All right.  I still have not researched WordPress, so this post may end up looking like shit.  Bear with me.  In my mind, this thing will have text that I write, hyperlinks to a video on YouTube, QUOTED text (i.e. text that I have NOT written), photo stills of the video, etc., etc. all seamlessly interwoven together to create the desired effect, which is to educate my female readers on the downside of picking the “bad boy” and my male readers why it pays to BE the “bad boy”.  Something like that.  I’m not entirely sure what this post is about, but the key word in that last sentence was “seamlessly”.  That’s the goal.  Everything works together and WordPress and the browser renders everything correctly so as not to detract from the lesson.

I’m getting nightmares however that it won’t show up right on phones or small screens or whatever or that it’ll look like shit even on a full size screen.  The kicker is when I was perusing my blog and other blogs, what do I see?  Advertisements!  At the worst possible places.  Now I don’t know exactly how these ads work, but I know a little bit about them, so I’m gonna make a semi-educated guess.  Could be way off and I hope I am wrong, but I fear I am not.  It’s all about targeted ads.  The ad agencies do not have the time to have a human being read all these blogs, so clever people have written computer programs that scan the blog posts looking for “key words” and then target the ads appropriately.  For example, blogs that have the phrase “Eiffel Tower” might end up with an Air France ad.  A post with “LeBron James” will be pegged for all sorts of ads for basketball merchandise.  “Sally Strothers” gets you a Christian Children’s Fund or Weight Watchers ad, take your pick.

How does this affect me and my blog?  Well if I haven’t already written the phrases “ball scratching” and “titty fucking” yet in this blog, I guarantee you I will soon.  Almost assuredly it will be in the form of mocking someone for a stupid decision or statement as in “Of all the lame-ass, cock-sucking, titty-fucking retarded things that that jack-off Kanye West has said over the years, this has to be the dumbest thing that useless ball-scratching come-stain has said yet”.  Now watch.  These “bots” are excellent at scanning for keywords, but not so great at detecting the CONTEXT of the post, so my blog will be swamped with jock-itch and porn advertisements, the exact kind of ads that sophisticated readers such as yourself DO NOT want to see.  Just remember it’s not my fault and this ain’t that kind of blog, though I reserve the right to write a post or two on the topic of pornography.  And of course, what blog would be complete without at least ONE post about jock itch?  But generally, on this blog, there will be more posts NOT dealing with either of those topics than posts dealing with them so I don’t want those kinds of ads polluting it.

With that, onto my analysis of Rihanna’s “Take A Bow” video, which you can find here or simply type “Take A Bow” into YouTube’s search box.  For the lyrics, go here or google “Take A Bow lyrics”.  For those of you who have been living under a rock for years or who are married and whipped to the point of your wife banning you from looking at videos or images of smoking hot singers from Barbados, Rihanna is, well, a smoking hot singer from Barbados.  Not only is she smoking hot, but she can sing, and I mean REALLY sing.  “Take A Bow” is an awesome song, as most of Rihanna’s songs are.  Look at the lyrics and it’s a feel-good song.  The song and video go like this: Boy gets smoking hot singer from Barbados, boy is stupid enough to cheat on smoking hot singer from Barbados, boy makes desperate attempt to apologize and get girl back, girl sees through the ruse, girl invites him to her apartment under the guise of making up, girl dresses in sexy clothes, tells boy to fuck off, burns his clothes in front of him, gives him one last look at what he’ll never touch again, then leaves.

Certainly this song should make you feel good.  Anyone who manages to get Rihanna as a girlfriend should be satisfied and not get greedy and cheat on her.  I mean most guys go their entire lives without a girlfriend that hot.  And most guys who are lucky enough to get a girlfriend that hot are smart enough to do whatever they need to do to keep her (within reason of course.  No need to get TOO pathetic), chief among them is to not cheat on her.  If you DO cheat on her, you need to do some serious, SINCERE grovelling.  It shouldn’t work, but at least attempt it.  Anyway, the guy in this video needs some improvement in the grovelling department.  She busts his stupid lying, cheating ass and sends him packing.  A happy ending for nice guys like myself who get a little tired of douchebags getting the hot chicks.  For at least the length of the song, we can feel there’s SOME justice in the world.  A guy who definitely deserves to lose the girl actually loses the girl.  Life is good, right?

Not so fast.  Watch the video again a few times.  I missed it the first time too.

What did I miss?  The guy loses the girl, right?  To quote Pink, another hot, sexy singer with an awesome voice who only a moron would cheat on, “it’s just him and his hand tonight”, right?  Justice served with extreme prejudice.  He’ll be miserable for life.  He’ll never get another hot girl.

No.  He’s going to get another hot girl.  He’s going to cheat on her.  She may dump him.  She may not.  Then he’s going to get another one.  And another one.  And another one.  Over and over again.  He’s never going to “learn his lesson” because there’s no lesson to be learned.  Or rather, the lesson is that for some unfathomable reason, women are attracted to guys like this.  Here he is.  Brace yourself.  A couple of still shots from the video when he’s “grovelling”.

 

 

 

I want you to look at these pictures.  Take a good long hard look.  Look beyond his eyes and into this man’s soul.  He has no soul.  He is shallowness and narcissism personified.  Keep in mind the context here.  This is not the opening pickup where he’s trying to get Rihanna to realize how sexy and wonderful he is.  This is AFTER he has cheated on her and he’s giving her the “Baby, baby, I am SOOOO sorry.  I screwed up, please forgive me, I was stupid.  I’ll NEVER do this again!  I don’t know what I’d do without you honey!” speech.

Okay, let’s analyze the lyrics of the song combined with the still shots plus some other stuff.  Once again, sear into your mind that he has JUST CHEATED ON RIHANNA AND THIS IS HIS CALCULATED ATTEMPT AT THE BEST WAY TO GET HER TO FORGIVE HIM AND TAKE HIM BACK.  If I could find an option on the toolbar to make this 72 point font, I would.  I would change colors, but that’s been done to death.  The capital letters plus the bold font should be enough to make you the reader realize that I am trying to emphasize this.  If that’s not obvious enough, you aren’t smart enough to read this blog and are therefore banned from reading it.  I’m not dumbing it down for anyone.  Now for some of the lyrics…

 

You look so dumb right now…Standing outside my house…Trying to apologize…You’re so ugly when you cry…Please, just cut it out

 

So far, so good.  He’s pretending to apologize but she’s not fooled.

 

Don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not…Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught

 

More of the same.  She’s onto him.  Life’s good so far, nice guys rejoice, a douchebag is getting his deserved smackdown.

 

But you put on quite a show…Really had me going

 

What the fuck?

 

And the award for…The best lie goes to you goes to you

 

What the FUCK??????

 

And the award for…The best lie goes to you…For making me believe that you could be faithful to me

 

Good lord!  She almost fell for this bullshit.  I ask you to once again scroll up and look at the photos of Mr. Wonderful apologizing.  Once again, with feeling,

HE HAS JUST CHEATED ON RIHANNA AND THIS IS HIS CALCULATED ATTEMPT AT THE BEST WAY TO GET HER TO FORGIVE HIM AND TAKE HIM BACK.

This time I even made it red.

I found myself imagining the casting call for this video.  The ad probably said, “Wanted: Useless, stupid, amoral, shallow, but good-looking, physically fit, well-dressed young man to play Rihanna’s cheating, conniving, lying boyfriend in music video.”  Hundreds of aspiring actors filled the studio hoping to get their shot, but when the director spotted this guy, let’s call him Fred, he knew he had his man.  Fred is either a phenomenal actor or is he is incredibly shallow in real life.  He nailed it in this role.  In the same way that you feel that when Robert DeNiro is threatening someone in the movies that he isn’t actually acting but is someone you shouldn’t fuck with in real life and he is just letting that come out on screen, in the same way I felt that “Fred” was not acting but was instead a very successful ladies man and chronic cheater and simply letting the “inner douchebag” come out.

Here’s the thing.  This guy should never have gotten a FIRST shot at Rihanna, much less a second shot.  This guy’s act should not have even come close to fooling Rihanna but it did.  This guy should not be attractive to women, but somehow he is.  I don’t get it.  ZERO sympathy for any woman who is dumb enough and shallow enough to fall for a dipshit like this.  He’s completely transparent to anyone who is looking for someone with substance.  Maybe it’s that “confidence” thing.  Women like that and certainly you have to have a lot of confidence to act like that when you’re apologizing.  The entire video has him gesturing with his arms like if she’s not careful, HE’LL leave HER and there’s a “Hey, I’m irresistible, of course I’m going to cheat” feel.  Here’s a couple more stills from the video.  Apologies for the “Exit Full Screen” watermark.