these yours?” 

The man replies, 

”No, I work for Trojan, 

and these are customer 

complaints!” 

Rob Findley 

Kermit and a freshly 

shorn Fozzie 

THE HA-HA 

LIST 

BY MICHAEL 

BRUMM 

Adult Bedtime 

Stories 

Where the 

Vibrating 

Things Are 

The Ant and the 

Grasshopper: The 

Experimental 

College Years 

Hop on Pop’s 

Mistress 

The Cat in the 

Strappy Lace 

Teddy 

One Fish, Two 

Fish, Red Fish, Key 

Party 

The Very Horny 

Caterpillar 

Hansel and Gretel: 

Forbidden Love 

The Giving-It- 

From-Behind Tree 

Goodnight, 

Spooge 

Make Us Laugh, 

Funnyman 

ONE KNOCKDOWN-FUNNY JOKE 

FROM A STAND-UP COMIC. 

Jokester: Andy Ritchie 

fi ghting out of: Austin, Texas 

Most annoying reality TV star: 

The cops from Cops. 

High school nickname: 

When I got my GED, they misspelled my name “Amdy.” 

That’s the closest I got. 

Biggest waste of money: 

Robot repellent (doesn’t work). 

Who would play me in a movie? 

If the movie was about me as a baby, I’d say any baby 

would do. It should probably be a boy baby, though. 

If I could masturbate to only one picture, 

it would be: 

The actual Mona Lisa. 

TO ENTER 

1. Enter your caption at Maxim.com/contests.* 

2. Visualize yourself winning this $130 Sony TRiK 

iPod dock! 

3. Check Maxim.com or the January issue to 

see if your visions were true! 

september’s 

Winner 

I listen to a lot of rap music, 

and people give me shit 

about it, which I don’t 

understand. When they say 

things like, “What are you 

listening to gangsta rap 

for? You’re not a gangsta,” 

II’m m like, “You You watch action a 

movies, and you’re you’re not a 

ninja, so fuck off.” off 

WIN 

THIS! 

“Why do they keep sending me 

on these wild moose chases?” 

Trena Rivers 

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Open only 

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and all affiliated designs are registered trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.

HAIR, PAULA ASHBY; MAKEUP, MERC ARCENEAUX 

MY FIRST TIME: 

rebecca 

marshall 

Before you watch this Canadian cutie brave 

a bevy of deadly traps in Saw 3D, read 

up on some of her more memorable fi rsts. 

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BRIE CHILDERS 

A MAXIM VIEW OF THE WORLD 

Gucci bikini 


First Sore Throat 

I had to do some audio 

redubbing for Saw 3D, but 

the whole thing was just 

screaming. You have to 

watch video of your scene 

and time your screaming, 

like, “OK, one short scream 

and two long screams!” 

The traps in this installment 

are the biggest and 

goriest by far, so there’s 

a lot of screaming. 

First Foreign Trip 

Cuba, when I was a kid. 

I remember leaving the 

resort, and an old woman 

kept looking at me. Then 

she came up and tried to 

touch my lips. It was weird 

till I realized she had never 

seen lip gloss, so I gave her 

mine. I’ve been back since 

as an adult, and no one 

has tried to touch my lips. 

First Audition 

It was for the role of Helen 

in Troy with Brad Pitt. I had 

just come in from Toronto. 

I had nothing, just $80 in 

my pocket. All these girls 

were auditioning in, I don’t 

want to say togas, but, 

like, drapey dresses. I came 

in with ripped jeans and a 

T-shirt. I was the modernday 

Helen of Troy! 

First Racy Role 

On the show Threshold 

I played an alien stripper 

named Candy Cane. I in - 

fected Peter Dinklage and 

turned him into an alien. 

I had a death scene where 

he’s supposed to be hit 

by a lamp, but I was underneath 

him in bed, and it 

kept hitting me instead. 

After my mom saw it, she 

was like, “Wow.” 

Saw 3D hits theaters 

October 29. 

000 MAXIM OCTOBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY TKTKTKTKTKTK 

XXXX XXXX XXXX XX

EVERYTHING A HYBRID IS. AND ISN’T. 

Introducing the sport hybrid. Hybrids are all the rage, as they should be. Efficiency and economy are more important 

now than ever. But at Honda, we weren’t about to turn our back on hairpin turns and manual gearboxes. So we 

designed a hybrid that seemingly defies logic. One that embraces the driving experience most hybrids ignore. 

The result is certainly a hybrid. But also obviously something else altogether. For more, visit cr-z.honda.com. 

EX model shown with accessory wheels. © 2010 American Honda Motor Co., Inc.

CIRCUS MAXIMUS 

these feats are 

made for mocking 

POINTLESS ACHIEVEMENTS OF PEOPLE WITH WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS. 

1Google Sap 

British “hiker” Matthew 

Partridge is “walking” 

the length of Great Britain—all 

1,200 miles of it—via Google 

Maps Street View. “I can’t be 

bothered with all the training, 

planning, and hardships of actually 

doing the walk,” he said. 

The lazy sod plans to wrap up 

his trek in 100 hours over 

10 days, by which point he’ll 

go back to googling “Queen 

Elizabeth” and “beaver shot.” 

Degree of diffi culty: 1 

Degree of lameness: 10 

2walkman 

It took 859 days, but on 

August 9 of this year, 

British army vet Ed Stafford 

completed his goal of walking 

the entire length of the Amazon, 

all 6,000-plus miles of it. He did 

it to bring the world’s attention 

to the depletion of the rain 

forest, but we think it mostly 

brought crotch rot to his balls. 



3Driven Crazy 

This summer an avid fan 

of conservative icon Ayn 

Rand decided to shout his love 

of the author such that it could 

be read only via Google Earth. 

To do this Nick Newcomen drove 

his car 12,328 miles in 30 days 

to “write” READ AYN RAND, plotting 

his course using a GPS tracking 

device. If this sounds utterly 

tedious, you should try reading 

Atlas Shrugged. 



4Bass Ackwards 

Italian Michele Santelia 

has typed a whopping 68 

books from fi nish to start . Yup, 

from The Odyssey to Macbeth, he 

typed them all backward. Because 

doing it straight would be 

a total waste of time. 



5Just Our Type 

On December 7, 1998, 

after 16 years at his 

typewriter, Aussie Les Stewart 

fi nished typing all the numbers 

from one to one million…in 

words. Yeah, as in: nine hundred 

seventy-eight thousand, six hundred 

fi fty-three. Not impressed? 

He used only one fi nger. World’s 

worst fi nger bang. 


Degree of lameness:9 

MUCH-NEEDED 

CELEB REHAB 

DR. DREW, THEY NEED YOU! 

> Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab 

returns to VH1 with a truckload 

of effed-up messes, including kidnapprone 

Jeremy London and heroin-y Leif 

Garrett. But who really needs his firm 

helping hand? We have some thoughts. 

Jennifer 

Aniston 

Her addiction to 

crappy rom-coms 

will inevitably lead 

to a movie about 

trying to conceive 

a child with Hugh 

Grant. Watch for 

Robin Williams as 

the wacky ob-gyn! 

LeBron James 

His inability to 

refer to himself 

in the first person 

is alienating both 

friends and family. 

As LeBron might 

say: “LeBron 

needs help.” 

Barack obama 

Let us be clear, 

Barry: Your 

chemical dependence 

on mom 

jeans is destroying 

your ability to 

lead. We “hope” 

you “change” 

your pants. 

Jesse James 

Capt. Motorcycle 

is dating Kat Von 

D. Jesse, does 

your love of women 

who look like 

passed-out frat 

kids covered in 

Sharpie scribbles 

know no limits? 

Every media 

outlet in 

New York 

Can you go one 

day without filing 

a report about 

bed bugs? How 

about an hour? 

Baby steps, baby 

steps. 

Justin Bieber 

OK, fine, we’re 

the ones who 

need a little help 

getting this übercutie 

out of our 

heads. We see 

his face everywhere 

we look— 

save us, Dr. Drew! 

20 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY APAK

THE POWER OF COOL 

AVAILABLE AT MACY’S


start here 

Are you going to your 

parents’ house? 

google 

street 

warfare 

GOOGLE’S STREET- 

VIEW CAMERAS HAVE 

CAUGHT EVERY PRECIOUS 

FACET OF THE HUMAN 

CONDITION—AND A ROCK 

STAR IN A BATHTUB. 


YES 

Because you live in 

the basement? 

NO 

When you hit the local 

bar, you’ll reminisce 

about high school 

because: 

A. You had some 

wild, fun times. 

B. You work as the 

night janitor there. 

The Decider 

WHO WILL YOU HOOK UP WITH THIS THANKSGIVING? 

NO 

B 

YES 

A 

� House on Fire (sherwood, AR) 

Wait, all of Arkansas doesn’t look 

like this? 

� “Dead” Girl (Worcester, england) 

What looked like the corpse of a 10-yearold 

was just this girl “playing.” Fun! 

Do you like 

exotic women? 

Are you a 

total dick? 

NO 

NO 

Have your Facebook 

updates ever regarded 

your feelings about the 

release of Star Wars 

on Blu-ray? 

NO 

YES 

YES 

YES 

� Girl Flashing (Homewood, IL) 

She may not be a looker, but her heart’s 

in the right place. 

� Guy With Rifl e (Rapid City, SD) 

Be vewy, vewy quiet: He’s hunting 

bumper stickers. 

Your grandmother’s 

Jamaican nurse 

Your brother’s wife 

Girl you think was maybe 

in your ninth-grade 

chemistry class 

Your hand 

� swordsmen (Pittsburgh, PA) 

Turns out these medieval warriors were 

part of an art project. So, um, joke’s on us? 

� Man in Bathtub (Oklahoma City, OK) 

That dude is actually Wayne Coyne of the 

Flaming Lips (which kind of makes sense).

SKYY ® Vodka distilled from grain. 40% alc/vol (80 proof). ©2010 Skyy Spirits, LLC, San Francisco, CA. Please enjoy responsibly. Learn more at skyy.com

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the world series’ 

foulest balls 

A LOOK BACK AT AMERICA’S FAVORITE PASTIME: DOING STUPID THINGS IN AND AROUND BASEBALL STADIUMS. 

1920 

Brooklyn Dodgers vs. 

Cleveland Indians 

≥Hall of Fame pitcher 

Rube Marquard was 

arrested before Game 4 

of the World Series for 

scalping six tickets for 

$350. He was slapped with 

a whopping fi ne of $3.80! 

And in case you think he 

got off easy, that would be 

$40 in today’s money. 

1933 

New York Giants vs. 

Washington Senators 

≥Senators left fi elder 

Heinie Manush ended an 

argument with umpire 

Charley Moran by grabbing 

Moran’s elastic-band bow 

tie and snapping it back at 

the ump’s neck. Moran 

tossed him, but not before 

Manush responded, “Nyuk, 

nyuk, nyuk!” 

1961 

CincinNati Reds vs. 

New York Yankees 

≥As it was the height of 

the Cold War, Pennsylvania 

Supreme Court justice 

Michael Musmanno sent a 

letter to Reds manager 

Fred Hutchinson pleading 

with him to change his 

team’s name, worried 

what a headline like “Reds 

Defeat Yanks!” might do 

to national morale. No 

worries: The Yanks beat 

the Commie bastards. 

1985 

St. Louis Cardinals vs. 

Kansas City Royals 

≥With the Cards up three 

games to two and leading 

in the ninth inning, umpire 

Don Denkinger botched 

a call at fi rst base, 

allowing the Royals to 

come back and tie the 

series. Then, in Game 7, 

Denkinger tossed Cards’ 

ace Joaquin Andujar for 

arguing calls. Andujar, per 

league regulations, 

destroyed a clubhouse 

toilet in response. 


1990 

Cincinnati Reds vs. 

Oakland A’s 

≥What with the Nazi 

memorabilia, homophobia, 

and boozing, Reds owner 

Marge Schott wasn’t 

exactly known for her 

sharp mind. Before Game 

2, Schott raised the bar 

by dedicating the game to 

U.S. troops in the “Middle 

West.” Get home safe… 

from Kansas, brave 

soldiers. 

1992 

Atlanta Braves vs. 

Toronto Blue Jays 

≥With America and Canada 

facing off for the fi rst time 

in the fall classic, the U.S. 

Marine Corps Color Guard 

made a funny by carrying 

the Canadian fl ag upside 

down. When the series 

returned to Toronto, 

maple-syrup-swilling 

vendors did brisk business 

selling fans “upside down” 

versions of old glory. 

Pretty original, eh? 

2000 

New York Yankees vs. 

New York Mets 

≥Like Buffy the Vampire 

Slayer letting loose on a 

vampire batter, Yankees 

ace Roger Clemens hurled 

a jagged shard of Mike 

Piazza’s bat at him in a 

display of what was 

defi nitely not a case of 

’roid rage. Because the 

Rocket never juiced. 

Are we clear on this? 

2009 

New York Yankees vs. 

Philadelphia Phillies 

≥In a rousing show of 

home-team love, The 

Philadelphia Inquirer ran a 

full-page ad screaming, 

“Congratulations, Phillies! 

Back-to-Back Champs.” 

Problem was, the Phils 

lost. Inquirer staffers 

apparently missed “climax 

control” condom day at 

Citizens Bank Park. 

pop 

quiz 

mma move 

or 

kama sutra position 

>We pulled terms from 

the Kama Sutra and 

MMA Mastery: Ground and 

Pound (in stores now!). Can 

you tell which will bring you 

pain and which will bring 

you an orgasm and which 

might bring you both? 

The Pair of Tongs 

The Twining of A 

Creeper 

The Turtle ride 

Posture inside 

bottom scissors 

The blow of a boar 

The blow of a bull 

The sporting of a 

sparrow 

The Top Saddle 

The Rear Mount 

The Throne Pass 

The Rock of Gilbraltar 

The Sternal Arrow 

ANSWER: THEY’RE ALL MMA 

TERMS EXCEPT “THE 

TWINING OF A CREEPER”


in da club 

CHRONICLING ALMOST 20 YEARS’ WORTH OF MUSICAL SHENANIGANS AT THAT 

MYTHICAL DISCOTHEQUE KNOWN ONLY AS “THE CLUB.” 

November 9, 1993 

A Tribe Called Quest 

“Electric Relaxation” 

Line: “If I was workin’ at 

the club, you would not pay.” 

Interpretation: Attractive 

females hoping to gain 

access to the club would 

most likely be acquitted 

of any entry fees. 

March 17, 1998 

Ice Cube “We Be Clubbin’ ” 

Line: “Back in so we 

can smoke a dub, down to 

bump all these bitches 

at the club.” 

Interpretation: Before one 

attempts ingress into a 

female, one should partake 

of a marijuana cigarette. 

HOTTIE BODYGUARDS 

FORGET “BIG BLACK” BOYKIN—GIRLS IN THE CELEBRITY 

SECURITY GAME CAN BACK YOUR ASS UP, TOO! 

≥Think the cutie in VIP with Rihanna is her BFF? Nope, that’s her 

femme fatale bodyguard, and she will crush you if you take another 

step. More and more female celebs are adding sexy security to their 

posses. “It’s about concealment,” says Elijah Shaw, CEO of Icon 

Services, who trains a bevy of lady protectors. “Female bodyguards 

can blend in and go where male security can’t.” Icon alum Joanna 

Torrens, 27, says it’s more about brains than brawn. “I’m not just 

there to be a pretty face. I keep an eye out on paparazzi, escape 

routes, traffi c patterns.” And, presumably, creepy Maxim editors. 

Scan 

to see our 

mega mashup 

of “club” 

hits! > 

December 28, 1999 

Jay-Z “Do It Again 

(Put Ya Hands Up)” 

Line: “ If a nigga wanna 

draw, then the blood, it 

can drip in the club.” 

Interpretation: If one 

brandishes a gun in Mr. Z’s 

presence, ence, one can expect a 

most violent olent response. 

February 6, 2003 

50 Cent “In Da Club” 

Line: “You can fi nd me in 

the club, bottle full of bub. 

Look, Mami, I got the X if 

you into taking drugs.” 

Interpretation: Whether 

your vice is champagne or 

MDMH, 50 will deliver. 

May 23, 2008 

Usher feat. Young 

Jeezy “Love in This Club” 

Line: “I wanna make love in 

this club, aye.” 

Interpretation: Going a 

step further, Usher 

promises coital acts within 

the establishment. 

August 19, 2008 

Lil Wayne “Lollipop” 

Line: “Bottles in the club, 

Shawty wanna hump.” 

Interpretation: Alcohol is 

plentiful, and the women 

here would very much enjoy 

Mr. Wayne’s penis. 

January 2009 (Leak) 

Rihanna 

“Hatin’ On the Club” 

Line: “Ohhh, you got me 

hatin’ on the club, ’cause 

you took my love.” 

Interpretation: Taking love 

for granted in the club may 

lead to dislike of said club. 

June 28, 2010 

Flo Rida feat. 

David Guetta 

“Club Can’t Handle Me” 

Line: “The club can’t even 

handle me right now.” 

Interpretation: Once one 

has proven dominance over 

the club, it can no longer 

“handle” one at the 

moment. Later, perhaps. 

PRIVATE 

PARTS 

PRO ATHLETES ARE 

SHOWING UP ONLINE 

IN NUDE PICS LIKE 

C-LIST STARLETS. 

WHAT THE HELL ARE 

THEY THINKING? 

GRADY SIZEMORE 

The skinny: Seminude 

pics of the Indians star 

were stolen from his 

girlfriend’s e-mail. 

Possible excuse: With a 

name like Sizemore, this 

was bound to happen. 

Apology type: Zen-like. 

“It just happened to work 

out the way it did.” 

Subconscious motivation: 

“I’ll show ‘em that base - 

ball players aren’t boring!” 

MARTELLUS BENNETT 

The skinny: Supposedly, 

an angry ex shared im - 

pure pics of the Cowboys 

tight end. 

Possible excuse: Bennett 

is dumb (see his YouTube 

channel for proof). 

Apology type: Lame. 

Bennett called the photos 

“totally inappropriate.” 


“Maybe Romo will throw 

me the ball more if I join 

him in the tabloids.” 

GREG ODEN 

The skinny: Portland’s big 

man became a true 

trailblazer when grainy 

dong shots surfaced. 

Possible excuse: Oden 

was out for the year, so 

he had a lot of free time. 

Apology type: Sincere. 

Oden’s “heart dropped” 

when he heard the news. 


“Maybe my junk will make 

you forget I was drafted 

before Kevin Durant.” 

DARNELL DOCKETT 

The skinny: After a bet 

that the Cards tackle 

wouldn’t fi lm a shower 

scene, he went to work. 

Possible excuse: Dockett 

only makes $3.75 mil, so 

he needed that $1,000. 

Apology type: Hilarious. 

According to the 

Huffi ngton Post, “[He] 

vowed never to bathe 

himself online again.” 


“Who am I kidding? I’ll 

probably bathe myself 

online again.” 

30 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY ERIK T. JOHNSON


ANSWERING ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU HAD (AND SOME YOU DID). 

Will we ever 

be able to play 

games with 

our brains? 

Eric Brawn, via e-mail 

That rhymes! Also, yes, we can 

already. Here’s how the Brain- 

Gate Neural Interface System 

will put your thumbs to pasture. 

1. First, a 4 mm microchip is 

implanted in the motor cortex, 

the area of the brain that 

controls voluntary movement. 

2. Electrodes on the chip 

detect the nerve impulses your 

brain usually sends to your limbs. 

3. Those impulses are sent 

through a cable to a nearby computer, 

which translates the 

signals based on pattern recognition 

(“move thumb sideways” 

has a signature, for example). 

4. Those translated directives are 

then given to an object in the 

nearby game, in this case a Pong 

paddle. Awesome! (Unfortunately, 

you have to be paraplegic to 

use it. Still, though…awesome!) 

ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS PHILPOT 

fast facts cts 

Tasty tidbits 

about 

turkey day! 

Can you dive into a 

pool of gold coins like 

Scrooge McDuck? 

John McDonald, Irving, TX 

≥ Sure, but it might be painfully 

similar to diving headfirst into 

concrete, according to chemist 

David Lever at Ohio Wesleyan 

University. The coins would lock 

together and form a solid surface that, if you 

chose to dive into, would snap your neck. It’s 

probably not safe to keep your life savings in a 

giant vault with a money symbol on it, either. 


250 million 

turkeys were 

raised in the 

United States 

in 2009. 

Turkey, Texas (pop. 

456) is the most 

populous of the three 

towns in the nation 

named after the bird. 

709 million 

pounds of 

cranberries 

were produced 

last year. 

6▲ 

THE AGE AT WHICH YOUR PERSONALITY 

IS SET FOR LIFE, SAYS A RECENT STUDY 

FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. SO 

THAT MUST BE WHY WE STILL WANT TO 

HAVE SEX WITH CHEETARA FROM THUNDER- 

CATS, RIGHT? RIGHT?! 

The fi rst Thanksgiving 

feast occurred in 

Newfoundland 

in 1578, not in 

Plymouth in 1621. 

knowledge you’ll 

wish you Never had! 

≥ According to the dating experts AT 

OkCupid, iPhone owners score more 

tail than users of any other 

cell phone. Male iPhone 

owners averaged 10 sexual 

partners, and lady Apple 

fans averaged an impressive 

12.3. Using an Android 

phone? Sucks to be you 

and your measly mean of 

six boning buddies. 

circus maximus contributors: martina lachance / mike olson / joel randell / scott rothman / anna wexler 

HAVE A 

QUERY 

ABOUT THINGS 

AND STUFF 

AND WHATNOT? 

Send your puzzlers to 

ask@maxim.com! 

The USDA advises storing 

the raw turkey, duck, and 

chicken no longer 

than two days before 

cooking a turducken. 

DUMB QUESTION OF THE MONTH You Didn’t Ask, but We’re 

Telling You Anyway

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NO PAIN, HUGE GAINS 

THE WARMUP THAT'LL MAKE YOU STRONGER, FASTER, AND INJURY-FREE. GET READY TO RULE DIESEL-DOM. 

> Everything you know about stretching is wrong. According to 

research, static (standing still) stretching before a workout actually 

makes you weaker and more prone to injury. “Doing it just before 

exercising is potentially worse than starting cold,” says David "Dave T." 

Tebidor, director of Velocity Sports Performance in N.Y.C., who trains 

THERE AND BACKS 

Run 25 yards, reaching near-sprint speed. 

Return running backward. Do two sets to open 

warmup, then two sets to close it. Focus on: 

Posture, slowly increasing speed, swinging 

arms, not wiping out while running backward. 

PRONE SCORPIONS 

Lie flat on your beer belly, arms extended. 

Swing right leg over body toward left hand. 

Toe-tap, then swing leg back. Repeat with 

left leg. Protect ya neck: Keep your mug close 

to the ground and face opposite direction of 

foot. Focus on: Opening hips and hammies. 

QUADRUPED ABDUCTIONS 

Get on hands and knees, facing floor. Keep - 

ing knee bent, lift up one leg like you’re peeing 

on a hydrant, dog boy. Do 10 on each leg. 

Focus on: Opening up hips and lower back, 

marking your territory. 

ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRIS PHILPOT 

LONG ARM SWINGS 

Stand with feet shoulder width apart and 

swing arms up and down in the air, like you just 

don’t care. Somebody say, "Ho, I feel stupid!" 

Focus on: Shoulders, neck, extending your spine. 

FORWARD SKIPS 

High knee skips with opposite arm swings. 

Go 25 yards. Turn; skip back to start. Be 

sure to yell, “Whee-e-e-e-e” while skipping. 

Focus on: Posture, extending your lower 

back. Do not focus on the giggling gym rats. 

HIGH KNEE HUGS 

Walk 25 yards, and with each step pause, 

lift leg, and grab knee, pulling into chest. 

Extend planted foot up (on toe), knee hugger. 

Focus on: Elongating your spine, working lower 

back, maintaining balance through posture. 

pro athletes. Static drills elongate muscles but don't prep them for the 

intense contracting that occurs in a workout or competition. “To get 

them ready—and to get the most out of your gym session—you need to 

get blood fl owing and work on range of motion. Still stretch, but only 

on off days.” Here’s Tebidor’s preworkout routine. 

ARM HUGS 

Saddest back pats ever: Swing arms quickly 

in front, wrapping them around your back. 

Focus on: Opening up your chest, shoulders, 

and midback; loving yourself. 

CARIOCAS 

These are sideways, alternate-foot 

crossover runs. Do them for about 25 yards 

with arms extended. Then come back 

facing same direction. Do two sets. Focus on: 

Working your hip rotation; opening up your 

chest, shoulders, and upper back. 

STRAIGHT LEG MARCH 

March 25 yards. For each step, extend arm 

straight out and swing your same-side leg 

up, trying to touch toe. Keep arms and legs 

straight, cheater. Focus on: Your hammies, 

keeping spine straight, not looking like a Nazi. 



MC 

HOMETOWN: 

Houston, TX 

What’s the worst/most 

awesome pickup 

line you’ve ever heard? 

One guy actually 

said to me, “If I was 

Peter Pan, you’d 

be my happy thought!” 

ASHLEY ANN 

HOMETOWN: 

Nashville, TN 

You live in Florida. Ever 

seen an alligator? 

Of course! I used to 

beg my dad to let me go 

swimming in the 

Everglades. He was like, 

“Are you an idiot? 

Do you not see those 

alligators sunbathing?” 

But they don’t want 

a piece of me, trust me. 

LISA 

HOMETOWN: 

Aventura, FL 

How do you feel about 

girl-on-girl action? 

Sometimes you just want 

to kiss your girlfriend! 

I remember on my 

birthday, my friend came 

up to me and kissed me. 

It wasn’t like we were 

trying to get attention! 

KAITLYnN 

HOMETOWN: 

Portsmouth, NH 

What’s the weirdest 

experience of your life? 

My friend and I went to 

Coachella this year, but 

we booked our motel for 

the wrong dates! We ended 

up staying with the girl 

at the reception desk and 

her boyfriend, mother, 

brother, and three kids 

for $75 a night. But 

the music was great! 

DANIELLE 

HOMETOWN: 

Chicago, IL 

Did you ever have a 

run-in with the Chicago 

system of justice? 

I had to get a liquor 

license for a restaurant 

I was opening. I tried the 

ol’ Chicago cash-underthe-table 

trick, but it 

didn’t work. In the end 

I did it the old-fashioned 

legal way. 

38 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY BRIE CHILDERS

STYLING, GENA TUSO/ARTMIX BEAUTY; HAIR, YUJI KOJIMA USING PAUL MITCHELL/THE REX AGENCY, ASSISTED BY AMANDA FERGUSON; MAKEUP, ROXY 

USING KORRES/ARTMIX BEAUTY, ASSISTED BY TIFFANY SAXBY; SPECIAL THANKS TO RDB LOCATIONS AND THE SAN DIEGO FILM COMMISSION. 

maxim’s perfect 10 

From the East Coast to the Left Coast, from the Dirty South to the Cleaner North (hey, we didn’t invite the comparison), 

thousands of lovely ladies entered this year’s Hometown Hotties competition. After months of heated battle, your votes have 

culled 10 of the sexiest specimens of American beauty. Meet the girls, then head to Maxim.com to vote for the winner! 

MEREDITH 

HOMETOWN: 

West Harwich, MA 

What’s the worst job 

you’ve ever had? 

I worked at a Jet Ski 

store. I was the only 

girl there, and the guys 

would pick on me. They 

would throw me off the 

backs of the Jet Skis and, 

like, try to drown me. 

But in a nice, fl irty, 

middle-school way. 

ALL SWIMWEAR BY AMERICAN APPAREL 

Kassandra 

HOMETOWN: 

Los Angeles, CA 

How was your fi rst 

Maxim shoot? 

It was amazing. Though 

I had sand in places 

you don’t even want to 

know. Or maybe you do. 

We even had some onlookers, 

these little boys. 

We said we’d take photos 

with them if they’d 

stop checking us out! 

LINDSEY 

HOMETOWN: 

Murrieta, CA 

What’s the wildest thing 

you’ve ever done? 

I got to go on a ride-along 

with rally car driver Ken 

Block. It was so scary. He 

was just hauling ass 

and doing crazy donuts 

and turns. He had to 

replace his tires every 

four runs. 

MELANIE 

HOMETOWN: 

New York, NY 

What’s the best date 

you’ve ever been on? 

This year a guy took me 

on a private plane from 

New York to Atlanta. Then 

we went to some strip 

club where a girl dropped 

these, like, 12-pound 

boobs in his lap. He was 

looking at me the whole 

time. It was cute. 

Amanda 

HOMETOWN: 

Louisville, KY 

Ever been arrested? 

No, but I did get a citation 

for jaywalking in 

Kentucky—it was 

ridiculous. I had to go 

to court, and the judge 

actually gave me community 

service! I had 

to wash windows in 

the middle of winter! 



maxim bourbon awards 

TIME TO GET DOWN WITH THE BROWN. 

BEST FOR MIXING 

MAN DRINKS 

Maker’s 46 

94 proof, $35 

≥When master 

distiller Kevin 

Smith told us 

he made a new 

Maker’s recipe, 

we worried; that’s 

a tough act to 

follow, Kevvy. But 

he crushed it. Like 

its fore bear, 46 

is still approachable 

and sweet. 

But thanks to 

seared French 

oak staves, it’s 

stiffer—ideal for 

Manhattans and 

old-fashioneds. 

fi ve things 

you don’t 

know about 

bourbon. 


BEST FOR THE 

DESK DRAWER 

Pappy Van 

Winkles 

90.4 Proof, $100 

≥ Peppery with 

a vanilla fi nish, 

Pappy V’s superb 

sip epitomizes 

the rule that the 

more hillbilly the 

name, the better 

the brown. Two 

decades of aging 

makes this corn 

mash the most 

unique on the 

market. Every 

taste is a journey 

to classy town. 

STAFF FAVORITE 

Hudson Baby 

Bourbon 

92 Proof, $40 

≥This micro outfi t 

may have gone 

mega (recently 

bought by William 

Grant & Sons), 

but it still churns 

out the most 

approachable lipsmacking 

sauce 

on the shelf. With 

its clean caramelcorn 

and biscuitdough 

notes, BB 

swills easy, so go 

slow, gulp boy. 

Bourbon is the fi rst 1American-born booze. 

Congress declared it 

America’s offi cial distilled 

spirit in 1964. 

BEST NEWCOMER 

Angel’s Envy 

86.6 Proof, $46 

≥This fall Lincoln 

Henderson, an 

inaugural member 

of the Kentucky 

Bourbon Hall of 

Fame who used to 

distill Woodford 

Reserve, went 

rogue and created 

his own 

micro batch. It 

lives up to the 

man’s legend. Big 

and smooth, with 

an almost oatmeal 

cookie taste, 

plus hints of pipe 

tobacco. 

Angel’s share: 

What whiskey 

distillers call the 

percentage of liquor 

that evaporates 

from the barrel 

each year. 

It can be made 2anywhere in the U.S. 

but must be 51 percent 

corn and aged in charred 

oak. And no added fl avors. 

Sorry, Jack Daniel’s. 

BEST SINGLE 

BARREL 

Blanton’s 

Original 

93 Proof, $50 

≥Blanton’s was 

the fi rst single 

barrel. In 1984 

Elmer T. Lee felt 

a few of his casks 

were too tasty 

to mix, so he just 

bottled ’em and, 

bang! a new niche 

was born. (Sadly, 

Elmer never trade- 

marked “single 

barrel.” We expected 

more from 

a man named 

Elmer.) Taste: 

bold with toffee 

undertones. 

“Straight” means it 3 was aged at least two 

years. Almost all whiskey 

is cut with H2O to lower the 

proof. Uncut bourbon is 

labeled “barrel proof.” 

BEST BARREL 

PROOF 

George T. Stagg 

143 Proof, $70 

≥The alcohol 

content is so high 

it’s illegal to take 

this combustible 

concoction on a 

plane. Even more 

amazing, it’s still 

super-sippable, 

and it’s the stuff 

distillers tip when 

they get together 

to swap stories. 

This white-hot 

heat stings the 

lips but has deep 

maple, citrus, and 

clove fl avors. 

BEST BOTTLE 

FOR DAD 

Willett Pot 

Still Reserve 

94 Proof, $50 

≥Willett is the 

closest thing to 

pre-Prohibition 

bourbon. It packs 

a wallop, but the 

butter, cedar, 

and lime notes 

soften the blow. 

This sauce, in the 

signature stillshaped 

bottle, is 

the gift for the 

old man . 

BEST BARGAIN 

Jim Beam Black 

86 Proof, $20 

≥Just because 

the Beam folks 

fi gured out how 

to get you their 

tasty barrel-aged 

treats more costeffi 

ciently doesn’t 

mean they must 

be relegated to 

the world of well 

drinks. Black is 

top-shelf stuff. 

It sports Beam’s 

spiciness but 

swirls with heavy 

hints of brown 

sugar and leather. 

Perfect for the 

game-day fl ask. 

RESOURCES 

“Small batch” is a Distillers are artists. 

4 marketing ploy. Uncle 5 Each year they re- 

Sam doesn’t regulate the create the brand’s fl avor 

term (yet), so the actual from hundreds of new, 

VOHR/HALLEY 

batch could fi ll a Walmart unique barrels. Drink up 

and still be called small. these masterpieces! 

MATT 

PHOTOGRAPH BY BY TKTKTKTKTKTK STEVE COHENSTYLING, 

XXXX XXXX XXXX XX

♥2010 Π&Γ 

IF YOU THINK OLD SPICE ISN’T GREAT-SMELLING 

OR THAT THIS IMAGE ISN’T AVAILABLE FOR 

DOWNLOAD AT OLDSPICE.COM, 

YOU ARE INSANE. 

“GREATEST SMELL IN THE NFL” 

© 2010 NFL Properties LLC. Team names/logos/indicia are trademarks of the teams indicated. All other NFL-related trademarks are trademarks of the National Football League. 

NFL PLAYERS is a trademark of National Football League Players Incorporated.


GET READY—MAXIM IS COMING TO YOUR TOWN! WE’RE ON THE HUNT FOR THE 

COUNTRY’S TOP WATERING HOLES. WELCOME TO OUR NATIONWIDE BAR CRAWL! 

what’s in the maxim beer fridge 

Bar 

Trick File 

No. 27 

Butternuts Beer & Ale’s 

Heinnieweisse WeissebIer 

Extend your summer into the coming 

snow season with this June-in-a-can 

wheat beer made by the geniuses 

behind Pork Slap pale ale. Sweet and 

grassy, this green bullet is the cleanest 

concoction we’ve gulped. Slug it and 

instantly drown your fall-winter blues. 

Materials needed 

• 4 quarters 

• 1 dollar bill 

• 1 beer bottle. 

The setup: Place the 

dollar bill on the 

mouth of the empty 

beer bottle and stack 

the four quarters in 

the middle. 

your one-night stand starts here 

6:00 p.m. Happy Hour 

St. Regis Bar 

Even if you’re not racking at the hotel, 

crash this stately wood-paneled bar for 

cocktails. It boasts the best Bloody in 

the South and its own in-house bourbon. 

If any models are in town, they’ll be 

giggling on the red leather couches. 

8:00 p.m. Sustenance 

South City Kitchen 

Think upscale Southern comfort food. 

Drink: The Hot Brown (mint julep with 

ginger, mint, and soda). Eat: Cornmeal 

Crisped Catfi sh (with stewed okra and 

tomatoes, mustard greens, scallion 

remoulade). Sides: Grits, butterbean 

succotash. 

10:00 p.m. Booze Session 

The BookHouse Pub 

This is one of Atlanta’s best gastropubs, 

but the food isn’t the draw here—it’s the 

dizzying craft-brew menu. Also dizzying: 

the beer-loving creative-class cuties 

and tatted hipster honeys who pack this 

place nightly. Bonus: Outdoor patio. 

Nearby: The owners of BookHouse also 

run the Drunken Unicorn across the 

parking lot, one of the nation’s best 

ear-bleeding underground music clubs. 

2:00 a.m. Nightcap(s) 

The Highlander 

Scuzzy, awesome dive bar in a friggin’ 

strip mall. Go for the cheap booze and 

canned beer. Stay because it’s open till 

three and has a giant air hockey table. 

3:00 a.m. Late-Night Gut bomb 

Gladys Knight and Ron Winans’ 

Chicken & Waffl es 

Yep, that Gladys Knight. (Ron was a gospel 

singer.) Once you get over the R&B kitsch, 

order the Midnight Train: four Southern-fried 

jumbo chicken wings and one original waffl e. 

Wash down with the house sweet tea. 

1. Bet your friends that 

they can’t remove the 

dollar bill with only one 

fi nger while keeping 

the quarters from 

falling off the bottle. 

2. When you have suf - 

fi ciently enjoyed their 

failure, step in and 

show ’em how it’s done. 

building the perfect liquor cabinet 

Hair of 

the Big Dog 

•3 oz. gin 

• ¾ oz. fresh 

lemon juice 

• Healthy dashes 

of Tabasco 

• 1 slice chili 

pepper 

≥ Wake up. Shake 

gin, juice, Tabasco, 

and ice. Strain into 

rocks glass neat. 

Garnish with chili 

pepper. Swallow 

your regrets. 

bulldog gin 

In 2003 a Wall Street banker standing in 

the rain one day said to hell with bonuses 

and started Bulldog.This quadrupledistilled 

upstart has more than earned 

its top-shelf status. Gin facts: (1) That 

evergreen smell is the main ingredient: 

juniper berries. (2) In the 1600s folks 

spiked gin with turpentine. 

MISSISSIPPI IS 

THE ONLY STATE 

WHERE IT’S LEGAL AL 

TO DRINK A BEER R 

WHILE DRIVING (IF IF 

YOU STAY SOUTH H 

OF .08 BAC). 

welcome to the major 

leagues of hangover curin’. 

530 MILLION 

> NUMBER OF RED AND BLUE SOLO KEGGER 

CUPS SOLD IN THE U.S. IN ’09.* 

3. Lick the side of 

your index fi nger for 

some extra friction. 

4. Swipe quickly down 

the end of the bill. 

With the help of your 

sticky slobber, the 

quarters will remain 

unmoved as the bill 

snaps out with ease. 

Collect winnings. 

44 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRIS PHILPOT 

BOOZE NEWS 

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YOUR ULTIMATE ENTERTAINMENT AUTHORITY 

rock royalty 

NASHVILLE’S KINGS OF LEON 

ARE BACK TO RECLAIM 

THE ROCK’N’ROLL THRONE. 

Thanks to 2008’s smash Only 

by the Night, Kings of Leon 

became one of the world’s biggest 

bands. But superstardom hasn’t 

made them immune to pigeon crap, 

as a recent incident in St. Louis 

proved. Jared Followill, the band’s 

bassist, wiped away the poop 

and told us about their latest album, 

Come Around Sundown. 

Will you be disappointed if this 

album isn’t a huge success? 

I know we shouldn’t be, but truthfully, 

yeah. We feel like we made a 

better record, but it probably 

won’t be as big. If it’s not a huge 

commercial success, it’ll probably 

PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY MARK WEAVER 

gain back the critics who thought 

the last one wasn’t as good. It’s 

win-win. The last thing we wanted 

was to make a bad record. Then 

we’d all have to punch ourselves 

in the faces. 

How is being an arena band? 

Shows are more fun in a club, but 

everything else is much better. 

The riders, the backstage area… 

The feel is cleaner and nicer. 

You don’t feel like you have the fl u 

all the time. 

What can you have now that you 

couldn’t have before? 

Tons of stuff. We travel with a 

Ping-Pong table. TVs everywhere. 

Right now we’ve got pay-per-view 

of the Oklahoma game. Anything 

we ask for gets done in about an 

hour. We’re super spoiled. 

You’re only 23 and joined the 

band when you were 15. Do you 

feel like you lost a childhood? 

It has to feel normal to me because 

it’s me, but I know it’s not normal 

at all. I dropped out of school 

and at 16 was touring Europe with 

the Strokes and Interpol, doing 

drugs and getting drunk. It was a 

weird time, but it was perfect. It 

scares me to say, but if I died now 

I couldn’t complain. 

Family guys (from left): 

Matthew, Jared, Caleb, 

and Nathan Followill. 

Have you bought anything nuts? 

We’re not crazy. I got a Nissan GT-R 

supercar that’s fun to drive. And 

I got a big-ass house in Nashville 

that’s fun to hang in. I kind of feel 

like the little boy in Blank Check. 

Tell us about being crapped on and 

stopping in the middle of a show. 

There were pigeons in the rafters in 

St. Louis. I was told if crap got in my 

eye, it could blind me. On the third 

song, management pulled us. It was 

lose-lose; we were a laughingstock 

either way. We’d be singing “Use 

Somebody,” and I’d be covered in 

pigeon shit. That’s not badass 

rock’n’roll. That’s just humiliating. 


RATED TV/FILM 

Scared Chiklis 

NO ORDINARY FAMILY’S MICHAEL CHIKLIS ON HIS EMBARRASSING 

EARLY ROLES AND MAINTAINING HIS ROCK-HARD ASS. 

Everybody’s been comparing 

this show to Heroes and The 

Incredibles, which must be 

annoying. Do you want to fi nally 

put those comparisons to rest? 

Yeah, it’s an unfair comparison. 

There have been 475,000 cop 

shows, yet they’ll make 10 new 

ones a year without even batting 

an eye. As far as superhero 

shows are concerned, I don’t 

even think we’ve gotten to a 

dozen yet in TV history. No 

Ordinary Family is its own thing. 

Your character has super 

strength. Do you spend crazy 

hours in the gym? 

Well, he’s a middle-aged 

Film Checkup 

SIFTING THROUGH THE CINEMATIC HEAP. 

CATCH 

THIS 

FLICK 


Saw 3D 

As a deadly battle rages over Jigsaw’s 

legacy, a group of his survivors 

join a man who just may be responsible 

for a new wave of terror. 

Hereafter 

Clint Eastwood’s latest tells the unset- 

tling story of three strangers who’ve 

all come close to death and whose 

lives mysteriously intersect. Spooky! 

Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours recounts the true 

story of Aron Ralston (James Franco), the 

dude who got his arm stuck under a boulder 

while mountain-climbing and had to chop it 

off with a dull knife. Give him a hand! 

everyman, so it’s not appropriate 

for him to be Herculean. Just 

to survive this thing, I’m gonna 

need to stay fi t and in shape, but 

I want to keep it accessible. At its 

core this is a family show more 

than anything else. 

Your (male) costar Romany 

Malco said your butt is hard as 

a rock. What’s up with that? 

Romany has a tendency to 

pinch me down there once in a 

while. It’s an odd thing. 

Did you have any bad gigs early 

on in your career? 

There are defi nite credits on my 

résumé I wish weren’t there, and 

Unstoppable 

When a train with toxic liquids threatens 

to wipe out a city, an engineer 

(Denzel Washington) and a conductor 

(Chris Pine) try to prevent disaster. 

LAUGH 

OUT 

LOUD OUD 

POWER UP 

TUESDAYS 

ON ABC! 

of course, you’re gonna make me 

mention them, aren’t you? 

Of course. 

Let me think. I was in a movie 

called Soldier. Oy. Not OK. 

And the Miami Vice TV show? 

If I remember correctly, I played 

an art thief. It was one of my fi rst 

roles ever—a long time ago. I had 

to dress up in drag. Wait—I had to 

dress up like a Haitian woman to 

try to escape and get across the 

border, to get on a ship. 

Did you get away? 

No! Crockett busted me. 

—Alison Prato 

WE SEE 

DEAD PEOPLE 

DEATH MACHINES 

SURVIVOR 

SUPPORT GROUP 

Kristen Stewart takes out her fangs to 

play a teenage prostitute who forms a 

strange relationship with James Gandolfi ni 

in Welcome to the Rileys. 

Bada-awkward! 

A NON-3D 

MOVIE!? 

OSCAR WINNER 

PRESENT 

CLOWN 

THIS! 

UNDEAD ARE TAKING OVER 

ON THE WALKING DEAD. 

On Halloween Shawshank director 

Frank Darabont’s frightfest about 

humans in a zombie apocalypse hits 

AMC. Here he tells us why to watch. 

The Walking Dead Is No 

Laughing Matter. 

“This isn’t a comedy. I loved Shaun of the 

Dead and Zombieland, but we’re tapping 

into the scariest aspects of having 

corpses brought back to life and feeding 

on fl esh, how living in that world can tear 

people apart emotionally.” 

The Story Transcends 

the Horror… 

“Robert Kirkman, who created the comic 

book series, developed so many 

compelling characters. I hope people get 

invested in them and our story. TV brings 

so much room to develop the series 

beyond basic horror.” 

…But That Doesn’t Mean the 

Horror Is Lost. 

“I always say: If you’re making a 

western, you need cowboy hats and 

six-shooters. We’re making a zombie 

show, so we need to have ripping of 

fl esh and zombie attacks. You can’t not 

deliver that.”—Matt Barone 

OUR TAKE 

SELF-INFLICTED 

MUTILATION PRESENT 

Who wouldn’t want to watch a 

movie where Captain Kirk and 

Malcolm X try to save the world… 

especially when action superdirector 

Tony Scott is at the helm? 

The fi nal chapter in one of the most 

grisly and gory horror franchises of 

all time promises to be the grisliest 

and goriest of all, thanks to a pair of 

dorky wannabe Ray-Bans. 

Like a fi ne wine (or Helen Mirren), 

Eastwood gets better with age. With 

actors who can do more than just 

scream, this thriller will be a refuge 

from the typical Halloween fare. 

Get over your fear of carnies with Circus, 

PBS’s unblinking look at what it takes to 

run the world’s best traveling show, the 

Big Apple Circus. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, 

you’ll get a jones for cotton candy!

RATED MOST WANTED 

Elyse 

levesque 

Syfy’s sexiest 

star is back on 

Stargate Universe. 

As Chloe Armstrong 

on SGU, model turned 

actress Elyse Levesque mixes 

sexy and smarts as she 

fi ghts in an epic battle 

for survival. Now the Canadian-born 

beauty is back 

for the second season, giving 

geeks across the galaxy 

something to smile about. 

Here’s why we love her. 

She’ll fall for you! 

I was shooting an ad in 

Taiwan, and they wanted me 

up in the air in a harness. 

The tiny Asian man who was 

supposed to pull the rope 

couldn’t support my weight, 

and I came crashing down. 

I was in tears, and the crew 

just stared at me until the 

one person who spoke 

English said, “Model no cry.” 

She wants to be asked out! 

In Vancouver there’s a ratio 

of seven girls to one guy, 

so it’s super tough to meet 

men. The three years that 

I’ve lived here, I can’t think 

of one time I was asked out! 

In the States men fl irt, 

and it’s refreshing. I’m like, 

“I still have it going on!” 

She likes dorks! 

Sci-fi knowledge is defi nitely 

not a deal breaker. If a 

guy is interested in it, he’s 

probably super smart, and 

that’s attractive. I always 

used to fall for the dark, 

brooding, bad-boy type, but 

that’s gradually changing. 

Stargate Universe airs 

Tuesdays at 9 P.M. on Syfy. 

50 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY ANTOINE VERGLAS

NEW ORBIT 

® 

FRUITABULOUS! 

Artificially fruit flavored. 

 

Find us at facebook.com/orbitgum 

©2010 Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company. All Rights Reserved. Orbit, Orbit O design, Tropical 

Remix and all other affiliated designs are trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.

RATED DVD/MUSIC 

THE TIME- 

TRAVELING 

CAR 

“We picked a DeLorean 

because we wanted the 

folks in 1955 to think it 

was from space. We 

spent lots of time think - 

ing of numerology that 

felt poetic. Like, 1.21 

gigawatts rolls off your 

tongue better than 

785.53. Same with 88 

miles per hour. Rather 

than sounding like a 

bunch of tech talk, 

they’re numbers the 

audience remembered.” 

THE OTHER 

MARTY 

“Eric Stoltz was 

originally cast as Marty. 

Why did I recast the 

part? I realized that 

as great an actor as 

Eric is, his comedy 

sensibilities weren’t 

the same as mine. It 

was a very painful thing, 

and I felt horrible about 

it. The fault was totally 

mine as a novice direc - 

tor. There are a couple 

of clips of his scenes on 

the DVD. This edition 

has it all.” 

TOBY KEITH 

BULLETS IN THE GUN 

The country outlaw 

spills a round or two on 

his 14th album. 


NEVER 

BEFORE 

SEEN! N! 

TALES FROM THE STUDIO 

THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON THE MONTH’S HOTTEST ALBUMS. 

DOWNLOAD 

NOW! 

Where the magic 

happened: 

“Nashville. Almost always 

Nashville. If I was in L.A., 

I wouldn’t even know 

where to fi nd a harmon ica 

player. I’m sure they’ve 

got plenty, but in Nashville 

if you need one you can 

just make a phone call.” 

The key to writing lyrics: 

“I get inspiration from 

bumper stickers, T-shirts, 

or people saying things 

backward—a mistake is a 

song. We were on motor - 

cycles one day, and we 

KYLESA 

“TIRED CLIMB” 

Southern-fried 

metal from your 

new fave band. 

passed a trailer park. 

One of my buddies said 

we should get back on the 

interstate. I was going to 

say we should go toward 

the neighborhood or the 

trailer park, but I said 

‘trailerhood’ accidentally. 

As soon as I said it, I knew 

I had to write a song 

called ‘Trailerhood.’ ” 

Sounds like a cross 

between: “Willie Nelson, 

Marshall Tucker Band, 

Charlie Daniels. I don’t 

even know any contem - 

porary country songs.” 

TAYLOR SWIFT 

“MINE” 

We won’t tell anyone 

how much you 

love it. Promise. 

YOUNG JEEZY 

FEAT. LIL JON 

“JIZZLE” 

Silly title, so focus 

on the crunk. 

WEEZER 

HURLEY 

The nerd-rock giants’ 

frontman, Rivers 

Cuomo, reaches back 

for their eighth album. 

PETE YORN 

“PRECIOUS 

STONE” 

Frank Black produces 

the rocker. 

AS BACK TO THE FUTURE HITS 

25 YEARS, DIRECTOR ROBERT 

ZEMECKIS GIVES US 1.21 

GIGAWATTS OF INSIDE INFO. 

THE OVER- 

WORKED 

STAR 

“Michael J. Fox was 

shooting Family Ties 

during the day, so 

we shot the entire 

movie at night except 

for on weekends. When 

people look at fi lms that 

THE SEXY 

MOM 

“Lea Thompson playing 

Lorraine as this sex 

Digging in the crates: 

“We wanted to do 

something more for our 

core audience—unpolished, 

emotional rock. 

I was able to go back 

because I have all my old 

unproduced ideas on 

my computer now, ripped 

to iTunes. For ‘Run 

Away’ we pulled an idea 

from 1998.” 

Secret weapon: 

“Michael Cera and I played 

in a celebrity soccer 

match together. A few 

months later I saw him on 

SUFJAN STEVENS 

“I WALKED” 

Symphonic pop 

geek drops the 

orchestra. 

are wildly entertaining 

to watch, the comment 

you get is, ‘That must 

have been really fun to 

make!’ Back to the 

Future really wasn’t 

fun to make at all, and 

it was a good thing 

Michael was young and 

energetic. He’s not 

singing, but that’s him 

playing guitar.” 

kitten made her scenes 

so hot. She went for it. I 

found it fascinating that 

the line, ‘Are you telling 

me that my mother’s 

got the hots for me?’ 

was in every TV spot 

and ad. The marketing 

department must have 

known that concept 

would touch the world.” 

Back to the Future 25th 

Anniversary Edition hits 

shelves October 26. 

Letterman talking about 

doing silent meditation at 

the same place I go to. 

We met up for lunch on a 

day we happened to be 

recording, so he came in 

on ‘Hang On.’ He’s a pret - 

ty serious guitar player.” 

Our obsession during 

recording: “The band 

Sleigh Bells. We were 

blown away by the 

way their stuff sounded. 

We’ve been e-mailing 

with them but haven’t 

had a chance to 

get in the studio yet.” 

CEE LO GREEN 

“FUCK YOU!” 

Gnarls frontman’s 

kiss-off single. 

Everybody sing!

SUBSCRIBE NOW! 

Each issue is packed with: 

THE WORLD’S SEXIEST WOMEN 

(OFTEN NOT WEARING PANTS!) 

HEAPS OF FUNNY-ASS JOKES 

(SOMETIMES NOT AT ALL OFFENSIVE!) 

HOT NEW GADGETS AND GEAR 

(PLUG INTO THE LATEST BLINKING, BEEPING GOODIES!) 

MOVIES, MUSIC AND GAMES 

(IF YOU CAN WASTE TIME WITH IT, WE’VE GOT IT!) 

COOL STYLE 

(SERIOUSLY, DUDE, PUT ON A FRIGGIN’ SHIRT ALREADY.) 

Order 

now 

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RATED Q&A 

Your fi rst feature was 

Road Trip, and your latest 

movie is Due Date, about 

two guys traveling cross- 

country. Are you a big 

fan of road movies? 

Here’s the thing: The plots of my movies 

sound generic, but we try to do 

a spin on them. When I do a movie, it’s 

more about who has chemistry. Or 

antichemistry, in this case. 

How did you decide to pair Robert 

Downey Jr. with Zach Galifi anakis? 

Zach is the funniest person I’ve ever 

met. He just sits down to eat lunch 

with you and you start laughing. And 

Downey’s one of the greatest actors 

alive, so even though I thought it was a 

bit of a long shot, I sent him the script. 

Most people didn’t know about Zach 

until The Hangover, even though he’s 

been doing comedy for a long time. 

He actually read for Road Trip more 

than 10 years ago, for Tom Green’s 

character, Barry. That would’ve been 

interesting. He has so much talent, 

but I always thought he wasn’t quite 

MUST 

BUY 

NOW 

& 


The King 

of the 

R-rating! 

TODD PHILLIPS 

THE DEMENTED DIRECTOR OF ROAD TRIP, OLD SCHOOL, AND THE HANGOVER 

IS BACK WITH THE DARKLY HILARIOUS ROAD FLICK DUE DATE. 

Prep for the fourth season of The 

Venture Bros.’ animated-action comedy 

with the fi rst eight episodes on DVD . It’s 

Adult Swim’s best and least weird show! 

used properly in movies. Then the 

role of Alan came up in The Hangover, 

and I realized Zach could crush it. I’d 

be happy to bring Zach into every 

movie I do forever, but you have to let 

him soar with other directors. It’s like 

seeing your ex go out with other guys. 

There’s death, violence, and a 

masturbating dog in this movie. Will 

fans of “Todd Phillips movies” be 

thrown by how dark Due Date gets? 

It does get a little dark, but we 

still have that masturbating dog. 

I think there’s nothing more pure 

than masturbating. 

In Road Trip you have a cameo as 

the guy who wanted to suck on Amy 

Smart’s toes. In Old School you 

show up for an orgy. In The Hangover 

you’re caught going down 

on a girl in an elevator. You really 

give yourself classy roles. 

I only work in R-rated movies directed 

by Todd Phillips. Actually, Juliette 

Lewis is the same character in Due 

Date as she was in Old School, and 

I’m playing that guy who showed up to 

SET 

YOUR 

TIVO 

the gangbang again. In my mind 

they’re the same couple, but in the 

legal departments at DreamWorks 

and Warner Bros., they’re not. 

What’s up with Hangover 2? 

I know sequels are perceived as a 

money grab, but we’re doing it 

because we want to make a movie 

that’s funnier and better than the 

fi rst one. I’m treating it like the 

fucking Godfather II. A good portion 

of the movie takes place in Bangkok. 

I thought of Bangkok because 

what word means something the 

way “Vegas” means something? 

’70s 

Animal House, 

Blazing Saddles, 

Slap Shot 

Denise Richards joins the cast of Blue 

Mountain State, Spike TV’s comedy series 

about ab the fundamentals of college: 

be beer, sex, and football. Season 

tw two kicks off October 20. 

’80s 

Police Academy, 

Bachelor Party, 

Caddyshack 

BACK 

IN 

RED 

Todd poses with 

the world’s creepiest 

doll collection. 

Vegas means bad behavior and 

bad decisions, and Bangkok, to me, 

is a shadier and scarier version 

of that. It’s going to get dark, and 

somebody’s coming back in a 

body bag…I just don’t know who it is 

yet. It’s probably going to be me. 

Will Mike Tyson be involved? 

Mike texts me all the time. He’s the 

greatest guy on the planet. I know 

he’s had transgressions, but he’s a 

different man these days. He’s 

become a really close friend, and it’s 

hard to say no to Mike. Let me put 

it that way. 

REQUIRED VIEWING NINE MUST-MEMORIZE R-RATED CLASSICS. 

’90s 

Clerks, American Pie, 

South Park: Bigger, 

Longer & Uncut 

Conan O’Brien returns to the late-night 

game on TBS’s creatively titled Conan. 

Here’s hoping the Masturbating Bear, 

Pimpbot 5000, and Triumph will be back 

on board, too.

Every Toyota has a story. 

The 2010 Corolla – a 2010 Top Safety Pick from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.* 

Share your story at facebook.com/toyota 

Thanks for your story, Susie! 

* Insurance Institute for Highway Safety 2010 rating for Corolla, vehicle class Small Cars. Ratings are only meaningful when comparing vehicles in the same class. 2010 model year tested. For 

more details on 2010 Top Safety Pick Awards, see www.iihs.org ©2010 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.

FILL YOUR INNER EMPTINESS WITH MATERIAL GOODS 

Face the facts 

The Kinect’s identity 

program creates a 

profi le based on your 

mug. Just look at 

the sensor and you’re 

logged in. Creepy! 

x factor 

THE XBOX 360 KINECT IS A 

MOTION CONTROL GAME CHANGER. 

The Wii has its WiiMote, and the PS3 has its ice 

cream cone joysticks. The motion controllers 

of this generation are just that: controllers. (Dramatic 

pause.) Until now. Microsoft’s Kinect ($149) may 

be the last to join in the motion control gangbang, 

but it’s seriously hung with some im pres sive controller-less 

credentials, like live streaming video chat, 

biometric facial mapping, and full-body movement 

and voice recognition. Which makes it less of a 

fun-for-a-while gimmick (cough, Wii, cough) and 

more of a revolution in how we interact with our 

consoles. So how do these fancy-sounding features 

make hands-free gaming on the 360 a reality and 

not a hyped-up mess? Consult our breakdown (right) 

and fi nd out! And consult a physician about that 

erection. Dude, it’s been more than four hours. 

ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS PHILPOT 

Stress Tests 

Building on 10 years 

of Microsoft R&D, 

engineers trained the 

motion controls with 

20 million clips of every 

conceivable human 

gesture, including 

“sexy hop-bounce.” 

1 

1. A 3D IR 

projector fi res 

out infrared 

beams that paint 

a depth map, 

essentially locating 

the distance 

of every object in 

front of it. Yes, 

your dinner table 

is 10 feet away! 

Amazing! 

2. This lens is 

the receiver, 

taking in the raw 

data painted by 

the IR projector. 

The Xbox 360’s 

software uses 

this information 

to create a map 

and determine 

your body’s 

motion. 

4 

2 

Video Game 

Blowout! 

3. Just for 

fun, it also has 

a traditional 

camera that 

allows you to 

video-chat with 

other Kinect 

users on Xbox 

Live. Hands-free 

video sex chat, 

anyone? 

3 

4. Microsoft 

re corded thou - 

sands of hours 

of speech from 

across the U.S., 

ensuring that the 

four-mike system 

understands doz- 

ens of accents, 

even annoying 

ones (that’s you, 

Boston). 

CONTINUED ON PAGE 60

Every Toyota has a story. 

And with 90% of all Toyota Camrys sold in the last 15 years still on the road,* we want to hear yours. 

Share your story at facebook.com/toyota 

Thanks for your story, Melanie!

*Based on R. L. Polk & Co. U.S. Vehicles In Operation registration statistics MY 1995 - 2010 as of January 2010. Includes Camry Solara. ©2010 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.

STUFF VIDEO GAMES 

Video Game 

Blowout! 

fallout: new vegas 

PS3, Windows, Xbox360 

Special sauce: Original 

developers! 

After taking over the defunct 

franchise in ’08 with its own 

massively successful entry 

in the RPG series (Fallout 

3), Bethesda smartly hired 

former staffers from Black 

Isle—the studio behind Fallout 

I and 2—to help on their 

sequel, New Vegas. Those 

developers bring old-school 

authenticity to an already 

awesome edition. As senior 

designer Chris Avellone, 

formerly of Black Isle, says, 

“There’s even stuff from the 

pen-and-paper role-playing 

game.” You just overdosed on 

dork juice, didn’t you? 

call of duty: black ops 

PS3, Xbox 360, Wii 

Special sauce: Gambling! 

How did the developers at 

Treyarch improve the most 

popular fi rst-person shooter 

in the world’s multiplayer 

mode? Betting! In four wager 

match types, players can 

choose to ante up penny 

stakes or tens of thousands 

of units of in-game currency, 

which is used to purchase 

upgrades. “Some people 

would call the sheer number 

of game modes alone 

ludicrous,” says game design 

director David Vonderhaar. 

“And they’d probably be 

right.” Why he had to get a 

rapper involved beats us, 

but the game’s good! 

medal of honor 

PS3, Windows, Xbox360 

Special sauce: Realism! 

MoH’s designers worked so 

hard to create a realistic 

and respectable Special 

Forces experience in their 

fi rst-person shooter, they 

enlisted real Tier 1 operators 

as consultants. Guys 

who, according to one, “Are 

dedicated to the art of war 

like an Olympian is dedicated 

to gold.” As to how it gets 

real, the still-active soldier 

says, “The sequence where 

a ranger calls home, making 

everything sound boring 

while getting ready to go into 

the fi ght of his life…when my 

wife saw that, she said, ‘Oh, 

my God, I’ve had that call.’ ” 


reloaded 

HERE’S WHAT MAKES THREE SEQUELS TO 

OUR FAVORITE FRANCHISES SUPER SPECIAL. 

AT LONG 

LAST 

FOUR MORE 

FOLLOW-UPS 

WE’VE WAITED 

FOR WITH 

SWEATY-PALMED 

ANTICIPATION. 

Castlevania: 

Lords of Shadow 

PS3, Xbox 360 

The Dracula-baiting 

Belmont clan makes a 

comeback. Playing as 

Gabriel, gamers wield the 

classic whip in a mashup 

of God of War–style 

action and timeless 

’Vania platforming. 

Gran Turismo 5 

PS3 

After fi ve long years, 

Gran Turismo returns with 

70 tracks in 20 countries 

and, for the fi rst time, 

vehicle damage! Realistically 

crashing Lambos and 

the more than 100 other 

cars will never get old. 

Star Wars: The 

Force Unleashed 2 

PS3, Xbox 360 

As Starkiller you use dual 

lightsabers and new Force 

powers, like Jedi mind 

trick, to fi ght stormtrooper 

hordes in a galaxy far, 

far away. This is the game 

you’re looking for. 

Fable III 

Xbox 360 

The RPG is back with 

an improved co-op mode 

that allows players to 

adventure together in 

Victorian-age Albion, open 

business ventures, and 

even marry. Fight to see 

who wears the pantaloons 

in the family!

STUFF VIDEO GAMES 

ENJOY STICK 

Maneuvering a jet responsibly at 600 

knots takes your entire hand, not just 

a thumb. So set aside your stock Xbox 

360 or PS3 controller and upgrade 

to this bad boy. Cyborg F.L.Y. 9 Flight 

Stick is wireless and features a lap 

mount. It’s the best wingman since Captain 

Morgan. $100, cyborggaming.com 

Video Game 

Blowout! 

under 

control 

UP YOUR SCORES AND FRAG 

THEIR FACES OFF WITH THESE PROPER 

GAMING PERIPHERALS. 

SPEED RACER 

Like a $282,000 Scuderia, the Ferrari 

Wireless GT Cockpit (for PS3/PC) 

sports a fi ve-position Manettino dial and 

metal shift paddles. Its magnetic resistance 

brake pedal adds to the realism. 

Not included: Ferrari maintenance 

bills—and girls riding shotgun. $250, 

red-collection.thrustmaster.com 

ARCADE SPITFIRE 

Being old-school doesn’t mean you can’t spice things 

up on your PS3. Modeled after the Super Street Fighter 

IV arcade cabinet, Hori’s Real Arcade Pro Premium 

VLX is guaranteed to deliver beaucoup one-ups. Its 

nine customizable buttons can be set to three turbo 

speeds. No quarters required. $300, hori.jp/us 

BATTLE AX 

Shredding on Guitar 

Hero is a lot like dryhumping: 

feels rad, 

lacks reality. The 360/ 

PS3 game Power Gig: 

Rise of the SixString 

not only requires you to 

strum actual chords, but 

its “controller” is a 100 

percent legit guitar that 

you can plug into any 

amp and wail on. All you 

need now is a drummer 

who sleeps on your fl oor 

(with your girlfriend). 

$180, powergig.com 

COMMU NI- 

CATION 

SHAKEDOWN 

Houston, we have an ass 

clown?! No problem. The 

best part of Tritton’s AX 

180 wireless headset 

isn’t the stereo sound or 

hassle-free pairing with 

Xbox 360, PS3, and PCs; 

it’s the portable control 

unit, a remote that lets 

you quickly adjust audio 

levels on the fl y. If some 

n00b you wasted in 

Halo won’t stop bitching, 

just crank up the sound - 

track. $ 150, tritton 

technologies.com 

62 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY PETER OUMANSKI

Epic screen. Epic 4G speeds. 

Epic theater in the palm of your hand. 

With a brilliant Super AMOLED screen and lightning-fast downloading, the 

Samsung Epic 4G is made for movies. Download titles from the Media 

Hub and watch them on the go at 4G speeds. It can even transform into 

a mobile hotspot for up to fi ve Wi-Fi devices. Another amazing fi rst from 

Sprint, the Now Network. 

Get the phone. See Epic Mini Movies. sprint.com/epic 

1-800-SPRINT-1 (1-800-777-4681) 

May require up to a $36 activation fee/line, credit approval and deposit. Up to a $200 early termination fee/line applies. While supplies last. HD Video: Records and plays back at 720p at 30fps. Sprint Mobile Hotspot: Optional $29.99 add-on for 

sharing access to Wi-Fi. No discounts apply. Uses data allowance within your base service plan. Connectivity dependent upon compatibility. Other Terms: Coverage is not available everywhere. The Nationwide Sprint Network reaches over 275 million 

people. The Sprint 4G Network reaches over 50 markets and counting, on select devices. The Sprint 3G Network reaches over 266 million people. See sprint.com for details. Not all 

services are available on 4G, and coverage may default to 3G/separate network where 4G is unavailable. Offers not available in all markets/retail locations or for all phones/networks. 

Pricing, offer terms, fees and features may vary for existing customers not eligible for upgrade. Other restrictions apply. See store or sprint.com for details. ©2010 Sprint. Sprint 

and the logo are trademarks of Sprint. Android, Google, the Google logo and Google Search are trademarks of Google Inc. Other marks are the property of their respective owners.

STUFF LUST OBJECTS 

PROJECT 

YOURSELF 

The lamest thing about “home movies” 

isn’t persuading your girlfriend to participate—it’s 

getting her to watch them 

with you. Forget sitting side by side at 

the computer: Nikon’s Coolpix S1100pj 

14.1-megapixel digital point-and-shoot 

cam also projects your HD videos in 

720p to a screen size of 47 inches on 

your bedroom wall. Just make sure the 

blinds are closed. $350, nikonusa.com 

GADGET 

OF THE 

MONTH 

Objets d’Awesome 

BUY, BEG, BORROW, OR STEAL THESE GREAT NEW GADGETS, OR WE’LL FIGHT YOU. 

THAT’S 

A KNIFE 

Screw survival of the 

fi ttest. We’ll take all 

the help we can get. 

Beyond a stainless-steel 

4.8-inch serrated blade , 

Gerber’s Bear Grylls 

Ultimate Knife packs a 

ferrocerium fi re starter, 

a sharpener, a whistle, 

and even a Man vs. Wild– 

approved survival guide 

stuffed into the sheath… 

in case you forget 

how to build a fi re, or 

drink your own pee. 

$59, gerbergear.com 

HYPER 

TYPER 

DVRs are supposed 

to save time, not suck it. 

Which is why this Slide 

remote is the best thing 

to happen to TiVo since 

Real Housewives, er… 

Instead of taking 10 

minutes to pound out 

title searches with one 

thumb, the slideout 

QWERTY keyboard 

puts both digits to 

work. And since it’s 

backlit, you won’t 

even spoil the candlelight. 

$90, tivo.com 

DIALED IN 

There’s a reason this 

self-adjusting multiband 

atomic timepiece looks 

hotter than a stolen 

Bugatti: The Ediface 

EQWM1100DC is modeled 

after the carbonfi 

ber cockpit of a racecar. 

But unlike a road rocket, 

this murdered-out 

model (check that black 

stainless-steel band) 

runs on a solar-powered 

battery. Other pluses: It 

won’t quit at 100 meters 

below sea level, and it 

self-adjusts to atomic 

time. $500, casio.com 

TRUE PLAYER 

Like many a newborn baby, the MCR-140 bookshelf stereo weighs 

just 7.9 pounds. But unlike an infant, this Yamaha will not soil itself 

and can reproduce the smooth sounds of Sade with precision, thanks 

to a digital amplifi er that outputs 30 watts total. It’s also available 

in 10 colors, and the wireless transmitter (included) can crank an 

uncompressed linear PCM audio stream wirelessly from your iPod 

across the room. $400, yamaha.com 

64 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY PETER OUMANSKI

ADVERTISEMENT 

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STUFF WOMAN WITH A TOOL 

#4 IN A SERIES 

Lumber 

Jacked 

This chain saw is sharper 

than your average wood 

eater. By the way, that tree 

just looked at you funny! 

You may not share our 

dream of winning the Hot 

Saw competition at the 

Lumberjack World Championships 

and spending the next 

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WARNING: Professional 

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66 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY TOM CORBETT 

STYLING, DON SUMADA/B-A REPS; HAIR, DAMIAN MONZILLO USING EVOLUTION DRYER BY T3/KATE RYAN INC; 

MAKEUP, JORDAN LONG USING BENEFIT/EXCLUSIVE ARTISTS. H&M SHIRT, IN BLOOM BRA, SIWY SHORTS. CASTING, WULF CASTING.

STUFF CELEB RIDE 

Heavy 

Metal 

When Mötley Crüe 

drummer Tommy Lee 

isn’t driving hard 

beats, he’s got his 

hands on a chopper. 

THAT’S A LONG- 

ASS MOTOR- 

CYCLE. IF PEOPLE 

DIDN’T KNOW BETTER, 

THEY MIGHT THINK YOU 

WERE COMPENSAT- 

ING FOR SOMETHING. 

Ha-ha. Yeah, the bike 

is a little more than 12 

feet long, and it’s got 

the longest front end 

I’ve ever seen. It’s out 

there. It’s nearly impos - 

sible to make a U-turn. 

WHAT’S THE STORY 

BEHIND IT? 

I had it custom-made 

about four years ago. 

I wanted a sort of 

road-warrior bike. It’s 

all matte black—no 

fancy graphics, just a 

dirty-ass, barhopping 

rat bike. It looks like 

death, but I love cruising 

on it. There’s no radio. 

Just you and the road. 

NO RADIO MUST BE 

TOUGH GIVEN ALL THE 

SUBMISSIONS YOU 

HAD TO LISTEN TO FOR 

YOUR NEW METHODS 

OF MAYHEM ALBUM. 

For months I’d get up at 

9 A.M. and listen to 

demos until 2 or 3 A.M. 

We put the raw tracks 

up online and had fans 

remix different parts. 

We had about 10,000 

submissions. I wanted 

to make a record with 

the whole world. It was 

a cool, cool experience. 

HAVE YOU ALWAYS 

BEEN INTERESTED IN 

MOTORCYCLES? 

Yes. I got my fi rst Harley 

in ‘82 and stared at it 

all day. There’s just 

something about bikes: 

You have your girl on the 

back, and she’s digging 

the vibrations and 

holding on for dear life. 

There’s nothing better. 

Methods of Mayhem’s 

A Public Disservice 

Announcement is available 

on iTunes. 

68 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY JIM WRIGHT 

PHOTOGRAPHED ON LOCATION AT WRIGHT RANCH IN MALIBU, CALIFORNIA.

© 2010 Cadbury Adams USA LLC. Trident and all related trademarks are owned by Cadbury Adams LLC. tridentgum.com

College Football 

Rivalries—Settled! SCHOOL 

THINK THE NCAA’S CLASSIC RIVALRIES ARE DEAD? 

THINK AGAIN. WHEN THESE SCHOOLS GO TO WAR, THERE’S 

MUCH MORE AT PLAY THAN GRIDIRON SKILL. HERE WE 

DECLARE EACH BATTLE’S WINNER BASED ON HISTORY, HOT 

CHICKS, AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE WE WANT. 

ILLUSTRATION BY SEAN MCCABE 

STANFORD AT CAL 

November 20 // Series record: 55-46-11, Stanford 

“The Big Game” kicked off in 1892, with future prez Herbert Hoover acting 

as Stanford’s manager. His Cardinal beat Cal’s Golden Bears 14-10. 

MOTTO 

Cal: “Let there be 

light.” For their bongs, 

they mean, right? 

Stanford: “The 

wind of freedom 

blows”…for privileged 

white kids. 

Edge: Cal 

COMMUNITY WITH 

MORE TO LOSE 

Cal: San Franciscans 

are so busy eating 

locally grown soy - 

beans while driving 

Priuses to their next 

anti-cat-declawing 

rally, they probably 

won’t even notice if 

Cal loses. 

Stanford: Let’s see, 

Silicon Valley went 

bust in the late ’90s, 

as did former student 

Tiger Woods a decade 

later. Football and 

good weather may be 

all they’ve got left. 

Edge: Cal 


sports 

STANFORD AT CAL (cont.) 

Fan Talents 

Cal: Ingenuity. 

Berkeley students 

are credited with 

inventing the “card 

stunt,” whereby fans 

coordinate to create 

words or images 

by holding up giant 

cards at games. 

You’re welcome, 

Yalies (see right). 

Stanford: Intellectual 

snobbery. Quoth one 

recent alum (who 

refuses to be named 

because his boss 

graduated from 

Berkeley): “Generally 

speaking, they have 

the bigger grudge, 

because if any of them 

had gotten into Stan - 

ford, they wouldn’t 

have gone to Cal.” 

Holy No-Cal 

smackdown! 

Edge: Stanford 

TEXAS A&M AT TEXAS 

November 25 // Series record: 75-36-5, Texas 

When these local rivals meet, it’s like a steaming pot of chili did a shot of 

tequila and then vomited itself all over a 10-gallon hat. Yee-haw! 

Stadium Scare 

Factor 

A&M: Fans at Kyle 

Field stand for the 

entire game—even 

when they’re drunk! 

Texas: Darrell K. 

Royal is the largest 

stadium by seating 

capacity in the Lone 

Star State. Suck on 

that, Jerry Jones. 

Edge: A&M 

Creepiest 

Tradition 

A&M: When mascot 

Reveille, a collie, 

dies, the school holds 

a military funeral and 

buries her in the fi eld. 

Texas: Holds a 

séance-y “hex rally” 

before A&M game. 

Edge: Texas 


Stadium Scare 

Factor 

Cal: Memorial 

Stadium rests 

directly on top of 

the Hayward Fault, 

which makes it 

an “appre ciable life 

hazard,” according 

to a recent seismic 

safety study. 

Stanford: The band’s 

scathing halftime 

shows have crushed 

more visitors than 

the Cardinal’s D, with 

formations like the 

Hearst Burger, 

named after Cal stu - 

dent Patty Hearst’s 

kidnapping 

in 1974: It took ok 

the shape 

of two buns 

and no 

patty. 

Edge: 

Stanford 

Fight Song 

Face-Off 

A&M: “Aggie War 

Hymn.” “Saw varsity’s 

horns off / Saw 

varsity’s horns 

off / Saw varsity’s 

horns off.” Like that 

“Redrum” kid, but 

with school spirit! 

Texas: “The Eyes 

of Texas.” “The eyes 

of Texas are upon 

you / You cannot get 

away.” We’re offi cially 

having nightmares. 

Edge: Texas 

Lamest For- 

Credit Class 

Cal: Children’s 

Literature. If you 

get high and read 

James and the Giant 

Peach backward, 

universal truths are 

revealed, brah. 

Stanford: 

Introduction to 

Guzheng. Students 

learn how to play the 

guzheng, a 21-string 

traditional Chinese 

instrument. Course 

“may be repeated for 

credit a total of 14 

times.” At which point 

you’d better be the 

fucking Jimi Hendrix 

of China. 

Edge: Cal 

WINNER: cal 

Hometown Pride 

A&M: College Station 

was declared “the 

most educated city 

in Texas” in 2006. 

Texas: Austin is 

known as the Live 

Music Capital of the 

World. Guitar solo! 

Edge: Texas 

Spotted on 

the Sidelines 

A&M: George H. W. 

Bush, whose pres - 

idential library is 

on campus grounds. 

Texas: Liar 

Roger Clemens, 

shirtist Matthew 

McConaughey. 

Edge: Texas 

WINNER: texas 

YALE AT HARVARD 

November 20 // Series record: 65-53-8, Yale 

Sure,“the Game” has no football relevance, but the fact that it 

brings together this many eggheads at one time each year has 

to count for something, right? 

Prank Wars 

Yale: In 2004 students 

dressed as the 

Harvard pep squad 

passed out cards to 

Crimson fans that, 

raised, read: WE SUCK. 

Harvard: In 1933 

members of Harvard’s 

Lampoon humor 

mag kidnapped Yale’s 

mascot bulldog. 

Edge: Yale 

Powerful 

Dropouts 

Yale: Dick Cheney. 

Will shoot up your 

face. 

Harvard: Mark 

Zuckerberg. Can 

erase you from the 

social universe. 

Edge: Harvard 

Sexiest 

Theater Geek 

Yale: Meryl Streep 

Harvard: 

Natalie Portman 

Edge: Yale 

(What—have 

you not seen It’s 

Complicated? ) 

AUBURN AT ALABAMA 

November 26 // Series record: 40-33-1, Alabama 

This intrastate rivalry, which kicked off in 1893 and was later dubbed 

the Iron Bowl, is the most bitter in all of college football. Period. 

Bitchiest Dispute 

Auburn: In 1906 the 

Tigers’ coach 

threatened to cancel 

the series if ’Bama 

continued to use 

elaborate structures 

and shifts. Um... 

Alabama: A year later 

Auburn asked to up 

player per diems for 

both teams to $3.50. 

Alabama said no, 

causing a 41-year 

standoff. 

Edge: Auburn 

Famous Students 

Auburn: Bo Jackson, 

Charles Barkley 

Alabama: Bernie 

Madoff, Forrest 

Gump 

Edge: Alabama 

BLASTS FROM THE PAST NFL PLAYERS CALL OUT THEIR COLLEGE RIVALS. 

≤ Jacob Hester 

FB, San Diego Chargers 

LSU, 2004–07 

“Florida was always our biggest game. 

After we beat them my senior year, I saw 

a bad situation—a couple of their fans 

were in the Porta-Potties, and our fans 

were rocking them back and forth. Who 

knows what they were getting on them.” 

≤ Jam James Laurinaitis 

LB, SSt. 

Louis Rams 

Ohio 

State, 2005–08 

“The 

Michigan thing is more than just 

the ggame. 

You have a constant reminder der 

of it 

all year. In the locker room we 

hav have a countdown clock to the game and 

a wh whole wall just for the Michigan 

riva rivalry—what it’s about, the history of f it.” 

Legitimate 

Connection to the 

Game of Football 

Yale: Late-19th 

century alum and 

coach Walter Camp 

is credited with 

introducing many 

features of the 

modern game, 

including the system 

of downs. 

Harvard: Built the 

fi rst-ever concrete 

stadium in 1903. 

Three years later a 

proposal to widen the 

fi eld was shot down 

because the stadium 

could not be easily 

renovated…leading to 

the adoption of the 

forward pass. 

Edge: Harvard 

Mascot in Nature 

Auburn: Aubie the 

Tiger. This cat is an 

“obligate carnivore,” 

meaning its diet is 70 

percent meat, 30 per- 

cent Siegfried & Roy. 

Alabama: Big Al the 

Elephant. Has no 

natural predator yet 

is a wussy vegetarian. 

Edge: Auburn 

best Player Name 

Auburn: Quindarius 

Carr (WR) 

Alabama: Dont’a 

Hightower (LB) 

Edge: Alabama 

Proposed 

Uniform Additions 

Yale: Ascot 

Harvard: Cravat 

Edge: Draw 

WINNER: 

who cares? 

Lecherous Item on 

school Home Page 

Auburn: Image of 

Taylor Swift during a 

“surprise concert” at 

which two students 

competed to hug her. 

Alabama: School 

slogan: “Touching 

Lives.” 

Edge: Alabama 

WINNER: 

alabama 

≤ Calais Campbell 

DE, Arizona Cardinals 

University of Miami, 2004–07 

“My fi rst year playing Florida State, it 

went down to the last play, and when we 

won, the whole campus went crazy—wild 

parties, people applauding wherever you 

went. The Super Bowl was unbelievable, 

but beating Florida State comes close.”

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sports 

FLORIDA AT FLORIDA STATE 

November 27 // Series record: 33-19-2, Florida 

Florida has dominated over the past fi ve years, but fans of these teams 

still beat the daylights out of each other in the yearly Sunshine Showdown. 

Hottest Alum 

Florida: ESPN 

reporter Erin 

Andrews 

FSU: Spike TV host 

Courtney Hansen 

Edge: Florida 

Local drink 

Florida: The Gator 

Bite: A 50-50 shot of 

O.J. and vodka 

followed by a 50-50 

shot of blue curaçao 

and vodka followed 

by a big shot of shame. 

FSU: Tallahassee mag 

touts the Calimocho: 

red wine and Coke. 

Edge: Florida 

GEORGIA TECH AT GEORGIA 

November 27 // Series record: 60-39-5, Georgia 

This rivalry’s nickname, though idiotic-sounding and awkward to use 

as a noun, says it all: Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate. 

Party in the 

State of GA 

UGA: The number 

one “party school” 

according to known 

fun experts The 

Princeton Review. 

Tech: Tech kids 

ditch campus jams 

to head into the 

heart of Hotlanta 

and down sizzurp 

with Lil Jon. 

Edge: Georgia 

Hidden Talents 

UGA: Wide receiver 

A. J. Green was a 

competitive juggler. 

Tech: Assistant 

coach Joe Speed 

was a captain in the 

Marine Corps. 

Edge: Tech 


lady-fan passion 

Florida: In 2008, with 

her Gators kicking 

Georgia’s ass, 

Veronica Hairston 

began taunting her 

husband, a UGA fan. 

When he tried to walk 

away, she bit his thigh. 

FSU: Buxom fans not 

interested in cheering 

can be Cowgirls, the 

’Noles’ unoffi cial 

boner—um, pep squad. 

Edge: FSU 

Contribution 

to Society 

Florida: University 

researchers invented 

Gatorade in 1965 . 

FSU: Six faculty 

members have 

earned Nobels. 

Edge: Florida 

Recent Scandal 

UGA: In July the 

athletic director was 

arrested for DUI 

with a young female 

passenger who 

was not his wife. 

Tech: A 2005 

NCAA investigation 

revealed that 11 

academically ineli - 

gible players had 

manned the fi eld for 

the Yellowjackets. 

Edge: Georgia 

Distinguished 

Alumni 

UGA: Newman 

Tech: Jeff Foxworthy 

Edge: Georgia 

≤ ≤Shawne 

Merriman 

LLB, 

San Diego Chargers 

UUniversity 

of Maryland, 2002–04 

“ “These rivalries never go away. I’m in 

tthe 

locker room with Philip Rivers, who 

pplayed 

for NC State while I was at 

MMaryland. 

He never beat us, and I never 

llet 

him live it down. He can’t say any- 

tthing, 

because they lost every year!” 

Shockingest 

Scandal 

Florida: Shady 

fund-raising 

schemes—for 

example, boosters 

were asked to cough 

up 25K for souvenirs 

like Tim Tebow’s 

toenail clippings— 

triggered a federal 

investigation in ’07. 

FSU: The NCAA placed 

the school on proba - 

tion after Seminole 

jocks, including 

footballers, cheated 

in an online music 

history class. Why not 

just go to the Uni - 

versity of Phoenix? 

Edge: Florida 

WINNER: 

fl orida 

Rowdiest Fans 

UGA: In 1893 

sore-loser Georgia 

supporters hurled 

rocks at Tech play - 

ers and then chased 

them back to their 

train home. 

Tech: In 1978 the 

sore-loser Tech 

crowd hurled 

liquor bottles, 

batteries, and dead 

fi sh at the Notre 

Dame sidelines. Ha, 

remember when 

Notre Dame was 

good? 

Edge: Georgia 

WINNER: 

georgia 

MICHIGAN AT OHIO STATE 

November 27 // Series record: 57-43-6, Michigan 

Thanks to UM’s recent slide into the gridiron dumps, this rivalry has lost 

some luster—unless you’ve ever lived anywhere near Michigan or Ohio. 

community with 

More to Lose 

Michigan: Six straight 

losses to Ohio State 

and back-to-back 

sub-.500 seasons? 

Break out the Zoloft! 

OSU: “I’ve decided 

to take my talents to 

South Beach.” 

Edge: Michigan 

Fan Rap Lyric 

Michigan: From 

“Welcome to the 

Big House”: “Rich Rod 

is just the next 

Bo Schembechler.” 

OSU: From “There’s 

Only One O,” a rebuttal 

to an Oregon Ducks 

fan rap: “We addicted 

to winnin’, y’all 

addicted to quack.” 

Edge: OSU 

Mascot Tragedy 

Michigan: March 

2010: The state’s lone 

wolverine found dead. 

OSU: Fall 2009: Thou - 

sands of buckeyes fall 

to unceremonious 

deaths. 


Worst Coaching 

Decision 

Michigan: Whichever 

one Rich Rodriguez 

made last. 

OSU: In the infamous 

1950 “Snow Bowl”— 

with a conference 

title and national 

championship bid on 

the line—coach Wes 

Fesler opted to punt 

on the third down 

with 20 seconds left. 

Michigan recovered 

in the snow-covered 

end zone for a TD 

to win. 


ARMY VS. NAVY 

(at Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, PA) 

December 11 // Series record: 54-49-7, Navy 

When not making the world safe for democracy, our soldiers and sailors 

are busy trying to give each other a good ol’ American ass-whupping. U-S-A! 

Gridiron to 

Battlefi eld Hero 

Army: Gen. Dwight D. 

Eisenhower started 

as a running back and 

a linebacker in 1912. 

Navy: Adm. Jonas 

Howard Ingram 

scored the lone TD 

in the 1906 game, 

Navy’s fi rst victory 

over Army in six 

meetings. He later 

commanded the 

Atlantic fl eet in WWII. 

Edge: Army 

The World 

Owes Us One 

Army: Battle of the 

Bulge 

Navy: Battle of 

Midway 

Edge: Army 

BLASTS FROM THE PAST NFL PLAYERS CALL OUT THEIR COLLEGE RIVALS. 

≤ ≤WWillie 

McGinest 

Free Fr agent LB 

USC, US 1990–93 

“UCLA “U was our biggest conference rival, 

and an it was kind of the battle of L.A. They 

were we on the west side, we were on the 

east ea side. I had a lot of buddies who went 

there, th but when we put those pads on, it 

became be hate, because that was war.” 

YANKEE GUEST STAR 

Michigan: Derek 

Jeter has been known 

to stalk the sidelines, 

wearing awesome 

Cosby sweaters. 

OSU: George 

Steinbrenner was an 

assistant under 

Woody Hayes in 1954. 

Edge: OSU 

Use of Taxpayer 

Dollars 

Army soldiers: 

Disturbingly choreo - 

graphed video 

remake of Lady 

Gaga and Beyoncé’s 

“Telephone.” 

Navy pilots: 

Disturbingly choreo - 

graphed video 

remake of Black-Eyed 

Peas’ “Pump It.” 

Edge: Army 

WINNER: 

michigan 

Branch Perk 

Army: Not being 

stuck on a boat for 

months at a time. 

Navy: Fleet Week! 

Edge: Army 

Best Film 

Representation 

Army: Stripes. 

“Lighten up, Francis.” 

Navy: Top Gun. Made 

coughing while saying 

“bullshit” a national 

comeback. 

Edge: Army 

WINNER: army 

≤ Tashard Choice 

RB, Dallas Cowboys 

Georgia Tech, 2005–07 

“Georgia and Georgia Tech fans really 

do hate each other. From the fi eld you 

could see people fi ghting, crying…It’s 

all-out. We were 0–3 against them, with 

two heartbreaking losses. But to hell 

with Georgia. That’s what we say.”

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BY MARIA FONTOURA What is the manliest meat? 

A dino-size porterhouse? 

A barbecued 

pork shoulder? A 

fi ve- alarm chicken 

wing? Before you say yes to any 

of those, consider the humble 

meatball, a spherical mash-up 

of savory wonder. You don’t 

have to be an expert chef to make 

them: All you need are two 

hands and some ground-up 

animal. If you can make a 

snowball, you can make dinner. 

Yes, friends, we are living in the 

age of the meatball. Increasingly, 

chefs around the country are 

celebrating this simple peasant 

food, dressing it up with fancy 

ingredients or stripping it down 

to its essence for a satisfying 

taste of home. Lamb, lobster, foie 

gras, even Kobe beef—if you can 

grind it up, there’s a chef some - 

where turning it into a meatball. 

But no one has boiled this 

trend down better than the 

guys behind New York City’s 

Meatball Shop: Daniel Holzman, 

chef, and Michael Chernow, 

general man ager. Their bustling 

nine-month-old restaurant, a 

39-seat spot nestled amid the 

bars and late night lounges of 

the Lower East Side, serves 

one thing and one thing only: 

meatballs. (OK, there are some 

vegetable sides, but that’s it.) 

Ravenous diners can choose 

from four types of two-ounce 

balls: beef, pork, chicken, and, 

for heathens, veggie. Get them 

“naked” (four balls in a bowl 

with one of four sauces: classic 

tomato, spicy meat, Parmesan 

cream, or mushroom gravy) 

or in sandwich form with 

melted mozzarella or provolone. 

Everything on the menu is less 

than 10 bucks, including daily 

specials like the “jambalaya ball,” 

crammed with shrimp, chicken, 

andouille, and pork. It’s Mardi 

Gras in your mouth! 

The appeal, according to 

Holzman, is simple. “People 

MEET THE LATEST IN RETRO-COOL MAN-FOOD: MEATBALLS. 

don’t cook anymore,” he says. 

* Rejected Headlines for This Story 

BOYS MEAT 

BALLS 

TWO BALLS 

ONE RECIPE 

PHOTOGRAPH BY STEVE COHEN 

MEATBALLS 

DEEP 

GASSY WITH 

A CHANCE OF 

MEATBALLS 

STRAIGHT 

BALLIN’ 

THE MAGIC 

ATE BALL 

PLAY 

BALLS! 

FEEL DEEZ 

NUTS 

HOW MEAT 

IT IS 

SAVED BY 

THE BALLS 


BETTER 

KNOW YOUR 

BALLS 

EVER WANTED TO ENTER 

A MEATBALL TRIVIA 

CONTEST? NOW YOU CAN. 

leftovers rule 

Like many of Mom’s best meals, 

meatballs were born of stinginess. 

Peasants in early cultures would 

roll bits of meat with grains, nuts, 

and fruits to make it last longer. 

for the birds 

The earliest recorded recipes for 

meatballs date to ancient Rome. 

A common ingredient? Peacock. 

mo’ money, mo’ meat 

At $30 the one-pound Kobe beef 

ball at Miami’s Prime Italian is the 

most expensive ball short of 

a Lance Armstrong prosthetic. 

open wide 

In 2005 competitive eater 

Sonya Thomas downed 163 ounces 

of meatballs in 12 minutes—a 

world record. 

pasta la vista 

The tradition of serving meatballs 

with spaghetti began not in Italy but 

in America, where we like being fat. 

featball 

The world’s largest meatball was 

born in ’09 at Nonni’s Italian 

Eatery in Concord, NH, weighing 

222½ pounds and looking like a 

massive turd. 

“But if you’re going out to dinner, 

you have two choices: a special 

meal or McDonald’s. Now, in its 

day McDonald’s was cool. In 1963 

a guy could take a girl there, rollerskate 

over, and she’d be stoked. 

But for our generation, there isn’t 

that place. We wanted to open 

a place where you can take a date 

that won’t be terribly expensive 

and still fi ts all the requirements 

of a good restaurant today.” 

The Meatball Shop was 

actually a bit of an accident. 

Holzman, 31, and Chernow, 30, 

grade-school buddies who 

started working together doing 

deliveries at a Manhattan vegan 

restaurant (irony alert!) 17 years 

ago, were fi nally following 

through on talk of a joint 

venture. They had scoped out a 

downtown location with two 

entrances, one next door to a bar. 

“There were always people 

outside, smoking cigarettes and 

hanging out,” Chernow says, 

“and we thought, How are we 

gonna feed those drunk people?” 


The duo decided to run a takeout 

window in that entrance and 

started casing the neighborhood 

to see what people were chowing 

down on late-night: pizza, fries, 

“basically garbage,” according to 

Chernow. Then he recalled his 

time managing the bar at Frank, 

an Italian bistro in the city’s East 

Village. “I didn’t want to eat a big 

bowl of pasta late at night, so 

I would just order the meatballs 

with broccoli or spinach.” The 

deal on the two-entrance spot 

fell through, but a seed had 

been planted. When a diff erent 

lease opened up blocks away, 

Chernow says, “We looked at 

each other and said, ‘Meatballs. 

Let’s just fuckin’ do it.’ ” 

What they quickly discovered, 

selling nearly 2,000 balls a day 

right out of the gate, is that love 

of balls is pretty much universal. 

“Focused food is defi nitely 

where things are going right 

now,” Chernow says. “ ‘The best 

burger,’ ‘the best pizza.’ But 

fundamentally, people just love 

meatballs. I think that’s the 

beginning and end of it.” 

“People go crazy for them,” 

Holzman adds. “There are all 

these fancy chefs putting out 

great meatballs. But at its base 

it’s a comfort food. It’s hard 

to screw up. On the scale of what 

bad is, you’re not like, ‘This is 

disgusting.’ Maybe you’re like, 

‘This isn’t my favorite meatball.’ 

But for the most part, meatballs 

taste good wherever you go.” 

There are, of course, personal 

preferences when it comes to 

MAXIM’S BIG BALLS! 

WHERE’S THE BEEF? 

RESTAURANTS ALL OVER 

THE COUNTRY ARE SERVING UP 

TASTY WRECKING BALLS. 

1 A16 

San Francisco, CA 

This restaurant’s Meatball Mondays 

feature orbs made from beef and pork 

trimmings, plus buttery prosciutto. 

2 Coppa 

Boston, MA 

Chef Ken Oringer’s “meatballs alforno” 

are topped with a layer of lardo—that’s 

straight-up pork fat to you. 

RDG + Bar Annie 3 Houston, TX 

Lobster meatballs with remoulade 

sauce (a savory mayo-mustard combo) 

are fancy enough to feed to your lady. 

City Grocery 4 Oxford, MI 

Extra hungry? Swallow an entrée 

portion of wild boar meatballs for $30. 

Proof on Main 5 Louisville, KY 

Bison and beef join forces in bison pastrami 

sliders served with smoked aioli. 

Frasca Food and Wine 6 Boulder, CO 

Diners often call ahead to confi rm that 

Frasca’s famous stew of roasted veal 

and lamb meatballs will be on the menu. 

7 Dominick’s 


This former Rat Pack hangout serves 

a combo pork-beef-mushroom ball. 

Feeling fi shy? Try the tuna ball instead. 

MEATBALL SHOP CHEF DANIEL HOLZMAN CREATED A BALL RECIPE JUST FOR US. GET ROLLIN’. 

Great Balls of Fire 

Yield: about 48 meatballs (8-10 servings) 

4 lbs. 80 percent lean 

beef, ground 

4 tsp. salt 

½ tsp. chili fl akes 

1 tsp. fennel seeds, 

ground 

1 cup bread crumbs 

½ cup parsley, chopped 

2 Tbs. oregano, 

chopped 

2 cups fresh 

ricotta cheese 

4 eggs 

4 Tbs. olive oil 

1. Preheat the oven to 450°F. 

2. Combine all ingredients except 

the olive oil in a large bowl 

and mix thoroughly by hand. 

3. Drizzle the olive oil onto two 

large baking dishes (9”x12”), 

evenly coating the surfaces. 

4. Roll the mixture into fi rm, 

golf-ball-size meatballs. 

5. Place the balls in the dish such 

that they’re lined up evenly in 

rows and are touching each of 

their four neighbors in a grid. 

6. Roast until fi rm and cooked 

through, about 20 minutes. 

balls. In the fl avor department, 

an early experiment with a 

salmon ball was removed from 

the menu, but not without pleas 

from its few passionate sup - 

porters. And it’s possible that 

not every customer will love the 

Shop’s philosophy on texture. 

“If your grandmother cooked 

dense meatballs, you’re proba - 

bly prone to enjoying a dense 

meatball,” Chernow says. “Here 

we embrace a more supple ball.” 

“I want to put up a sign,” 

Holzman chimes in. “BE GENTLE: 

OUR BALLS ARE TENDER.” 

Perhaps good advice for the 

most surprising segment of the 

restaurant’s clientele: women. 

“I never expected to see groups 

of six girls waiting an hour to 

chow down on melted-cheesecovered 

balls,” Holzman says. 

“And then following it up with 

a massive ice cream sandwich,” 

Chernow adds. “My theory is, a 

woman hears about us and calls 

fi ve of her friends like, ‘We gotta 

go to this place!’ A dude just 

thinks, Maybe I’ll get drunk and 

go there one night. I very rarely 

see a crew of guys come in here at 

eight for dinner. They come 

between midnight and 4 A.M. and 

barely speak—just, ‘Mumble, 

mumble, meatball, mumble.’ ” 

The pair’s next step in feeding 

the hungry masses? Another 

foray into seafood. After an 

animated debate on the merits 

of a particular recipe for monk - 

fi sh balls, Holzman pauses 

and shrugs. “Life is all about the 

next meatball,” he says. 

they’re 

tender 

and 

delicious! 

may the Sauce be with you 

Yield: 16 cups (8-10 servings) 

2 large yellow onions, 

small dice (about 

4 cups) 

2 lbs. pork shoulder, 

ground 

4 Tbs. olive oil 

4 tsp. chili fl akes 

4 tsp. salt 

4 Tbs. tomato paste 

4 28 oz. canned 

tomatoes, chopped 

(preferably San 

Marzano) 

Meatball Shop chef Daniel Holzman, 

left, and GM Michael Chernow love 

talking about their balls. 

1. Cook onions and pork with the 

olive oil, chili, and salt over 

medium heat in a large pot (six 

quarts), stirring constantly till 

meat is thoroughly cooked and 

onions are soft and beginning 

to brown, about 15 minutes. 

2. Add the tomato paste and con - 

tinue cooking for fi ve minutes. 

3. Add the canned tomatoes 

and stir constantly until the 

sauce begins to boil. 

4. Continue cooking for 35 min - 

utes, stirring every four or fi ve 

so the sauce doesn’t burn. 

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sex 

BY LAURA LEU 

Give Thanks 

for Sex 

REAL GIRLS REVEAL WHAT THEY’RE 

MOST GRATEFUL FOR…IN BED. 

Sure, it was 

hot, but, still, 

it was no way 

to turn up to 

Mom’s 60th 

birthday party. 

PHOTOGRAPHS BY RONY SHRAM 

In true Thanksgiving tradition, 

unbutton your pants. Because 

you won’t be needing them 

after you read about all the dirty, 

fl irty, nasty, and naughty things 

women are most thankful for this year. 

While others have been planning a 

turkey supper, we’ve been planning a sexy 

feast, gathering dozens of real women at 

our table to tell us what they love most 

about getting down to business with you. 

Sure, it’s not polite Thanksgiving dinner 

conversation, but it beats listening to 

Grandpa rant about the price of milk. 

The best part is, we’re going to tell you 

how to take everything these appreciative 

ladies say and put it to good use in bed. 

You can thank us later. 

Lay Dates 

On this time-honored American holiday, 

many women are raising a glass 

to the sexy traditions they’ve started in 

the sack. For example, each week 31year-old 

Trish* and her fi ancé celebrate 

“Screwsday,” in which they try a new 


sex 

sex move every Tuesday. “We started doing it 

because we were in a rut and wanted to bone 

outside our comfort zone,” she says. “We’ve 

discovered things we didn’t think we’d like, 

such as adding restraints. Of course, there are 

also totally awkward things I learned that I 

don’t enjoy—like seeing him in a priest frock 

for role play. But overall I really look forward 

to our weekly experiment.” 

Rachel, 26, and her boyfriend like to ob - 

serve real holidays with kinky customs. On 

Bastille Day she dressed up like a French maid 

and made l’amour while spouting dirty French 

phrases. On Columbus Day they borrowed 

his father’s sailboat and did it at sea. “When 

you turn holidays into sexy occasions, you 

want to celebrate all of them—even the silly 

ones,” she says. “My friends never understand 

why I get so excited for Arbor Day.” 

Show your gratitude: Create a sexy ritual 

with your lady that forces you to switch up 

your sexual routine. (Yes, Threesome Thurs - 

days would be great, but try to make it 

about just the two of you.) If you work near 

each other, how about a designated day 

for lunchtime quickies? Is she artsy-fartsy? 

Suggest a regular body-painting session. 

Whatever you do, don’t do it too often or for 

too long—the last thing she wants is a 

sexual tradition that feels as surprising and 

arousing as laundry night. 

electric dreams 

While there’s no substitute for a man, several 

women expressed gratitude for the technological 

advancements that fi ll in when no 

guy is around. “I couldn’t live without 

my vibrators,” says 32-year-old Melissa, who 

bought her fi rst vibe 10 years ago and has 

since amassed a collection of eight. “They all 

have varied speed settings, and one has a 

couple of fun add-ons for extra stimulation. 

I defi nitely like to use them with guys, 

too—the combined eff ect brings my orgasms 

to a whole new level.” 

Other gals pay homage to the technology 

not in their nightstand drawer but online. 

“Skype has saved my relationship by 

allowing me to have long-distance sex with 

my boyfriend, who’s working in London for a 

year,” says Annie, 27. “It’s not only a million 

times cheaper than long-distance phone sex; 

it’s hotter because there’s a visual. The fi rst 

time we did it, I was able to give him a real 

striptease instead of lying there in my pj’s 

pretending to be naked.” 

Show your gratitude: Surprise her with a 

gizmo that will amplify your talents with a 

supersexy buzz. (Jimmyjane sells a range 

of models, from a simple $16 bullet to a $35 

vibrating ring to the double-headed Form 2, 

$135, which won an award at this year’s 

AVNs.) If you’re feeling extra bold, ask her to 

use it while you watch on Skype. As you’re 


probably aware, you don’t need to be 

long-distance to watch a lady pleasure 

herself online. 

The best Parts 

Not surprisingly, many women boiled 

down their love of sex to a love of 

self—specifi cally, their lovely 

lady lumps. After all, what’s not 

to like? “My boobs are super 

sensitive, so I love having them 

fondled and sucked,” says 

29-year-old Julia of her natural C 

cups. “When my boyfriend 

squeezes my nipples while he’s 

going down on me, I’m in total 

ecstasy.” Meanwhile, Megan, a 

31-year-old Pilates devotee, loves 

the fi rm yet round behind her 

exercise routine has created. “I’m 

always dying for a guy to grab my 

ass during sex,” she says. “Smack 

it, spank it—enjoy it. That’s why 

I’m in the gym fi ve days a week!” 

When it comes to the male 

anatomy, women are ever 

grateful for your equipment (“I 

could play with my boyfriend’s 

dick all day,” says Tami, 20). But 

there are even more utilitarian 

muscles that turn us on, too. “I 

love my guy’s arms,” says 25-yearold 

Krista. “Not because I’m into 

beefy dudes but because he’s so 

strong. My favorite thing is when 

he picks me up while we’re doing 

it and then stands up.” And for 

Ellie, 23, there’s nothing better 

than when her boyfriend gives 

her the fi nger. “His digits can 

bend to touch super-sensitive 

areas like my G-spot,” she says. 

“It makes me feel like he’s really 

exploring my body.” 

Knees and 

elbows too 

sexy to show. 

THANKS BUT 

NO THANKS 

THESE ITEMS MAKE 

OUR LIST OF 

SEXUAL TURKEYS. 

Fundies 

Just think of the 

three-legged races 

you could have 

in these smushy 

panties-for-two. 

Oral Sex Light 

Bluetooth headset 

meets reading lamp 

in this totally unnecessary 

sex “toy.” 

Ironically, can’t help 

you fi nd your dignity 

once it’s on. 

Blowup Sheep 

If you’re into animals, 

go for it. 

But wouldn’t 

the real thing be 

better than the 

silence of this lamb? 

Al Gore’s Sex 

Scandal 

Charges against him 

were dropped, but 

we’re still scarred 

for life by the idea 

of Gore exposing 

his south pole and 

telling a massage 

therapist, 

“Take care of this.” 

Show your gratitude: It’s all about the 

F-word—that is, foreplay. Devote one night 

a week to a diff erent part of your girlfriend’s 

body and ask her to do the same for you. 

(There must be something other than your 

member that craves her attention.) Linger 

there for 20 to 30 minutes, taking periodic 

detours to other sensitive bits so that no area 

goes untouched. When you both can’t take 

it anymore, move on to the other F-word. 

Fully Poseable 

Many women we spoke with were thankful 

not just for our bodies but for everything 

they can do—like the reverse pile driver! But 

even the most devoted yogis in the group 

confessed that sometimes classic sex posi - 

tions are the most erotic. “Missionary is 

the best,” says Janelle, 22. “It lets my clit and 

my vagina get the most simultaneous 

action—which is pretty much the only way 

I can orgasm during sex. Plus, it kind of 

takes me back to losing my virginity.” 

Still others traveled back even farther in 

time when asked about their favorite sexual 

escapades. “My boyfriend and I have make- 

out-only nights where we just roll around 

and rub against each other, 

never taking off our undies,” 

says Mary, 33. “I don’t know 

what position you’d call it—dry 

humping?—but it’s totally 

reminiscent of junior high and 

gets us supercharged for the 

next time, when we actually go 

‘all the way.’ ” 

But by far the sex act that received 

the most praise was oral. 

“I’m hugely thankful for any 

man who loves going down,” 

says 25-year-old Collette. “Nothing 

makes me feel sexier or 

come faster. I also love 69-ing— 

turns me into a porn star.” 

Show your gratitude: Pick up a 

translated Kama Sutra (see: The 

Pocket Idiot’s Guide to the Kama 

Sutra)—the ancient Sanskrit 

screed that everyone thinks is 

about crazy pretzel-twisty versions 

of exotic and alien sex 

acts. While the guide does contain 

some wacky suggestions, 

it mostly focuses on maximizing 

the mind-blowing potential 

of positions you already know 

(missionary, woman on top). 

Bypass the spiritual hooey and 

take away the key info: where 

to put your bodies so you both 

get the most explosive O’s. 

Then settle in for a long holiday 

nap; this stuff is even better 

than tryptophan.

When you both orgasm during sex, it’s not just an orgasm. It’s a Wegasm . 

Our condoms, lubes and massagers help in the “getting you there” department — 

whether that’s slowing him down or speeding her up. The Durex ® line of 

products lets you take pleasure to a whole new level. A Wegasm means 

better sex for your partner. Better sex for you. Better sex together. 

Cop Co yri yr ght gh ght gh ght ght© © ©S © ©SSL S SL Ame Am Ame Am Ame Am ric ri ric r as, as as, as as, In Inc. In c. 201 20 201 01 010 

Learn more at facebook.com/durexUSA

WITH A NEW ALBUM 

AND A NEW 

FOUR-LETTER TATTOO, 

THE SCORCHING AVRIL LAVIGNE 

CONTINUES 

TO ROCK OUR 

WORLD. 

BY RUTH HILTON 

PHOTOGRAPHS BY 

DON FLOOD


SAY THE THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM, 

AND HERE’S THE PROOF: 

AVRIL LAVIGNE’S THIRD MAXIM COVER IS OFFICIALLY HER HOTTEST SHOOT 

YET. THE 26-YEAR-OLD SONGBIRD IS ALL GROWN UP AND FULLY IN TOUCH WITH 

HER SEXY SIDE AS HER NEW SINGLE HITS THE AIRWAVES. THOUGH THE PAST 

YEAR HAS BROUGHT MANY CHANGES IN HER LIFE, INCLUDING A DIVORCE , AVRIL 

IS MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER. THE ONLY TRACE OF HER ONCE-TRADEMARK 

EXPLETIVE-LADEN TIRADES IS THE NEW “FUCK” TATTOO ON HER RIB CAGE. ARE 

YOU TOUGH ENOUGH TO HANG WITH POP PUNK’S REIGNING PRINCESS? 

This is your third Maxim 

shoot…and we have to say, 

they just keep getting sexier! 

I’m older and more comfortable 

with my femininity. The fi rst 

time I was about 19 and was 

very nervous. I was more of a 

tomboy, I guess. I’ve always 

had a great time shooting with 

Maxim. I feel like it gives me 

my freedom. It’s an edgy magazine, 

so it’s cool. 

What makes a woman sexy? 

Attitude and confi dence. 

So, a new single and a new 

album to follow… 

I have offi cially just wrapped 

the album. I’ve been working 

on it for about two and a half 

years. I’ve lived a lot, gone 

through a lot, and put a lot into 

my songwriting. These songs 

are very meaningful to me. 

A lot of your songs have 

been about boys. Is that still 

the case on this album? 

This album is the fi rst that is 

not boy-bashing. [laughs] Is it 

inspired by my personal relationships? 

Yes. Inspired by life 

experiences? Yes. Inspired by 

experiences in situations with 

my family and friends? Yes. 

What do you think of the new 

stars who have emerged since 

your last record, like Katy 

Perry, Lady Gaga, and Ke$ha? 

It’s an interesting period in 

music right now, very ’8os and 

beat-driven. A lot of girls are 

really into their image and costumes 

and going over the top. I 

really like Ke$ha. Her songs are 

fun to party to, and her lyrics 

are hilarious. 

There have been some notable 

meltdowns of former teen 

stars. How have you managed 

to avoid those? 

I got here on my own. I came 

from a small town and grew 

up in a regular home. I know 

what I’ve worked hard for. I’ve 

seen a lot of people who have 

gone a little crazy and who 

are really into the Hollywood 

scene. I don’t really like to 

hang out with people like that. 

Are you able to play in 

private? 

Well, there are a lot of paparazzi 

in L.A. The only time 

I really ever get photographed 

is if I decide to go out with 

my friends to a bar or club, so 

then it kind of looks like I do 

that more than I do. The majority 

of the time I stay in. 

Do you laugh or get irritated 

when you see stories about 

yourself in the tabloids? 

You can only laugh at it and 

roll your eyes because it’s like, 

“Really?” They usually just pull 

that stuff out of their ass, but 

I think people know that. 

Do you even care what people 

think of you anymore? 

I care, but you can’t please 

everyone. I’m here to create my 

music and give it to the world. 

Is there anything you think 

people would be surprised to 

know about you? 

Yeah—I’m really shy and quiet. 

You have some new tattoos 

since our last shoot. Tell us 

about them. 

[points to forearm] This is 

ABBEY DAWN—that’s my nickname 

and clothing line. I have 

a lightning bolt, a music note, 

and a star. [pulls top up to 

show hip] Oh, I had a little star 

here last time, but now I have 

a big star. I have about 15 altogether, 

but they’re all small. 

You also have a FUCK tattoo on 

one side of your rib cage. 

I got that one two months 

ago…no, six. 

What dating advice would you 

give Maxim readers? 

I like a classy man, a gentleman 

who opens the door and 

gives fl owers and always puts 

the lady fi rst. I’m a little oldfashioned 

like that. 

STYLING, JESSICA PASTER; HAIR AND MAKEUP, GABRIEL PANDURO FOR I.C.O.N.; MANICURE BY KIMMIE KYEES FOR MINX/CELESTINE AGENCY; SET DESIGN, DAVID ROSS. THANKS TO SIREN STUDIOS.

Avril’s technique for 

dealing with peeping Toms 

works like a charm. 

Gasoline Glamour gloves, 

suspenders with leggings courtesy of 

Undrest, Tom Binns necklace, 

Van Cleef bracelet,Corcoran boots 

courtesy of Hollywood Trading 

Company (opening spread) Vintage 

top courtesy of Hollywood Trading 

Company, Forever 21 boy shorts, 

Tom Binns necklace, Gasoline 

Glamour ring, Van Cleef bracelet, 

So Ruff So Tuff earrings courtesy 

of Diavolina, Rock & Republic shoes.

“I’VE ALWAYS 

HAD A 

GOOD TIME WITH MAXIM. 

IT GIVES ME 

MY FREEDOM.” 

Faster dress courtesy of 

Diavolina, Gasoline Glamour 

shoes,Tom Binns necklace.

Will 

Arnett 

HOLLYWOOD’S BIGGEST BOOB IS BACK IN PRIME TIME ON FOX’S 

First off— 

RUNNING WILDE. THANK GOB! 

Hey, listen. How is working at Maxim? 

BY PATRICK CARONE • PHOTOGRAPH BY SPENCER HEYFRON 

Is it just, like, a bikini contest all day? 

Oh, yeah, bikini contests and 

dwarves with trays of drugs. 

So everybody is drunk and high all the 

time? Good for you guys! 

Congrats on the birth of your 

second son. Do you like being a dad? 

Yes. I mean, I haven’t actually met 

the children yet. I’m not really a baby 

guy. I said, “Bring them around when Aw, that’s nice. 

What drives you to play pricks? Are you raising your boys to be 

they’re fi ve or six.” 

Yeah. Well, it’s not true. 

There’s nothing less interesting comedy supermen? 

than a nice guy. Sure, he might be Oh, yeah. My two-year-old, Archie, 

What’s your favorite dad activity? What’s the biggest difference great to marry and have kids with, is really into Bill Hicks. [laughs] I’m 

All bits aside, I enjoy it all. It sounds so between your Running Wilde but in terms of entertainment value, actually sick of celebrities who say, 

fucking boring, but I can be changing character, Steve Wilde, and the who gives a shit? I enjoy playing “I’m really just a comedy nerd.” Give 

the worst diaper and be thinking, This great Gob Bluth from Arrested char acters who are damaged and me a fucking break. You’re not making 

is great. And if I had, like, 20-year- Development? 

kind of, well, assholes. 

yourself sound more “of the people.” 

old me around, he’d be like, “Dude, Steve is a rich playboy who is 

this is not great. You’re wiping seemingly all about himself, but on a Is it fun being a celebrity couple When you’re fi lming Parks and 

somebody else’s crap off their ass.” personal level he’s a really generous with Amy Poehler? 

Recreation, are you deferential to 

guy. Gob, on the other hand, was an Yeah, it’s the best. I love being able to your wife since she’s the star? 

Why is Running Wilde the new show incredibly selfi sh person. He had this wake up in the morning and look No, no. When I’m on Parks and Rec, 

everyone should watch? 

sense of being wronged on a very across the pillow and be looking at I’m the one who’s got it going on. I’m 

There are a lot of TV shows and fundamental level at an early age, and a celebrity. 

the swinging dick on that set. 

movies these days, I’ve found, that he was always looking to give a “fuck 

explore the mundane. And guess you” back to the world. 

Would Amy say likewise? 

What’s the most important thing 

what? Turns out the mundane is 

She would say that when she looks you’ve learned about women? 

boring! Who woulda thunk? Running 

over the pillow, she does not see Oh, I’ve got to be careful here. 

Wilde gets back to that thing that 

a celebrity. 

Women have a tough time…No, you 

really captured people’s imagina- 

know what? Let me put it this way: 

tions, that Dynasty/Dallas 

Are you guys the funniest couple— Women are fantastic. Fantastically 

shallow-but-fun world. 

Of all time? Yes. 

illogical creatures. 

You’ve got a great cast. 

Well, Keri Russell is a handful. No, 

we’re lucky. The day we fooled her into 

doing our show was a great day for 

us. David Cross is on the show as well, 

and I’m also on his IFC show, The 

Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd 

Margaret. We made a pact that we 

would never stop working together. 


Where would you place Arrested 

Development in the pantheon of 

shows that were canceled too 

soon? Somewhere between Star 

Trek and Freaks and Geeks? 

I wouldn’t dare to attest that we were 

canceled too soon. We got what the 

world dealt us. And who knows? If we 

got another season, maybe our 

legacy would have been different. 

You must have strange run-ins with 

Arrested Development fans. 

What’s weird is when people pop 

into your personal space. Of course, 

that comes with the territory. I’m 

happy that anybody liked the show, 

but…I remember this one time I 

was in a restaurant, and this guy 

jumped in front of me and did a 

coin trick, really abruptly. I was like, 

Am I being mugged? 

OK, time to ask: Will there be an 

Arrested Development movie? 

The Arrested movie is gonna 

happen. Mitch Hurwitz said he was 

halfway done with the script. He’s 

juggling a lot of things right now, like 

making Running Wilde, but once he 

fi nishes it we’re off to the races. 

You even beat out Danny DeVito and 

Rhea Perlman? 

Are you kidding? Of course! No, I 

guarantee you Danny and Rhea are 

far funnier than we are. 

You and Amy collaborate quite 

often. You must enjoy it. 

Well, we’ve collaborated on two kids 

so far, and it’s been great. Our two 

joints have been very productive. 

“I HAVEN’T 

ACTUALLY MET 

MY CHILDREN 

YET. NOT REALLY 

A BABY GUY.” 

You used to do lots of serious roles. 

Would you ever do another? 

Well, we all remember Jonah Hex, 

right? Don’t we? We don’t? Yeah, 

I would do another. Honestly, I don’t 

have a plan. Some other man would 

have a plan, but I’m just winging it. 

Is there a dramatic movie you’ve 

done that you are proud of and think 

people should Netfl ix? 

No. 

Finally, what do you wish you could 

tell your 18-year-old self? 

Quit drinking fi ve years earlier. And 

hit the gym, for God’s sake! 

GROOMING, KEVIN WOON/JED ROOT

HEAT AT CELTICS 

October 26, 7:30 P.M., TNT 

This is the fi rst time you’ll 

see the big three: LeBron, 

Dwyane Wade, and Chris 

Bosh. Anyone who thinks 

the Celtics are going to 

hand over their crown to 

Miami doesn’t know much 

about basketball. We’re 

going to start to see how 

things play out here. 


After a seismic shift rocked the roundball world this summer, 

a South Beach superteam has a target on its back. 

Get ready for bigger games, badder blood, and the most 

gripping season in basketball history! 

HEAT AT LAKERS 

December 25, 5 P.M., ABC 

Kobe’s the man, and, 

man, it ain’t easy. If 

winning championships 

were easy, everybody 

would do it. The Lakers 

are the best team in the 

NBA, but Miami’s gonna 

want to send them a 

message that they’re the 

new kids on the block. 

BARKLEY 

ON THE BIG 

GAMES* 

NUGGETS AT THUNDER 

December 25, 8 P.M., ESPN 

Everyone thinks this game 

is about Carmelo Anthony 

versus Kevin Durant, but 

really it’s for the entire 

country to see Oklahoma 

City. They’re the next big 

thing. They’re all, like, 21 

and will be tough to beat 

for the next 10 years. Get 

to know them now. 

> “The regular season?” says Charles Barkley. “Most of it’s monotonous. 

There are really only six teams that have a shot at winning the NBA 

championship: Boston, Miami, and Orlando in the East, and the Lakers, Utah, 

and Oklahoma City in the West. There’s nobody else with a chance of 

surpassing them in either conference. The marquee games between those 

teams (fi ve of them are listed below) are the ones to watch, where 

everybody’s trying to send a message in advance of the playoffs. And all 

those other teams? Well, they’re just playing for fun.” 

MAGIC AT CELTICS 

January 17, 8 P.M., TNT 

This one’s all about 

getting the upper hand on 

your competition in prep - 

a ration for the playoffs. 

Both teams should have 

stellar records, but each 

team will be trying to fi g - 

ure out how good they are 

and if they need to make 

a trade to win the East. 

THUNDER AT LAKERS 

January 17, 10:30 P.M., TNT 

A great playoff matchup 

from last year. Go back 

and look at the series—the 

Thunder were the Lakers’ 

toughest matchup before 

the Celtics. The Lakers 

won 4–2, but each game 

they won went down to 

the last couple minutes. 

Should be a real battle. 

*(and one to avoid) 

HEAT AT CAVS 

December 2, 8 P.M. 

People will be intrigued by 

LeBron’s return to Cleve - 

land, but I’m not looking 

forward to it. It’s going to 

be bitter and emotional, 

and could be dangerous 

fo r the players. I don’t 

do that trash. I respect 

the game too much.

DWIGHT 

HOWARD 

CENTER 

ORLANDO MAGIC 

● THE LEAGUE’S BEST 

BIG MAN HAS A SCORE 

TO SETTLE WITH 

MIAMI. AND HIS 

COACH’S MUSTACHE. 

Miami’s been stealing 

all the hype, but Orlan - 

do may well be the team 

to beat in the East. 

Feeling overlooked? 

Well, people have been 

sleeping on Orlando 

forever. That’s nothing 

new to us. 

How are you feeling 

going into the season? 

It’s gonna be a different 

NBA—should be a lot of 

fun. The Bulls have 

gotten better, and, of 

course, the Heat have, 

too. I think it’s a great 

new beginning for us all. 

I spent time in China and 

India this summer and 

saw some life-changing 

stuff. Mentally, I feel a 

lot stronger. 

You’re a big bowler. 

Who’s better, you or 

Chris Paul? 

I used to bowl every 

EPIC MATCHUP 

BEST SONG ON THE SPACE JAM 

SOUNDTRACK (1996) 

2 

R. Kelly “I Believe I Can Fly” 

Vs 

Quad City DJs 

“Space Jam” 

Winner: “Space Jam” ” 

This galactic groove still till 

sets off rockets in our pants. 

Number of games the 

Raptors and Nets will 

play in London March 

4–5. They’ll be the fi rst 

regular-season contests 

ever held in Europe. 

other day, and my 

highest score is a 274. 274. 

The one time I played ed 

Chris, though, I had d to 

use his ball, so he won. 

I want a rematch! 

Your coach, Stan Van 

Gundy, has a killer r 

’stache. Have your r 

teammates ever 

considered growing ng 

similar ones for a 

playoff run? 

No way. We have 

considered trying to 

get Stan to cut his facial 

hair off, but he just t 

wants to look like Paul 

Bearer from the WWE. 

It’s been reported d that 

the Magic have a “no no 

farting” rule during ng 

practice because of 

you. Have you ever r 

crop-dusted the fl floor oor 

during a game? 

Well, you know, I may 

have farted a couple ple 

of times while going g up 

to dunk a ball. 

Is that how you get t 

your edge? 

Yes, but it only works rks 

for 20 seconds. 

THE NBA’S WILDEST FANS 

Any jacko can scalp a seat in South Beach, but to sit 

in Milwaukee’s 100-fan-strongSquad 6,a noisy supersection 

of rowdy hoopheads, you’ll need to be handpicked 

by Bucks center Andrew Bogut. Season 2 of Squad 

6 will continue with more Miller Lite–fueled chants and 

nasty noisemakers. Sadly, the NBA has just outlawed 

vuvuzelas, a Squad 6 fave. “I take that personally,” says 

Bogut, “but we’ll stay one step ahead of the law, maybe 

with some trumpets, tambourines, and triangles.” 

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RON 

ARTEST 

FORWARD 

L.A. LAKERS 

● THEY CALL HIM 

CRAZY BECAUSE, 

WELL…HE IS. 

NOT THAT IT’S A 

BAD THING. 

In June you hit the shot 

that clinched a title, 

then thanked your 

shrink on national TV. 

What could be better? 

Winning it again. I’m 

looking forward to the 

challenge of threepeating! 

It’s a hard 

thing to do. 

VH1’s been following 

you for a series. What 

are we going to see? 

It’s about family. 

Everything starts in the 

family, and it goes to 

other things—seeing 

how I interact with the 

fans and how I record 

music. Player, busi - 

nessman, and family 

man. Figuring out 

how you balance it. 

If you came in and 

edited Maxim, who 

would you put on 

the cover? 

I would have to put Shin 

Shin [a Chinese pop 


singer] on the cover. er. 

And I would want to o do 

a story on Celine 

Dion, ’cause I love Celine 

Dion’s voice. 

Have you ever met t her? 

I would love to meet t 

Celine. I need to meet eet 

Celine Dion. I’ve been en 

trying to meet her for 

three years. Every y time 

I try to meet her, they hey 

always send me a phone 

number that somebody ebody 

on Mars answers. 

I’m tired of speaking ng 

to people on Mars. 

So what’s shaved in 

your head right now? w? 

Oh, nothing’s shaved ed 

in my head right now. w. 

I’d get the Maxim logo go 

shaved in my head. 

OK. When can we do 

that? Opening night? ht? 

Whenever you’re ready. eady. 

You just gotta fl y my y 

barber in from Orlando. ando. 

Done. We’re big fans ns 

of your Twitter feed, ed, 

where you drop 

random updates like, ke, 

“I’m taking a naked d 

pringle to the beach.” ch.” 

Just wondering what hat 

that one means. 

I don’t know. It’s just st a 

potato chip. It’s funny. nny. 

It is. 

I just like to have fun. n. 

CLEVELAND SURVIVAL GUIDE 

Things to do in C-town besides watching the Cavs. 

Become a 

Brewmaster. 

Use the money 

you spent on 

game-day suds 

to create your 

own beer at the 

Brew Kettle 

Taproom. You 

pick the recipe, 

they brew it, you 

bottle it. At 

least the beer 

you’re crying 

into is your own. 

$115, thebrew 

kettle.com 

Get Gnarly. 

Work out your 

anti-traitor 

aggression at 

the best indoor 

mountain-bike 

park in the 

States. Ray’s 

MTB, located in 

an old industrial 

factory, boasts 

more jumps 

than ever this 

season, and 

it’s open all 

winter long. 

raysmtb.com 

Cut a Record. 

For all the time 

you spent 

watching 

LeBron, you 

could’ve been 

becoming 

the next Black 

Keys. Take a 

tour of this 

record plant, 

then lay down 

your “Suck It, 

South Beach” 

single. 

gottagroove 

records.com 

EPIC MATCHUP 

BEST FACIAL HAIR 

LLeBron’s 

Abe Lincoln beard 

Vs 

MJ’s Hitler ‘stache 

Winner: LeBron 

The King made a dick move, but 

clearly he’s no dictator. 

800,000 

Number of rural villages in China that 

will get government-built basketball 

courts in the next few years. 

How to: 

Be an All-Star 

Benchwarmer 

Ride the pine with pride! 

Undrafted NCAA star 

Mark Titus tells you how. 

1 

Look the part 

Take your wardrobe over 

the top by wearing every 

piece of warmup gear you 

can. The standard look also 

includes facial hair, thanks 

to benchwarming poster 

boy Adam Morrison. 

2 

Become a fan favorite 

Pair your look with an 

eccentric personality. Any 

will do the trick, but my 

favorite is the Celtics’ Brian 

Scalabrine, who fully 

embraces his role as the 

human victory cigar. 

3 

Act like you’re having 

the time of your life 

Make fans jealous that they 

can’t be sitting on the 

bench with you. Wave a 

towel after routine plays. Go 

crazy on dunks. See: entire 

Cavs bench (LeBron era). 

4 

Disguise your apathy 

When you’re on a bad team 

and still don’t play, it’s hard 

to care about every game. 

But take a page from Eddy 

Curry’s playbook and cover 

your mouth so your coach 

can’t tell you’re laughing. 

5 

Seek out the 

superstar 

This is critical, because it’ll 

get you on TV. Be like Josh 

Powell, who spent the past 

few years giving Kobe a 

bro-hug before every tipoff. 

Whatever it takes! 

Follow Mark Titus at 

clubtrillion.com.

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DURANT 

FORWARD-GUARD 

OKLAHOMA CITY 

THUNDER 

● THE FUTURE OF 

THE NBA (AND THE 

STEERING WHEEL 

OF ONE BADASS VAN) 

ARE IN HIS HANDS. 

You’ve had a wild 

summer leading the 

U.S. national team, and 

playing all over the 

world. What’s been the 

highlight so far? 

Going to China and 

climb ing the Great 

Wall! I got a workout 

I’ll never forget. 

You led the league in 

scoring last year and 

just signed a huge 

contract. You’re a big 

deal. Why are you still 

driving a conversion 

van to work? 

That’s my everyday car. 

It’s cool, know what I 

mean? I drive a lot. All 

last summer I drove 

2010 Nba PREVIEW KEVIN 

LOCKER 

ROOM 

SECRETS! 

Top players sound 

off on the league’s 

sweatiest players 

and sweetest 

talkers. 

Player most 

likely to become 

governor 

Player who 

drives the 

lamest car 

Sweatiest 

player 

Worst 

off-court style 

in the league 

Player most 

likely to date a 

Maxim model 


from Oklahoma to Texas 

to go to school. I took 

the van. It’s got a bed in 

the back, a TV, and 

everything. I like to 

sleep back there! What 

more do you need? 

During All-Star 

weekend you won the 

H.O.R.S.E. competition 

and were awarded 

what was universally 

panned as the ugliest 

trophy of all time. How 

would you redesign it? 

I’d make it a big glass 

centaur. Half horse, 

half my torso. 

You’re always standing 

up for the skinny guys. 

Who’s in your skinny 

guy hall of fame? 

Well, Snoop Dogg is 

undoubtably number 

one. And Travis Barker 

is defi nitely in there; 

he’s a great drummer. 

KEVIN DURANT 

(F-G, OKC) 

Derek Fisher 

Travis Outlaw. “He 

drives an old green 

Impala. It’s...wow.” 

Nick Collison 

Luke Ridnour 

Jerryd Bayless 

Snoop, Travis Barker, ker, 

and uh…hmm. I’m gonna 

have to get back to you 

on that. 

What’s your pregame ame 

ritual? 

Before every game e I 

gotta dunk, reverse, e, 

and dunk left handed. ed. I 

tie my shoes on the table 

every game. And I gotta 

dance. And I gotta pray. 

What’s the dance? ? 

It’s called the Dougie. ie. 

Besides playing 

basketball, what’s s the 

best thing you can do 

with a 7’4” wingspan? an? 

When I’m at the mall ll and 

they have four rows ws 

of shirts stacked, I can 

reach the top row, no 

problem. Even if I don’t on’t 

need the shirt, girls s 

notice me. Gotta put ut on 

a little show for them, em, 

you know? 

CARON BUTLER 

(F, DAL) 

Derek Fisher 

“No idea.” 

Nick Collison n 

Etan Thomas. 

“Not the worst. It’s 

just…different.” 

Brandon Jennings 

DWIGHT HOWARD 

(C, ORL) 

J. J. Redick 

“Well, as a rook 

I drove a pickup for 

a while.” 

Adonal Foyle 

Vince Carter. 

“He wears big 

Shaq jeans.” 

Dwyane 

Wade 

Andrew Bogut 

(C, MIL) 

Etan Thomas. “He’s 

one of the most 

politically minded.” 

Brandon 

Jennings 

John Brockman. 

“He’s a 

walking puddle.” 

Kurt Thomas 

Brandon Jennings 

395 

Number of Cleveland 

households that watched 

LeBron’s “The Decision” 

special live, barely 

overtaking the record 

Antiques Roadshow 

episode starring Drew 

Carey’s gumball machine. 

thousand 

EPIC MATCHUP 

BEST CINEMATIC 

ANIMAL BALLER 

Air Bud 

Vs 

Teen Wolf 

Winner: Teen Wolf 

…until we see Air Bud 

shotgun a few beers with 

his fangs, Scotty-style.

OFFICIAL PROTEIN 

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Mourning the loss of Lost? 

The end of 24? The blindingly gorgeous Taylor Cole will get 

you over it, and fast. This Texas rose is now the breakout babe 

from The Event, a conspiracy-fi lled mindbender eating up 

DVR space all across this great land of ours. In the show she 

plays Vicky Roberts, who fl ips from a bikini-clad damsel in 

distress to a double-agent femme fatale. But don’t be fooled. 

There’s more to this gorgeous girl than meets the eye. 

How did you get your 

start in acting? 

I played volleyball in high 

school until I tore my 

ACL senior year. Then 

I started modeling, did 

rehab on my knee, auditioned 

for Summerland, 

and moved to L.A. I’ve 

been here six years now. 

Do you miss Texas? 

I really love Texas. I don’t 

get back there much, 

but the people are great. 

There’s no b.s., no hidden 

agendas. 

Your costars on 

Summerland were Ryan 

Kwanten of True Blood, 

Zac Efron, and Kellan 

Lutz. That show sure 

launched lots of careers. 


Yeah, a lot of big names 

came out of Summerland. 

And Ryan and I 

dated for three and 

a half years. He’s the 

sweetest. 

Is it tough seeing your 

ex get randy on TV? 

We were still dating 

when he got the show. 

If you can’t draw the line 

between the character 

and the person, then you 

probably shouldn’t date 

an actor. 

Tell us about your Event 

character, Vicky. 

Nice girls aren’t always 

what they seem. She 

has a totally different 

side to her that will 

be revealed. She could 

be perceived as bad, 

but to her, she’s just 

doing her job and doing 

what needs to be done. 

I don’t think anybody 

bad thinks they’re bad. 

She’s very complex 

and has a lot of tricks up 

her sleeve. It’s fun to 

play a character with so 

many different sides. 

What “event” in your 

life would you not want 

them to make a show 

out of? 

If I did have one, I 

wouldn’t tell. But we 

can all learn from our 

mistakes. I usually do. 

There is a lot of action 

on The Event. Any crazy 

moments from the set? 

The back tire on my Jeep 

went missing recently, 

and I was convinced 

somebody was playing 

a joke on me. But I realized 

we were shooting 

in a sketchy neighborhood, 

so it was probably 

stolen. I wouldn’t put 

it past anybody to play a 

practical joke. 

Did we see you in the 

Green Hornet trailer? 

It’s a quick part, but it 

was really fun working 

with Seth Rogen, and the 

director let us do whatever 

we wanted with the 

scene. I can’t wait to 

see how it turns out. 

What is your guiltiest 

pleasure? 

I’m a big eater, so I 

appreciate a good meal. 

Sushi is my favorite. 

What do you look for 

in a guy? 

Confi dence, but not 

false confi dence, because 

that’s not attractive. 

Someone who’s 

motivated and makes me 

“Wanna skinny dip?” 

she asked. We got 

excited until she passed 

the low-fat mayo. 

laugh. If they just happen 

to be good-looking, 

I won’t complain. 

What turns you off? 

Jealousy for no reason 

is my biggest turnoff. 

If I’m with a guy in a 

relationship, I want him 

to feel like he’s king of 

the world. I don’t want to 

play games. I want him to 

know how special he is. 

What part of your body 

are you most proud of? 

My legs take up about 

70 percent of my body, 

and they look great in 

stilettos. 

Are you a big partyer? 

I did the nightlife thing 

for six years. Lately 

staying in with friends is 

more what I like to do. 

Finally, are you single? 

I’m excited to be single 

now, but I tend to jump 

from relationship to 

relationship. I fall in love 

easily. My goal is to be 

single for at least a year. 

We’ll see how that goes. 

STYLING, NEIL RODGERS/TRACEY MATTINGLY; HAIR, ROBERT RAMOS USING RAMOS 

VOLUMIZER/CELESTINE AGENCY; MAKEUP, VANESSA SCALI/TRACEY MATTINGLY

James Perse shirt, Calvin Klein 

lingerie. (opposite) Michael Stars 

tank, Malia Mills bikini bottom.

TO GET COMPLIMENTARY 

PHOTOS ON YOUR MOBILE 

PHONE, TEXT MAXIM TO 50501. 

STANDARD MESSAGING AND 

DATA RATES APPLY. 

Joe’s Jeans tank. 

(opposite) Malia Mills bikini 

top, Frankie B. shorts.

Happiest day 

ever for our 

garden gnome

1 2 3 4 

Jackass’ Jackassiest Moments 1) In the stunt that started it all, Johnny Knoxville tests self-defense equipment: “Tase me, bro!” 2) Steve-O gets hooked on his role as shark bait. 3) 

Dave England enjoys a shit sandwich (Kidding! That’s just plain old shit.) 4) Bam Margera throws a haymaker at his long-suffering (and superhumanly tolerant) dad, Phil. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE (cocreator, cast member, writer): Hello, my name is 

Johnny Knoxville, and this is the oral history of Jackass. As opposed 

to an anal history—which would be much longer. 

Aspiring actor and writer PJ Clapp moved to Los Angeles from Tennessee after 

graduating high school in the late ’80s. After a decade of struggle, Clapp, nicknamed 

Johnny Knoxville, was married and the father of a young daughter. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I was making my living doing commercials 

for things like ESPN, Mountain Dew, and Bud Light. I was a complete 

whore because I had a young baby and I needed to make money. 

I had an idea for an article where I would test diff erent types of selfdefense 

equipment on myself. A few magazines wanted the story, 

but nobody wanted the liability. Everyone was fi ne with the pepper 

spray and the stun gun and the Taser gun. Where it got shady was 

where I was testing a bulletproof vest—with a .38. The only magazine 

that would do it was Big Brother. 

TONY HAWK (über-skater, guest star): Big Brother was the 

rawest and funniest magazine out there, beyond just 

skateboarding. The articles were dense with sarcasm, 

shock, and vulgarities. Skaters ate it up. 

JEFF TREMAINE (cocreator, director, Jackass; editor, Big 

Brother): One of our fi rst articles was a guide called “How 

to Kill Yourself.” We had a tiny little staff . Slowly we were 

collecting people who “got it.” They might not have 

had the most talent, but they defi nitely had the larger 

personalities. Chris Pontius came through that. And 

I hired “Wee Man” because he worked at the local skate 

shop and would just come by all the time. He was very 

unmotivated and a terrible employee. 

CHRIS PONTIUS (cast member, writer ): In the eighth or 

ninth issue, I was interviewed in Big Brother, and it was 

pretty wild. I was nude, and I think I wasn’t even 18, so 

that was naughty. It was obvious I should write for the 

magazine. It took in the misfi ts of the skateboard world. 

STEVE-O (cast member, writer): I made it my mission to 

track those guys down. My attitude was: Nobody needed 

to like me. They just needed to put me in the magazine. 

SPIKE JONZE (cocreator, producer, writer, guest star): In 

the late ’80s and early ’90s, no one cared about skateboarders. 

There was no Internet, no other way to communicate, 

so everyone just made their own videos, and 

that’s how skateboarding communicated with itself. 

JEFF TREMAINE: Our fi rst video was called Shit. Wee Man 

was on the cover, painted blue, with orange-dyed hair. 

Shit was pretty well received, so we decided to make the 

second video, called Number Two, and that’s when we met 

Knoxville. He was not a skateboarder, so he had to be 

even more outrageous to survive. 


Rogues’ 

Gallery 

MEET THE MEN WHO 

MADE MILLIONS…BY 

POOPING ON EACH 

OTHER. 

JOHNNY 

KNOXVILLE 

“Fearless Leader, 

Bull Rider” 

39, Knoxville, TN 

“I love bulls, 

because they’re so 

cooperative and 

predictable. They 

are just going 

to try to stomp the 

fuck out of you.” 

JASON “WEE MAN” 

ACUÑA 

“Kicks-Himself-inthe-Head 

Dude” 

37, Torrance, CA 

“When I was a little 

kid, I realized 

I could do it. I don’t 

know how it came 

about; I just tried it 

and was like, 

‘Wow, that does 

work.’ ” 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Jeff persuaded me to fi lm the self-defense piece. 

I wasn’t an aspiring video guy. The article was my evil attempt at 

imitating my hero, Hunter S. Thompson. 

JEFF TREMAINE: The guys we had been working with, none of them 

could really talk to the camera. But Knoxville came back with this 

footage, and he’s just walking you through, step by step, and you 

can’t stop watching. Starting with the pepper spray, to the stun gun, 

and then the Taser gun, and then the bulletproof vest. It was like a 

snuff video. The cameraman didn’t even want to be there. 

GIDEON YAGO (former MTV News correspondent): I remember seeing 

that video for the fi rst time in 1999 wasted at a friend’s party, which 

is the way all skate videos are meant to be screened. I think Brian 

Graden found it the same way. 

BRIAN GRADEN (former president of entertainment, MTV 

Networks): Johnny was so obviously a TV star, even in that 

small clip. I thought, Who is this guy? 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: We had all these ideas of what a TV 

show might be. I would be kind of the host, like The Daily 

Show, and we would have all the guys come on and do 

stunts. Spike fi nally said, “You guys already have the 

show. The Big Brother videos—that’s the show.” 

SPIKE JONZE: At the start, when we didn’t know what it 

was, it could be anything. We thought, “We’ll have 22 minutes 

on TV every week to do whatever we want. We can 

do anything. Let’s not underestimate what ‘anything’ is.” 

Meanwhile, in West Chester, Pennsylvania, pro skateboarder 

Bam Margera was fi lming his family and friends. The videos 

were distributed under the CKY (Camp Kill Yourself) moniker 

and, like the Big Brother videos, became cult sensations. 

BAM MARGERA (cast member, writer): We’d go to some park 

or building to skate ledges or Ollie off the stairs. I wasn’t 

too liked by the police, but I didn’t really have anything 

to lose. My aunt gave me an ’89 Buick Regal, so whenever 

anybody said, “Dude, you’re gonna get sued one day 

doing this,” I’d say, “Yeah, what are they gonna sue me 

for? My Buick Regal that my aunt gave me? I don’t care.” 

RYAN DUNN (cast member, writer): The guys out in L.A. 

took notice of us. They were wondering who these little 

jerks were in West Chester doing this ridiculous stuff . 

BAM MARGERA: I remember when Jeff fi rst called me. 

He fl ew me out to L.A., and I played CKY2K for him and 

Johnny. They just loved it. They were like, “You’d be 

perfect for Jackass.” 

Tremaine, Jonze, and Knoxville shopped the Jackass demo 

footage to various networks. Saturday Night Live off ered

1 2 3 4 

1) To add insult to injury, Bam’s not getting just any old brand on his ass—he’s getting a cock and balls branded on his ass. 2) Chris “Party Boy” Pontius shakes his brand-free assets 

for a Jackass groupie. 3) The crew dons panda costumes for a rampage through Tokyo. 4) “Gee, doctor, I have no idea how that Matchbox car got up there,” says Ryan Dunn. 

Knoxville a recurring segment, but the crew decided to go with MTV, which 

promised to give them more creative control. 

VAN TOFFLER (president of MTV Networks): We just knew there were a 

bunch of knuckleheads out there who had a very high tolerance for 

stupidity and pain. 

BRIAN GRADEN: We got pitched a stunt show every other week, but 

when I saw their video, it was clear they were taking such a joy from 

it. It wasn’t a TV exercise; it was what these guys were doing anyway 

for their own amusement. You couldn’t fake that, and if we could 

just preserve it, we had a show. 

JASON “WEE MAN” ACUÑA (cast member, writer): Personally, I didn’t 

think it would transfer into mainstream society. I thought this stuff 

was only funny in the skateboard community. 

DAVE ENGLAND (cast member, writer): I was a total naysayer. I said, “I’ll 

go ahead and work on it with you guys and get it together,” but I 

thought MTV would put it on, like, Monday night at 3 A.M. once, and 

that would be that. “No one’s gonna wanna see this crap.” 

STEVE-O: Jeff told me to put together all the video 

footage I had and send it in. A little while later, he told 

me not a single clip cleared MTV. We weren’t allowed 

to play with fi re, and I was always on fi re. We weren’t 

allowed to jump off stuff higher than a certain height, 

and I was always on fi re and jumping off stuff from 

too high. So my fi rst thought was, What kind of pussyass 

show is this? 

SPIKE JONZE: We weren’t doing anything with permits. 

We were doing it the way we had done our skate videos, 

just, you know, a camera, an idea, and a group of friends. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: In one of the earliest pranks, I was 

dressed in an orange jumpsuit with L.A. COUNTY JAIL 

written on it. I had a pair of cuff s on, and I went into 

a hardware store. My face was all dirty, and I was out 

of breath, and I ran back to the saws and the axes and 

asked anyone if they would help me. 

JEFF TREMAINE: He freaked out the employees, and they 

called the police. Spike and I go out and fi lm Knoxville 

walking out, and as soon as he does, all these cops roll 

up and park right in the middle of the street, draw their 

guns, and yell at him to get on the ground. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I didn’t explain immediately, 

because I thought, Well, this is footage. In the early days 

of Jackass, we would just go in anywhere and do pranks 

like that. Eventually we became smarter and would get a 

location agreement from a willing store owner fi rst. 

We’d tip him off and say, “We are coming in to do this 

prank, but you cannot tell your employees.” 

STEVE-O 

“Clown Ingester- 

Regurgitator” 

36, Miami, FL 

“Goldfi sh 

swallowing was 

the fi rst thing I 

ever fi lmed for the 

show. But I was 

certainly snorting 

shit way before 

Jackass.” 

BAM MARGERA 

“Dad Torturer” 

31, West 

Chester, PA 

“Ever since I was 

three, me and my 

dad [Phil] were 

always wrestling, 

but over the years 

I became faster 

and stronger and 

he became 

fatter and slower.” 

Jackass premiered on MTV in April 2000 and was a runaway hit. The stars 

went from unknown to extremely famous overnight. A few even became 

fantasy boyfriend material. 

SHANNA ZABLOW (producer): Girls think they’re cute. For me it’s like 

thinking your own brother’s cute. I think they’re adorable, but 

I don’t fi nd them attractive. There’s a sense of family between the 

guys. They all really love each other, and I think girls like that. 

JOHN WATERS (movie director, guest star, national treasure): I’m a big 

fan of Johnny’s, and I think if I ever were to have a “type,” it would be 

the Jackass boys. 

GIDEON YAGO: The second it got to a mass audience, it blew the fuck 

up. And I think, to MTV’s credit, the top execs knew enough to just 

get out of the way and let those guys do their thing. 

SPIKE JONZE: Within a couple of months, Knoxville was on the 

cover of Rolling Stone. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It was jarring, but it was a lot of fun. And I 

probably had a little too much fun. I defi nitely didn’t handle it as 

well as I could have. 

JEFF TREMAINE: Were some people handling success better 

than others? Yeah, defi nitely. Steve-O was all about 

fame. He wanted it so bad, whereas Pontius could give 

two shits. He didn’t change at all. And Bam was already 

kind of a little celebrity in his world. 

BRIAN GRADEN: Some of them were having a diff erent ride 

with the fame. Some actors might dream their whole life 

of being famous, and I think Johnny had ambitions of 

that nature, but I’m not sure all the other cast members 

went out and thought, I’ll do this stuff in my real life: 

I’ll fall off bridges and end up being famous. 

BAM MARGERA: Like a light switch, overnight I was the 

most popular kid in school. It was so fake to me 

that I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left. Everybody 

who wouldn’t even give me the time of day—now 

they want to be my best friend? 

Despite a warning that ran before every show, on January 26, 

2001, Connecticut teen Eric Lind accidentally set himself on fi re 

while trying to emulate Jackass behavior. Senator Joe Lieberman 

of Connecticut issued a statement denouncing MTV. Jackass, 

the improbable pop phenomenon, became a political football. 

JEFF TREMAINE: We would always watch something to 

see if it was too imitable. We still do that to this day. 

TONY HAWK: I think it pushed the limits of what’s appropriate 

for TV audiences. And because it was daring and 

edgy, it became conservative America’s call to arms. 


1 2 3 4 

More of Jackass’ Jackassiest Moments 1) Wee Man, John Waters, and some fat chick get ready for the world’s sexiest three-way. 2) Preston Lacy’s Eggcellent Adventure 

ended in heartbreak. And projectile vomiting. 3) Less-Than-Wee Man chases Wee Man through the streets of L.A. 4) Kicking oneself in the head: Do not try this at home. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: We were supposedly the cause of the crumbling 

of society. That always made us laugh, but when Lieberman got on 

his high horse, I think in an election year , I took that seriously. And 

MTV got very, very scared. 

VAN TOFFLER: We took tons of precautions on set. We had safety 

people there all the time. We never wanted anyone to get hurt. It’s 

really sad and unfortunate when stuff like that happens. 

I’ll leave it at that. 

PRESTON LACY (cast member, writer): It was a strange 

time. My picture was on 20/20. Me in my underwear. All 

my family saw it, so I wasn’t a big fan of that. 

The fi rst idea to be aff ected by the Lieberman-led backlash was 

the “Vomlet” sketch, in which Dave England consumes the ingredients 

for an omelet, then vomits them up into a hot skillet. 

DAVE ENGLAND: We turned it in to MTV, and they decided 

the puke fumes were airborne pathogens. I was pretty 

bummed, because we nailed it the fi rst time. The fi rst 

time I fed a bite to Steve-O, and he puked all over my leg. 

MTV’s insistence was to have everyone except me wear a 

Hazmat suit. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Now you have to heat the omelet to 

this degree, and you have to be in Hazmat suits. At fi rst 

we were like, “What? Fuck that. We’re not gonna get in 

Hazmat suits.” It just sucked the funny right out of it. 

SPIKE JONZE: MTV got scared, so they pulled back on 

promoting the show, and it sort of took the steam out of 

it for us. It wasn’t worth it. 

VAN TOFFLER: We were symbolic of authority. They didn’t 

like us drawing lines, which ultimately led to the demise 

of the show and their going as far as they could. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I felt that we couldn’t do a watereddown 

version of the show, so I quit. In hindsight I don’t 

know how smart a move that was, because who did I 

think I was? I hadn’t had any action for 10 years in Hollywood, 

and suddenly we have a hit show and I quit? 

BRIAN GRADEN: I can’t speak to what their emotional 

ride was. I can only say from the MTV side, it was a gold 

asset. We didn’t need to promote the thing, because no 

matter where you put it, it got a giant rating. But they 

didn’t want to do it anymore. We pulled out every tool 

we had to encourage them to keep doing it. Even a giant 

amount of money didn’t motivate them to do it. 

VAN TOFFLER: We’d launched MTV Films, and I was in 

search of a sketch movie. Then it hit a bunch of us: “Well, 

we have the franchise, and it’s called Jackass.” 


CHRIS PONTIUS 

”Party Boy” 

36, Pasadena, CA 

“The whole nudity 

thing was 

something I was 

always into, ever 

since I was a little 

boy. I realized that 

no matter what 

you do, if you do it 

naked it’s a lot 

funnier.” 

RYAN DUNN 

“The Stunt-Savior” 

33, West 

Chester, PA 

“We really just got 

lucky, you know, 

with the group, 

’cause it all 

formed—all the 

ingredients made a 

good soup. We’re 

like the Wu-Tang 

Clan.” 

EHREN McGHEHEY 

“Mr. Danger” 

33, Portland, OR 

“It’s an alter ego I 

created when I was 

young. I owned a 

neck brace, arm 

sling, leg brace, 

crutches, and 

ankle brace, and 

then put on that 

jumpsuit:’Danger 

Ehren.’ ” 

SPIKE JONZE: Then everybody got excited again: It could be rated R! 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It was like someone took the chains off . Now we 

could do all the things we couldn’t do on TV. 

JOHN WATERS: Johnny broke his penis, you know. And I thought, 

How’d you break your penis? God, I’ve never heard of that! 

Jackass: The Movie debuted at number one on October 25, 

2002, grossing nearly $23 million its fi rst weekend. The New 

York Times has since called it “probably the most successful 

plotless movie in American fi lm history.” In 2003 MTV aired 

Jackass spin-off s with Steve-O and Pontius (Wild Boyz) and 

Margera (Viva La Bam). Next was a sequel, Number Two. It 

opened at number one in September 2006, and while it packs the 

laughs from the start, they save the best for the climax: “Terror 

Taxi,” in which “Danger Ehren” McGhehey, dressed as an Arab 

suicide bomber, hails a cab, not knowing the driver (actor Jay 

Chandrasekhar) is in on the joke—or that his own beard is made 

of pubes. Jay pulls him out at gunpoint and locks him in the trunk . 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Yeah, when we do pranks, we always 

try to play it as real as possible, because usually what 

we’re doing is a little over the top. Jay played it wonderfully, 

and Ehren just bought it hook, line, and sinker. 

JEFF TREMAINE: The original idea was, like, “All right, 

how can we get someone to eat his own pubic hair?” 

and I think it was Preston then who said, “Well, what if 

we make a beard out of it? What if we did a bit where 

we convinced Ehren that we’re gonna dress him up as a 

terrorist and glue this pubic hair all over his face?” 

“DANGER EHREN” MCGHEHEY (cast member, writer): If I 

can make the world laugh by putting pubes on my face, 

fuck it. Pube away. 

On February 23, 2008, MTV welcomed the Jackass crew back to 

television for “Jackassworld.com: 24 Hour Takeover,” to promote 

the crew’s new Web site. Steve-O, whose substance abuse had 

gotten out of control, was kicked out of MTV’s studios. 

BAM MARGERA: Steve-O was pretty much 24/7 out of his 

mind. He’d wake up to nitrous balloons, then drink a 

vodka and grapefruit juice, snort a line of special K and 

then a line of coke, and then smoke PCP with weed in it. 

Seriously, anything you can think of, he would do. He 

was on this path of pure destruction. 

JEFF TREMAINE: Steve-O was spinning off his rails. We 

were starting to lose him to drugs. Alcohol and drugs. 

STEVE-O: I felt like the process of using all this opportunity 

that came with notoriety was immediately causing 

me to hurt people I loved.

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SHANNA ZABLOW: It was a blurry line, because part of Jackass is partying. 

We like to go out and get wasted and have a good time. And that 

line got blurry with Steve-O. It was part of his persona, and what he 

got paid to do is be that crazy wasted guy. But he crossed the line, 

and it wasn’t fun anymore. It got really dark and scary. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: He was honestly getting pretty close to death. 

We would have to sit him down and say, “You’ve got to cool it.” We 

had to have a talk with him for putting a hit out on one of the guys 

who works at Jackassworld. I was like, “Steve-O, you’ve got to quit 

putting hits out. Please stop that.” Steve-O wouldn’t hurt a fl y, but 

he was off his nutter then. Most of the time that fell on deaf ears, 

until the last time, when we took him to the psych ward. 

JEFF TREMAINE: We went over and didn’t negotiate with him at all. I 

didn’t think it was going to work, but we had to at least get him to 

the hospital. I never fully believed he’d want to get sober. His heroes 

were all crash-and-burn, like Mötley Crüe. He worshiped them when 

they were at their worst and disrespected them for getting sober. 

STEVE-O: Everyone involved in Jackass has had to put up with me being 

a real burden, a super-annoying guy, and it’s a blessing for me to 

be able to work with everybody and not be that guy anymore. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I’m completely blown away by how 

well he’s doing now—so honestly proud of him and 

how healthy he is and how he’s helping other people get 

sober. He’s a strong motherfucker. 

BAM MARGERA: It’s actually funny, because he totally 

does the whole 12-step thing, and one of them is 

apologizing for all the shit-talking you’ve been doing. 

He came up on the set and went, “Hey, bro, if I ever 

talked any shit about you, if you feel bad about it, you 

can totally kick me in the nuts or punch me in the face, 

’cause I totally deserve it.” I broke his nose. So I guess 

that handles that. All is forgiven. 

As with the Jaws franchise before it, the third Jackass fi lm 

would be in 3D. This was in 2008, i.e., a pre-Avatar universe. 

RYAN DUNN: When Tremaine called me and said he was 

thinking about doing another movie and told me he was 

doing it in 3D, I was apprehensive. I was wary of the idea, 

just picturing the old red-and-blue glasses and stuff . But 

once I started seeing the footage, I was blown away. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It’s like giving chimpanzees a bunch 

of expensive equipment. 

SPIKE JONZE: The funny stuff was that much funnier. The 

gross stuff was that much grosser. 

BAM MARGERA: It’s the fi rst time anybody has put a movie 

out that’s 3D that isn’t, like, Avatar or Clash of the Titans. 


1 2 3 4 

1) Johnny Knoxville and Spike Jonze go undercover on the Boca Raton swingers circuit. 2) What’s scarier than a terrorist on the loose? Ehren McGhehey’s pube beard. 3) Knoxville, 

back on the senior swingers scene, this time with a never-tougher-looking Henry Rollins in tow. 4) Bam takes one for the team as Tony Hawk tries to keep from barfi ng. 

PRESTON LACY 

“Fat Guy/S&M 

Dude” 

41, Carthage, MO 

“I did a thing back 

in the series where 

these two 

dominatrices beat 

me up with paddles 

and whips. My 

safe word was 

‘Oklahoma.’ ” 

DAVE ENGLAND 

“Shit Master” 

40, Ventura, CA 

“Shit is an integral 

part of Jackass. 

I can shit on 

command. I don’t 

know why other 

people can’t.” 

Instead, you’re going to see my dick sneaking up on Chris Pontius 

while he’s sleeping, and then all of a sudden you’ll see a yellow 

piss stream coming out of the screen, and you’ll realize it’s my dick 

pissing on Pontius. 

SHANNA ZABLOW: There’s one bit in the new movie called “The 

Sweatsuit Cocktail.” Preston walks on a StairMaster and starts to 

sweat. He’s wearing one of those outfi ts athletes wear to build up 

sweat. Then Steve-O takes the sweat and drinks it and throws up. 

Puking still gets me every time. Poo I’ve gotten used to, especially 

after all these years. 

JEFF TREMAINE: It’s not hard to imagine us going on. Other than the 

fact that I’ve got to keep the guys alive. 

DAVE ENGLAND: Obviously injuries catch up to us, but as far as our 

creativity and our spirit, they’re strong. I’m not just saying that 

because I want you to go to the movie. I want you to go there and 

get 3D shit on your face. 

VAN TOFFLER: Jackass is so much more than a succession of stunts. 

You couldn’t explain the female appeal of Jackass if it were. It is about 

a bunch of guys getting off on each other . 

RYAN DUNN: Yeah, you can consider us a gang. We don’t 

have jackets or anything, but we’ll be family forever. 

CHRIS PONTIUS: With everything we’ve done, we’ve all 

said, “This is the last time,” and something always happens. 

We get bored and want something adventurous. 

But I honestly don’t think we’ll do Jackass when we’re 50. 

JASON “WEE MAN” ACUÑA: I think we’ll be like the Rolling 

Stones, doing it until we’re in our 60s. 

BAM MARGERA: If you’re on the set, you’re gonna get 

messed with, whether you’re cast or crew. I feel so 

unsafe. Full-blown paranoia. If you’re tired, you can’t 

even sleep, because you’ll defi nitely get stun-gunned or 

peed on. I’m sure I’ll be in a wheelchair by the time I’m 

40, if I even make it there. 

JOHN WATERS: You know, when I retire I want to go to the 

Jackass nursing home. That’s where I want to retire. 

JEFF TREMAINE: Do I see myself doing it at 70? No, not 

at all. But that’s not to say I won’t be. We never thought 

we’d be doing it this long. 

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I got in the best shape I’ve ever been 

in my life for this movie. I blew my back out over the 

years and it was really giving me problems, so I was exercising 

to get my back better. It’s like wrapping a present 

for Christmas. You wrap it real nice and neat, and then 

Christmas morning you just tear the hell out of it.

PICTURED MERCEDES-BENZ SLS AMG E-CELL 

AS UNSEEN IN DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY 

SPEC CHECK ARRIVAL: LATE 2012 • PRICE: $250,000 (EST.) • ENGINE: 4 AC SYNCHRONOUS MOTORS 

HORSEPOWER: 526 • TORQUE: 649 LB.-FT. • 0–60 MPH: 4.0 SECONDS (EST.) • TOP SPEED: 155 MPH 

Heads up, hard-ofhearinggrandparents! 

We’re giving you a 

warning: A silent killer is 

coming. Better start 

heading inside. The E-Cell is 

an all-electric version of 

the mighty SLS AMG, the 

snout-nosed throwback 

of a supercar that just 

started tearing up the 

tarmac. That car’s 

ingenious chassis design 

will allow the speed geeks 

at Mercedes to swap in an 

electric power train 

without changing the 

all-aluminum body—and 

most important, it’ll leave 

those badass gull-wing 

doors intact. Four electric 

motors—two on each of the 

axles—will work in tandem 

with a pack of liquid-cooled 

high-voltage batteries 

positioned directly behind 

the driver to instan taneously 

provide a sledgehammer-like 

649 lb.-ft. of 

torque. And since it’s 

electric, there’s no clutch 

or gears. Transmission? 

Where we’re going we 

don’t need transmissions!

EACH WHEEL 

HAS ITS OWN 

ELECTRIC 

MOTOR.


A ONE-PIECE 

SHELL CREATES 

A RIGID PLATFORM 

FOR HIGH-SPEED 

HIGHWAY 

JUMPS. 

PICTURED McLAREN MP4 -12C • AS UNSEEN IN THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS 

SPEC CHECK ARRIVAL: SPRING 2011 • PRICE: $230,000 (EST.) 

ENGINE: 3.8-LITER V-8 • HORSEPOWER: 600 • TORQUE: 443 LB.-FT. • 0–60 MPH: 3.4 SECONDS • TOP SPEED: 200 MPH 

McLaren Automotive hasn’t released its 

own pro duction car since the mighty 241 

mph F1 in 1998 (some still call it the best supercar 

the world has ever seen). So what the hell have 

those blokes been doing in the meantime? Building 

title-winning Formula One cars, that’s all. Breathe 

easy, moneybags: Next year McLaren’s getting 

back in the game by launching the MP4-12C, 

this trim street-fi ghting machine. Nearly all its 

components reap the benefi ts of the McLaren 

racing program: The body is a super-strong, 

weight-saving carbon-composite “MonoCell.” 

Its homegrown 3.8-liter, twin-turbocharged V-8 

is paired with a predictive Formula One–inspired 

dual-clutch gearbox. Its brakes even help steer 

out of turns. One completely awesome option box 

you should totally check: tiny “hero cameras” 

that are permanently mounted on the front and 

rear of the car and above the driver’s right 

shoulder, so you can record your wickedest laps, 

or a particularly great order at the Wendy’s 

drive-through window. 

CONTINUED ON PAGE 123 ≥≥

© 2010 EA Fragrances Co. Curve is a trademark of LCI and is used under license. Photo: Willy Camden 

Available at fi ne department stores.

“We lie and make you 

think we’re actually 

into you, when really 

we just want you to 

buy us a drink!” 

Lindsey 

Murrieta, CA 

Fuego: 20% 

Phoenix: 25% 

Vixin: 55% 

Danielle 

Chicago, IL 

Fuego: 32% 

Phoenix: 16% 

Vixin: 52% 

“I’m a professional 

model and actress. I 

spend half my life in 

my underwear.” 

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WHOSE CURVES ARE RIGHT FOR YOU? 

“I totally live in the 

moment and people 

tell me that I’m 

insane everyday.” 

Melanie 

New York, NY 

Fuego: 56% 

Phoenix: 17% 

Vixin: 27% 

Amanda 

Louisville, KY 

Fuego: 22% 

Phoenix: 54% 

Vixin: 24% 

“I may be from 

a small town, but 

I can hang with 

the big guys!” 

“I’m a fl irt! I have 

lots of energy! And 

I live in the party 

capital of the 

world!” 

Lisa 

Miami, FL 

Fuego: 67% 

Phoenix: 7% 

Vixin: 26% 

go to maxim.com/hottiescurve and take the quiz to see 

which hottie is a perfect match for you and enter-to-win 

a date with a 2010 Hometown Hotties fi nalist.

“I live in tank tops 

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take the quiz to fi nd out which Hotties Finalists is best for you. 

Kaitlynn 

Portsmouth, NH 

Fuego: 17% 

Phoenix: 55% 

Vixin: 28% 

“I can cook anything. All 

good women know the 

way to a man’s heart is 

through his stomach.” 

Kassandra 


Fuego: 45% 

Phoenix: 35% 

Vixin: 20% 

Ashley Ann 

Nashville, TN 

Fuego: 41% 

Phoenix: 48% 

Vixin: 11% 

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© 2010 EA FRAGRANCES, CO. Curve is a trademark of LCI and is used under license. 

MEET 

CAROLINA 

DEL FUEGO 

“I’m a great Pivot! 

...female version of 

a ‘Wing-Man.’ Every 

guy needs one.” 

MC 

Houston, TX 

Fuego: 54% 

Phoenix: 30% 

Vixin: 16% 

MEET 

KIMBERLY 

PHOENIX 

MEET 

IMA 

VIXIN 

Meredith 

West Harwich, MA 

Fuego: 19% 

Phoenix: 68% 

Vixin: 13% 

“I can see cows 

from my sorority 

house.”

PICTURED LOTUS ELITE • AS UNSEEN IN TRON 

SPEC CHECK ARRIVAL: APRIL 2014 • PRICE: TBD • ENGINE: 5.0-LITER V-8 • HORSEPOWER: 542 

TORQUE: TBD • 0–60 MPH: 3.5 SECONDS • TOP SPEED: TBD 

This slippery sportster is 

the coolest car built by 

British manufacturer Lotus 

since the Esprit S1 piloted by 

James Bond in The Spy Who 

Loved Me. Sure, the Elite won’t 

turn into a submarine like Bond’s 

Esprit, but its performance on 

dry land—a romp to 60 mph in 

just over three seconds with a 

couple of Bond girls in the 

backseat—should be enough 

for us, thanks. The car is part of 

an onslaught of sexy new rides 

to come from the limeys at Lotus 

in an effort to bring the brand 

back into the top tier with 

builders like Ferrari, Lambor- 

ghini, and Aston Martin (Bond’s 

main modern-day ride). This 

hot hybrid ’s tricks might do just 

that. Two electric motors can 

propel the car by themselves 

or work in tandem with its twinturbocharged 

V-8 engine to 

provide a push-button boost of 

power. Looks like Lotus is back. 

Best get outta the way. ≥≥ 

ELECTRIC POWER 

IS RECAPTURED 

DURING BRAKING 

AND DECELERATION. 


PICTURED PORSCHE 918 SPYDER • AS UNSEEN IN THE BLUES BROTHERS 

SPEC CHECK ARRIVAL: TBD • PRICE: $625,000 (EST.) • ENGINE: 3.4-LITER V-8 WITH THREE ELECTRIC MOTORS 

HORSEPOWER: 718 • TORQUE: N/A • 0–60 MPH: 3.0 SECONDS (EST.) • TOP SPEED: 198 MPH (EST.) 


If the term “hybrid car” evokes 

thoughts of the fun-killing Toyota 

Prius, prepare for your little mind to 

melt. With its next elite supercar, 

Porsche will fl ip the script on the H-word 

by combining a V-8 gas engine with 

three electric motors. The purpose? 

Just. Go. Faster. (Oh, yeah, and, uh, save 

the Earth. Heh.) The stunning speedster’s 

3.4-liter V-8 engine will put out 

a whopping 500 horsepower and work 

in tandem with three battery-powered 

electric motors to call up an additional 

218 ponies anytime you click a wheel- 

mounted “E-Boost” button, Speed 

Racer–style. You’ll also be able to shut 

the gas engine off and drive on pure 

battery power, allowing for one long, 

silent 16-mile cruise. You’ll hear 

everything they’re saying about you. ≥≥ 

REAR 

HOODS RAM 

AIR INTO THE 

ENGINE.

Any car can offer a hands-free calling device. 

Only the Fiesta offers voice-activated SYNC. ® 

With SYNC, you can use your voice to do a 

whole lot more than just make calls. After all, 

it’s one of the most advanced communications 

systems you can fi nd in a car.* All at a price that 

will leave you, well, speechless. 

IT’S A PRETTY BIG DEAL. 

* Class is Compact Cars vs. 2010 competitors. Optional feature. Driving while distracted can result in loss of vehicle control. 

Only use mobile phones and other devices, even with voice commands, when it is safe to do so. 

INTRODUCING THE NEW FIESTA 

fordvehicles.com

PICTURED 

LAMBORGHINI 

SESTO ELEMENTO 

AS UNSEEN IN 

THE CANNONBALL RUN 

SPEC CHECK 

ARRIVAL: UNDETERMINED • PRICE: N/A 

ENGINE: 5.2-LITER V-10 

HORSEPOWER: 570 • TORQUE: 398 LB.-FT. 

0–60 MPH: 2.5 SECONDS (EST.) 

TOP SPEED: TBD 

Translated from the Italian, 

Lambo’s latest concept is named 

for the “sixth element,” carbon, because 

its monocoque shell (stop giggling) and 

a majority of the car’s parts—brake discs, 

exhaust system, even its suspension— 

are made from carbon composites. The 

ultralight, ultra-sturdy material is used 

for better handling, quicker acceleration, 

and, uh,making the Sesto Elemento look 

just appropriately ex treme enough 

to be the brand’s next halo car. Although 

Lambo hasn’t announced plans to 

produce this exact model, we’d make a 

bet that both its carbon-fi ber fetish 

and its Darth Maul-does-origami design 

language make it to the Bull’s next-gen 

supercar. We think that’s Awesomum. 


TWO FUEL TANKS 

MAKE FOR FASTER 

FILL-UPS.

Perfection 

has a darker side. 

An extraordinary blend of Patrón tequila and the pure, 

natural essence of the finest coffee. 

simply perfect. 

simplyperfect.com 

The perfect way to enjoy Patrón is responsibly. © 2010 The Patrón Spirits Company, Las Vegas, NV. 35% Alc./Vol.

Adnan Shukrijumah 

Bin Laden’s new fuckhead-in-chief 

of terror attacks took over for the 

9/11 mastermind and is believed 

to be responsible for a failed 

New York City attack in 2009. He 

reports directly to bin Laden. 

Threat level: Adnan knows the ins 

and outs of America, having been 

raised in a Miami suburb for 15 

years. Does anything good ever 

happen in Florida? Ever? 


The Serial-Killer 

Truckers 

The FBI says that more than 500 

unsolved murders of prostitutes, 

hitchhikers, and stranded motorists 

along U.S. highways can be linked to 

psycho long-haul truckers who pick 

up victims on the interstate. 

Threat level: You’re probably 

safe unless you happen to be 

turning tricks at a truck stop, in 

which case you should probably 

get back to work! 

Nazario Moreno 

González, a.k.a. El Más 

Loco (the Craziest) 

This Mexican drug lord is known for 

“corpse messaging”: leaving dead 

bodies in the streets with warnings 

attached and rolling severed heads 

into rival areas. 

Threat level: Even other 

murderous Mexicans call him El 

Más Loco. If you’re south of the 

border, keep your head down 

(especially if one rolls past you). 

General Butt Naked 

Joshua Milton Blahyi, the former 

Liberian warlord, fought in the nude 

and devoured the hearts of slain 

children before battle while leading 

his troops to slaughter 20,000 

during a bloody civil war. 

Threat level: Now an evangelical 

preacher, General Naked has 

renounced his ultraviolent past, 

though we’d recommend scrubbing 

his church’s pews with a Wet-Nap 

before sitting down. 

Mark Zuckerberg 

Despite rescinding Facebook’s 

scary antiprivacy push, the 

baby-faced CEO hasn’t stopped 

thinking about how to peddle your 

personal info to advertisers. 

Threat level: With 500 million 

users and counting, you can bet on 

more annoying people from your 

past “friending” you, then posting 

updates about their toddler’s 

potty-training progress three 

times a day. 

Kim Jong Il 

The nutty North Korean supreme 

leader has nukes to spare. On the 

other hand, he wears a jumpsuit and 

Elvis shades and keeps a stable of 

sexpots called the Pleasure Brigade. 

Threat level: With the world’s 

fourth largest army, this 

daffy despot is no joke, despite 

insisting that “a double rainbow 

appeared over the mountain” after 

he was born.

By Chris Wilson Icons by Quickhoney 

Christopher 

“Dudus” Coke 

This awesomely named alleged 

Jamaican drug lord—whose “Shower 

Posse” gang has waged deadly street 

battles with Jamaican soldiers—was 

arrested in New York dressed in drag. 

Threat level: Not high unless you’re 

the top tranny in whatever jail 

he’s heading to: Coke’s girly getup is 

impressively reminiscent of Martin 

Lawrence as Sheneneh. 

James Arthur Ray 

Oprah-approved self-help guru’s 

advocacy of extreme sweat lodges 

allegedly led to the deaths of three 

followers in an ovenlike teepee. 

Threat level: Now that he’s facing 

manslaughter charges, it’s unlikely 

Ray will be luring anyone into a 

150-degree hot pocket of doom, 

unless you count the Dutch oven 

he'll probably give his cellmate. 

Religion 

Penis Lazer 

Zydrunas Savickas 

The World’s Strongest Man 

titleholder has held 40 world 

records in various events 

and can most likely crush your 

head like a cantaloupe. 

Threat level: If you’ve ever been 

sucked into watching World’s 

Strongest Man contests on 

ESPN2, you understand the 

strangely hypnotic power of 

boulder-lifting competitions. 

A. Q. Khan 

Dateline NBC said this Pakistani 

nuke dealer could be the “most 

dangerous man in the world.” 

Impressive given that Dateline 

brought us the chat-room trolls of 

To Catch a Predator. 

Threat level: If a terrorist 

detonates a suitcase nuke, we may 

have Khan to thank. But 

at least he’s never been fi lmed 

bringing wine coolers to 

a 12-year-old girl’s house. 

THREAT KEY 

CRAZY CANNIBALISM 

VIOLENT NUKES 

OPRAH BAD HAIR 

CRAZY STRONG ANNOYING 

SEX 

DRUGS RELIGION 

Robert Gleason Jr. 

This convicted murderer of two 

people desperately wants to be 

executed. So much so that he told 

authorities at his Virginia prison 

that if they didn’t off him, he’d kill 

again. They ignored his plea; true 

to his word, Gleason strangled 

another inmate with a bedsheet. 

Threat level: If you’ve 

thought about stealing cable 

lately, let this be your 

“scared straight” moment. 

Brian Austin Green 

His marriage to Megan Fox 

suggests the 90210 alum is actually 

an all-powerful warlock who 

can shoot lasers out of his penis. 

Threat level: Besides wedding 

the world’s hottest woman, the 

Notorious B.A.G. lived with 

Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and 

knocked up Vanessa Marcil. Brian, 

for those about to touch your 

magic wand, we salute you. 

PENIS LASER 


“Hey, buddy, my 

tattoo is up here.” 

say hello to melissa satta, 

an italiana so sexy that she’s 

resistant to all known 

forms of clothing 

(except bikinis). 

by paolo giovanazzi 

photographs by nicola favaron

THE B. COMPANY 

If there is one thing 

Italy’s famous for the 

world over, it’s how 

good their plumbers 

are at stomping 

on turtles. Also? Pro - 

duc ing women so 

attractive that grown 

men are reduced to 

quivering heaps at 

the mere mention of 

them. Case in point: 

Melissa Satta, karate 

champion (ouch!), 

model (yay!), and gf 

of Italian soccer 

superstar Christian 

Vieri (ouch again!). 

You’ve been famous 

in Italy for years and 

fi nally made an 

American splash in 

this year’s Sports 

Illustrated Swimsuit 

Edition . Please tell 

us we’ll be seeing 

more of you in the 

U.S. of A. 

I am trying. I’m working 

as I do with my 

career in Italy. There 

are some things in 

dance, but I can’t 

speak about it—we 

have to wait until 

commitments are set. 

Is it annoying to be 

labeled a WAG? 

It’s a funny saying. If 

someone doesn’t like 

it, maybe it’s better 

they don’t get engaged 

to a footballer, 

don’t you think? 

What’s a big difference 

between life in 

Italy vs. America? 

Americans are very 

rigorous about work. 

Here we seldom 

reach those levels. 

Pics of you shopping 

have appeared on 

the Web, and you’re 

defi ned as a “shoe 

collector.” Is it true? 

Sure, I like shoes, but 

I’m not a maniac. 

Can you explain to 

us something of 

women’s mania for 

shoes that men fail 

to understand? 

There are things 

that cannot be 

explained. It’s like 

men’s passion for 

soccer. Also, it is not 

true that men don’t 

understand; many are 

equally passionate 

about shopping. 

Guilty as charged! 


ARRESTED 5/26/10 

SCARFACE IN STILETTOS 

ANGIE SANCLEMENTE WAS A COLOMBIAN BEAUTY QUEEN AND TV STAR WHO AUTHORITIES SAY BECAME 

A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND. BUT WAS SHE REALLY A FEMALE TONY MONTANA, WITH A TEAM OF MODELS 

MOVING TONS OF COCAINE FROM SOUTH AMERICA TO MEXICO AND BEYOND, OR JUST AN UNLUCKY 

BOMBSHELL CAUGHT IN A WEB OF DECEIT? INSIDE THE RISE AND FALL OF A PINUP GIRL. BY MARK EBNER

DRUG LORD OR PRETTY FACE? 

ANGIE MAINTAINS HER 

INNOCENCE: “I’VE NEVER STOLEN 

ANYTHING, NEVER ACTED 

WRONG IN ANY WAY.”

ON DECEMBER 13, 2009, MARIA NOEL LOPEZ 

IGLESIAS MADE HER WAY THROUGH EZEIZA INTER- 

NATIONAL AIRPORT IN BUENOS AIRES, BENEATH 

THE GAZE OF THE SOCCER STARS AND SUPER- 

MODELS THAT LOOM ON GIANT BILLBOARDS HANG- 

ING FROM A VAST STEEL-RIBBED VAULT ABOVE. 

IT WAS THE HEIGHT OF THE TRAVEL SEASON, AND 

MARIA WAS HEADED FOR MEXICO CITY AND THEN 

ON TO CANCÚN. BY ALL APPEARANCES THERE 

WAS NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL 

21-YEAR-OLD WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE 

TERMINAL. SHE’D PASSED THROUGH SECUR ITY 

WITHOUT INCIDENT, MADE IT THROUGH CUS- 

TOMS, AND NOW SAT AT GATE 7, WAITING TO 

BOARD FLIGHT 1692. WHAT COULD GO WRONG? 

The plan was simple, and in fact, she’d made a practice run just 10 

days before. Her boyfriend had given her a lift to the airport that morning, 

and a friend helped her with the two large suitcases wrapped in 

plastic (a common security measure taken by passengers after a scandal 

two years before revealed that operators allegedly stole everything 

from laptops to jewelry out of baggage before loading it onto outgoing 

fl ights). Besides, Maria had been assured that both here in Argentina 

and in Mexico, all the potential obstacles had been taken care of. 

In CancÚn she’d meet her Mexican contact at the airport, hand off 

the bags, and then head to a luxury hotel, where she could relax before 

dinner and a night of clubbing. In the morning it was back to Buenos 

Aires, several thousand dollars richer for a few days’ work. Easy money. 

Then came an announcement over the loudspeaker calling her to 

baggage claim. Maria could have just walked away, gone back home, 

and tried for the easy money another day. But she didn’t; instead, as 

directed, Maria Noel Lopez Iglesias reported to baggage claim, where 

she was ordered to open her luggage. Inside were 50 bricks of cocaine 

tightly wrapped in clingy green plastic, covered in a blanket and a 

beach towel. The total haul was worth upwards of $3 million on the 

street. After being taken into custody, Maria told authorities 

everything she knew and was released without charges being fi led. 

This routine drug bust, once the plot behind it began to unravel, 

revealed a tale that would capture the imaginations of the gossiphungry 

public throughout the world. It would take fi ve months 

before all the main players had been rounded up, but long before 

then the story of Angela Sanclemente Valencia, the “Narco Queen,” 

was splashed across newspapers from Argentina to Australia. 

MODEL-SLASH-ACTRESS-SLASH-DRUG LORD? 

According to authorities, Angie Sanclemente, a Colombian beauty 

queen and actress, was the ringleader behind an international 

drug-traffi cking ring that used models like Maria as drug mules. It’s 

a story that could have been penned by Quentin Tarantino, replete 

with characters dubbed the Monster, the Dwarf, the Nose, the Fat 

Man, and the Diamond. There was Maria, the naïve looker busted at 

the airport; her boyfriend, Ariel Letizia, a beefy, drug-addled modelwrangler 

and party boy charged with hiring the smugglers; his old 

acquaintance Nicolas Gualco, a lean male model and international 

striver whose uncle was allegedly the cocaine source; and fi nally, 

there was Angie, Nicolas’ fi ancée, a petite exotic beauty and the 

alleged mastermind of the whole operation. 

The basic outline was this: While working as a model and actress, 

Angie allegedly marries a drug-traffi cking kingpin known as the 

Monster and stays with him just long enough to learn the tricks of 


the trade. After leaving him, and in concert with her new boyfriend, 

she launches her own operation, using her fellow models as mules. 

She successfully runs several tons of product out of South America, 

through Mexico, and on to Europe and the United States, until one of 

her models gets busted and the whole thing falls apart. 

Angie’s technique was simplicity itself. Instead of having couriers 

swallow condoms full of coke or disguising it as Virgin Mary statuettes 

or frozen mango purée, she had professional beauties pack 100 

pounds of the stuff in their luggage and wear a skimpy dress through 

customs, where minimum-wage offi cials would fall all over themselves 

trying to expedite their clearance. It’s a great story—so great 

that it has already inspired a Spanish-language TV series. But 

Angie’s brazenness may have been her undoing. Even on the run 

with an international warrant from Interpol hanging over her head, 

the model-actress couldn’t resist the limelight, sending Facebook 

messages to the media and even granting interviews. Beautiful but 

reckless, Angie was like Tony Montana in stilettos. 

“She’s a big player in the South American drug trade,” according 

to a senior Argentine investigator, “and that’s worth hundreds of 

millions of dollars—perhaps billions.” 

But the truth is as twisted as the Colombian slums in which the 

“Narco Queen” was raised, a story of glamour and drugs, models and 

crime lords, where nothing is quite what it seems. 

OUT OF THE CAULDRON AND INTO THE FIRE 

Angela Sanclemente Valencia was born on May 25, 1979 in Bogotá, 

Colombia, and raised in Barran quilla, a city of 1.7 million on the 

Caribbean, famous as the birthplace of such bombshells as Sofi a 

Vergara and Shakira and where the North Coast drug cartel wreaked 

havoc in the ’90s. In a place where sex and crime blended seam - 

lessly and beauty was prized above all else, an ambitious girl blessed 

with exotic looks—a girl like Angie San clemente—could raise herself 

up and fi nd her way in the world. 

“Angie was always such a sweet girl,” says her mother, Jeanneth 

Valencia. “She never spoke much and was always very conservative. 

The other girls at her school, who wore their skirts up high, would 

make fun of the way she dressed.” 

The story Jeanneth tells is of a poor but determined girl who 

longed to escape her station in life. Sitting in a Buenos Aires 

pensione, the unassuming 51-year-old is both dignifi ed and weary, 

with just a trace of the beauty queen she almost was, an ambition 

she transferred to her only child. From early childhood Angie 

competed in beauty pageants, and while at 5'3" she was too short for 

a career as a runway model, she studied ballet, modern dance, voice, 

and acting. In 2000 she was crowned Colombia’s “Queens of Coff ee,” 

an important step before Miss Colombia and then Miss Universe, 

only to be stripped of her title when it was revealed that she’d been 

briefl y married to a businessman a decade her senior. 

“She didn’t know the rules,” says Jeanneth. “But it was a big 

scandal, all over the newspapers.” For girls growing up in Colombia, 

beauty pageants are a common childhood dream, but the criminal 

element was always lurking in the shadows. It was not uncommon 

for drug lords to sponsor contestants; according to Jeanneth, it was 

to avoid such entanglements that Angie decamped to Mexico. 

“At the beginning it was very hard for Angie,” she says. “She would 

work trade shows and do catalogs and beach photos for magazines. 

She was hungry.” But before long Angie was making appearances on 

Mexican TV and began to indulge in Mexico City’s nightlife, where 

models, moguls, athletes, and crime lords mixed, and where—at a 

club in the fall of 2008—Angie met Nicolas Gualco. 

THE MODEL AND THE MONSTER 

A tall, dark Argentine bearing more than a slight resemblance to 

Madonna’s current boy toy, Jesus Luz, Nicolas had come to Mexico 

three years earlier. Six-foot-two, with bright blue deep-set eyes, 

strong, angular features, and the long unruly hair of a South American 

soccer star, Nicolas was the archetypal Latin lover. In addition to

4 

1 

2 

3 

THE STRANGE JOURNEY OF ANGIE SAN- 

CLEMENTE TOOK HER FROM COLOMBIAN 

“QUEEN OF COFFEE” IN 2000 (1) TO INTERNA- 

TIONAL FUGITIVE (2) IN MAY 2010. ALONG THE 

WAY SHE STARRED IN TV MOVIES IN MEXICO, 

POSED FOR COUNTLESS PHOTO SHOOTS, 

AND MET HER FIANCÉ, NICOLAS GUALCO (3). 

TODAY, AS SHE SITS IN PRISON, HER MOTHER 

JEANNETH (4) PETITIONS FOR HER RELEASE.

his work on the catwalk and in advertising campaigns, Nicolas had 

a sideline connecting wealthy businessmen with the willing young 

women in his circle. It wasn’t prostitution, exactly, but it wasn’t far 

off . He describes the Mexico City nightlife as rife with danger, where 

“tramps, footballers, and narcos” all mingled, and where talking to 

the wrong woman could get you shot. According to Nicolas, however, 

everything changed the night he met Angie. “It’s very funny,” 

he recalled 18 months later. “We looked at each other from across the 

club for two hours before I fi nally spoke to her. Two weeks later we 

were looking for an apartment together.” 

“Nicolas was a lonely guy, with no family [in Mexico]—nothing,” 

says Jeanneth. “But the guy was like gold. Last Christmas Angie came 

to Buenos Aires to meet his family and to get married.” 

Court documents claim that, according to those who knew her , 

Angie’s time in Mexico may not have been quite so innocent—that 

she allegedly became involved in the city’s vibrant drug scene and 

had a second short-lived marriage, this time to the mysterious 

crime lord known as the Monster. A shadowy fi gure, variously 

described as Mexican or Colombian, the Monster is believed to be 

Victor Girao Alatrista. According to Claudio Izaguirre of the Anti-Drug 

Association of Argentina, Alatrista built a network smuggling 

cocaine base paste from Peru to Argentina, where it was refi ned to 

98 percent pure cocaine. The Monster “organized an army of 

recruiters and mules, of which Angie was a key player, fi rst in Mexico, 

and then in Argentina,” said Izaguirre. According to authorities, 

Angie and her new boyfriend teamed up to run the operation out of 

Buenos Aires, and their trip to Argentina was for more than just 

planning a wedding. 

A CONSPIRACY OF DUNCES 

In late November, Nicolas returned to Buenos Aires for the fi rst 

time in three years, and on one of his fi rst nights back he ran into an 

old acquaintance from his hometown. Ariel Letizia, 25, dabbled in 

modeling in addition to working as a personal trainer and petty drug 

dealer. Nicknamed Kid Ephedrine, he lived in a trendy neighborhood 

and helped support himself by supplying well-to-do jet-setters with 

weed, cocaine, and speed. 

According to Ariel’s court testimony , Nicolas claimed to be 

involved in the drug trade and was anxious to fi nd some girls to use 

as couriers. Since Ariel had a gig booking models for events in and 

around Buenos Aires, he was the perfect guy for the job. According 

to Nicolas, the girls needed to be beautiful enough to charm the 

customs offi cials but not so glamorous as to arouse suspicion. The 

product would allegedly come from his uncle, Daniel Monroy, but 

to get the drugs into Mexico and then Europe, they needed help, 

which was where Ariel and his girls came in. Nicolas wanted to make 

a shipment every 24 hours, for which he would pay $7,000 ($5,000 to 

the courier and a $2,000 fi nder’s fee for Ariel). It was a good deal and, 

Nicolas assured him, virtually risk-free. The Mexican connection, 

Nicolas explained, was his fi ancée, a Colombian model named Angie, 

who was due to arrive in Buenos Aires on December 7, 2009 

to coordinate the plan. 

On Saturday, November 29, Ariel arrived at the Hotel Embassy to 

meet with Nicolas and his uncle. The pair were eager to get going, 

and they asked Ariel if he’d found a girl to make a practice run. He 

had just the person: his girlfriend, Maria Noel Lopez Iglesias. 

Just over a week later, Angie arrived in Buenos Aires on a fi rst-class 

ticket with her two cats and pet Pomeranian Stuart in tow . According 

to Ariel , he fi rst met the alleged queen pin at a luxury hotel fi ve days 

later. Angie was sitting on the bed watching TV while Nicolas and his 

partner packed bricks of cocaine into two suitcases, rubbing them 

with soap (to throw off drug-sniffi ng dogs) and covering them with 

plastic wrap. Ariel’s instructions were clear: drive his girlfriend to the 

appointed rendezvous and wait to cash in. 

The next day , on the evening of December 13, Ariel was anxiously 

awaiting word from Maria. That morning he had driven her to the 

designated meeting place, the fi rst step on her trip to Mexico as a 


drug mule. But when Maria called to report that something had gone 

wrong, paranoia set in. Angie ordered everyone to abandon their hotels 

and stand by for further instructions. So now Ariel found himself 

sitting at his kitchen table nervously waiting for the other shoe to 

drop. Suddenly there was a loud crack, and Ariel looked up to see a 

swarm of policemen in riot gear 

pouring through his front door. 

WE LIKE BIG 

BUSTS 

MAXIM’S “HAULS OF FAME” 

WHEN: March 2007 

WHERE: Off the coast of Panama 

WHAT: 38,000 pounds of cocaine. 

They should have tried Paris Hilton’s 

“I thought it was gum” excuse. 

STREET VALUE: $500 million 

WHEN: June 2007 

WHERE: Melbourne, Australia 

WHAT: 15 million tablets of ecstasy, 

packed in tomato cans sent from 

Italy. Now that’s a tasty hallucination! 



WHERE: Afghanistan 

WHAT: 260 tons of hashish discovered 

by authorities in Kandahar, weighing 

as much as 30 double-decker buses, or 

enough to get Snoop high for two weeks. 


WHEN: March 2009 

WHERE: Barcelona, Spain 

WHAT: A 42-piece set of crockery 

made of compressed cocaine. 

Pablo Escobar would have loved it. 

STREET VALUE: $1.2 million 


WHERE: U.S.-Mexican border 

WHAT: 1,200 pounds of meth, two 

tons of coke, 1,400 pounds of heroin, 

69 tons of pot, and countless 

counterfeit breakfast burritos. 

STREET VALUE: $661.6 million 

Leaping to his feet, Ariel bolted 

for the second-fl oor balcony 

and jumped, injuring his leg and 

rendering himself incapacitated 

as the police bore down. Inside 

Ariel’s apartment, the police discovered 

marijuana and cocaine, 

and he was quickly hustled off 

in handcuff s and taken into 

custody. Then he started talking. 

The story he spilled was 

outrageous, but just plausible 

enough for the authorities to 

believe it. Meanwhile, as news 

of the failed operation made 

its way back to Angie and the 

rest of the crew, they went into 

crisis mode. The Mexicans were 

demanding to know what had 

gone wrong, Daniel was trying 

to hire a lawyer, Nicolas was in 

a full-blown panic, and Angie 

was trying to manage the whole 

thing. In the end, they fl ed. 

ANGIE ON THE RUN 

By late May, Angie had been 

on the run for fi ve months, her 

legend growing by the day. But 

despite her status as a celebrity 

fugitive, the Narco Queen wasn’t 

completely cut off . In March 

she’d sent CNN a Facebook message 

proclaiming her innocence. 

“I don’t want to go to jail, and 

don’t deserve it,” she wrote. “I 

am innocent.” 

Two weeks later Angie 

checked into the $16-a-night 

K-Lodges hostel on the outskirts 

of Buenos Aires’ trendy Palermo 

district. According to court 

records, she used a fake Colombian 

passport in the name of 

Ana Lucia Ballent and took a 

single room. Swaddled in baggy 

hooded sweatshirts and with 

her hair shorter and blonder 

than in her pinup photos, Angie 

was virtually unrecognizable. 

On May 20 Angie surfaced in the 

form of an interview with the 

Colombian newspaper El Tiempo, ready to tell her side of the story, 

which was a far cry from Ariel Letizia’s tale of coke-smuggling models 

and Mexican drug lords. 

Angie claimed that on the day she arrived in Buenos Aires to meet 

Nicolas’ family and plan her wedding, she and her fi ancé traveled to 

Mar del Plata to visit his uncle Daniel. A hulking mixed martial artist 

with a buzz cut, prominent nose, and tribal tattoos snaking around 

his torso, Daniel was a formidable presence. Nicolas had warned

Angie that his family was involved in some shady business, and after 

coming face-to-face with Daniel, she told Nicolas she was uncomfortable 

and asked to leave. Angie later discovered that her passport 

and return plane ticket to Mexico were missing. She reported her 

lost passport to the Colombian embassy but failed to mention 

the ticket. Part of Angie’s story holds up; her plane ticket was later 

discovered in Daniel’s possession. 

Her claims of innocence notwithstanding, behind-the-scenes 

evidence against Angie was steadily mounting. In March , Interpol 

had issued a warrant for her arrest. So it wasn’t just the Argentine 

authorities on her tail, but the world’s biggest international police 

force. “There are some very determined and 

very strong women who have got more 

balls than the men,’’ an Interpol investigator 

said at the time. “Angie kicks up dust wherever 

she goes. That’s her nature. So we’ll get 

her eventually.’’ 

On May 26, the day after her 31st birthday, 

Angie stepped into the shower at the 

K-Lodges hostel, the only place she felt safe 

from the prying eyes of an extremely hostile 

world. Three weeks before, Interpol had 

added Angie’s name to their “Infra-Red” list— 

a compendium of 450 international fugitives 

for whom they actively sought public help 

through the Internet and social networking 

sites—and had received a tip about Angie 

from a fellow guest at the hostel. As the 

shower’s scalding water was washing her 

troubles away, the authorities pounced. They 

allowed Angie to fi nish her shower and get 

dressed, then led her off in handcuff s. At the 

time of her arrest, the alleged drug lord had a 

grand total of $36 in her pocket. 

A MODEL, IDIOT 

Sitting in the Villa Devoto Detention 

Institute—described as “the darkest penal 

hellhole in all of Argentina”—Nicolas Gualco 

looks like a broken man. A day after Angie’s 

arrest, he remains adamant about both his own innocence and his 

fi ancée’s. Both, he claims, are patsies who got caught up in a world 

beyond their comprehension. “I like luxury, to have a good life, you 

know. But I work for that,” says Nicolas. “The real people involved in 

this—who were caught at the airport, who delivered drugs, who hired 

the girls—well, they are all free and out on the street, and the only 

one left in jail is me. And I’m not related to any of these guys! 

Everybody knows I’m not in the drug trade. I’m just a male model.” 

According to Nicolas, he returned to Buenos Aires from Mexico in 

order to plan his wedding. He admits that soon after he arrived, he 

met up with Ariel, his old acquaintance. “If you are in town and want 

drugs,” says Nicolas, “Ariel is your guy.” Nicolas also con fi rms that 

he drove Maria to the airport on the morning of her practice run, but 

claims he was in the dark as to its purpose. “Ariel asked me to take 

her to the airport because he was paranoid. He was whacked out on 

cocaine. I was hanging around, so I accompanied her.” 

Nicolas calls Angie a good Christian girl who helped him get off 

drugs, and who is not cut out for prison. They were to be married 

in March, then move to England. “When I came back to Argentina 

in November, it was to get married in the church where my parents 

were married,” he says. “I was about to marry the woman I love, like a 

cheesy soap opera. Who could tell what was about to happen?” 

UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER 

The Ezeiza Women’s Prison is located on the outskirts of Buenos 

Aires, just a few miles from the airport where Angie’s world began to 

crumble. The sad, nervous woman sitting alone in the large enclosed 

NO LONGER AN INTERNATIONAL GLAMOUR 

MODEL, ANGIE SANCLEMENTE TODAY 

FACES UP TO 16 YEARS BEHIND BARS. 

prison yard seems almost sexless, emaciated, mostly skin and 

bones. It’s a far cry from either the pinup queen of her posters or the 

Narco Queen of her legend. She is dressed in dark blue jeans, a beige 

sweater, and basketball sneakers. 

“They don’t let anybody wear black clothes in here,” she says, 

shrugging. “And all my clothes are black.” 

Angie’s hair is a dusky blonde and hangs loosely around her bony 

shoulders. The only indications of her former glamour are her eyes 

and hands, which are immaculately groomed, and her sparkling white 

teeth. The rest of her seems to vanish into thin air. “I was two months 

pregnant, but I lost the baby,” she says. “I can’t take this anymore.” 

While Angie steadfastly maintains her innocence, 

the government’s case against her 

rests on a series of wiretaps and text messages 

between her alleged coconspirators and a 

woman called “the Diamond” immediately 

after the December bust. Outside of Ariel’s 

testimony, there is no other direct evidence 

linking her to the case. In a text soon after the 

bust, Nicolas beseeched Angie to “speak with 

my uncle,” and promised, “I will disentangle 

you from everything.” Later Daniel placed a 

call to an unidentifi ed woman with a Colombian 

accent who answered to the name the 

Diamond, asking her to smooth things over 

with the Mexicans. On January 6, Daniel and 

Nicolas were both arrested. Based on certain 

terms of endearment used in the texts and a 

voice analysis of the wiretap, the authorities 

claim that the Diamond is in fact Angie. By 

establishing an intermediary link between 

Daniel and Nicolas on the one hand and the 

Mexican connection on the other, the government 

infers that Angie—the Diamond— 

was supervising the entire operation. 

According to an Interpol investigator, “Several 

female drug mules we’ve arrested in recent 

times have direct links to San clemente. 

A few have negotiated reduced sentences for 

information that they’ve been recruited to 

carry cocaine on fl ights out of Argentina to other markets. 

“We’ve been looking at her activities for a considerable time, and, 

based on those who’ve squealed, she’s running a big operation.” 

While hardly an airtight case, it may not matter. Angie says she is 

broke, without a lawyer , and powerless to fi ght the charges against 

her. Facing up to 16 years behind bars, today she spends most of her 

time scrubbing toilets or cooking for the 13 other women in her cellblock. 

She is openly frightened of the rest of the prison population; 

it’s widely assumed that she has a lot of money stashed away, and 

her fellow prisoners want a piece. 

“They blame everything on me because I am from Colombia— 

that’s the reason I’m here. The judge, too! He thinks, Well, she’s 

Colombian and lived in Mexico, and that’s it!” she says. “I have nothing 

against Argentina. It’s a beautiful country, and my boyfriend is 

Argentine, but I’m having the most horrible moment in my life.” 

As the reality of her predicament sinks in, Angie starts to cry. 

“I’ve lived my life without any trouble,” she says, sobbing. “If you 

could investigate my life a little bit more, it’s not like this, I swear 

to you. I can’t comprehend this! I have never stolen, never acted 

the wrong way. Meanwhile the real criminals are back on the streets 

committing felonies. Why?” 

And with that the beauty queen turned alleged Narco Queen 

composes herself. The crying stops, she says her goodbyes, and as a 

plane leaving Ezeiza International Airport fl ies overhead, Angie 

Sanclemente Valencia is led back into the prison. 

Additional reporting by Maria del Pilar González Lonzième. 


WHETHER OLD OR NEW, AMERICAN BRANDS ARE DRAWING ON THE PAST AND LOOKING TO THE 

Why you care: Because sometimes the original is the best, and for a century 

and a half no brand has better evoked America’s working-class heroics. 

Philosophy: “Given the economy, people are looking for comfort through stability, 

items that are built to last from brands with time-tested track records,” 

says director of brand concepts Carl Chiara, who has been with the granddaddy 

of denim brands since 1995. “With the fall 2010 collection, we went back 

to the very beginning, when jeans and the 501 were workwear. We took those 

roots, complete with a slew of historic functional details, and applied them to 

suit and fi t the functionalities and needs of today’s guy.” 


LEVI’S wool work pants, $98 LEVI’S denim jacket, $88 

LEVI’S work shirt, $70 

LEVI’S 

FOUNDED: 1853 BY LEVI STRAUSS, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 

PENDLETON 

FOUNDED: 1863 BY THOMAS L. KAY, PORTLAND, OR 

PENDLETON jacket, $198 

(top) PENDLETON tartan shirt, $98 

Why you care: Because despite Pendleton’s rustic history, teaming up with brands 

like Opening Ceremony, Hurley, Nike, and Vans has helped the company reach new 

fans seeking to rock out like mountain men or beach bums. 

Philosophy: “Our founder, Thomas Kay, brought his love of tartans with him from 

Britain, which became our iconic plaid shirts,” says Jim Buckner, manager of 

menswear. “But our fi rst customers—American Indians—will always infl uence our 

approach to patterning.” And Pendleton has had plenty of infl uence itself: “In the 

early 1960s, a group of kids formed a band called the Pendletones, after our 

woolen shirts. They eventually changed their name…to the Beach Boys.”

FUTURE. WELCOME TO THE GOLDEN AGE OF STAR-SPANGLED STYLE. BY WILLIAM BUCKLEY 

MICHAEL BASTIAN quilted hunting jacket, $1,775 

(top) MICHAEL BASTIAN plaid jacket, $1,630 

MICHAEL BASTIAN 

FOUNDED: 2006 BY MICHAEL BASTIAN, NEW YORK CITY 

Why you care: Because as the fashion director at New York style mecca Bergdorf 

Goodman, Bastian had fi rsthand knowledge of what customers want, and 

with his own line he’s putting his know-how into practice. 

Philosophy: “Before everything crashed economically, we’d been in this period 

of 10 or 15 years of high designer fashion: the slim black suit and the skinny tie, 

everything branded, and everyone striving for this fashion look,” says Bastian. 

“I think we’ve all been shaken up, and as the dust settles we’re looking around 

us, and what we’re seeing is America.” The result is a timeless line perfect for 

a weekend in the country or a night on the town. 

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BRIAN KLUTCH 

SIMON SPURR wool peacoat, $1,695 SIMON SPURR jacket and vest, 

price available upon request 

SIMON SPURR shirt, $295 

SIMON SPURR 

FOUNDED: 1996 BY SIMON SPURR, NEW YORK CITY 

Why you care: Because after stints with classic American brands like Calvin 

Klein and Ralph Lauren, the British-born Spurr knows how to craft both Savile 

Row–worthy suits and denim that’ll last you forever. 

Philosophy: “I design products that make guys feel comfortable and look good. 

There’s a reality and a functionality to the clothes,” says Spurr. “It’s a slimmerfi 

tting, cleaner product than you’d associate with a European brand, but I was 

heavily infl uenced by American denim brands like Levi’s, Wrangler, and Lee.” 

And take this tip when purchasing a pair of his seriously addictive jeans: “Buy 

the correct size, which is often a size smaller than what you’re buying now.” 


STYLE 

WOOLRICH WOOLEN MILLS 

FOUNDED: 1830 BY JOHN RICH, WOOLRICH, PA 


WOOLRICH parka, 

$505 

Why you care: Because certain staples like rugged parkas and buffalo plaid 

fl annel shirts look as good on Johnny Depp or Jay-Z as on Paul Bunyan, proving 

that some things never go out of style. 

Philosophy: “We are the longest continuously operating outdoor apparel manu - 

facturer in the United States, ever since our founder was selling wool to lumberjacks 

and sawmill workers out of a mule cart,” says executive VP Brian Mangione 

of the 180-year-old brand. “One of the Woolrich classics, the arctic parka, was 

worn by workers building the Alaskan pipeline,” notes creative director Andrea 

Crane. “So we updated the fi t and reinvented the jacket for the modern man.” 

L.L.BEAN parka, 

$199 

WOOLRICH vest, $69 WOOLRICH woodsman shirt,$245 

shirt, $245 

L.L.BEAN wool henley, $45 

L.L.BEAN 

FOUNDED: 1912 BY LEON LEONWOOD BEAN, FREEPORT, ME 

Why you care: Because you’re going for the perfect blend of Hemingway and 

Alex P. Keaton. Rag sweaters, duck boots—no one does the rugged-prepster look 

better, or more affordably, than L.L.Bean. 

Philosophy: “L.L. once said, ‘If you get lost, go back to camp,’ and I think a lot of 

brands are looking to ‘home base’ to be reminded of their identity,” says Alex 

Carleton, the creative director who’s giving the label a modern update with the 

L.L.Bean Signature line. “We possess nearly a century of brand history, so 

we look at the present and are inspired by the future, but we use the past as the 

framework for building the brand.” 

STYLING, TERRY LEWIS/BEAUTY & PHOTO. 

FOR BUYING INFORMATION, SEE PAGE146.

BILLY REID 

FOUNDED: 2004 BY BILLY REID, FLORENCE, AL 

Why you care: Because by melding high style and classic workwear—the rugged 

and the refi ned—this Southern boy conquered the Big Apple fashion scene. 

Philosophy: “My favorite brands make things that you can own forever and will 

look better with age. It’s a timeless quality that’s very American,” says Reid, 

who recently launched collaborations with Levi’s and Stetson. “I start with 

pieces I personally want and build from there, things that have the versatility 

to wear in the two worlds in which I spend most of my time: Alabama and 

New York. If the piece can translate well in both, then we’ve hit our target.” 

CAULFIELD 

PREPARATORY 

thermal hoodie, 

$92 

BILLY REID trousers, $295 BILLY REID shawl sweater, $165 

CAULFIELD PREP vest, $257 

CAULFIELD PREPARATORY 

FOUNDED: 2009 BY VINCENT FLUMIANI, LOS ANGELES, CA 

Why you care: Because like its namesake Catcher in the Rye character, the 

Caulfi eld line—with its distressed fabrics, wrinkled button-downs, and frayed 

hems—harks back to a golden age of prep. 

Philosophy: “I grew up in a very conservative upper-middle-class society; 

there were rules, but I got really good at putting my own twist on things,” says 

designer Vincent Flumiani. ”Caulfi eld Preparatory is very much that. It’s got 

this obviously ingrained Waspy middle-class American attitude to it, but I like 

to mix shit up a little bit. And break some rules.” 


STYLE 

J.CREW 

FOUNDED: 1983, NEW YORK 

Why you care: Because since launching their “men’s store” in 2008, J.Crew 

has done the work for you—not only with their own ruggedly preppy staples but 

also through the other classic brands they carefully curate and stock. 

Philosophy: “Traditionally, guys aren’t shoppers, so we try to make their lives 

easier by offering edited selections of our favorite styles and brands,” says designer 

Frank Muytjens. “We’re not too precious in what we design: masculine, 

tough, but elegant. Americana gives everything a purpose, with truly functional 

details, so everything we do is a product of that, a product of our heritage.” 

SHOP HERE 


J. CREW 

shirt, $72 

J. CREW waffl e tee, $35 J. CREW vintage cords, $70 GITMAN BROS. shirt, $175 GITMAN BROS. shirt, $155 

GITMAN BROS. fl annel tie, $70 

CONTEXT MADISON, WI 

Since opening in 2005, Ryan Huber and 

Sam Parker have offered denim addicts 

the very best. “Guys are becoming more 

interested in where and how things are 

made and less interested in sweatshop 

garbage,” says Huber. “U.S. brands are 

proud of their heritage, and we show 

that to our customers.” 

contextclothing.com 

Brands: Gitman Vintage, Band of 

Outsiders, Engineered Garments 

GITMAN BROS. 

shirt, $175 

GITMAN BROS. 

FOUNDED: 1978 BY ALFRED AND SHELDON GITMAN, ASHLAND, PA 

Why you care: Because the legendary masters of the perfect button-down— 

who have long been churning out classics for other labels—have retooled 

their own brand with the Vintage line, featuring slimmer fi ts and shorter cuts. 

Philosophy: “The renewed interest in Americana is a reaction to big-brand 

global capitalism—local ‘made in the U.S.A.’ quality trumps global quantity,” 

says Chris Olberding, creative director of Gitman Vintage. “I’m not a designer, 

though; I’ve been with Gitman for a while, working on shirt production with 

Burberry and Thom Browne. I’m really more of a curator of the archive.” 

ODIN NEW YORK CITY 

“People want to go back to comfort and 

things that are familiar,” says co-owner 

Paul Birardi, who founded the downtown 

fashion mecca—which stocks both 

the old and the new—in 2004 with Eddie 

Chai.” Plus Americana tends to be a 

little rough around the edges and confi - 

dent. Chicks like that.” 

odinnewyork.com 

Brands: Rag & Bone, Woolrich Woolen 

Mills, Florsheim by Duckie Brown 

BLACKBIRD AND 

THE FIELD HOUSE SEATTLE, WA 

“Old-school American brands just 

make me smile: Quoddy, Alden, and 

Filson,” says owner Nicole Miller, 

who opened the Field House in 2009. 

“They’re all really small companies 

that stand true to their heritage and 

refuse to sell out.” 

blackbirdballard.com 

Brands: Pendleton, Levi’s Vintage, 

RRL, Filson, Red Wing

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STYLE 

RAG & BONE 

FOUNDED: 2002 BY MARCUS WAINWRIGHT & DAVID NEVILLE, NEW YORK CITY 

Why you care: Because these darlings of style mavens and rock stars alike 

have found the perfect combination of traditional rustic staples, impeccable 

tailoring, and quirky downtown detailing. 

Philosophy: “We make as many of the garments as possible here in the States 

and constantly look to the roots of Americana—the workwear and denim 

heritage,” says cofounder Wainwright. “But neither of us has any background 

in design,” adds Neville. “I was an investment banker in London, and Marcus 

owned a telecommunications business.” 


RAG RAG & BONE jeans, jeans,$255 

$255 

RAG & BONE blazer, $495 

RAG & BONE shirt, $255 

STEVEN ALAN reverse seam shirt, $168 

STEVEN ALAN knit wool tie, $68 

RAG & BONE coat, $995 STEVEN ALAN corduroy sport coat, $385 

STEVEN ALAN reverse seam shirt, $168 

STEVEN ALAN 

FOUNDED: 1999 BY STEVEN ALAN, NEW YORK CITY 

Why you care: Because while the New York native designed what may well 

be the ultimate button-down shirt—slightly rumpled, slightly snug, and best left 

untucked—the rest of his clothes and accessories are just as addictive. 

Philosophy: As Alan has noted, “Everything came out of the shirt,” which quickly 

became the must-have garment for every guy who wanted to look stylish but 

not like he cared. “I think about different designers and how they developed, but 

for me there’s this certain sloppy schoolboy look that I grew up with.”

© Lorillard 2010 

Restricted to Adult Smokers 21 or Older. 

Newport, Pleasure, Newport Pleasure, Menthol Gold, Menthol Blue, 

spinnaker design, package design and other trade dress elements 

TM Lorillard Licensing Company LLC Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off. 

These cigarettes do not present a reduced 

risk of harm compared to other cigarettes. 

® 

CIGARETTES

credits 

p.10: Tom Selleck, Chris Reardon/CBS via Getty 

Images; fi nger puppets, Dave King/Getty Images; 

wrestler, Justin Pumfrey/Getty Images; Billy 

Zabka, Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images; 

Gallagher, Anthony Leo/Getty; watermelon, Lori 

Lee Miller/Getty; smashed watermelon, Steen 

Larsen/Getty; man massaging woman, Pascal 

Broze/Getty Images p.12: Chris Johnson, Otto 

Greule Jr/Getty Images p.14: Andy Ritchie, 

Kermit and man in infl atable boat, Reuters/Andy 

Clark; police chasing moose, Reuters/Rafal 

Michalkowski/Agencja Gazeta p.20: Jennifer 

Aniston, Film Magic/Getty Images; Jesse James, 

Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic/Getty Images; LeBron 

James, newspapers, Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via 

Getty Images; Obama, Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty 

Images; Justin Bieber, Frederick Breedon/Getty 

Images; model, Getty Images p.22: Corn, Davies 

and Starr/Getty Images; pie, Brand X Pictures/ 

Getty Images; turkey, Gary Vestal/Getty Images; 

wine, Robert Daly/Getty Images; Avatar, Porky’s 

Revenge, Addams Family, Saved by the Bell, 

Jabba the Hut, Star Wars robot, Princess Lea, 

Goonies, American Pie, courtesy Everett 

Collection; Step Brothers, Batman, courtesy 

Kobal; house, Eric Meola/Getty Images; glasses, 

Mel Yates/Getty Images p.28: Rube Marquard, 

Getty Images; Bill Buckner, Bettmann/Corbis; 

Heinie Manush, MLB Photos via Getty Images; 

Brett Butler and family, Bettmann/Corbis, Fred 

Hutchinson, Bettmann/Corbis; Marge Schott, 

Bettmann/Corbis; Cardinals argue call, 

Bettmann/Corbis; military salute, AFP/Getty 

Images; Kama Sutra, Getty; MMA book, Internet 

p.30: Martellus Bennett, mediatakeout.com; Iron 

Man II Scarlett Johansson, Marvel Productions/ 

The Kobal Collection p.32: Turkey, Gary Vestal/ 

Getty Images; cranberries, Keith Leighton/Alamy; 

raw turkey, Art of Food/Alamy; Scrooge McDuck, 

Buena Vista Pictures/courtesy Everett Collection; 

Thundercats, Rankin/Bass Productions/courtesy 

Everett Collection; sexy woman, Jim Arbogast/ 

Getty Images p.44: Gladys Knight and the Pips, 

GAB Archive/Redferns/Getty Images; man 

driving and drinking, Superstock/Getty Images; 

TI, Getty Images; Big Boi, Getty Images; football 

player, Getty Images p.48: No Ordinary Family, 

ABC/Eric McCandless; Walking Dead, TWD 

Productions courtesy of AMC, Hereafter, Ken 

Regan; Saw 3D, Brooke Palmer; Unstoppable, 

Robert Zuckerman; Kristen Stewart, WireImage/ 

Getty p.52: Eric Stoltz, Getty; DeLorean, Getty 

p.54: Tom Green, DreamWorks/courtesy Everett 

Collection; Zach Galifi anakis, Warner Bros./ 

courtesy Everett Collection; Zach Galifi anakis, 

Warner Bros./Melinda Sue Gordon; French 

bulldog, Warner Bros./Melinda Sue Gordon; Will 

Ferrell, DreamWorks/courtesy Everett 

Collection; Zach Galifi ankis, Frank Masi/Warner 

Bros. Entertainment Inc.; Todd Phillips, Melinda 

Sue Gordon/Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. 

and Legendary Pictures; Ed Helms, Frank Masi/ 

Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.; Will Ferrell, 

DreamWorks/courtesy Everett Collection; Tom 

Green, DreamWorks/courtesy Everett Collection; 

Ed Helms, Warner Bros./courtesy Everett 

Collection; Robert Downey Jr., ©2009 Warner 

Bros./Melinda Sue Gordon; Animal House, MPTV; 

Caddyshack, MPTV; American Pie, MPTV; Denise 

Richards, Paul Morigi/WireImage pp.71–76: 

(front) California Golden Bears mascot, US 

Presswire; Georgia Tech Mascot (yellow jacket), 

Collegiate Images/Getty Images; Georgia 

Bulldogs mascot, Getty; UMichigan fl ag, Danny 

Moloshok/Icon SMI; Army Mule mascot, Ray 

Malley/Icon SMI; Bear Bryant, Getty; Florida State 

Seminoles mascot, US Presswire; Rich 

Rodriguez, Getty; Woody Hayes, US Presswire; 

Texas Longhorn mascot, John Albright/Icon SMI; 

Stanford mascot (tree), Dustin Snipes/Icon SMI/ 

Corbis; Florida Gators mascot, US Presswire; 

Ohio State mascot, Getty; Alabama Crimson Tide 

mascot, Getty Images; Auburn Tigers mascot, US 

Presswire; (inside) Patty Hearst, Getty Images; 

Meryl Streep, Getty Images; Natalie Portman, 

Wired/Getty Images; collie dog, Alamy; Minka 

Kelly, Wired/Getty Images; tiger, DG Jervis/ 

Shutterstock; Taylor Swift, Lucas Jackson/ 

Reuters/Corbis; Jacob Hester, Getty; James 

Laurinitis, Getty; Calais Campbell, Getty; Erin 

Andrews, Wired/Getty; Courtney Hansen, 

Jeremy Montem/Retna Ltd./Corbis; Gatorade, 

Ian Dagnall/Alamy; Jeter, Getty Images; 


Steinbrenner, Getty; Seinfeld, NBC TV/The Kobal 

Collection; Beyoncé, Imre Foeldi/EPA/Corbis; 

Lady Gaga, Redferns/Getty Images; Stripes, 

courtesy Everett Collection; Shawne Merriman, 

Getty; Willie McGinest, Scott Boehm/Getty 

Images; Tashard Choice, MCT via Getty pp.79–80: 

Peacock, Jeff Gynane/Shutterstock; Daniel 

Holzman and Michael Chernow, Will Sterns (2) 

pp.106–112: (opener photos) Steve-O, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; dunk 

tank, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

fl ying, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

Johnny Knoxville crutches, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; fi ght, Paramount/courtesy 

Sean Cliver; Johnny Knoxville gong, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; Johnny Knoxville 

blowup dolls, Ben Zo/©Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; rocket, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount; artist, Ben Kaller/Paramount; 

Johnny Knoxville water bike, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; spaceman, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; bent-over sand, 

MTV/The Kobal Collection; Jason Acuna and 

Preston Lacy sumo, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; matador, MTV/The Kobal Collection; 

snake ball pit, Ben Kaller/Paramount; chair 

launcher, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; diapers, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; golf cart, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; group run, Sean Cliver/Paramount; 

Chris Pontius “keep god,” Paramount Pictures/ 

courtesy Everett; Johnny Knoxville gray hair, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Johnny 

Knoxville Steve-O, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; feathers, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; shopping cart dirt explosion, 

Ben Zo/Paramount; Jason Acuna dunk tank full 

setup, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

sailors, Sean Cliver/Paramount; roasting, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; sailor 2, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett; old man run 

explosion, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; old man makeup, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; old men, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; army group shot, MTV/The 

Kobal Collection; Knoxville bullhorn, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; bull ride, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount; wheelchair jump, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; human metronome, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Chris 

Pontius rides bull, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; street racing, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; broken golf cart, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; Jason Acuña and 

Preston Lacy sumo 2, Sean Cliver/Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; jet ski off ramp, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; dunk 

tank 3, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

bottle in nose, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; devil “keep god,” courtesy Paramount; 

Bam with snake Ben Kaller/Paramount; beach 

pole vault, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; croc pit in thong, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Jason 

Acuna superman, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; falling into cactus, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; old men 2, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; old men 

lineup, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

sumo 3, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

baby doll bike ride, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; superman slide, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; old man explosion, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; old men 

walk in smoke, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; jump into water, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; bumper golf carts, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; roast 

(again), Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

alligator nipple, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; underwear chase, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount; bull hit, Ben Kaller/Paramount; old 

man makeup, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; dunk tank, Paramount/courtesy 

Everett Collection; bull throw, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount; naked night city run, Paramount/ 

Everett Collection; tar and feathers, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; Knoxville bullhorn 2, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; 

motorcycle fail, Sean Cliver/Paramount; bath suit 

bellhops, Sean Cliver/Paramount; old man run 

explosion 2, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection. Wee-man superman, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; Wee-man superman 

,Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Chris 

Pontius rides yak, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; bunny ears beach, Paramount/ 

courtesy Everett Collection; croc tight walk, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; the end, 

Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; tar and 

feathers 2, Paramount/courtesy Everett 

Collection; shooting range, Sean Cliver/ 

Paramount; jet ski fl y, Paramount; (Inside 

Photos) Knoxville Tasered, Paramount/courtesy 

Sean Cliver; Steve-O hooked, Paramount/ 

courtesy Sean Cliver; England mouthful, 

Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; fi ght (repeat), 

Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; branded, 

Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; party boy 

thong, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; panda 

boxing, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; toy on 

X-ray, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; 

tree-way, courtesy Paramount; puking picnic, 

Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; underwear 

run, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; kicking 

self, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; old man 

nip slip, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; 

terrorist beard, Paramount/courtesy Sean 

Cliver; old men walking, Paramount/courtesy 

Sean Cliver; Bam skate, Paramount/courtesy 

Sean Cliver p.94: Charles Barkley, AP Images; 

LeBron signs with Heat, Gary I Rothstein/epa/ 

Corbis; Kobe Bryant, Icon Sports Media/Corbis; 

Kevin Durant, US Presswire; Celtics Huddle, US 

Presswire; Thunders vs Lakers, NBAE/Getty 

Images; Kids with LeBron Jerseys, Associated 

Press p.95: Dwight Howard dunk, AP Images; 

Space Jam Logo, Mary Evans/Warner Bros/ 

Ronald Grant/Everett Collection; Milwaukee 

Bucks’ fans, NBAE/Getty Images p.96: Ron 

Artest, US Presswire; beer, D. Hurst/Alamy; 

bike, courtesy Giant Bicycles (PR photo); record, 

Andrzej Tokarski/Alamy; Lebron Headshot, Getty 

Images; Adam Morrison, US Presswire; Celtics 

bench, Getty Images; Lakers bench, Associated 

Press; Knicks bench, Getty; Lakers hug, NBAE/ 

Getty Images; p.98: Kevin Durant action, NBAE/ 

Getty Images; Wooden Texture, Zealot/ 

Shutterstock; Kevin Durant headshot, NBAE/ 

Getty Images; Caron Butler, NBAE/Getty Images; 

Dwight Howard, NBAE/Getty Images; Chris Paul, 

NBAE/Getty Images; Derek Fischer, NBAE/Getty 

Images; Nick Collison, Associated Press; Luke 

Ridnour, Associated Press; Gabrielle Union, 

WireImage/Getty; Teen Wolf, MGM/courtesy 

Everett Collection pp.114–126: Grindhouse, 

Dimension Films/The Kobal Collection; Dirty Mary, 

Crazy Larry, Academy Pictures/The Kobal 

Collection; The Fast and the Furious, Original 

Films/The Kobal Collection; Tron, Walt Disney 

Pictures/The Kobal Collection; The Blue Brothers, 

Universal/Everett Collection; The Cannonball Run, 

20th Century Fox/The Kobal Collection 

pp.128–129: Adnan Shukrijumah, Associated 

Press; Nazario Moreno, AFP/Getty Images; Mark 

Zuckerberg, Mantel/Sipa; The serial killer 

trucker, Rick Lord/Shutterstock; General Butt 

Naked, Associated Press; Kim Jong Il, Associated 

Press; Christopher “Dudus” Coke, Ho New/ 

Reuters; Zydrunas Savickas, Icon SMI; Robert 

Gleason Jr., Associated Press; James Arthur 

Ray, Associated Press; A.Q. Khan, Associated 

Press; Brian Austin Green, Getty Images for Fox 

pp.132–137: Fingerprint, RTimages/Alamy; 

Mugshot, © Interpol; Sanclemente portrait, El 

Tiempo/GDA; Sanclemente with puppy, Image 

Forum/AFP Photo/El Heraldo; Sanclemente 

topless, El Tiempo/GDA; Sanclemente in bikini, 

ImageForum/AFP Photo/El Heraldo; Sanclemente 

with crown, Héctor Fabio Zamora/El Tiempo/ 

GDA; Jeannette Valencia, Eduardo Di Baia/AP 

Photo; Sanclemente in vest, Cromos/Landov/ 

Reuters; Sanclemente crying, Alejandro Andam/ 

Telam/AP Photo; Sanclemente in bikini, 

ImageForum/AFP Photo /El Heraldo; Paris Hilton, 

Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department via 

Getty Images; Tomato can, James And James/ 

Getty Images; Snoop Dogg, John Shearer/ 

WireImage/Getty Images; Pablo Escobar, AP 

Photo; Breakfast burritos, Brian Hagiwara/Getty 

Images p.156: Illustration based on image of 

Chris Pine, Landov 

CLOTHING CREDITS 

p.138: Pendleton Woolen Mills Guide shirt in 

Rob Roy tartan, $198, pendleton-usa.com; 

Levi’s green wool 201 buckle back work pant, 

$98, levi.com; Levi’s sherpa-lined trucker 

jacket, $88, levi.com; Levi’s blue and cream 

plaid work shirt, $70, levi.com; Pendleton 

Woolen Mills jacket, $198, pendleton-usa. 

com, Saks Fifth Avenue p.139: Michael 

Bastian plaid jacket, $1,630, available at Saks 

Fifth Avenue, Chicago and N.Y.C.; Michael 

Bastian olive nylon quilted hunting jacket, 

$1,775, available at available at Bloomingdale’s, 

San Francisco; Simon Spurr burgundy 

two tone wool peacoat, $1,695, available at 

Saks Fifth Avenue; Simon Spurr gray wool/ 

cashmere Shadow Stripe jacket and vest, 

price available upon request, spurr.tv; Simon 

Spurr shirt, $295, available at Saks Fifth 

Avenue, , Chicago, Beverly Hills, N.Y.C. p.140: 

Woolrich Woolen Mills Mountain parka, $505, 

available at Odin, N.Y.C.; L.L.Bean Baxter 

State parka, $199, llbean.com; Woolrich Eagle 

Fork vest, $69, woolrich.com; Woolrich 

Woolen Mills Woodsman shirt, $245, available 

at Odin, NYC; L.L.Bean Ragg wool henley, $45, 

llbean.com p.141: Billy Reid Willie denim shirt, 

$175, available at Billy Reid store, NYC; 

Caulfi eld Preparatory Witty thermal hoodie 

(zurich green), $92, revolveclothing.com; Billy 

Reid custom made jean pocket trousers, 

$295, available at Billy Reid store, NYC; Billy 

Reid Savannah shawl collar sweater, $165, 

available at Billy Reid store, NYC; Caulfi eld 

Preparatory Gtaad hunting vest (zurich 

green), $257, revolveclothing.com p.142: 

J.Crew shirt, $72, jcrew.com; Gitman Vintage 

shirt, $175, available at Barneys New York; 

J.Crew waffl e tee, $35, jcrew.com; J.Crew 

vintage cords, $70, jcrew.com; Gitman 

Vintage plaid shirt, $175, available at Barneys 

New York; Gitman Vintage red chambray 

shirt, $155, available at Barneys New York; 

Gitman Vintage plaid fl annel tie, $70, available 

at Barneys New York p.144: Rag & Bone deep 

blue Dagger blazer, $495, available at 

Bergdorf Goodman and Rag & Bone stores; 

Rag & Bone navy stripe Trail shirt, $255, 

available at Nordstrom and Rag & Bone 

stores; Steven Alan reverse seam shirt, 

$168, stevenaran.com; Steven Alan knit wool 

tie, $68, stevenaran.com; Rag & Bone grey 

Blade jean II, $255, available at Saks Fifth 

Avenue and Rag & Bone stores; Rag & Bone 

dark olive check Carnaby coat, $995, available 

at Barneys New York and Rag & Bone stores; 

Steven Alan corduroy sport coat, $385, 

stevenaran.com; Steven Alan reverse seam 

shirt, $168,stevenaran.com 

MAXIM (ISSN 1092-9789) Volume 14, Number 11 is published monthly by Alpha Media Publishing, Inc., 

1040 Avenue of the Americas, 22nd Floor, New York, NY 10018, Tel. 212-302-2626. • Periodicals postage 

paid at New York, NY, and at additional mailing offi ces. POSTMASTER: Send change of address to: Maxim, 

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#140467846, Publications Agreement number 40031590. Return Undeliverable Canadian Addresses to 

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24 Hours to Live 

Chris Pine 

THE UNSTOPPABLE STAR—AND NEW CAPTAIN KIRK—MULLS HIS LAST DAY. 

So how do you want to go? 

Smiling. 

Do you have any deathbed 

confessions as you face the 

“fi nal frontier”? 

I’m an avid procrastinator. 

Where will you be going, heaven 

or hell? 

I’ll steam downstairs and do the 

cold plunge upstairs. 

The train conductor you play 

in Unstoppable gets into some 

pretty dangerous situations. 

Have you ever had any neardeath 

experiences in your own 

line of work? 

Tripping while eating my break - 

fast burrito on the way to the 

makeup trailer. 

Between you and your costar 

Denzel Washington, who would 

more likely be able to save a town 

from a lethal disaster without 

dying in the process? 

Dunno. But he just may be able to 

beat me in an act-off. 

Who would you rather kick it with 

in the afterlife, Denzel or Spock? 

Denzel. Playing Spock. 

James T. Kirk was a reckless man. 

What’s the biggest trouble you’ve 

gotten into during your lifetime? 

Tough call…but I’m betting a lady 

was involved. 

You’ve had the good fortune to 

romance some very lovely ladies 

on-screen (Anne Hathaway, 

Lindsay Lohan, Rosario Dawson). 

Any one in particular you’d like 

to be stranded in a wormhole with? 

Can’t I have a wormhole harem? 

What are Trekkies saying over 

your casket? 

“I never thought Bill would do it.” 

You have a college degree in 

English. What literary quote would 

you like on your tombstone? 

“Fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, 

fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie…” 

Unstoppable rolls into theaters November 12. 

156 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY TIM MARRS

$YDLODEOH DW 0DF\ V DQG PDF\V FRP 

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