The Weight of Ego

The general idea behind this newsletter is that everyone can reach their highest potential - we're all sitting on our launch pads, ready to take off. With aerospace travel, a lot of things have to go right for a successful launch. The engineering and programming must be in order, and the weather conditions must cooperate. Similarly, for people looking to reach new heights, both internal and external conditions can get in the way of our success.

The internal things are those within us that keep us tethered to the pad - 𝐞𝐠𝐨, 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬. The external things are the challenges life puts in our path as part of our very existence - 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐲. No one is exempt from these challenges, and your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and overcome them will determine how high you can go.

In the coming months, I will talk about each of these individually, but today I am going to start with the one that has been a constant struggle for me - Ego.

Most people think of ego as an attitude of superiority or arrogance. That's not what I mean. When I talk about ego, I am simply referring to a person's sense of self-esteem and self-importance. There is nothing inherently good or bad about your ego, and an appropriately sized ego is essential to leadership. The problem is that when your ego is exaggerated or deflated, it only holds you back.

Since I am going to talk about some of the ways ego can get in the way of your progress, I think it's only appropriate that I tell you how my ego has served to restrict my growth in the past.

• 𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐠𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭 - Even as I write this article, I am aware of my ego trying to shut me down. You see, I like people to think I am intelligent and clever and a good writer, and....you get the idea. Putting my ideas out there opens me up to criticism and critique, and my ego hates that. This was a big problem for me early in my leadership career. I would sit in rooms with people I respected and wouldn't share my ideas because I was afraid of their judgment. The result was that my ideas never got expressed and the people I was trying to impress came away thinking I was timid.
• 𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 - When I did get the courage to share my ideas, any challenge felt like a personal attack. Rather than stepping back and examining the challenge on its merits, my ego would respond with defensiveness. This prevented me from learning from the people around me and kept me from seeing a situation from multiple perspectives.
• 𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐠𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬- An ego is a comparison-making machine, and it is constantly judging itself against other people. When my coworker would get a raise or a promotion, my ego used to respond with resentment or anger. Rather than think of things I could do to improve my situation, I would feel sorry for myself about being passed over.
• 𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐠𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 - Egos can be exaggerated, and they can be deflated. At either extreme, it will find reasons to isolate. Sometimes I would think I didn't have anything to add, and others I would think I didn't have anything to learn. Either way, I would find myself isolated and disconnected, which is a terrible place for any leader to find themselves.

Everyone has an ego, and while yours may not show up in the same ways mine has, chances are you can look back on times when it has revealed itself in ways that you aren't proud of. Your ego is an essential part of your mind, so you can't get rid of it even if you want to. The key to personal and professional growth, then, is to be able to recognize when your ego is holding you back.

• Listen to your body - Emotions are physical responses, so pay attention to your body. Anger, fear, or sadness can signal that your ego feels threatened. Disgust or dismissal of another can mean that your ego has placed you above them. Notice when these show up for you.
• Identify the problem - Once you realize that your ego is threatened or that you are feeling superior, recognize what it wants to do. Does it want you to stay silent, or does it want you to lash out? Identify the behavior that your ego is looking for and question if that is the best course of action.
• Focus on your reaction - Once you are aware of your ego's initial response, you have taken back control and can change the situation's outcome. You can now respond from your conscious mind in a way that benefits you.
• Take action - Effective leadership depends on conscious thought and action. Your action should be bold and confident but not arrogant. Humble yet not timid. By following the steps above, you can take effective action that empowers you and those around you - the true definition of leadership.