#1ATickTocks
As we move from Prologue to scene lighting, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, and CHIFFON take places on the down L. stoop, near the sleeping WINO. They will remain there for a while, idly reading monster-movie magazines U S , in the shop, LIGHTS come up on MR. MUSHNIK at the work table, reading the Skid Row Daily News and waiting for customers who do not arrive In fact, customers very seldom if ever arrive around here What few flowers are in evidence are on their last legs wilted, faded, and decaying. The clock moves slowly, accompanied by tic-tock music, from nine o ’clock to ten. Suddenly, there is an ear-splitting crash from the off R. workroom. MUSHNIK shouts in the direction of the noise, without getting up.
M U S H N I K
What did you break now, Krelborn?
(offstage)
Nothing, Mr Mushnik
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(mumbling in something that resembles Yiddish as HE returns to the paper)
Aron g ’ vorn g ’ voxen, akebebble, mit tzibeleh. (The clock advances. When it hits eleven, AUDREY appears down R., sporting a black eye. She runs across the Forestage, past the GIRLS, and into the shop. As she enters, the doorbell sounds. The clock hits two and stops.) So, she finally decides to come to work.
A U D R E Y
Good morning Mr. Mushnik.
M U S H N I K
What morning? It’s two o ’clock in the afternoon. (HE picks up a half-eaten sandwich from the work table and starts to cross out of the shop.)
Not that we had a customer. Who has customers when you run a flower shop on Skid Row? (dumps the sandwich in the down L. trash can)
A C T O N E
S C E N E 1
—4—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
I’m sorry (SHE is hanging up her jacket as we hear another loud crash from the workroom.)
M U S H N I K
(shouted from Forestage)
Seymour, what is going on back there?
S E Y M O U R
(offstage)
Very little, Mr. Mushnik!
(quickly moving back into the shop)
M U S H N I K
Audrey, you’d better go back there and see what he’s (HE gets a good look at her for the first time ) Audrey Where’d you get that shiner?
A U D R E Y
(evasively grabbing some roses from the windowseat and crossing to the down R. work table to arrange them) Shiner?
M U S H N I K
Audrey, that greasy boyfriend of yours he’s been beating up on you again? (SHE doesn’t answer )
Look, I know it’s none of my business, but I’m beginning to think he’s maybe not such a nice boy.
A U D R E Y
You don’t meet nice boys when you live on Skid Row, Mr. Mushnik. (SEYMOUR enters up R. with several trays of plants.)
S E Y M O U R
I got these plants repotted for you, Mr (HE trips over his feet and falls, sending trays and pots flying across the room )
M U S H N I K
(shouting as SEYMOUR tumbles)
Seymour! Look what you done to the inventory!
A U D R E Y
Don’t yell at Seymour, Mr. Mushnik.
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—5—
(looking up from the floor)
Hi, Audrey you look radiant today. (beat) Is that new eye makeup?
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
(rising to exit up R workroom)
I’ll clean it up before any of the customers get here
M U S H N I K
Well that ought to give you plenty of time (HE steps outside the shop )
Look, God, what an existence I got! Misfit employees, bums on the sidewalk, business is lousy. My life is a living hell.
(A rustle of noise from stage L. stoop: CRYSTAL & CHIFFON fighting over a magazine. MUSHNIK moves down L., toward them.)
You! Urchins! Off the stoop! It ain’t bad enough I got the winos permanently decorating the storefront? I need three worthless ragamuffins to complete the picture?
R O N N E T T E
Aw, we ain’t bothering nobody. Are we Crystal?
C R Y S T A L
No we ’ re not, Ronnette.
You ought to be in school.
We’re on the split shift.
M U S H N I K
C H I F F O N
R O N N E T T E
Right. We went to school ‘til the fifth grade, then we split.
M U S H N I K
So how do you intend to better yourselves?
C R Y S T A L
Better ourselves? Mister, when you from Skid Row, ain’t no such thing. (SHE turns forward dramatically and strikes a Girl Group pose, which RONNETTE and CHIFFON quickly imitate.)
—6—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
it, child
up, suddenly)
collapses again
#2—SkidRow
( C R Y S T A L )
A L A R M G O E S O F F AT S E V E N A N D Y O U S TA RT U P TO W N Y O U P U T I N Y O U R E I G H T H O U R S F O R T H E P O W E R S T H AT H AV E A LWAY S B E E N R O N N E T T E
Sing
C R Y S T A L T I L I T ’ S F I V E P. M . W I N O # 1
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—7—
(sitting
T H E N Y O U G O (HE
) G I R L S D O W N TO W N W H E R E T H E F O L K S A R E B R O K E C R Y S T A L Y O U G O G I R L S D O W N TO W N W H E R E Y O U R L I F E ’ S A J O K E C R Y S T A L Y O U G O G I R L S D O W N TO W N W H E N Y O U B U Y Y O U R TO K E N , Y O U G O C R Y S T A L H O M E TO S K I D R O W ! (moving C with MUSHNIK, singing and dancing) C H I F F O N , R O N N E T T E H O M E TO S K I D R O W !
(sitting up again)
(As THEY continue singing, WINO #2, enters stage R., singing back-up and panhandling )
(The GIRLS continue singing, down R. AUDREY, meanwhile, comes out of the shop to empty a pan-full of SEYMOUR’s broken flowerpots in the down L. trash can.)
W I N O # 1
Y E S , Y O U G O
A L L
D O W N TO W N C R Y S T A L W H E R E T H E C A B S D O N ’ T S TO P A L L D O W N TO W N M U S H N I K W H E R E T H E F O O D I S S L O P. A L L D O W N TO W N W H E R E T H E H O P - H E A D S F L O P I N T H E S N O W ! D O W N O N S K I D R O W ! G I R L S
U P TO W N Y O U C AT E R TO A M I L L I O N J E R K S U P TO W N Y O U ’ R E M E S S E N G E R S A N D M A I L R O O M C L E R K S E AT I N ’ A L L Y O U R L U N C H E S AT T H E H O T- D O G C A RT S T H E B O S S E S TA K E Y O U R M O N E Y A N D T H E Y B R E A K Y O U R H E A RT S
—8—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A N D U P TO W N Y O U C AT E R TO A M I L L I O N W H O R E S Y O U D I S I N F E C T T E R R A Z Z O O N T H E I R B AT H R O O M F L O O R S Y O U R M O R N I N G ’ S T R I B U L AT I O N , A F T E R N O O N ’ S A C U R S E A L L A N D F I V E O ’ C L O C K I S E V E N W O R S E W I N O # 1 T H AT ’ S W H E N Y O U G O A L L D O W N TO W N A U D R E Y W H E R E T H E G U Y S A R E D R I P S .
W H E R E R E L AT I O N S H I P S A R E N O - G O (SHE sits on the stage L. trash can.)
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
(Lights crossfade sharply to him in the shop, still on his knees, cleaning up the mess.)
P O O R ! A L L M Y L I F E , I ’ V E A LWAY S B E E N P O O R ! I K E E P A S K I N G G O D W H AT I ’ M F O R ,
(HE rises )
I S TA RT E D L I F E A S A N O R P H A N , A C H I L D O F T H E S T R E E T, H E R E O N S K I D R O W ! (refers to MUSHNIK, outside)
A L L
D O W N TO W N
A U D R E Y W H E R E T H E Y R I P Y O U R S L I P S . A L L D O W N TO W N A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
A N D H E T E L L S M E , “ G E E , I ’ M N O T S U R E S W E E P T H AT F L O O R , K I D ” O H !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—9—
H E TO O K M E I N , G AV E M E S H E LT E R , A B E D , C R U S T O F B R E A D , A N D A J O B T R E AT S M E L I K E D I RT, C A L L S M E A S L O B , W H I C H I A M ! S O I L I V E . . .
A U D R E Y
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
D O W N O N S K I D R O W
D O W N O N S K I D R O W D O W N O N S K I D R O W
A L L
(moving C and turning forward, lyrically)
S O M E O N E S H O W M E A WAY TO G E T O U T TA H E R E C A U S E I C O N S TA N T LY P R AY I ’ L L G E T O U T TA H E R E
S
W O N ’ T S O M E B O D Y S AY I ’ L L G E T O U T TA H E
R I ’ L
O T H E R S
D O W N TO W N
S E Y M O U R T H AT ’ S Y O U R H O M E A D D R E S S , Y O U L I V E O T H E R S D O W N TO W N
S E Y M O U R W H E N Y O U R L I F E ’ S A M E S S , Y O U L I V E O T H E R S D O W N TO W N
S E Y M O U R W H E R E D E P R E S S I O N ’ S J E S ’ S TAT U S Q U O ! O T H E R S D O W N O N S K I D R O W S E Y M O U R
P L E A
E
R E S O M E O N E G I M M E M Y S H O T O
L R O T H E R E ! S E Y M O U R S H O W M E H O W A N D I W I L L , I ’ L L G E T O U T TA H E R E I ’ L L S TA RT C L I M B I N ’ U P H I L L A N D G E T O U T TA H E R E S O M E O N E T E L L M E I S T I L L C O U L D G E T O U T TA H E R E S O M E O N E T E L L L A D Y L U C K T H AT I ’ M S T U C K H E R E !
—10—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
O T H E R S D O W N TO W N T H E R E ’ S N O R U L E S F O R U S , D O W N TO W N C A U S E I T ’ S D A N G E R O U S D O W N TO W N W H E R E T H E R A I N B O W ’ S J U S T A N O - S H O W ! W H E N Y O U L I V E
(ALL, except SEYMOUR and AUDREY, are now moving in a very dramatic, dreamlike, West Side Story-ish way SEYMOUR, still in the shop, simply stands and sings, looking off into the distance at “dreams that won’t come true.” AUDREY, seated on the Forestage, does the same )
S E Y M O U R & A U D R E Y
G E E , I T S U R E W O U L D B E S W E L L
TO G E T O U T TA H E R E
B I D T H E G U T T E R FA R E W E L L A N D G E T O U T TA H E R E
I ’
H E L L
TO G E T O U T TA S K I D
I ’ D D O I - D U N N O - W H AT
TO G E T O U T TA S K I D ,
B U T A H E L L O F A L O T
TO G E T O U T TA S K I D ,
P E O P L E T E L L M E T H E R E ’ S N O T A WAY O U T TA S K I D . . . B U T B E L I E V E M E I G O T TA G E T O U T TA
D O W N TO W N
W H E R E T H E S U N D O N ’ T
S H I N E !
D O W N TO W N
PA S T T H E B O T TO M L I N E
D O W N TO W N
G O A S K A N Y W I N O , H E ’ L L K N O W
D O W N TO W N !
D O W N TO W N !
D O W N TO W N !
A L L
(At the end of the number, life returns to normal.)
#2ASkidRowPlayoff
(As the clock on the shop wall turns: CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON, and WINO #2 exit; WINO #1 picks some food out of the down L. trash can; SEYMOUR, up C , starts tending to the flowers in the window; MUSHNIK ushers AUDREY back into the shop, where she collects a bunch of limp roses from the stage R. work table, and works at getting the lifeless stems to stand up; MUSHNIK dejectedly returns to the stage R. work table and his newspaper.
Meanwhile, WINO #1 has moved up L , outside the shop window On a MUSIC CUE, SEYMOUR, MUSHNIK, and AUDREY think they hear something outside. Could it be a customer? THEY look It’s just the WINO He coughs disgustingly On a MUSIC CUE, AUDREY, SEYMOUR, & MUSHNIK sigh and turn back to what they were doing. The clock advances to six and chimes. AUDREY crosses up C. to deposit her lifeless roses on the window-seat.)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—11—
S K I D R O W !
D M O V E H E AV E N A N D
O T H E R S
M U S H N I K
Look at that! Six o ’clock and we didn’t sell so much as a fern I guess this is it
(HE crosses to door and reverses the sign in it from Open to Closed.)
Don’t bother coming in tomorrow
You don’t mean
You can’t mean
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
What, what, what don’t I mean? I mean I’m closed, forget it, kaput
A U D R E Y
You can’t
M U S H N I K
Kaput! Extinct! I’m closing this God and customer forsaken place (AUDREY nudges SEYMOUR forward.)
S E Y M O U R
Mr. Mushnik, forgive me for saying so, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe what the firm needs is to move in a new direction?
A U D R E Y
What Seymour ’ s trying to say, Mr Mushnik, is Well, we ’ ve talked about it and we both agree...
(confidentially, to SEYMOUR)
Seymour, why don’t you run in back and bring out that strange and interesting new plant you ’ ve been working on?
(SEYMOUR exits up R.)
You see, Mr. Mushnik, some of those exotic plants Seymour has been tinkering around with are really unusual and we were both thinking that maybe some of his strange and interesting plants prominently displayed and advertised would attract business
S E Y M O U R
(Re-enters R., carrying Pod #l a large but sickly looking plant unlike any you have ever seen )
I’m afraid it isn’t feeling very well today
A U D R E Y
(crossing C. to SEYMOUR)
There. Now isn’t that bizarre?
—12—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
M U S H N I K
(joining her)
At least. What kind of a weirdo plant is that, Seymour?
S E Y M O U R
I don’t know. It looks like some kind of fly trap, but I haven’t been able to identify it in any of my books So I gave it my own name I call it an Audrey Two
A U D R E Y
(deeply moved)
After me?
(shy and gazing at her)
S E Y M O U R
I hope you don’t mind (to MUSHNIK, then crossing to windowseat)
You see sir, if you put a strange and interesting plant like this, here in the window, maybe
M U S H N I K
(returning to R work table and sitting)
Maybe what? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? Just because you put a strange and interesting plant in a window, people don’t suddenly... (Door chimes and opens. ALL three heads turn. A CUSTOMER enters the shop.)
C U S T O M E R
Excuse me I couldn’t help noticing that strange and interesting plant What is it?
A U D R E Y
It’s an Audrey Two
C U S T O M E R
I’ve never seen anything like it before
No one has
Where did you get it?
Well
S E Y M O U R
C U S T O M E R
S E Y M O U R
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—13—
#3—Da-Doo
You remember that total eclipse of the sun a couple of weeks ago? (CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, and CHIFFON pop into view up L., outside the shop window. As SEYMOUR, stage C., tells his tale, they sing back-up with appropriate Girl Group hand gestures. No one onstage seems to notice them.)
G I R L S
D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
I was working in the wholesale flower district that day
G I R L S
S H O O P - D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
And I passed by this place where this old Chinese man— G I R L S
C H A N G - D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings
G I R L S
S N I P - D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
‘Cause he knows, you see strange plants are my hobby!
G I R L S
D A - D A - D A - D A - D A
D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
He had nothing unusual there that day.
N O P E D A - D O O
G I R L S
S E Y M O U R
And I was about to you know walk on by.
G I R L S
G O O D F O R Y O U
S E Y M O U R
When suddenly and without warning, there was this
—14—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
G I R L S
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN!
S E Y M O U R
I T G O T V E RY D A R K .
And then I heard a strange humming sound, like something from another world.
G I R L S
D A - D O O
S E Y M O U R
And when the light came back, this weird plant was just sitting there
G I R L S
O O P S - E E - D O O
S E Y M O U R
Just stuck in, you know, among the zinnias?
G I R L S
A U D - R E E - T W O
S E Y M O U R
I coulda sworn it hadn’t been there before. But the old Chinese man sold it to me anyway For a dollar ninety-five
G I R L S
S H A L A L A L A L A L A L A L A L A D O O D O O D O O D O O !
(As MUSIC ends, The GIRLS sink down behind the window and disappear from view.)
C U S T O M E R
Well, that’s an unusual story and a fascinating plant. (MUSIC: doorbell, as HE starts out L., then turns.)
Oh I may as well take fifty dollars-worth of roses while I’m here.
M U S H N I K
Fifty dollars!
Fifty dollars!
Fifty dollars!
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(crossing toward CUSTOMER at L. work table)
Yessir, right away, sir!
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—15—
Can you break a hundred?
C U S T O M E R
M U S H N I K
A hundred Er no I’m afraid we er (fingering a huge cobweb on the register)
Closed the register for the day
C U S T O M E R
Well then, I’ll just have to take twice as many, won’t I?
M U S H N I K
Twice as many!
Twice as many!
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
Twice as many! (AUDREY quickly grabs a handful of limp, dead roses and hands them to SEYMOUR for lightning-fast wrapping in a sheet of MUSHNIK’s newspaper at the R. work table.)
M U S H N I K
A hundred dollars-worth? Yessir Right away, sir Audrey, my darling, kindly fetch this gentleman one hundred dollars worth of our very finest red American Beauty roses!
(AUDREY presents the pathetic bundle to the CUSTOMER.)
C U S T O M E R
Thank you very much. (HE moves to the door, then turns.)
Yes sir. That is one strange and interesting plant. (CUSTOMER exits.)
(CRYSTAL silently enters on street, stage L., and takes a position on DS.L. stoop, reading an oversized monster movie magazine. Simultaneously, a quick beat of Ad. Lib. exuberance and laughter from MUSHNIK, AUDREY, and SEYMOUR in the shop. Then MUSHNIK takes charge:)
M U S H N I K
Well, don’t just stand there! Quick! Quick! Quick! Put that plant what do you call it?
#3A—OneStrangeAndInterestingPlant
—16—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
An Audrey Two
M U S H N I K
Put that Audrey Two in the window where the passers-by can see My God, I’d never have believed it.
(crossing stage R. to prepare to leave: taking off sweater, putting on coat, hat, and scarf)
My children, I’m taking us all to dinner! (MUSIC out)
A U D R E Y
Oh, I’d love to, Mr Mushnik, but I have a date (SHE crosses to coat rack up C.)
M U S H N I K
With the same nogoodnik? I’m telling you, Audrey, you don’t need a date with him, you need major medical He ain’t a good clean kinda boy
A U D R E Y
(putting on her jacket)
He’s a professional.
M U S H N I K
What kind of professional drives a motorcycle and wears a black leather jacket?
A U D R E Y
He’s a rebel, Mr. Mushnik. But he makes good money. And besides... he’s the only fella I’ve got Enjoy dinner Goodnight, Seymour
S E Y M O U R
Goodnight (AUDREY exits.)
M U S H N I K
(collecting his newspaper from R work table)
Poor girl
Are we still going to dinner? (THE PLANT wilts.)
(crossing C. to SEYMOUR)
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
You’re not going anywhere, Krelborn. You’re staying right here and taking care of this sick plant How come it’s fainting all the time?
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—17—
S E Y M O U R
I told you, it’s been giving me trouble It just wilts like this The Audrey Two is not a healthy girl.
M U S H N I K
Strictly between us, neither is the Audrey One.
S E Y M O U R
If only I knew what breed it is, what genus. But it’s nowhere in the books.
M U S H N I K
Well, Krelborn, my advice to you is you better figure it out and fast. Look what this exotic little beauty did for business!
S E Y M O U R
I know.
(crossing to door)
M U S H N I K
So work, Seymour! Nurse that plant back to health. I’m counting on you.
S E Y M O U R
I know.
(turns) You do?
I do
So fix! Good night (HE exits.) #4GrowForMe
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(LIGHTS: Sunset. SEYMOUR crosses to R. work table, talking to his PLANT.)
S E Y M O U R
Aw Twoey, I don’t know what else to do for you Mr Mushnik and Audrey, they just met you, but I’ve been going through this with you for weeks grow and wilt, spurt and flop. Are you sickly, little plant, or just stubborn? What is it you want? What is it you need?
(SEYMOUR sits at the table and sings as he tends the PLANT: sprinkling food on the soil, misting the leaves with water, etc.)
—18—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U S U N S H I N E
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U D I RT Y O U ’ V E G I V E N M E N O T H I N ’ B U T H E A RTA C H E A N D H U RT !
I ’ M B E G G I N ’ Y O U S W E E T LY
I ’ M D O W N O N M Y K N E E S . O H P L E A S E G R O W F O R M E
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U P L A N T F O O D
A N D WAT E R TO S I P
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U P O TA S H Y O U ’ V E G I V E N M E Z I P. O H G O D H O W I M I S T Y O U O H P O D H O W Y O U T E A S E N O W P L E A S E G R O W F O R M E
(HE crosses to the windowseat and deposits the PLANT there )
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U S O U T H E R N E X P O S U R E
TO G E T Y O U TO T H R I V E
I ’ V E P I N C H E D Y O U B A C K H A R D , L I K E I ’ M S U P P O S E D TA , Y O U ’ R E B A R E LY A L I V E
I ’ V E T R I E D Y O U AT L E V E L S O F M O I S T U R E , F R O M D E S E RT TO M U D . (returning to the work table to tidy-up)
I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U G R O W- L I G H T S A N D M I N E R A L S U P P L E M E N T S . W H AT D O Y O U WA N T F R O M M E , B L O O D ?
(As HE works, he pricks his finger on a rose thorn.) (speaking)
Ouch!
(THE PLANT opens its flytrap-like “mouth”. But SEYMOUR doesn’t catch it.)
Damned roses! Damned thorns! Clumsy me. Hey, Twoey, look what I did!
(HE shows the finger to THE PLANT and notices that it is open.)
Hey, you opened up! I wonder what made you do that?
(
Y M O U R )
S E
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—19—
( S E Y M O U R )
(SEYMOUR moves toward THE PLANT, unconsciously dropping his finger to his side as he does. As the finger disappears from its “view”, THE PLANT closes. SEYMOUR looks at THE PLANT again, sees that it is closed, and shrugs. He lifts his finger to look at the wound. THE PLANT opens. SEYMOUR notices this. He begins to catch on. He slowly hides his finger behind his back and as he does, THE PLANT slowly closes. SEYMOUR raises his finger slowly. THE PLANT slowly opens. Now SEYMOUR decides to try to trick it He very quickly hides his finger, then quickly lifts it again As he does this, THE PLANT closes and opens, mirroring his timing exactly. SEYMOUR turns away with an “uh oh” expression )
I think I know what made you do that Well, I guess a few drops couldn’t hurt Long as you don’t make a habit out of it or anything.
(SEYMOUR gingerly extends his bleeding finger toward THE PLANT. THE PLANT vibrates in anticipation ) U H U H O H P L E A S E
(SEYMOUR squeezes his finger over THE PLANT, extracting a drop or two of blood. The pod opens, snapping at the drops like a puppy, begging for more.)
Grow for me?
(SEYMOUR exits into the back room. As MUSIC builds, we see THE PLANT begin to grow and grow and grow until, on the last chord of the music, it gives a little circular flourish almost seeming to bow.)
(BLACKOUT. SCREENS CLOSE)
—20—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(sings) I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U S U N L I G H T I ’ V E G I V E N Y O U R A I N L O O K S L I K E Y O U ’ R E N O T H A P P Y ‘ L E S S I O P E N A V E I
N ! I ’ L L G I V E Y O U A F E W D R O P S I F T H AT ’ L L A P P E A S E N O W P L E A S E
#4A—WSKIDRadioJingle
G I R L S D O O T D O O D A D O O D O O T D O O D O O T D O O D A D O O D O O T D O O G I R L S & G U Y S
D
O U B L E - U S K I D S K I D R O W R A D I O !
#5YouNeverKnow
(Screen closed. Forestage. MUSHNIK, CRYSTAL, CHIFFON, and RONNETTE sit on stage R. stoop, gathered around a little transistor radio. We overhear the program they are listening to: the end of an interview with SEYMOUR.)
(SOUND: Interview Tape.)
(tape)
D J
And thus we conclude our interview with Seymour Krelborn, the young botanical Do you mind if I call you a genius?
S E Y M O U R
(tape)
Gosh, no
D J
The genius who’s developed a new breed of plant life, hitherto unknown on this planet. The Audrey Two. Oh, just one last question, Mr. Krelborn. Do you feed it anything special?
S E Y M O U R
Special? Er... no... it’s a secret formula, but it’s... uh... not hard to come by.
D J
I see, well thanks for dropping by and
M U S H N I K
The address, the address! Mention the...
S E Y M O U R
I’d like to remind our listeners that the Audrey Two is on display exclusively at Mushnik’s Skid Row Florists...
S E Y M O U R
(shouting to be heard)
O p e n s i x d a y s a w e e k , t e n t o s i x !
D J
A n d t h a n k s f o r a l l o u r l i s t e n e r s o u t t h e re i n r a d i o l a n d T h a n k s f o r t u n i n g i n t o W S K I D
M U S H N I K
Oh well. It’s still great advertising. (Remains sitting on stoop. The GIRLS, grouped around him, sing back-up.)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—21—
S C E N E 2
(SEYMOUR runs in from L., wearing a jacket and carrying AUDREY TWO.
THE PLANT Pod #2 is now almost two feet tall. It is actually a hand puppet, manipulated by SEYMOUR, whose right arm is concealed in the pot, while a stuffed right jacket-arm and rubber hand disguise this fact to the audience.
THE PLANT does not move through the following:)
( M U S
I K )
H N
I C A N ’ T B E L I E V E I T I T C O U L D N ’ T B E H A P P E N I N G P I N C H M E , G I R L S I T C O U L D N ’ T B E H A P P E N I N G A L L O F T H I S S U D D E N S U C C E S S C O M I N G O U T TA T H E B L U E !
G I R L S
D O O D O O T D O O D O O T D O O D O O D O O T D O O D O O M U S H N I K I P U T A S I G N U P R I G H T I N T H E F R O N T W I N D O W A N A D V E RT I S E M E N T R I G H T I N T H E F R O N T W I N D O W “ S TO P I N A N D S E E T H E A M A Z I N G N E W P L A N T, A U D R E Y T W O ”
G I R L S T W O T W O T W O D O O T D O O D O O D O O T D O O D O O T M U S H N I K A N D T H E R E A L LY R E M A R K A B L E T H I N G I S T H AT P E O P L E , T H E Y D O !
G I R L S
D O O D O O T D O O D O O T D O O T H E Y S U R E D O D O O
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R T H AT T W E R P O F A K L U T Z F I N A L LY D I D S O M E T H I N G R I G H T A U D R E Y T W O D R I V E S ‘ E M N U T S W H AT A B L E S S I N G T H I S W O N D E R F U L P L A N T S H O U L D E X I S T A N D S H O U L D R A K E I N T H E B U C K S F O R M E H A N D O V E R F I S T !
—22—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
Well, how’d I do?
(running to him)
You was great, Seymour!
(Joining her)
C H I F F O N
C R Y S T A L
You sounded sexier than the Wolfman!
M U S H N I K
But you didn’t mention the address of the shop How many times have I told you
S E Y M O U R
I’m sorry I was nervous Where’s Audrey? She said she’d be here
M U S H N I K
Forget about Audrey I’ve got three more radio interviews lined up for tomorrow and the Skid Row Herald Examiner wants a picture!
(With a flourish, MUSHNIK produces a small camera. The GIRLS Ad. Lib. excitedly: “A picture! Oh, Seymour!”)
S E Y M O U R
(over Ad Lib )
If I had a mother, she’d be so happy
R O N N E T T E
(still perched on the stage R. stoop) You’re an overnight sensation, Seymour.
(MUSIC CUE. Beat. SHE crosses her legs and turns to the audience.) Who’da believed it?
(RONNETTE nods to the Band for her cue. As she sings, MUSHNIK snaps several photos of SEYMOUR, posing with AUDREY TWO, CRYSTAL, & CHIFFON )
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—23—
O N E D AY H E P U S H E D A B R O O M N O T H I N ’ I N H I S N E W S B U T G L O O M A N D D O O M T H E N H E L I T A F U S E A N D G I V E H I M R O O M S TA N D A S I D E A N D WAT C H T H AT M O T H A H B L O W ! E X P L O S I O N ! B A N G ! K E R B O O M !
(MUSHNIK exits, gesturing for SEYMOUR to follow, but GIRLS intercept him and pull him into a little Conga-line dance.)
G I R L S
G I R L S
C H I F F O N
Sit down, Seymour. Chiffon’s gonna sing for ya. (SEYMOUR sits on stage L. trash can. During the following, as CHIFFON sings in celebration of SEYMOUR’s success and RONNETTE & CRYSTAL sing back-up, THE PLANT gets bored. SEYMOUR tries to get it to watch the GIRLS’ number, but it’s no use. The PLANT gets frisky and bites SEYMOUR’s left hand.)
(SEYMOUR pulls his hand out of the PLANT as the GIRLS, oblivious to the PLANT’s antics, pull SEYMOUR and his PLANT into the number.)
( R O N N E T T E )
D O N ’ T I T G O TO S H O W YA N E V E R K N O W ?
S E Y M O U R WA S
I N A F U N K
H E WA S N U M B E R Z E R O W H O ’ D A T H U N K H E ’ D B E C O M E A H E R O ? J U S T A P U N K H E WA S A F O R G O T T E N S O A N D S O T H E N O N E D AY
S E Y M O U R
C R A S H ! K E R P L U N K !
D O N ’ T I T G O TO S H O W YA N E V E R K N O W ?
A L L T H E W O R L D U S E D TO S C R E W H I M
B I F W H A M P O W, N O W T H E Y I N T E RV I E W H I M A N D T H E Y C L A M O R TO P U T H I S R E M A R K S O N T H E A I R !
A L L T H E W O R L D U S E D TO H AT E H I M
N O W T H E Y ’ R E S TA RT I N G TO ‘ P R E C I AT E H I M
A L L B E C A U S E O F T H AT S T R A N G E L I T T L E P L A N T O V E R T H E R E
G I R L S
O B S E RV E H I M ! H E R E ’ S A C H A P
—24—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
E V E RY T H I N G I S L A N D I N ’ I N H I S L A P !
(aside)
(As the number progresses toward its conclusion, SEYMOUR dances with the GIRLS, but is hard-put to hide from them the fact that his PLANT has a mind of its own. It snaps at anything that’s handy and, toward the finish it even begins to bounce and jive in time to the music!)
(offstage R.) Krelborn!!
(SEYMOUR obediently exits R.)
S E Y M O U R
I J U S T C U T M Y H A N D A N D I N A S N A P !
S E Y M O U R
S O M E T H I N G O U T O F E D G A R A L L E N P O E H A S H A P P E N E D !
G I R L S
Z A M K A Z A P ! D O N ’ T I T G O TO S H O W YA N E V E R K N O W ?
O N E D AY Y O U ’ R E S L I N G I N ’ H A S H F E E L I N ’ S O R E J E C T E D L I G H T N I N G F L A S H ! Y O U G E T R E S U R R E C T E D ! M A K E A S P L A S H ! N O W Y O U R AT E T H E B I G B R AV I S S I M O ! A N D W I T H A T H U N D E R C R A S H ! C R A S H K E R P L U N K ! B A M K E R B O O M ! Z A N G K A Z U N K ! Z A M K A Z O O M ! Z O W E E , P O W E E H O LY C O W, H E O R D E R E D U P A R A I N B O W TO G O S E Y M O U R & G I R L S W O W ! P O W ! L O O K O U T B E L O W ! D O N ’ T I T G O TO S H O W YA N E V E R K N O W ? M U S H N I K
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—25—
(GIRLS Ad. Lib. laughter and good-natured mockery of SEYMOUR’s awkward dancing AUDREY rushes in, stage L She is out of breath and her arm is in a chic leopard-print sling.)
C R Y S T A L
(Sees AUDREY and executes a “hold everything” arm gesture that cues PLAYOFF MUSIC to stop.)
Well, look who’s here
A U D R E Y
Hi, Crystal Hi, Ronnette Hi, Chiffon Am I late? Did I miss it?
R O N N E T T E
(crosses to AUDREY)
Sure are.
(Joining her)
And sure did
(crosses down L., past them)
C H I F F O N
A U D R E Y
Seymour ’ s first radio broadcast. I wanted to cheer him on. I tried to be on time, but
C R Y S T A L
Don’t tell me
You got tied up
G I R L S
A U D R E Y
No, just handcuffed a little (CRYSTAL and CHIFFON cross L and position themselves on the down L stoop )
R O N N E T T E
(crossing and sitting on edge of Forestage, just down R C of stage L trash can)
Girl, I don’t know who this mess is you hangin’ out with, but he is hazardous to your health.
A U D R E Y
That’s for sure, but I can’t leave him.
Why not?
C H I F F O N
—26—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
He’d get angry And if he does this to me when he likes me, imagine what he’d do if he ever got mad.
C R Y S T A L
So dump the chump, get another guy, and let him protect you.
C H I F F O N
And we got one all picked out.
A little botanical genius.
R O N N E T T E
C R Y S T A L
And she ain’t talkin’ about George Washington Carver.
A U D R E Y
Seymour?
Bingo.
A L L T H R E E
A U D R E Y (crossing L., toward CRYSTAL & CHIFFON)
Oh, we ’ re just friends I could never be Seymour ’ s girl I’ve got a past
C H I F F O N
And who amongst us has not?
(sits on stage L. trash can)
A U D
R E Y
I don’t even deserve a Sweet, Considerate, Suddenly Successful guy like Seymour.
R O N N E T T E
Mm, mm, mm. This child suffers from low self-image.
C H I F F O N
You have a point.
She have a problem.
C R Y S T A L
A U D R E Y
I K N O W S E Y M O U R ’ S T H E G R E AT E S T B U T I ’ M D AT I N G A S E M I - S A D I S T.
#6SomewhereThat’sGreen
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—27—
C R Y S T A L
What kind of place is that, honey? An emergency room?
A U D R E Y
(as MUSIC continues under)
Oh no. It’s just a daydream of mine. A little development I dream of. Just off the Interstate Not fancy like Levittown Just a little street in a little suburb, far far from Urban Skid Row. The sweetest, greenest place where everybody has the same little lawn out front and the same little flagstone patio out back And all the houses are so neat and pretty... ‘Cause they all look just alike. Oh, I dream about it all the time. Just me And the toaster And a sweet little guy Like Seymour (AUDREY remains seated on the stage L. trash can. Gradually, we begin to see on the faces of the GIRLS grouped around her that they share her dream. LIGHTS grow soft and lyrical, narrowing on the GIRLS and AUDREY, stage L.)
( A U D R E Y )
S O I ’ V E G O T A B L A C K E Y E A N D M Y A R M ’ S I N A C A S T
S T I L L , T H AT S E Y M O U R ’ S A C U T I E W E L L , I F N O T, H E ’ S G O T I N N E R B E A U T Y, A N D I D R E A M O F A P L A C E W H E R E W E C O U L D B E
TO G E T H E R , AT L A S T
A M AT C H B O X O F O U R O W N A F E N C E O F R E A L C H A I N L I N K A G R I L L O U T O N T H E PAT I O D I S P O S A L I N T H E S I N K A WA S H E R A N D A D RY E R A N D A N I R O N I N G M A C H I N E I N A T R A C T H O U S E T H AT W E S H A R E S O M E W H E R E T H AT ’ S G R E E N
H E R A K E S A N D T R I M S T H E G R A S S H E L O V E S TO M O W A N D W E E D
I C O O K L I K E B E T T Y C R O C K E R A N D I L O O K L I K E D O N N A R E E D
T H E R E ’ S P L A S T I C O N T H E F U R N I T U R E TO K E E P I T N E AT A N D C L E A N
—28—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
I N T H E P I N E - S O L - S C E N T E D A I R , S O M E W H E R E T H AT ’ S G R E E N
the last word of the song, SHE reaches out as if toward the place she’s been singing about. LIGHTS narrow down on this image and then fade to:)
BLACKOUT
( A U D R E Y )
B E T W E E N O U R F R O Z E N D I N N E R
A N D O U R B E D - T I M E : N I N E - F I F T E E N W E S N U G G L E WAT C H I N G L U C Y O N O U R B I G , E N O R M O U S T W E LV E - I N C H S C R E E N
I ’ M H I S D E C E M B E R B R I D E H E ’ S FAT H E R , H E K N O W S B E S T O U R K I D S WAT C H H O W D Y D O O D Y A S T H E S U N S E T S I N T H E W E S T
A P I C T U R E O U T O F BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS M A G A Z I N E FA R F R O M S K I D R O W I D R E A M W E ’ L L G O S O M E W H E R E T H AT ’ S G R E E N
(On
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—29—
#7ClosedForRenovation
(Lights come up to reveal SEYMOUR, emptying garbage into the stage R. trash can. RONNETTE is perched on the stage L. stoop. U.S., the Screens are open, but the shop is lit only in silhouette. MUSHNIK holds a frozen attitude on the telephone at the stage L. work table.)
S E Y M O U R
(at trash can)
(HE bounces merrily across the Forestage, and waves at RONNETTE )
TO D AY
(LIGHTS come up in the shop as SEYMOUR enters it and MUSHNIK comes to life. We see now that the place is in the midst of a transformation. There are lots of new, living flowers in the window The stage R work table is gone In its place is a large object covered by a white drop-cloth. There’s a ladder up C. As MUSHNIK speaks, SEYMOUR climbs the ladder and begins to clean the woodwork )
M U S H N I K
(on phone)
Yes, indeed This is the shop you heard about on Channel Five news Yes, the Audrey Two is on display exclusively here!
(AUDREY enters from the workroom wearing a frilly pink apron. She sings with SEYMOUR and balletically begins to mop the floor, as MUSHNIK continues his phone conversation in pantomime.)
S E Y M O U R & A U D R E Y
‘
S C E N E 3
W E ’ R E C L O S E D F O R R E N O VAT I O N F O R S P I F F I N G U P A N D G R O O M I N G ‘ C A U S E C U S TO M E R S A R E F L O C K I N G A N D B U S I N E S S H A S B E E N B O O M I N G
W E N E E D R E F R I G E R AT I O N I N O U R N E W, I M P R O V E D D I S P L AY S O W E ’ R E C L O S E D F O R R E N O VAT I O N
W E ’ R E C L O S E D F O R D E C O R AT I O N
C A U S E F O RT U N E H A S B E E N S M I L I N G
—30—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S O N O W W E ’ R E D U E F O R PA I N T I N G N E W P L U M B I N G , A N D R E - T I L I N G W E ’ L L M A K E A S H I P - S H A P E S H O W P L A C E
M U S H N I K
(hanging up the phone and addressing SEYMOUR, who still is cleaning the woodwork) Aren’t you finished yet?
S E Y M O U R
(Holds up his hands. We see that he has bandages on each of his ten fingers.)
I’m doing my best, but all these band-aids make it kinda hard.
A U D R E Y
You’ve been getting hurt so much lately.
S E Y M O U R
Er... I know... seems like every time I pick up a pruning shears, I slip. (SEYMOUR descends the ladder and during the rest of the number, he, AUDREY, and MUSHNIK complete the transformation of the shop: spinning a piece of the stage R wall to reveal a brand-new, refrigerated display case, bordered with twinkling lights; revolving the stage L. work table to reveal a shiny new facade, also bordered with lights; whisking a dust-cover off of an object on the stage L. work table to reveal a shiny new cash register. And all the while, the three of them are singing and dancing like fugitives from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Which is to say, very merrily indeed.)
A L L
(
S E Y M O U R & A U D R E Y
)
O F A L I T T L E S H O P A N D T H E N , TO M O R R O W, W E ’ L L B E O P E N A G A I N .
W E ’ R E C L O S E D F O R R E N O VAT I O N F O R S WA B B I N G - D O W N A N D B R O O M I N G
‘ C A U S E B U S I N E S S H A S B E E N T H R I V I N G S I N C E A U D R E Y T W O ’ S B E E N B L O O M I N G T H E P H O N E S H AV E N O T S TO P P E D R I N G I N G
W I T H T H E C U S TO M E R S W H O S AY:
S E Y M O U R
A N O T H E R B U N C H O F P E O N I E S
A U D R E Y A N O T H E R D O Z E N D A I S I E S , P L E A S E
S E Y M O U R
G E R A N I U M S , A N E M O N E S
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—31—
A U D R E Y F O R G E T- M E - N O T S A N D F L E U R S - D E - L I S
A L L
O N PA I D - I N - F U L L S A N D C . O . D . ’ S W E ’ R E C L O S E D F O R R E N O VAT I O N
(THEY whisk the drop cloth off of the mysterious object stage R , revealing it to be AUDREY TWO now over four feet tall and sporting huge, dangerously spiked leaves.)
TO D AY ! ! !
(On the last notes of music, a display sign reading “Here it is!” flies in to dangle over and point to the PLANT. This is Pod #3. The puppeteer inside keeps it absolutely motionless until the script indicates otherwise On applause after the number, SEYMOUR moves up C. to fold up the ladder, AUDREY moves to the refrigerator, and MUSHNIK takes a clipboard from the work table. Out on the Forestage, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON enter R. and take positions on the down R. stoop. CHIFFON silently starts doing CRYSTAL’s nails.)
M U S H N I K
(finding a notation on his clipboard)
Seymour, did you send out that order for Mrs Shiva?
S E Y M O U R
Mrs Shiva?
A U D R E Y
(taking a black-bowed arrangement from the refrigerator and handing it to him) Mrs. Shiva.
S E Y M O U R
Mrs. Shiva... Er, I forgot.
(exploding)
M U S H N I K
You forgot? How could you forget an order like that? (crosses to SEYMOUR and grabs the arrangement from him)
The Shivas are our most important funereal account! A big, enormous family and they’re dropping off like flies! I’m telling you, Krelborn, if we lose their business over this YOU ARE FINISHED!!!
(Still bellowing, HE exits L. Abashed, SEYMOUR just stands there. After a moment of embarrassed silence, AUDREY takes a “Get Well Soon” arrangement from the refrigerator and crosses to the stage L. work table. She will continue to work on the arrangement intermittently throughout the following scene.)
M
U S H N I K
W I T H G R AT I S H O M E D E L I V E R I E S
—32—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
You know, sometimes I think Mr Mushnik’s too hard on you
S E Y M O U R
(crosses down R. to check the PLANT’s leaves and soil, speaking shyly as he does)
Oh, I don’t mind. After all, I owe him everything. He took me out of the Skid Row Home for Boys when I was just a little tyke Gave me a warm place to sleep, under the counter. Nice things to eat like meatloaf and water. Floors to sweep and toilets to clean and every other Sunday off...
A U D R E Y
You know, I think you oughta raise your expectations, Seymour. Now that we ’ re getting successful, I mean. Why don’t you start with some new clothes?
(SEYMOUR, selfconscious, crosses up L. to get a plant-mister from the windowseat.) No offense, but what with all the interviews and photo sessions, a big, important experimental botanist has to look the part.
S E Y M O U R
(crosses down R. of PLANT, to mist it)
I’m a very bad shopper, Audrey. I don’t have good taste, like you.
A U D R E Y
Well, I could help you pick things out.
S E Y M O U R
You could?
A U D R E Y Sure.
S E Y M O U R
(HE takes a step toward her.) You’d go shopping with me?
A U D R E Y Sure.
S E Y M O U R
(and another) You’d be seen with me in a public place? Like a department store?
A U D R E Y Sure.
S E Y M O U R (and another) Tonight?
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—33—
A U D R E Y
I can’t tonight I’ve got a date But I’d like to go with you another time
S E Y M O U R
Sure, I’ll pencil you in (Disappointed, HE crosses U.S. to put his plant-mister away.)
A U D R E Y
I’ll bet you ’ ve got alotta dates now, huh?
S E Y M O U R
Not dates exactly. (Regaining some self-confidence, HE crosses back D.S.)
But alotta garden clubs have been calling asking me to give lectures.
A U D R E Y
Gee.
S E Y M O U R
Imagine me, giving lectures. (HE sits beside her on the stool at the work table.)
I never even finished grade school.
A U D R E Y
That doesn’t matter. You have life experience.
S E Y M O U R
Some experience. I don’t even know what it’s like to fly in an airplane.
A U D R E Y
Me neither.
S E Y M O U R
Or eat a fancy dinner at Howard Johnson’s.
A U D R E Y
Me neither.
Or ride a motorcycle.
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
Oh, it’s no big deal. And besides, it’s dangerous.
S E Y M O U R
It is?
—34—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
Extremely dangerous (beat)
Gee, I’d better go fix my face My date’ll be here any minute (SHE exits up R.)
#7AOrin’sPlay-on
(SEYMOUR takes the stool from the worktable, crosses to the window, and sits there, back to audience, as LIGHTS fade in shop and come up on the Forestage. ORIN enters down R., wearing a black leather jacket and a smug, self-satisfied expression. He positions himself stiffly, just C. of the down R. stoop and speaks to the GIRLS.)
O R I N
Excuse me, ladies. Which way to thirteen-thirteen Skid Row?
C R Y S T A L (producing a tin can marked “Tips” and handing it to CHIFFON)
I’m afraid that information will cost you a dollar.
O R I N
Hey. No prob. (dropping a dollar into the can) Here you go.
C H I F F O N (handing the can back to CRYSTAL)
It’s right over there. But if you ’ re like the thousands of others flocking down to see the Audrey Two, you better come back tomorrow, man. This shop is closed today. (SHE slaps CRYSTAL’s hand and squeals gleefully.)
Ooooh, took his dollar!
O R I N
I’m not here to buy posies, girls. I’m here to pick up my date.
C R Y S T A L
(eyeing him) Your date?
C H I F F O N (with a glance to CRYSTAL)
You ain’t by any chance talkin’ about a girl with a black eye?
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—35—
C R Y S T A L
And several other medical problems?
O R I N
As a matter of fact (Suddenly, the GIRLS descend upon him full-force, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON backing him to C. and RONNETTE, who has been watching from the stage L. stoop, approaching him from behind.)
G I R L S
(shouted; Ad. Lib)
That’s him! That’s the one! Who do you think you are, treating her that way? Get outta here and don’t come back! Beat it! Get lost! (Etc.)
R O N N E T T E
(spinning him around to face her)
Yo!
O R I N
Ladies! Ladies! Please! I’m friendly! Truce! Pacem! (He removes an inhaler from his pocket and offers it.)
You want some nitrous oxide?
(backing him up to stage L.C.)
C R Y S T A L
Why don’t you get lost, Vitalis-brains? The last thing Audrey needs is more of your kind
O R I N
My kind is a very nice kind, ladies I’m not a monster
R O N N E T T E
What else would you call it?
I would call it (quickly inhaling some nitrous oxide)
I would call it an occupational hazard
O R I N
C H I F F O N
Say what?
O R I N
You see, girls, my line of work requires a certain fascination with human pain and suffering.
—36—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(HE inhales again and gives a little whoop.)
This stuff is great. Allow me to explain.
#8BeaDentist
(GIRLS clap out a rhythm and move into a backup-group formation. They will maintain this attitude throughout
number: an ultra-cool, Shangri-La-style detachment, with appropriate unison hand gestures.)
(
O R I N )
L L F I N D A WAY TO M A K E Y O U R N AT- U - R A L T E N D E N C I E S PAY ! (HE unzips his leather jacket...) Y O U ’ L L B E A (And removes it, revealing
D E N T I S T ! LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—37— O R I N Y O U H AV E A TA L E N T F O R C A U S I N G T H I N G S PA I N S O N , B E A D E N T I S T ! P E O P L E W I L L PAY Y O U TO B E I N H U M A N E Y O U R T E M P E R A M E N T ’ S W R O N G F O R T H E P R I E S T H O O D A N D T E A C H I N G W O U L D S U I T Y O U S T I L L L E S S ! G I R L S B E A D E N T I S T ! O O H PA I N ! S O N , B E A D E N T I S T O O H I N H U M A N E O O H O O H
his
W H E N I WA S Y O U N G E R , J U S T A B A D L I T T L E K I D , M Y M A M A N O T I C E D F U N N Y T H I N G S I D I D L I K E S H O O T I N ’ P U P P I E S W I T H A B . B . G U N . I ’ D P O I S O N G U P P I E S , A N D W H E N I WA S D O N E , I ’ D F I N D A P U S S Y C AT A N D B A S H I N I T S H E A D T H AT ’ S W H E N M Y M A M A S A I D G I R L S (toneless and in rhythm) W H AT D I D S H E S AY ? O R I N S H E S A I D , M Y B O Y I T H I N K S O M E D AY Y O U ’
a white Dentist’s uniform.)
(The following spoken lines are spoken in tight, toneless rhythm.)
R O N N E T T E H E R E H E I S , G I R L S , T H E L E A D E R O F T H E P L A Q U E . C H I F F O N WAT C H H I M S U C K U P T H AT G A S ! O H M Y G O D ! C R Y S T A L H E ’ S A D E N T I S T A N D H E ’ L L N E V E R - E V E R B E A N Y G O O D !
—38—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A L L T H R E E W H O WA N T S T H E I R T E E T H D O N E B Y T H E M A R Q U I S D E S A D E ? O H , T H AT H U RT S ! I ’ M N O T N U M B ! O R I N AW S H U T U P ! O P E N W I D E ! H E R E I C O M E ! (sings) I A M Y O U R D E N T I S T ! G I R L S ( G O O D N E S S G R A C I O U S ! ) O R I N A N D I E N J O Y T H E C A R E E R T H AT I P I C K E D ! O R I N I A M Y O U R D E N T I S T ! G I R L S ( F I T T I N G B R A C E S ! ) O R I N A N D I G E T O F F O N T H E PA I N I I N F L I C T ! G I R L S Y O U R E A L LY L O V E I T ! O R I N W H E N I S TA RT E X T R A C T I N G T H O S E M O L A R S G I R L S ( D O N ’ T T RY I T ! )
( O R I N )
S O N , B E A D E N T I S T ! Y O U ’ L L B E A S U C C E S S !
( G I R L S ) A H
S O N , B E A D E N T I S T ! Y O U ’ L L B E A S U C C E S S !
(The GIRLS clap out the rhythm as ORIN moves D S toward the audience He addresses the house directly.)
Say “Ah”!
(in toneless backup)
Ah
(gesturing to another part of the audience)
Say “Ah”!
Ah
Say “Ah”!
Ah
(Having made the audience do his bidding, HE now regards them smugly and instructs them with a snide grin:)
Now, spit.
(On the last beat of the number, HE strikes a “Leader of the Pack” pose with his back to the audience We see for the first time that the back of his Dentist’s uniform is appliqued with a peculiar “bike club” insignia: a bleeding tooth and the letters “A.D.A.”)
O R I N
Y O U G I R L S W I L L B E S C R E A M I N G L I K E H O LY R O L L E R S ! G I R L S D E N T I S T !
O R I N A N D T H O U G H I T M AY C A U S E M Y PAT I E N T S D I S T R E S S G I R L S
DISTRESS ! O R I N
S O M E W H E R E I N H E AV E N A B O V E M E , I K N O W T H AT M Y M A M A’ S P R O U D O F M E ! C A U S E I ’ M A D E N T I S T. . . A N D A S U C C E S S !
G I R L S
O R I N
G I R L S
O R I N
G I R L S
O R I N
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—39—
#8A—Orin’sPlayoff
(On PLAYOFF MUSIC, RONNETTE and CHIFFON exit R. CRYSTAL climbs to perch herself on the fire escape, down R. ORIN puts on his leather jacket and crosses the Forestage, toward the shop. Shop LIGHTS restore. SEYMOUR crosses to stage L. work table, putting things in order.)
O R I N
(MUSIC OUT sharply as door opens and HE pokes his head in.)
Hey, how ya doin’?
S E Y M O U R
Fine, thank you. But the shop’s closed.
(enters shop)
I’m not here to shop, I’m here to (sees THE PLANT and crosses to it)
O R I N
Hey This must be that plant they’re talkin’ about on the news Whatdya call it?
S E Y M O U R
An Audrey Two
Cute name Catchy Nice plant Big
O R I N
S E Y M O U R
Thank you, I raised it myself Now, if you don’t mind I’m not really supposed to let anyone...
O R I N
I hear it’s some kind of new species or something.
S E Y M O U R
That’s what they tell me. But you’ll have to leave now, we...
A U D R E Y
(enters from back room)
It’s okay, Seymour This is my boyfriend Seymour, Orin Scrivello (ORIN snaps a finger at her.)
D D S
(putting an arm around SEYMOUR)
O R I N
I’ll tell you something, guy. You say you raised this thing, right?
—40—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
Right
O R I N
(punctuating his remarks with friendly but painful little side-jabs, arm-punches, and neck-grabs)
Well if I were you I sure as hell wouldn’t keep it under a barrel down in a Skid Row dump like this. This avocado here could be your ticket to the stars. You could take it to any florist shop in town and name your price. Hell, somebody’d make you a goddam partner to get their hands on this.
S E Y M O U R
I don’t care. I’m happy here.
Seymour ’ s very loyal.
A U D R E Y
O R I N
(drops SEYMOUR and turns to her sharply)
Somebody talking to you?
Oh... no... (beat) Excuse me.
Excuse me what?
Excuse me, doctor.
(pleased) That’s better.
A U D R E Y
O R I N
A U D R E Y
O R I N
(Outside the shop, MUSHNIK enters L. and stands by the door, eavesdropping. Inside, ORIN turns to SEYMOUR and resumes his aggressively friendly manner.)
I’m telling you, kid, this thing’s a big green gold mine. Get your ass outta this dump and take the plant with you.
M U S H N I K
(to himself) What?!
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—41—
O R I N
Mushnik’s Skid Row Florists? Feh, it’s like a joke You hear me talkin’?
S E Y M O U R
I hear you
He hears him
Shouldn’t we be leaving now?
M U S H N I K
A U D R E Y
(ORIN turns quickly toward her with a threatening attitude.)
I’m sorry
Sorry, what?
(desperate to placate him)
O R I N
A U D R E Y
I’m sorry, Doctor... Doctor... Sorry, Doctor.
O R I N
(Satisfied, he turns to SEYMOUR )
You gotta train ‘ em, eh stud?
(HE gives SEYMOUR a macho punch on the arm SEYMOUR timidly tries to return it in kind. A dismal failure. )
Well, my bike’s outside and double-parked. But you think about what I said, scout... I mean it You think about it
S E Y M O U R
(Just trying to get rid of him)
Sure. Sure, I’ll think about it.
(crossing down to stage L stoop)
He’ll think about it
You do that. (crosses to door and barks:)
Okay, Audrey! (SHE obediently joins him at door.) You got the handcuffs?
M U S H N I K
O R I N
—42—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
(embarrassed and miserable)
They’re right in my bag.
Then let’s go. (THEY exit.)
#9—Mushnik&Son
O R I N
M U S H N I K
(on Forestage, aside)
S E Y M O U R
(calling outside as HE starts to spray THE PLANT)
I don’t like that guy, Mr. Mushnik. And you should hear the way he talks to Audrey.
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
(to himself as HE works)
No wonder she looks so unhealthy. It’s enough to make you sick.
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
Sweet and good and beautiful as she is, she deserves a prince, not a sadistic creep like him!
M U S H N I K
H E ’ L L T H I N K A B O U T I T ? H E ’ L L T H I N K A B O U T I T ?
G O T T I N H I M M E L , N O T H E K I D J U S T S A I D H E ’ D M U L L I T O V E R !
I F H E L E F T M E I F S E Y M O U R L E F T M E W H Y T H E N I ’ D B E R I G H T B A C K W H E R E I S TA RT E D W H I C H WA S B R O K E A N D S TA RV I N G
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—43—
C L O S E TO B A N K R U P T
S E Y M O U R
(sits R.C. on shop step, near PLANT)
What a louse.
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
He’s a disgrace to the dental profession.
M U S H N I K
(An idea occurs to him. HE lights up and starts toward shop.)
Seymour
Sir?
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(in the doorway; with great affection) Seymour (sings)
W
S E Y M O U R
(SEYMOUR watches in shock as MUSHNIK sings and dances his proposition like a demented refugee from Fiddler on the Roof.)
M U S H N I K
B E S E T, B E F U D D L E D , A N D B E R E F T T H AT ’ S W H AT I ’ D B E I F S E Y M O U R L E F T !
H O W W O U L D Y O U L I K E TO B E M Y SON ? ! H O W W O U L D Y O U L I K E TO B E M Y O W N A D O P T E D B O Y ?
( I N E V E R L I K E D H I M M U C H , B E F O R E B U T C O U N T T H E C A S H T H AT ’ S I N T H E D R AW E R I ’ V E G O T N O C H O I C E ! I ’ M M U C H TO O P O O R . )
S AY Y E S !
H AT F O R ?
—44—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R , I WA N T TO B E Y O U R D A D ! I WA N N A S E E Y O U C L I M B I N G U P M Y FA M I LY T R E E I U S E D TO T H I N K Y O U L E F T A S T E N C H B U T N O W I S E E T H AT Y O U ’ R E A M E N S C H , S O I ’ M P R O P O S I N G !
( M U S H N I K )
B E M Y S O N !
(pulling SEYMOUR up and clasping his shoulders)
M U S H N I K A N D S O N S O U N D S G R E AT
T H R E E W O R D S W I T H T H E R I N G O F FAT E S O S AY Y O U ’ L L I N C O R P O R AT E W I T H M E
A F L O R I S T ’ S D R E A M C O M E T R U E
M U S H N I K A N D H I S B O Y C H I K , Y O U W H AT B U S I N E S S W E ’ L L D O F O R F. T. D .
(SEYMOUR starts backing toward the door. MUSHNIK stays at him.)
H O W ‘ B O U T I T, S E Y M O U R ?
B E M Y S O N !
J U S T S AY T H E W O R D , I ’ L L H AV E M Y L AW Y E R O N T H E P H O N E !
S E Y M O U R
N O W, M R M U S H N I K , D O N ’ T B E R A S H
Y O U A LWAY S S A I D T H AT I WA S T R A S H
(In a frenzy of paternal enthusiasm, MUSHNIK grabs SEYMOUR perilously close to the throat.)
M U S H N I K
O H , I WA S J O K I N G !
(spoken)
Sir, I’m choking! M U
(sung)
‘ S C U S E T H E P H Y S I C A L E X P R E S S I O N O F M Y P R I D E O F T H E S W E E T
PAT E R N A L M I S H E G O S S I ’ V E H E L D
P E N T- U P
(chanting, rocking, and looking to heaven)
I N S I - A Y - A Y - A Y - A Y - A Y - A Y - I D E !
(SEYMOUR moves out onto the Forestage to ponder this strange behavior. MUSHNIK follows Lines are spoken in rhythm to MUSIC )
S E Y M O U R
S H N I K
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—45—
(MUSHNIK takes a deep breath and holds it His face turns red SEYMOUR relents ) S
M U S H N I K
(exhales in relief)
Hooray, I win! He’ll be my son!
You swear?
I promise!
S E Y M O U R G E E M U S H N I K S O ? S E Y M O U R W E L L . . . M U S H N I K W E L L ? S E Y M O U R I M U S H N I K
Y O U . . . G O A H E A D A N D S AY I T, S E Y M O U R T E L L M E T H AT Y O U W I L L . . . S E Y M O U R G E E , I ’ D R E A L LY L I K E TO , B U T M U S H N I K
I ’ L L H O L D M Y B R E AT H U N T I L
E Y M O U R O K AY Y O U W I N I ’ L L B E . . . Y O U R . . . S O N !
S E Y M O U R D R AW U P T H E PA P E R S , D A D I ’ M TO U C H E D , I R E A L LY A M A N D S O M E D AY W H E N Y O U R E A C H A G E E I G H T- T H R E E I ’ L L L E T Y O U C O M E M O V E I N W I T H M E M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
—46—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
Please, don’t make me sick!
O
M U S H N I K
B O T H
(As MUSIC plays out, MUSHNIK happily dances off L. SEYMOUR looks off in his direction, then turns back and says to himself:)
M U S H N I K W H AT A S O N ! (THEY tango together )
B
T H I N T R O U B L E , S I C K N E S S , A N D I N H E A LT H , W E ’ L L S H A R E T H E P L A N T A N D S H A R E T H E W E A LT H .
M U S H N I K I ’ L L C A L L M Y L AW Y E R S E Y M O U R C A L L M E S O N M U S H N I K S O N ! S E Y M O U R S O N ! B O T H M U S H N I K A N D S O N T H AT ’ S T H AT ! S E Y M O U R O F F I C I A L LY, I ’ M Y O U R B R AT ! B O T H C O N S I D E R T H E M AT T E R C L O S E D A N D D O N E N O W, TO T H E W O R L D , L E T ’ S S T I C K O U R S E N I O R A N D J U N I O R S H T I C K T H R O U G H T H I N A N D T H R O U G H T H I C K , T H R O U G H S L O P P Y A N D S L I C K , S E Y M O U R S O C O M E K I S S M E Q U I C K !
M U S H N I K A N D S O N !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—47—
#9A—SuddenChanges
(HE sings:)
(HE enters the shop and sings to THE PLANT.)
TO Y O U .
(SEYMOUR picks up a bucket and sponge from up L. of PLANT. Affectionately, he begins to wash the leaves and talk to it.)
Who cares if I’ve been a little on the anemic side these past few weeks? So what if I’ve had a few dizzy spells, a little lightheadedness It’s been worth it, old pal (HE puts the bucket away up C and starts toward the door ) Well, Twoey I’m a little hungry I’m gonna run down to Shmendrik’s and get a bite to eat. I’ll see you later...
(MUSIC CUE: WILT. THE PLANT “wilts” suddenly, tilting sharply to one side and remaining there, very still
Oh boy, here we go again Look, I haven’t got much left Just give me a few more days to heal, okay? Then we’ll start again on the left hand and... (Suddenly, THE PLANT opens its “snout”, its flytrap-like orifice and speaks. SEYMOUR is stunned. )
A U D R E Y I I
Feed me!
I beg your pardon?
Feed me!
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
Twoey, you talked. You opened up your... trap, your thing, and you said
S E Y M O U R
His son I’m his son
S U D D E N C H A N G E S S U R R O U N D M E L A D Y L U C K C A M E A N D F O U N D M E T H A N K S A M I L L I O N F O R M A K I N G T H E M A G I C Y O U D O .
T H A N K S TO Y O U , S W E E T P E T U N I A M U S H N I K ’ S TA K I N ’ A J U N I A H , A N D S O M E D AY W H E N I O W N T H I S W H O L E S H O P, I ’ L L R E M E M B E R I O W E I T
—48—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
Feed me, Krelborn! Feed me now!
(looking at hand)
I can’t!
I’m starving!
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
(HE rips off a band-aid, outstretches his hand over the pod, and tries to squeeze something from a finger.)
Oh boy, look, maybe I can squeeze a little out of this one, but
A U D R E Y I I
(Still in upright position, it “nibbles” at the air, hoping that something will drop from SEYMOUR’s fingertips.)
I need some food!
S E Y M O U R
I know, I know, but you can’t get blood from a...
A U D R E Y I I
More! More!
S E Y M O U R
I haven’t got any more. What do you want me to do? Slit my wrists?
(AUDREY II turns toward SEYMOUR and does a big, expectant, open-mouthed “take” SEYMOUR pauses a moment to take this in, then backs up a bit toward the door, trying a new tack:)
Look... How ‘bout I run down the corner and pick you up some nice chopped sirloin?
A U D R E Y I I
Must be blood!
Twoey, that’s disgusting
Must be fresh!
I don’t want to hear this
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—49—
A U D R E Y I I
(sings, still upright)
F E E D M E !
Does it have to be human?
F E E D M E !
Does it have to be mine?
F E E D M E !
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
(HE sinks miserably to a sitting position C., on edge of shop platform.)
Where am I supposed to get it?
A U D R E Y I I
(as its trunk extends and its pod rotates to a forward talking position)
F E E D M E , S E Y M O U R
F E E D M E A L L N I G H T L O N G .
That’s right, boy, Y O U C A N D O I T !
F E E D M E S E Y M O U R
F E E D M E A L L N I G H T L O N G !
Henh, henh, henh.
‘ C A U S E I F Y O U F E E D M E , S E Y M O U R
I C A N G R O W U P B I G A N D S T R O N G .
(AUDREY II returns to upright neutral position.)
S E Y M O U R
(rises and crosses up C., toward workroom)
You eat blood, Audrey Two. Let’s face it. How’m I supposed to keep on feeding you? Kill people?
A U D R E Y I I
I’ll make it worth your while
#10—GitIt
—50—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
(stops dead in his tracks)
What?
A U D R E Y I I
You think this is all coincidence, baby? The sudden success around here? Your adoption papers?
S E Y M O U R
(moves L.C. of AUDREY II)
Look, you ’ re a plant. An inanimate object.
A U D R E Y I I
(shaking itself so violently, its pot rocks)
Does this look inanimate to you, punk? (deliberately, taking control)
If I can talk and I can move, who’s to say I can’t do anything I want?
S E Y M O U R
Like what?
A U D R E Y I I
Like deliver, pal Like see you get everything your secret, greasy heart desires (As it starts to sing, AUDREY II focuses strongly on SEYMOUR )
C A R
S E Y M O U R
No thanks, Twoey Kind of you to offer, but
W O U L D Y O U L I K E A C A D I L L A C
?
G I R L S H O O
A U D R E Y I I O R A G U E S T S H O T O N J A C K PA A R ? G I R L S H O O
A U D R E Y I I H O W A B O U T A D AT E W I T H H E D Y L A M A R R ? Y O U G O N N A G I T I T !
G I R L S W E L L , W E L L , W E L L , W E L L !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—51—
G I R L S WA H
(With the word, “Crave,” AUDREY II opens wide, emitting a gust of air that “blows” SEYMOUR U.S. to a seated position on the windowseat.)
G I R L S
(RONNETTE and CHIFFON quickly slip onstage and pose under stage R. fire escape, on which CRYSTAL remains seated
A U D R E Y I I
H O W ’ D Y O U L I K E TO B E A B I G W H E E L G I R L S
H O O A U D R E Y I I D I N I N ’ O U T F O R E V- E R - Y M E A L G I R L S H O O A U D R E Y I I
I ’ M T H E P L A N T W H O C A N M A K E I T R E A L Y O U G O N N A G I T I T ! G I R L S Y O U G O N N A G I T I T !
Y E A H , A U D R E Y I I & G I R L S
S H O W A L I T T L E ‘ N I T I AT I V E , W O R K U P T H E G U T S A U D R E Y I I A N D Y O U ’ L L G I T I T !
—52—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y I I
I ’
M Y O U R G E N I E , I ’ M Y O U R F R I E N D
I ’
M Y O U R W I L L I N G S L AV E .
TA
K E A C H A N C E , J U S T F E E D M E A N D
Y ’
K N O W T H E K I N D A E AT S , T H E K I N D A R E D H O T T R E AT S
T
H E K I N D A S T I C K Y, L I C K Y S W E E T S I CRAAAAAAAAAAVE !
G I R L S A H A H
A U D R E Y I I
C O M E O N , S E Y M O U R , D O N ’ T B E A P U T Z T R U S T M E A N D Y O U R L I F E ’ L L S H O RT LY R I VA L K I N G T U T ’ S
G I R L S P U T Z !
THE GIRLS will remain there through the rest of the scene, posed Greek-Chorus-style and singing backup Meanwhile, LIGHTS focus on SEYMOUR on the window seat, framed against a fiery red sunset, musically pondering AUDREY II’s suggestions:)
(LIGHTS restore SEYMOUR climbs off windowseat and starts toward down L corner of shop, thinking.)
A U D R E Y I I
(panning to maintain focus on SEYMOUR)
You didn’t have nothin’ til you met me. C’mon, kid, what’ll it be? Money? Girls? One particular girl? How ‘bout that Audrey? Think it over! There must be someone you could eighty-six real quiet-like and git me some lunch!
(AUDREY II begins to tap one of its root-legs in time to the music as it prepares to sing the next verse.)
G I R L S
G I T I T, G I T I T.
(to himself, turning away from THE PLANT and starting to move slowly C along edge of shop platform)
G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T G
Now you ’ re cookin!
S E Y M O U R
I D O N ’ T K N O W
I D O N ’ T K N O W I H AV E S O S O M A N Y S T R O N G
R E S E RVAT I O N S S H O U L D I G O A N D P E R F O R M M U T I L AT I O N S ?
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—53—
A U D R E Y I I
H O W ’ S A B O U T A R O O M AT T H E R I T Z W R A P P E D I N V E LV E T, C O V E R E D I N G L I T Z ( A L I T T L E N O O K I E G O N N A C L E A N U P Y O Z I T S ) A N D Y O U ’ L L G I T I T !
G E E , I ’ D L I K E A H A R L E Y M A C H I N E A U D R E Y I I
TO O L I N ’ A R O U N D L I K E I WA S J A M E S D E A N M A K I N ’ A L L T H E G U Y S O N T H E C O R N E R T U R N G R E E N
G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T. M M C L E A N U P Y O Z I T S
I T I T. G I T I T. O O H
S E Y M O U R S E Y M O U R
(Getting into the spirit of the music and thinking about that Harley, SEYMOUR does The Twist with himself, moving stage R along the platform edge, U S of him, AUDREY II rocks out, kicking both its root-legs high and singing:)
( A U D R E Y I I )
S O G O G I T I T !
W O H
S E Y M O U R
(abruptly stops dancing, down R of AUDREY II)
Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute That’s not a very nice thing to say
A U D R E Y I I (smacking SEYMOUR with a root, for emphasis)
But it’s true, isn’t it?
S E Y M O U R
No. I don’t know anybody who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant
A U D R E Y I I
(slowly panning toward the shop door)
Mmmmmm... sure you do.
(And at this very opportune moment, ORIN and AUDREY appear up C., outside the window AUDREY II returns to its innocent’ “Upright Neutral” position and remains motionless. Through the window, we see ORIN and AUDREY moving quickly toward the shop.)
O R I N
Stupid woman! Christ, what a friggin’ scatterbrain!
A U D R E Y
I’m sorry Doctor! I’m sorry Doctor!
O R I N
Now get the hell in there and pick up the goddam sweater, you dizzy cow!
A U D R E Y
(Enters shop ORIN stays in doorway )
Yes, Doctor! Right away, Doctor!
—54—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
I F Y O U WA N N A B E P R O F O U N D
A N D Y O U R E A L LY G O T TA J U S T I F Y
TA K E A B R E AT H A N D L O O K A R O U N D
A L O T TA F O L K D E S E RV E TO D I E !
( G I R L S )
G I T I T, G I T I T, G I T I T W O H
A L O T TA F O L K D E S E RV E TO D I E !
( A U D R E Y )
(To SEYMOUR, who remains motionless at the DS.R. corner of the shop, watching.)
Hi, Seymour. I left my sweater here before. (exits R. into workroom)
O R I N
C’mon, move it, ya little slut How do ya like that stupid dame? Forgets her friggin’ sweater.
(as AUDREY re-enters with sweater and moves toward him) Christ, if your stupid head weren’t screwed on! (HE slaps her.)
A U D R E Y
Orin! That hurt!
Move it!
O R I N
(ORIN and AUDREY exit SEYMOUR runs to the door as if to follow them, then stops cold. As MUSIC builds, HE and AUDREY II slowly turn toward each other to exchange a dark look of mutual understanding.)
S E Y M O U R & A U D R E Y I I I F Y O U WA N T A R AT I O N A L E I T I S N ’ T V E RY H A R D TO S E E S TO P A N D T H I N K I T O V E R , PA L T H E G U Y S U R E L O O K S L I K E P L A N T F O O D TO M E ! T H E G U Y S U R E L O O K S L I K E P L A N T F O O D TO M E ! THE GUY SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME !
S E Y M O U R
H E ’ S S O N A S T Y, T R E AT I N ’ H E R R O U G H
A U D R E Y I I S M A C K I N ’ H E R A R O U N D A N D A LWAY S TA L K I N ’ S O TO U G H
S E Y M O U R
Y O U N E E D B L O O D A N D H E ’ S G O T M O R E T H A N E N O U G H A U D R E Y I I I N E E D B L O O D A N D H E ’ S G O T M O R E T H A N E N O U G H
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—55—
B O T H ( I ) ( Y O U ) N E E D B L O O D A N D H E ’ S G O T M O R E T H A N E N O U G H !
BLACKOUT SCREENS CLOSE PART WAY
A U D R E Y I I S
O G O GIT IT !
—56—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
#10ADentist’sChairPlay-On
(Forestage. Screens are open just far enough to form a “door.” (Note: Because the screens are left in a slightly open “door” position in this scene, to provide an U.C. exit, the shop area must be kept dark and the Forestage lights tightly focused.) Eerie organ MUSIC plays. A crypt-like trap door opens in the Forestage floor, from which an antique dentist’s chair ominously emerges, surrounded by a virtual torture chamber of old-fashioned dental equipment. Attached to the stage L. side of the chair is a small tray. Attached to the other side, a drill We are now in the office of ORIN SCRIVELLO, D.D.S. SEYMOUR nervously enters stage L., holding a paper bag which reads “Mushnik’s Skid Row Florists.“) O R I N
(emerging through “door” U C )
Next! S E Y M O U R
I guess that’s me, Dr Scrivello
R I N
Do you have an appointment? S E Y M O U R
We met yesterday Seymour Krelborn
Oh, of course The guy with the plant S E Y M O U R Right
R I N
And the band-aids S E Y M O U R
Right (SEYMOUR timidly pulls a gun from the paper bag and levels it )
R I N
And the gun.
R... right.
E Y M O U R
S C E N E 4
O
O R I N
O
O
S
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—57—
O R I N
So why are you pointing a gun at me, Seymour?
S E Y M O U R
I I O R I N
(crossing L., toward SEYMOUR; sweetly taking charge)
Hey. Are you a little bit nervous about seeing a dentist?
S E Y M O U R
No... no, I’m not nervous, I
O R I N
(easily taking the gun away from SEYMOUR, depositing it on the tray, and grabbing him around the shoulder at the same time)
It’s only gonna hurt a little.
S E Y M O U R
No, you don’t understand. I don’t want my teeth examined, I
O R I N
Of course you want your teeth examined. (twisting SEYMOUR’s arm painfully behind his back) Say “Ah”!
S E Y M O U R
No!
(twisting harder) SAY “AH”!
(in pain)
AAAAHHH!
O R I N
S E Y M O U R
O R I N
(wrenching SEYMOUR down, into a “tango-dip” position and looking into his mouth)
Oooh, your mouth is a mess, kid You’ve got cavities You’ve got plaque You’re impacted. You’re abscessed!
S E Y M O U R
I am?
—58—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
O R I N
You need a complete oral examination We’ll start with that wisdom tooth!
S E Y M O U R
NO!
O R I N
(flips SEYMOUR up out of the “dip” and spins him into the chair, where he will remain through the rest of the scene)
We’ll just rip the little bugger outta there Whatdya say?
S E Y M O U R
I gotta go!
O R I N
There’s always time for dental hygiene, Seymour! Have you ever seen the results of a neglected mouth?
(From behind the chair, he pulls out a large picture of a nauseatingly neglected mouth: diseased gums, rotten teeth.)
Look, Seymour! This could happen to you!
S E Y M O U R
It could?
O R I N
Unless I take immediate action! Let’s get started!
(ORIN drops the picture and crosses U.S. of SEYMOUR to stage R. side of chair.)
S E Y M O U R
Wait! Aren’t you gonna give me Novocain?
O R I N
What for? Dulls the senses!
But it’ll hurt!
Only til you pass out!
S E Y M O U R
O R I N
(ORIN picks up the drill. It makes a threatening buzz.)
S E Y M O U R
What’s that?
That’s the drill, Seymour!
O R I N
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—59—
S E Y M O U R
It’s rusty!
(fondly)
It’s an antique. (with sincere respect and admiration)
O R I N
They don’t make instruments like this, any more. Sturdy, heavy, dull. (beat; getting excited)
This is gonna be a challenge. This is gonna be a pleasure. I’m gonna want some gas for this one!
(starts up C.)
Gas?
Nitrous oxide.
S E Y M O U R
O R I N
S E Y M O U R
Thank God. I thought you weren’t going to use any...
O R I N
(stops at opening in Screens and turns back to SEYMOUR; sweetly)
Oh the gas isn’t for you, Seymour It’s for me (getting excited again)
I want to really enjoy this and I find that a little giggle gas before we begin increases my pleasure enormously. In fact... (A Great Idea dawns on him.)
I’m gonna use my special gas mask! Just relax, Seymour. I’ll be with you in a moment. (ORIN disappears through the Screens. SEYMOUR is alone. He takes the gun from the tray and sings:)
M O
—60—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
#11Now(It’sTheGas)
S E Y
U R N O W D O I T N O W ! W H I L E H E ’ S G A S S I N G H I M S E L F TO A PA L PA B L E S T U P O R , T H E T I M I N G ’ S I D E A L A N D T H E M O M E N T I S S U P E R
( S E Y M O U R )
O R I N
(laughing offstage )
HAhahahahahahahahehehehehehe hhyahyahayhayyahay!
S E Y M O U R
O R I N
(still offstage)
Hahahahahahahahahaheyheyheyhey-heyahayahayahay!
S E Y M O U R
B U T I C A N T
(SEYMOUR deposits the gun back on the tray. Higher than a kite, ORIN appears from behind the Screens, wearing a huge clear plastic bubble over his head A long tube trails from the back of this “ gas mask”. He stands directly U.S. of SEYMOUR, who remains seated but turns to look at him )
O R I N
Ohhhboy, Seymour, I am flyin’ now! Oh, the things we ’ re gonna do to your mouth! Henhenhennhenhenhenyeah! Well, I guess I’ve had about enough of this stuff I’ll just take the mask off now and...
(On a MUSICAL CHORD, HE tries to pull it off. It won’t come. MUSICAL CHORD. He tries again. ) Hey Seymour Guess what?
S E Y M O U R
What?
It’s stuck!
O R I N
TO R E A D Y A N D F I R E A N D B L O W T H E S I C K B A S TA R D AWAY !
N O W D O I T N O W ! J U S T A F L I C K E R O F P R E S S U R E R I G H T H E R E O N T H E T R I G G E R A N D A U D R E Y W O N ’ T H AV E TO P U T U P W I T H T H AT P I G F O R A N O T H E R D AY N O W, F O R T H E G I R L ! N O W, F O R T H E P L A N T ! N O W, Y E S , I W I L L !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—61—
What?
S E Y M O U R
O R I N
The mask it’s stuck! I can’t get if off! Jesus Christ, I could asphyxiate in here! Hey Seymour gimme a hand, will ya?
(ORIN leans in toward SEYMOUR. Pause. He holds this position. SEYMOUR very slowly turns away, getting an idea.)
S E Y M O U R
Well
(taken aback) Well? (beat) He says well?
O R I N
(Another beat. Then slowly and quietly with a good-natured but serious “C’mon, don’t kid around” attitude.)
Uh, Seymour... I don’t think you understand...
’
(HE giggles.)
. . .
(HE stumbles down L.C., laughing.)
(Then HE realizes something:)
’
(ORIN sinks to the ground, D.S. of SEYMOUR, and silently struggles to get the mask off.)
D O N
T B E
F O O L E D I F I S H O U L D G I G G L E L I K E A S A P P Y, H A P P Y D O P E I T ’ S J U S T T H E G A S
I T ’ S G O T M E H I G H B U T D O N ’ T L E T T H AT FA C T D E C E I V E Y O U . A N Y M O M E N T I C O U L D D I E ! T H O ’ I G I G G L E A N D I C H O RT L E B E A R I N M I N D I ’ M N O T I M M O RTA L . W H Y T H I S W H O L E T H I N G S T R I K E S M E F U N N Y, I D O N ’ T K N O W
H A H A H A H A H E H E H E H E E E
C A U S E I T R E A L LY I S A R O T T E N WAY TO G O .
—62—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(to himself)
W H AT W E H AV E H E R E I S A N E T H I C A L D I L E M M A .
‘ L E S S I H E L P H I M G E T T H E M A S K R E M O V E D ,
H E D O E S N ’ T H AV E A P R AY E R
T R U E T H E G U N WA S N E V E R F I R E D ,
B U T T H E WAY E V E N T S T R A N S P I R E D ,
I C A N F I N I S H H I M W I T H S I M P L E
L A I S S E Z FA I R E .
(ORIN remains on the ground, rolling about, trying in something like slow motion to get the mask off, as if he were floating in space )
S E Y M O U R
W H AT W E H AV E H E R E I S
A T R I C K Y M O R A L
P R O B L E M
D O I H E L P R E M O V E T H E
M A S K O R L E T H I M G O
F O R L A C K O F A I R ? C O U L D N ’ T S H O O T H I M
W H E N I T R I E D , B U T T H E FAT E S A R E O N M Y S I D E .
I C A N O F F T H E G U Y B Y S TAY I N G I N T H E C H A I R !
(convulses with laughter...)
O R I N
N O W !
D O I T N O W !
O R I N
H E L P M E N O W ! N O W !
Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahaeeeeeeeyyyyyyyennnnnh!
(... Then falls on his face in a dead faint. For a moment, we think he might be dead. Then, suddenly, his head pops up and HE sings:)
D O N ’ T B E
F O O L E D I F I S H O U L D C H U C K L E
L I K E H Y E N A S I N A Z O O ,
I T ’ S J U S T T H E G A S (laughs weakly)
I T T U R N S M E O N .
B U T D O N ’ T L E T M Y M I RT H D E C E I V E Y O U , A N Y M O M E N T I ’ L L B E G O N E !
S E Y M O U R
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—63—
( O R I N )
‘
M
(Emitting a long, agonized gasp, ORIN pulls himself partway up, then falls backward, landing with his arms limply draped over SEYMOUR’s knees in a peculiar “semi-crucifixion” pose.)
O
A R E Y O U S AT I S F I E D ? (with his last breaths)
I L A U G H E D M Y S E L F TO
(On the MUSICAL BEATS which follow, ORIN silently convulses four times, as if laughing or hiccoughing, without making a sound. Then, on the last beat, he freezes in mid-convulsion. )
S E Y M O U R
Death? (ORIN suddenly drops to the floor.)
BLACKOUT
#11AActIFinale
Darkened Forestage. Screens still in “door” position. SEYMOUR and ORIN are gone. As the Dentist‘s chair disappears through its trap door, we find CHIFFON in a pool of light on the stage R fire escape
C H I F F O N
A U D R E Y I I
(offstage)
Feed me!
R O N N E T T E
(appearing in a pool of light stage on L. stoop)
A L L M Y V I TA L S I G N S A R E FA I L I N G ,
C A U S E T H E O X I D E I ’ M I N H A L I N G
A K E S I T D I F F I C U LT A S H E L L TO C AT C H M Y B R E AT H !
A R E Y O U D U M B ? O R H A R D O F H E A R I N G ?
R R E L I E V E D . . . M Y E N D I S N E A R I N G ?
S H I N G - A - L I N G
W H AT A C R E E P Y T H I N G TO B E H A P P E N I N ’
—64—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S H A N G - A - L A N G F E E L T H E S T U R M A N D D R A N G I N T H E A I R
A U D R E Y I I
(offstage)
More, more!
(The Screens open. MELODRAMATIC MUSIC continues and LIGHTS come up in the shop to reveal SEYMOUR, gingerly lifting a severed hand from a blood-stained bucket He carries the hand to the open-mouthed AUDREY II, who loudly snarfs it down.)
More, more!
(SEYMOUR repeats the procedure with a string of intestines. Guilty and sickened by his deeds, SEYMOUR picks up a white bundle from the floor: ORIN’s uniform MUSIC builds. SEYMOUR runs out of the shop; dashes across the Forestage, and stuffs the uniform into the down R. trash can. AUDREY II laughs hysterically, licking its chops, as the terrified SEYMOUR runs offstage. The MELODRAMATIC MUSIC gives way to a brief honkytonk piano riff as the placard reading “Little Shop of Horrors” flies in, the screens close, and the GIRLS exit.)
C
R Y S T A L F E E L I T I N T H E A I R
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—65—
BLACKOUT E N D A C T O N E
#12CallBackInTheMorning
In Black, Screens open, and the placard flies out. LIGHTS up simultaneously on shop and Forestage. AUDREY TWO (Pod #4) is now absolutely enormous, sitting up C., dominating fully a third of the playing area The sign in the window now reads: “Mushnik and Son” Two new red telephones (Phone A & Phone B) sit on the stage L. work table. And on a shiny new work table, stage R., are two more telephones (Phone C & Phone D) At rise, AUDREY is on Phone C and MUSHNIK is on Phone A RONNETTE and a CUSTOMER are down C., on the street. CRYSTAL and CHIFFON are strolling across Forestage from stage R. to stage L., chatting Ad. Lib. EVERYONE is talking at once. A cacophony of sound. The effect of this and the song which follows is one of orchestrated chaos.
M U S H N I K
(on Phone A)
M u s h n i k a n d S o n , p l e a s e h o l d A u d re y w i l l b e r i g h t w i t h y o u . (hangs up, crosses to CRYSTAL and CHIFFON on Forestage)
U R C H I N S ! L o o k , h e re ’ s t e n a p i e c e D e l i v e r t h e s e t o t h e D u t c h P a v i l i o n a n d t h e s e t o t h e J a p a n e s e C o n s u l a t e (Girls exit, one right and one left.)
A u d re y, I ’ m l a t e f o r t h e l a w y e r s Te l l S e y m o u r t o s e e t h a t C o r m a n g e t s h i s Wo l f b a n e !
(As MUSHNIK crosses Forestage to exit R., SEYMOUR enters Forestage R , carrying a large white box SEYMOUR heads L., toward the shop As they pass each other, SEYMOUR calls to MUSHNIK:)
R O N E T T E
S t e p r i g h t u p a n d s e e t h e A m a z i n g A u d re y Tw o . T h e S t r a n g e s t t h e m o s t I n t e re s t i n g
C U S T O M E R
I ’ v e s e e n i t
R O N N E T T E
N o t u n l e s s y o u ’ v e s e e n i t re c e n t l y, y o u a i n ’ t . S h e ’ s g o t A m a z i n g , M u l t i - C o l o re d Wa r t s !
C U S T O M E R
Wa r t s ?
R O N N E T T E
A n d s h e ’ s o v e r s i x f e e t t a l l ! !
C U S T O M E R
L e t ’ s g o
R O N N E T T E
(leading him to the shop)
Yo u w o n ’ t b e l i e v e i t S i m p l y w o n ’ t b e l i e v e i t T h e re i t i s
A U D R E Y
(on Phone C)
F i v e t h o u s a n d d o l l a r s - w o r t h o f A f r i c a n v i o l e t s , t w o t h o u s a n d d o l l a r s - w o r t h o f b a b y - b l u e - e y e s . T h e p i n k , t h e g re e n t h e y e l l o w t h e p u r p l e
(Phone D rings )
Ye s m a ’ a m . N i c e d e l p h i n i u m s , g e r a n i u m s , n a s t u r t i u m s , f o r s y t h i a , j a p o n i c a , w i s t e r i a , y o u n a m e i t , w e s e l l i t !
(Phone C rings)
M u s h n i k a n d S o n , S k i d R o w ’ s F a v o r i t e F l o r i s t s . O h y e s s i r. F u n e r a l s a re o u r s p e c i a l t y ! C a m e l l i a s m a g n o l i a s . h e p a t i c a s a n d g o rg e o u s g l a d i o l a s !
A C T T W O S C
#11B—Entr’acte
E N E 1
—66—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
I g o t t h o s e b r i d a l w re a t h s t o E l i z a b e t h Ta y l o r ’ s s u i t e , M r
M u s h n i k S h e ’ s re a l p re t t y (MUSHNIK exits, stage R. SEYMOUR enters the shop and takes over for RONNETTE, who has been hustling the CUSTOMER She exits shop and climbs to perch on fire escape. To CUSTOMER:) Ye s s i r, h e re y o u g o G o o d b y e n o w. C o m e a g a i n !
C U S T O M E R
( A U D R E Y )
R e m a r k a b l e !
R O N N E T T E
Yo u s a i d i t . Wa n t s o m e f l o w e r s ?
C U S T O M E R
Yo u b e t I ’ l l t a k e t h re e o f t h o s e a n d f i v e o f t h o s e a n d s i x o f t h o s e a n d t e n o f t h o s e
(CUSTOMER exits.)
(Phone D rings.)
M u s h n i k a n d S o n , S k i d R o w ’ s F a v o r i t e F l o r i s t s
(Phone C rings ) C a n y o u h o l d p l e a s e ?
(Phone B rings )
M u s h n i k a n d S o n , c a n y o u h o l d ?
(SEYMOUR and AUDREY are now alone in the shop, coping with the ringing telephones:)
A U D R E Y
(crossing L. to pick up the ringing Phone B)
Seymour, can you help me with these phones? (Phone A rings. SHE speaks into Phone B:)
Skid Row’s Favorite Florists, can you hold? (SHE puts B on desk, crosses R., and picks up Phone C.)
S E Y M O U R
(picks up Phone A and answers:)
Mushnik and Son, Skid Row’s Favorite Florists, can you hold, please? (HE puts Phone A on the desk and picks up Phone B.)
A U D R E Y
(into Phone C) Now, you were saying? (sings)
F L O W E R S F O R A P R O M C O R S A G E ? (SHE hangs up Phone C and picks up Phone. D.)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—67—
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone B)
F L O W E R S F O R A N E N TO U R A G E ?
A U D R E Y
(into Phone D)
F L O W E R S TO T H E F U N ’ R A L H O M E ?
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone B)
L E AV I N G F R O M S T. A N D R E W ’ S R O M A N
C AT H O L I C C H U R C H AT N I N T H A N D V I N E ?
(Phone C rings. SEYMOUR hangs up Phone B and picks up Phone A from desk.)
A U D R E Y
(still on Phone D)
F O RT Y D O L L A R S . (Picking up Phone C, she sings into it:)
H O L D T H E L I N E .
S E Y M O U R (into Phone A)
F I R S T T H I N G I N T H E M O R N I N G .
A U D R E Y
F I N E . (Hangs up Phone D. Puts Phone C to her ear and hears some terrific news!)
S E Y M O U R
(still into Phone A)
T H E Y ’ L L B E T H E R E I N T H E M O R N I N G ! (hangs it up)
A U D R E Y
(into Phone C)
C A N Y O U H O L D ?
(SHE covers mouthpiece of Phone C with her hand and excitedly sings to SEYMOUR:)
T H E R O S E B O W L ! !
S E Y M O U R , T H E R O S E B O W L !
—68—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
( A U D R E Y )
(Phones ring in rhythm: D-B-A-A ) (spoken)
You can’t keep the tournament waiting!
(THEY switch places: SEYMOUR crosses to stage R. work table. AUDREY hands him Phone C and crosses to stage L. work table.)
S E Y M O U R
(picks up Phone D and sings into it, still holding Phone C in his other hand)
M U S H N I K A N D S O N . . .
A U D R E Y
(picks up Phones A & B and sings into Phone B)
C A N Y O U H O L D ?
(into Phone D)
P L E A S E H O L D (puts Phone D on desk)
(into Phone A)
C A N Y O U H O L D ?
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
(Holding Phone C receiver to his chest, HE sings, aside )
I T ’ S J U S T A S T H E P L A N T F O R E TO L D A U D R E Y. (sings into Phone B)
J U S T A M I N U T E (then hangs it up, still holding Phone A)
Y O U K N O W T H AT B I G , I N F L AT E D E S T I M AT E W E W R O T E ?
F O R T H E R O S E B O W L ? W E L L , I T ’ S T H E R O S E B O W L !
I T S E E M S T H E Y WA N T TO B U Y T H E F L O W E R S H E R E
F O R E V E RY S I N G L E F L O AT !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—69—
S E Y M O U R
I T ’ S B U S I N E S S L I K E W H O ’ D H AV E E V E R G U E S S E D
(puts Phone C back to his ear)
(into Phone A)
A U D R E Y
M U S H N I K A N D S O N
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone C)
T H AT WA S M E !
(into Phone A)
P L E A S E WA I T
(into Phone C)
T H AT WA S M E
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
(Holding Phone A to her chest, SHE sings, aside.)
T H E B U S I N E S S I S D O I N G G R E AT. . . S E Y M O U R (into Phone C)
O N C H A N N E L T H R E E !
A U D R E Y
S O W H Y A M I F E E L I N G S O D E - P R E S S E D ?
S E Y M O U R
(hangs up Phone C and speaks to AUDREY:)
I get two tickets to the game!
(HE picks up Phone D from desk and speaks into it )
Mushnik and Son, Skid Row’s Favorite Florists!
A U D R E Y
(into Phone A)
S E V E N T H O U S A N D B O U TO N N I E R E S ?
—70—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(Phone C rings and SEYMOUR picks it up. AUDREY speaks, making a note of something )
( A U D R E Y )
C A R N AT I O N S O R T H E Y E L L O W R O S E S ?
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone C. Phone B rings.)
P L E A S E , I ’ V E O N LY G O T T W O E A R S ! (into Phone D)
A L L E R G I C TO C H RY S A N T H E M U M S ?
A U D R E Y
(into Phone A)
H O L LY H O C K S A R E H A R D I E R
W H I C H O N E S W O U L D Y O U R W I F E P R E F E R ?
(SHE puts Phone A down on desk and picks up Phone B.)
S E Y M O U R
(puts Phone D on desk and sings into Phone C)
W E R E Y O U WA I T I N G L O N G ?
I ’ M S O R RY, S I R ! (spoken)
O N E M I N U T E A N D I ’ L L G E T H E R F O R Y O U ! A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R , T H AT R E P O RT E R
H E R ? I T H O U G H T W E F I N I S H E D Y E S T E R D AY A U D R E Y
(THEY switch places again: SHE crosses to SEYMOUR and hands him Phone B.)
S H E WA N T S A N O T H E R I N T E RV I E W
S A I D TO B R I N G T H E P L A N T W I T H Y O U
S E Y M O U R
(handing her Phone C)
A U D R E Y, I T ’ S T H AT N E W A C C O U N T
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—71—
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
(into Phone C)
S O R RY, T H AT ’ S T H E R I G H T A M O U N T
S E Y M O U R
(Still holding Phone B in one hand, HE picks up Phone A from the desk with the other, and sings into it.)
D A I S I E S O N LY C O M E I N W H I T E
(into Phone C)
A U D R E Y
S I R , I ’ M TO O W O R N O U T TO F I G H T. (SHE hangs up Phone C.)
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone A)
S O R RY, T H O S E A R E O U T O F S TO C K
A U D R E Y
(turning to the clock)
S E Y M O U R , L O O K ! I T ’ S S I X O ’ C L O C K !
S E Y M O U R
(into Phone A)
C A L L B A C K I N T H E M O R N I N G , W I L L Y O U ? (hangs it up)
A U D R E Y
(into Phone D)
C A L L B A C K I N T H E M O R N I N G , W O N ’ T Y O U ? (hangs it up)
S E Y M O U R
(Into Phone B Phone C rings )
C A L L B A C K I N T H E M O R N I N G , C A N Y O U ? (hangs up Phone B)
A U D R E Y
(into Phone C)
C A L L B A C K I N T H E M O R N I N G , T H A N K Y O U !
—72—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(hangs it up)
(On MUSIC, all four Phones ring at once )
B O T H
C A L L B A C K I N T H E M O R N - ING !
(AUDREY and SEYMOUR pick up two Phones each, and slam them down sideways in their cradles. The ringing abruptly stops. On the last beat of MUSIC, they sink onto their stools exhausted. )
A U D R E Y
What a day, what a day... Seymour, do you mind locking up for me? I’m all in.
S E Y M O U R
(rises, takes the large white box with which he entered from the windowseat, and exits into back workroom)
Uh, one minute, Audrey. I want to show you something.
A U D R E Y
(crossing to stage L work table and straightening things there)
Can’t it wait til tomorrow?
(offstage)
S E Y M O U R
It won’t take long. I’ve been shopping for a new wardrobe like you told me to and... (HE reappears wearing a black leather jacket.)
Ta da... (beat) What do you think?
(in shock)
Seymour
You don’t like it?
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
(SHE is overcome with emotion. She can barely speak.)
I... I... I don’t know. I... (SHE runs out of the shop onto stage L. Forestage, stopping at the stoop and wilting gracefully against the rail )
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—73—
S E Y M O U R
(removing the jacket and dropping it to the floor)
I’ll take it off. I’ll take it back. I’ll burn it. (crosses out of shop, toward AUDREY)
Just don’t cry. Please. (to himself, miserably) Look what I did. (to her)
I only bought it to impress you. That’s all I ever meant to do.
A U D R E Y
(regaining her composure somewhat, and crossing down C )
I don’t know what’s come over me I guess I’ve been a little under the weather, lately.
(SHE sits C., on the edge of the Forestage.)
S E Y M O U R
(moving to just up R. of her)
It’s Orin isn’t it? You’ve been down in the dumps ever since his mysterious disappearance You miss him, don’t you?
A U D R E Y
Miss him? I never felt so relieved as when they told me he’d vanished It was like a miracle.
(beat)
Not to mention all the money I’ve saved on Epsom salts and ace bandages.
S E Y M O U R
(sits beside her)
Then what’s the matter?
A U D R E Y
I feel guilty, I guess I mean, if he met with foul play or some terrible accident of some kind... then it’s partly my fault, you see. Because secretly... I wished it.
S E Y M O U R
Audrey, you shouldn’t waste one more minute worrying about that creep. There’s a lotta guys would give anything to go out with you Nice guys
A U D R E Y
I don’t deserve a nice guy, Seymour
—74—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
That’s not true
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
(Getting emotional, she rises and crosses to stage L. trash can.)
You don’t know the half of it. I’ve led a terrible life.
S E Y M O U R
Audrey, don’t
A U D R E Y
I deserved a creep like Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. You know where I met him? In The Gutter
S E Y M O U R
The gutter?
The Gutter It’s a nightspot
(sits on trash can)
A U D R E Y
I worked there on my nights off when we weren’t making much money I’d put on cheap and tasteless outfits. Not nice ones like this. Low and nasty apparel and I’d... (SHE turns away from him, leaning her head against the stoop railing, starting to cry softly.)
#13SuddenlySeymour
(SEYMOUR rises and goes to her.)
(kneeling beside her)
S E Y M O U R
Audrey, that’s all behind you now. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You’re a very nice person and I always knew you were. Underneath the bruises and the handcuffs, you know what I saw? A girl I respected. I still do. (sings)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—75—
L I F T U P Y O U R H E A D WA S H O F F Y O U R M A S C A R A H E R E , TA K E M Y K L E E N E X W I P E T H AT L I P S T I C K AWAY. S H O W M E Y O U R FA C E , C L E A N A S T H E M O R N I N G I K N O W T H I N G S W E R E B A D , B U T N O W T H E Y ’ R E O K AY
(HE rises.)
S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R
I S S TA N D I N G B E S I D E Y O U Y O U D O N ’ T N E E D N O M A K E U P D O N ’ T H AV E TO P R E T E N D . S U D D E N LY. . .
(HE removes his glasses.)
S E Y M O U R
I S H E R E TO P R O V I D E Y O U S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G S E Y M O U R ’ S Y O U R F R I E N D .
A U D R E Y (aside)
N O B O D Y E V E R
T R E AT E D M E K I N D LY (rises and crosses dramatically down C ) D A D D Y L E F T E A R LY M A M A WA S P O O R (SEYMOUR sits on trash can, listening.)
I ’ D M E E T A M A N
A N D I ’ D F O L L O W H I M B L I N D LY H E ’ D S N A P H I S F I N G E R S M E , I ’ D S AY “ S U R E ” (still aside; passionately, with Gospel fervor)
S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R I S S TA N D I N G B E S I D E M E
H E D O N ’ T G I V E M E O R D E R S H E D O N ’ T C O N D E S C E N D ! S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R
I S H E R E TO P R O V I D E M E S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G S E Y M O U R ’ S M Y F R I E N D
S E Y M O U R (rises and holds a hand out toward her) T E L L M E T H I S F E E L I N G
O
)
( S E Y M
U R
—76—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(SHE turns and moves toward him, arm extended.)
A U D R E Y
(Just as SHE gets to SEYMOUR, she loses her nerve and crosses past him, up on stage L stoop )
(CRYSTAL, and CHIFFON enter stage L. Forestage and take positions just outside the shop, watching and smiling. On the stage R. fire escape, RONNETTE continues to observe )
(really letting loose)
(SEYMOUR poses himself with one foot on the trash can, as the hero of a musical comedy should.)
(passionately)
A U D R E Y
and triumph)
( S E Y M O U R )
L A S T S T I L F O R E V E R T E L L M E T H E B A D T I M E S
A R E C L E A N , WA S H E D AWAY
P L E A S E U N D E R S TA N D T H AT I T ’ S
S T I L L S T R A N G E A N D F R I G H T E N I N ’ F O R L O S E R S L I K E I ’ V E B E E N
I T ’ S S O H A R D TO S AY. . .
S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R ! S E Y M O U R & G I R L S S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R !
A U D R E Y H E P U R I F I E D M E ! S E Y M O U R & G I R L S
H E P U R I F I E D Y O U !
A U D R E Y
S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R !
S E Y M O U R & G I R L S S U D D E N LY S E Y M O U R !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—77—
S H O W E D M E I C A N (grabbing the stoop rail in a gesture of determination
S E Y M O U R & G I R L S
(SEYMOUR heroically hoists himself completely up onto trash can.)
!
A L L
G I R L S
S E Y M O U R
(moving onto stoop toward her)
W I T H S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G . . .
A U D R E Y
(moves away a little, afraid to give in to her feelings completely)
W I T H S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G . . .
S E Y M O U R
(more forcefully, moving closer to her)
W I T H S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G
(emotionally)
A U D R E Y
W I T H S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G
A L L
(SEYMOUR puts his arms around her from behind. The classic lovers’ duet pose.)
W I T H S W E E T U N D E R S TA N D I N G !
(THEY finally turn and face each other.)
S E Y M O U R ’ S M Y ( Y O U R )
(Arms still around each other, THEY turn their heads forward, looking off into a Glorious Future.)
M A N !
(When MUSIC ends, SEYMOUR and AUDREY lock in a passionate embrace. CRYSTAL and CHIFFON exit L , U S of shop window As soon as they clear, MUSHNIK enters L., D.S. of shop. He stands looking at AUDREY and SEYMOUR, still locked in a lovers’ clinch. HE stares at them ominously for a moment, then speaks:)
Y E S Y O U C A N
L E A R N H O W TO B E M O R E T H E G I R L T H AT ’ S I N S I D E M E
O O H , O O H , O O H
—78—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
So!
M U S H N I K
(AUDREY and SEYMOUR pull apart quickly. She instantly assumes an innocently seated pose on the stoop railing.)
It seems the plot is thickening among my employees.
S E Y M O U R
Please Mr... Daddy...
M U S H N I K
Don’t you “Mister Daddy” me, Krelborn. Audrey, I wonder if you’d excuse Seymour and me for a little while.
(staring straight at SEYMOUR)
Perhaps you’d like to go visit your Dentist friend. (HE crosses into the shop, and moves to down C. edge, grabbing a handy flashlight and paint scraper as he passes the stage L. work table.)
S E Y M O U R
(crossing into shop)
That’s not very funny, Dad. You know he disappeared. (AUDREY enters the shop.)
M U S H N I K
(Kneels on the floor, stage C., switches on flashlight and begins to examine something down there very intently. HE speaks without looking up, his voice dripping sarcasm.)
Oh, that’s right He did, didn’t he? Forgive me, boychik
A U D R E Y
Seymour, what’s he talking about? What’s he doing?
S E Y M O U R
(guiding her to the doorway)
Why don’t you run along like he asked, Audrey? I’ll catch up with you later. I’ll call for you, if that’s okay
A U D R E Y
Of course it is Goodnight, Seymour Goodnight, Mr Mushnik (SHE steps outside the shop.)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—79—
(Two MELODRAMATIC CHORDS. In time to them, SHE grabs the doorpost in confusion and worry, then quickly turns and exits.)
M U S H N I K
(still on the floor, examining something HE has picked up with his paint scraper)
Little red dots. All over the floor.
You’re acting pretty strange, Pop.
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(taking an envelope from his jacket pocket)
I had a pretty strange afternoon, son After my lawyer ’ s appointment, I was called to the police station.
S E Y M O U R
The police.
M U S H N I K
(lifting a “little red dot” from his paint scraper, sifting it into the envelope, then placing the envelope back in his pocket)
Yes. It seems they made a routine investigation into the disappearance of this motorcycle dentist And when they did It seems they found a Mushnik’s Skid Row Florists bag... In... His... Office!
(two more MELODRAMATIC CHORDS.)
S E Y M O U R
What’s that supposed to mean?
M U S H N I K
Exactly what I asked myself, Seymour And then I began to think about certain things I’ve noticed around here, lately. Little red dots all over the linoleum!
S E Y M O U R
(stepping toward him)
I I spilled some Hawaiian Punch and it stained
M U S H N
I
K Hard to keep things clean around here, isn’t it? Especially when they only remove our garbage once a month!
#13A—MelodramaticChords
—80—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(MUSHNIK leaves the shop, depositing flashlight and scraper on table as he goes, and begins to move slowly and deliberately across the Forestage, toward the down R. trash can. AUDREY II slowly moves from upright neutral to lips forward position, then pans its focus as if able to see MUSHNIK through the shop wall.)
S E Y M O U R
What does that have to do with... (starts out front door, following MUSHNIK)
Where are you going?
M U S H N I K
If you want something removed in a hurry, it’s best not to dispose of it on Skid Row!
S E Y M O U R
What are you talking about?
(THEY are both down R. now. U.S., AUDREY II is focused on them. MUSHNIK reaches into a trash can and pulls out ORIN’s dentist’s uniform.)
M U S H N I K
THIS! A dentist’s uniform!
(On a MUSICAL CHORD, MUSHNIK tosses the uniform at SEYMOUR, who turns US., holding it in horror.)
A U D R E Y I I
(Starts to sing in a sultry, insinuating, tone. Although MUSHNIK and SEYMOUR don’t hear them, the words are the thoughts in SEYMOUR’s head:)
’
H E
S G O T Y O U R N U M B E R N O W
M U S H N I K
(sits on down R. stoop) I saw it last week and didn’t think twice.
A U D R E Y I I
H E K N O W S J U S T W H AT Y O U D O N E
M U S H N I K
And the little red dots seemed innocent enough.
A U D R E Y I I
Y O U G O T N O P L A C E TO H I D E
M U S H N I K
But then I catch you kissing the Dentist’s girlfriend
#14—Suppertime
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—81—
A U D R E Y I I
Y O U G O T N O W H E R E TO R U
And it begins to look like a motive!
N !
M U S H N I K
A U D R E Y I I
H E K N O W S Y O U R L I F E O F C R I M E !
M U S H N I K
Once he’s out of the way, you move in, right?
A U D R E Y I I
(with a big, circular lip synch down C.)
I T H I N K I T ’ S S U P P E RT I M E !
S E Y M O U R
(turning back toward MUSHNIK, throwing dentist’s uniform U.S. of trash can) I’m innocent! I’m innocent!
M U S H N I K
(rises, pulling a snapshot from his pocket and holding it under SEYMOUR’s nose) Then how do you explain this?!
S E Y M O U R
A picture of a baseball cap?
Your baseball cap.
M U S H N I K
(Still holding up the picture, HE starts to slowly back SEYMOUR across the Forestage toward the down L. trash can. AUDREY II pans to follow them.)
The police found it in Scrivello’s office, showed it to me, and asked if I could identify it.
S E Y M O U R
Did you?
M U S H N I K
No. They don’t suspect you at all, Seymour. But they don’t know about the dots, the uniform, the girlfriend
S E Y M O U R
I didn’t do it! (MUSHNIK has now backed SEYMOUR all the way to the down L trash can SEYMOUR sinks to a sitting position on it. MUSHNIK towers accusatorially over him.)
M U S H N I K
Then come with me to the police and tell them that!
—82—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(SEYMOUR rises and crosses down L.C., trapped, confused and torn. AUDREY II focuses on them strongly and sings:)
A U D R E Y I I
M U S H N I K
(stepping up onto step of stage L. stoop)
Just so my conscience will rest easy.
A U D R E Y I I
M U S H N I K
(up onto the stoop itself)
If you don’t, I’ll have to go tell them myself
M U S H N I K
Now, will you come?
S E Y M O U R
O... Okay.
A U D R E Y I I
M U S H N I K
(turns us and starts toward shop)
I’ll go lock up; we’ll head over (MUSHNIK enters shop and moves quickly stage R into the work room AUDREY II returns to upright neutral position just long enough to seem immobile while MUSHNIK passes through As soon as MUSHNIK has disappeared into the work room, AUDREY II’s focus returns to SEYMOUR. The sunset casts long, foreboding shadows.)
H E ’ S G O T H I S FA C T S A L L S T R A I G H T
Y O U K N O W H E ’ S O N Y O U R T R A I L
A U D R E Y I I H E ’ S G O N N A T U R N Y O U I N !
A U D R E Y I I
T H E Y ’ R E G O N N A P U T Y O U I N J A I L !
H E ’ S U S D A P R I M E F O R M Y S U P P E RT I M E !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—83—
A U D R E Y I I C O M E O N , C O M E O N T H I N K A B O U T A L L T H O S E O F F E R S !
(As AUDREY II sings the following, SEYMOUR, shaken and terrified, slowly crosses to the shop, enters it, moves to the D S right corner, and stands there in anguished indecision.)
( A U D R E Y I I )
(AUDREY II returns to upright neutral )
M U S H N I K
(enters from back room)
Okay, Seymour, let’s go
S E Y M O U R
(Stands frozen, D.S. of right work table. He will not move or look at MUSHNIK from now through the end of the scene )
Er don’t you want to collect the day’s receipts so you can deposit them in the morning?
(MUSHNIK crosses to just left of SEYMOUR. Meanwhile, outside the shop, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON appear stage L and lights pick up RONNETTE on stage R fire escape. U.S. of SEYMOUR and MUSHNIK, AUDREY II begins to slowly drop into “Feeding” Position.)
M U S H N I K
You put them in the safe, didn’t you?
Er... no.
S E Y M O U R
G I R L S
(In a trance-like, Greek Chorus fashion:)
C O M E O N , C O M E O N
Why not?
I forgot the combination
M U S H N I K
S E Y M O U R
C O M E O N , C O M E O N Y O U R F U T U R E W I T H A U D R E Y ! C O M E O N , C O M E O N A I N ’ T N O T I M E TO T U R N S Q U E A M I S H ! C O M E O N , C O M E O N I S W E A R O N A L L M Y S P O R E S W H E N H E ’ S G O N E , T H E W O R L D W I L L B E Y O U R S
—84—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
C O M E O N , C O M E O N
It’s thousands of dollars Where is it?
G I R L S .
M U S H N I K
C O M E O N , C O M E O N . . .
In the plant.
In the plant?
I T ’ S S U P P E RT I M E . . .
G I R L S
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
G I R L S
S E Y M O U R
I... thought that’d be safest place. No thief would ever look in there, right?
M U S H N I K
The money ’ s inside the plant?
AW, S U P P E RT I M E (SEYMOUR nods.)
So how am I supposed to get it?
G I R L S
Just... Knock.
S U P - P E R - T I - H I - I - I M E . . .
M U S H N I K
G I R L S
S E Y M O U R
M U S H N I K
(beat) Knock?
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—85—
(MUSHNIK shakes his head, then crosses to U.S.L. of AUDREY II. He glances back at SEYMOUR, then decides “what the hell” and knocks on AUDREY II three times Very slowly, now, AUDREY II begins to open. MUSHNIK just stands there, gaping at it in awe When AUDREY II is fully open, MUSHNIK hesitates for a moment, then shrugs and climbs inside to look for the money. As soon as he’s in, AUDREY II very slowly begins to close. MUSIC gets louder and stranger. It takes MUSHNIK a moment to realize what’s happening, and when he does, it’s too late. HE cries, “Seymour!” as AUDREY II raises its “jaw”, then chomps down mightily. Simultaneously with the chomp, there’s a MUSICAL CHORD MUSHNIK screams A second MUSICAL CHORD as AUDREY II chomps again. Another scream. A third, more sustained MUSICAL CHORD as AUDREY II executes one last chomp and some chewing LIGHTS fade quickly to... )
BLACKOUT SCREENS CLOSE
—86—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S C E N E 2
MUSIC is continuous from the previous scene. When LIGHTS restore, Screens are closed and SEYMOUR stands C. on Forestage.
R O N N E T T E
(with a squeal, from the stage R. fire escape)
There he is girls! I found him! There’s Seymour! (RONNETTE descends the fire escape as CRYSTAL and CHIFFON run from stage L. stoop to C., screaming like teenaged fans. Their manner is exaggerated. In reality, they are simply interested in keeping SEYMOUR onstage for a purpose which will become obvious.)
C H I F F O N & C R Y S T A L
(Ad. Lib.) Seymour! Seymour! Ooooh! Seeeeymour!
C R Y S T A L
(taking his stage L. side)
Can we have your autograph?
(taking his stage R. side) We saw you on Channel Five News!
You looked so handsome!
And you gonna be so rich!
C H I F F O N
C R Y S T A L
C H I F F O N
S E Y M O U R
Please girls, not now. (HE tries to get away. They hold him C. with a “basketball” maneuver. RONNETTE looks on cooly, stage R. of them.)
C R Y S T A L
Is it true Audrey Two is Grand Marshal for the Rose Bowl?
C H I F F O N
Is it true the shop is decorating the Senior Prom?
(#15TheMeekShallInherit
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—87—
S E Y M O U R
(moving stage R., trying to escape them)
Yes, it’s all true. Now please.
R O N N E T T E
(SHE trips him as he tries to pass HE goes sprawling, face down, to the ground Now that he’s where she wants him, SHE looks down cooly and speaks:)
There’s another big hot-shot lookin’ for you, Seymour. From uptown. He’s been askin’ all over, where can he find you? You’re famous, Seymour (BERNSTEIN, played by the same actor who played ORIN, enters stage R. He is a fast-talking media-maven.)
B E R N S T E I N
Is that him?
That’s him, Mr Bernstein
(gives RONNETTE several dollars)
R O N N E T T E
B E R N S T E I N
Thank you, girls. (RONNETTE distributes money to the other GIRLS and all three exit, L.) Seymour Krelborn! Sweetie, honey, baby, pussycat!
S E Y M O U R
(pulling himself off the ground and sitting on stage R stoop) Er do I know you?
B E R N S T E I N
(standing beside him, one foot on stage R. stoop)
Of course not, but are you gonna be happy when you do. (spoken in rhythm)
(sings)
—88—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R S W E E T H E A RT D O L L FA C E B U B B E L A H
H E Y, S E Y M O U R K R E L B O R N , Y O U P R I N C E Y O U M Y N A M E I S B E R N S T E I N I ’ M W I T H N B C I C A M E D O W N H E R E TO C O N V I N C E Y O U TO D O A W E E K LY T. V. S H O W F O R M E “ S E Y M O U R K R E L B O R N ’ S G A R D E N I N G T I P S ” F O R H A L F A N H O U R , O N S U N D AY S , AT F O U R
(HE hands SEYMOUR a contract and swiftly exits R. CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, and CHIFFON enter L., group themselves C., and sing as SEYMOUR examines the contract in amazement.)
G I R L S
(SEYMOUR rises and crosses as if to exit, L. When he reaches C., CRYSTAL and CHIFFON block his way, resuming their exaggerated teenaged fan attitude. Meanwhile, RONNETTE cooly stands stage L., peering offstage, waiting for someone.)
Your own T.V. show! C R Y S T A L
Coast to coast! C H I F F O N
Your name in lights!
Your face on screens! C
Sign it!
Sign it! A L L
Sign that contract!
Isn’t it exciting?
( B E R N S T E I N )
T V ’ S F I R S T H O M E G A R D E N I N G P R O G R A M Y O U ’ L L M A K E A M I N T A N D O U R R AT I N G S W I L L S O A R !
T H E Y S AY T H E M E E K S H A L L I N H E R I T Y O U K N O W T H E B O O K D O E S N ’ T L I E I T ’ S N O T A Q U E S T I O N O F M E R I T I T ’ S N O T D E M A N D A N D S U P P LY
T H E Y S AY T H E M E E K G O N N A G E T I T A N D Y O U ’ R E A M E E K L I T T L E G U Y Y O U K N O W T H E M E E K A R E G O N N A G E T W H AT ’ S C O M I N ’ TO ‘ E M B Y A N D B Y
C H I F F O N
C R Y S T A L
H I F F O N
C
R Y S T A L
C
H I F F O N
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—89—
O N N E T T E
(calling offstage)
Here he is, Mrs. Luce! We found him! He’s right here!
S E Y M O U R
(moving past girls, starting off L again)
Look girls, I don’t want to see anybody else today!
(MRS LUCE enters L , blocking SEYMOUR’s exit She backs the confused and miserable SEYMOUR to down L.C. as the GIRLS freeze in a Greek chorus-style pose.
MRS. LUCE is played by the actor who played BERNSTEIN. She wears a business suit with a little fox fur at the collar, a hat with a veil, and high heels. She speaks with a slight English accent.)
M R S . L U C E
My darling, my precious, my sweet, sweet thing. So delighted to make your acquaintance. (extending her hand and speaking rhythmically:)
Y D O L L (sings)
(producing a contract from her purse and handing it to the amazed SEYMOUR)
takes a wad of money from her purse. )
(On the word “PLANT,” MRS LUCE tosses the wad of money into the air over the GIRLS, then swiftly exits R. The GIRLS snap out of their freeze, squeal delightedly as the money floats down around them, then drop to crawl around the floor, gathering up the loot and singing. Meanwhile, a dazed SEYMOUR stands C. and stares at the second contract.)
G I R L S
(gathering money from floor)
R
C U T I E S W E E T N E S S S E Y M O U R B A B
I ’ D L I K E A W O R D W I T H Y O U , L O V E R I ’ M S U R E Y O U K N O W M E T H E E D I TO R ’ S W I F E W E WA N T Y O U R FA C E O N T H E C O V E R O F T H E D E C E M B E R T H I R D I S S U E O F LIFE . Y E S , T H E F R O N T O F LIFE MAGAZINE N O W T H AT ’ S A N H O N O R W E S O S E L D O M G R A N T.
W E ’ L L S E N D S O M E O N E D O W N , L E T ’ S S AY T H U R S D AY (SHE
F O R S H O T S O F Y O U A N D Y O U R B E A U T I F U L P L A N T
—90—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
T H E Y S AY T H E M E E K S H A L L I N H E R I T Y O U K N O W T H E B O O K D O E S N ’ T L I E I T ’ S N O T A Q U E S T I O N O F M E R I T
( G I R L S )
C R Y S T A L
(rises, stuffing money into her blouse)
Life Magazine! Oh my goodness, Seymour! You’re gonna make it straight to the top! (exits L )
C H I F F O N
How did you do it? (CHIFFON exits. RONNETTE turns to SEYMOUR, nose to nose, and starts backing him stage R , calling ominously to someone as she does:)
R O N N E T T E
Here he is, sir! The incredible Seymour Krelborn! Owner of the fabulous Audrey Two America’s most amazing and largest unidentified plant (RONNETTE takes SEYMOUR by the shoulders and spins him·around to face SKIP SNIP, who has simultaneously entered, R. This is the same actor who played BERNSTEIN and MRS. LUCE. He has made another lightning-fast costume-andcharacter-change to become a smooth, trenchcoated East Coast agent.)
S N I P
So this is Seymour Krelborn (RONNETTE turns and exits, L.)
We’ve been trying to reach you, baby Have your phones been busy! Did you get our telegram?
S E Y M O U R
(thrown and confused)
I don’t think so
(backing SEYMOUR to C.)
S N I P
Well it’s a good thing I came down in person then. Pleased to meet you, kid. Skip Snip William Morris Agency
I T ’ S N O T D E M A N D A N D S U P P LY
T H E Y S AY T H E M E E K G O N N A G E T I T A N D Y O U ’ R E A M E E K L I T T L E G U Y Y O U K N O W T H E M E E K A R E G O N N A G E T
W H AT ’ S C O M I N ’ TO ‘ E M B Y A N D B Y !
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—91—
(sings)
(SNIP extends a contract to SEYMOUR and freezes. LIGHTS turn strange and dreamlike. SEYMOUR does not take the contract. Instead, he turns forward and sings his inner thoughts, clutching the other two contracts in his hands:)
S E Y M O U R
M Y F U T U R E ’ S S TA RT I N G I ’ V E G O T TO L E T I T S T I C K W I T H T H AT P L A N T A N D G E E , M Y B A N K A C C O U N T W I L L T H R I V E W H AT A M I S AY I N G ? N O WAY, F O R G E T I T !
I T ’ S M U C H TO O D A N G E R O U S TO K E E P T H AT P L A N T A L I V E ! (moving down R C )
I TA K E T H E S E O F F E R S , T H AT M E A N S M O R E K I L L I N G W H O K N E W S U C C E S S W O U L D C O M E W I T H M E S S Y, N A S T Y S T R I N G S ? (with a few steps L., to true C.)
I S I G N T H E S E C O N T R A C T S , T H AT M E A N S I ’ M W I L L I N G TO K E E P O N D O I N G B L O O D Y, AW F U L , E V I L T H I N G S !
(HE sinks to a sitting position on edge of Forestage )
N O ! N O ! T H E R E ’ S O N LY S O FA R Y O U C A N B E N D !
N O ! N O ! T H I S N I G H T M A R E M U S T C O M E TO A N E N D ! N O ! N O !
Y O U ’ V E G O T N O A LT E R N AT I V E , S E Y M O U R O L D B O Y, T H O U G H I T M E A N S Y O U ’ L L B E B R O K E A G A I N A N D U N E M P L O Y E D , I T ’ S T H E O N LY S O L U T I O N ,
(
I P )
S N
F O R G E T T H E C A B L E W E S E N T Y O U I T ’ S N I C E TO M E E T M E , T H E P L E A S U R E I S Y O U R S N O W L E T M Y F I R M R E P R E S E N T Y O U W E WA N T TO B O O K Y O U O N L E C T U R I N G TO U R S C O L L E G E C A M P U S , R O TA RY C L U B T H E K I N D A B O O K I N G S M Y O F F I C E C A N D O S H O W T H E P L A N T, T H E N TA L K , A N S W E R Q U E S T I O N S . I T ’ S E D U C AT I O N A L , L U C R AT I V E TO O .
—92—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(Beat. HE looks up.)
(CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, and CHIFFON enter stage L , wearing sequined gowns, long gloves, high heels, and elaborately teased and styled Girl-Group wigs-all presumably purchased with their recent tips. They move in a slow, stylized, dream-like way, as SNIP simultaneously comes out of his freeze, crosses down C. to SEYMOUR, and hands him the contract.)
SEYMOUR signs)
contract from SEYMOUR)
( S E Y M O U R )
I T C A N ’ T B E AV O I D E D T H E V E G E TA B L E M U S T B E D E S T R O Y E D !
B U T T H E N T H E R E ’ S A U D R E Y, L O V E LY A U D R E Y. I F L I F E W E R E TAW D RY A N D I M P O V E R I S H E D A S B E F O R E
S H E M I G H T N O T L I K E M E S H E M I G H T N O T WA N T M E W I T H O U T M Y P L A N T, S H E M I G H T N O T L O V E M E A N Y M O R E !
G I R L S
T H E Y S AY T H E M E E K S H A L L I N H E R I T S E Y M O U R W H E R E D O I S I G N ? G I R L S Y O U K N O W T H E B O O K D O E S N ’ T L I E S N I P (as
R I G H T O N T H E L I N E G I R L S I T ’ S N O T A Q U E S T I O N O F M E R I T S N I P (taking
T H AT ’ L L D O F I N E G I R L S I T ’ S N O T D E M A N D A N D S U P P LY S N I P
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—93—
T H I S C O P Y ’ S M I N E .
S N I P
G I R L S
S N I P
B Y E - B Y E , S O L O N G
(One by one, each GIRL approaches SNIP and is handed a ten dollar bill.)
G I R L S
Y O U K N O W T H E M E E K A R E G O N N A G E T
W H AT ’ S C O M I N ’ TO ‘ E M !
Y O U K N O W T H E M E E K A R E G O N N A G E T
W H AT ’ S C O M I N ’ TO ‘ E M !
G I R L S , S E Y M O U R
Y O U K N O W T H E M E E K A R E G O N N A G E T
W H AT ’ S C O M I N ’ TO ‘ E M !
(During the last line of the song, SNIP exits R. and GIRLS exit L. LIGHTS narrow on SEYMOUR, still seated on Forestage.)
B Y A N D B Y !
(As MUSIC plays out, we see on SEYMOUR’s face that he’s trapped, guilt-ridden, and miserable. He’s aware that his “pact with the devil” is now complete... and he’s doomed. MUSIC ends )
G I R L S
Y O U ’ L L M A K E A F O RT U N E , W E S W E A R I T
C O U L D N ’ T G O T W R O N G .
I F O N T H I S FA C T Y O U R E LY
#15A—ThunderandLightning
—94—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
BLACKOUT
S C E N E 3
(SOUND: Thunder. LIGHTS: Lightning projection on closed Screens. SOUND: More thunder. LIGHTS: Another lightning flash. Screens open now to reveal the shop, “late one stormy night.“ AUDREY II now occupies most of the shop’s playing area in one way or another: vines, leaves, tendrils, and of course its enormous trap (still Pod #4). SEYMOUR, exhausted and harried, is hunched over a typewriter at stage R. work table. A large portrait of MUSHNIK hangs prominently with a label reading: “Our Founder” SOUND: Thunder LIGHTS: Lightning in the U S window )
A U D R E Y I I
(dropping into a lips forward position as thunder fades) FEED ME! FOOD! FOOOOOD!
S E Y M O U R
Layoff, Twoey. Can’t you see I’m busy?
A U D R E Y I I
(looking away petulantly) Tough titty!
Watch your language!
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
(with a large, circular lip-synch movement) GRUB!!!
S E Y M O U R
Gimme a break! I’ve gotta finish my speech for the lecture tour. It’s all about you. Gimme some peace and quiet or I’ll tell ‘ em the truth.
A U D R E Y I I
Don’t get cute with me. I made you and I can break you.
S E Y M O U R
Go ahead, break me! You think it’s easy living with the guilt?
A U D R E Y I I
Aw, cut the crap and bring on the meat!
S E Y M O U R
(crossing to stage L. work table and flipping furiously through a dictionary) If only you’d eat meat. If only you’d touch a mouse or flies. But no... you ’ re so particular.
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—95—
A U D R E Y I I
(in a childlike falsetto)
C’mon, Krelborn. Feed me. I ain’t et since Mushnik and that was a week ago!
S E Y M O U R
(without turning toward it)
Look, just hold out one more night, can you? That’s all I ask Life Magazine will be here in the morning to take our pictures...
A U D R E Y I I
(ominously)
And then you’ll find me somebody?
S E Y M O U R
(with meaning he obviously does not wish to divulge) Then you’ll never be hungry again. I promise. (A beat of silence and then an earthshaking bellow:)
A U D R E Y I I
Chowtime, Krelborn! Food! Food! Food! Feed me food!
(SOUND: Thunder AUDREY II continues to chant “Food! Food! Food! Feed me food!” as SEYMOUR loses control and starts shouting:)
S E Y M O U R
I can’t take it! Stop squalling! You’re driving me crazy! Just shut up, will ya? For God’s sake, shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
(As Thunder fades, SEYMOUR keeps shouting “Shut Up!” in a frustrated frenzy, almost banging his head on the desk AUDREY II resumes neutral upright position AUDREY enters L., wearing a yellow rain slicker. Thunder fades.)
A U D R E Y
(closing door behind her)
Seymour! What’s the matter with you?
S E Y M O U R
(crossing to stage R work table)
It’s the matter with me! Don’t you think I know it needs food? Don’t you think I know it’ll die if I don’t feed it and soon? (sits at work table, babbling senselessly:)
Don’t you think I’m trying to think of some way... something... someone...
—96—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y
(crosses quickly to him)
Seymour
(SHE slaps him daintily.)
You’re hysterical. (beat) What’s the big deal about a little plantfood? I think running this place all by yourself is too much for you When did Mr Mushnik say he’d be back?
S E Y M O U R
Huh?
A U D R E Y
You know, in that note you told me he left you? The one that said he was going out to his sister ’ s house in...
S E Y M O U R
Czechoslovakia. Right. He could be gone a very long time. (turns his head away, afraid to ask:) Audrey... could I ask you something?
A U D R E Y
Anything.
S E Y M O U R
(looking down) Well, just suppose for a minute there’d never even been an Audrey Two That I was just a nothing again, a nobody. Would you still like me?
A U D R E Y
I’d still love you, Seymour.
S E Y M O U R
(looks up) Then it’s settled (HE rises and crosses down C. to edge of shop platform.)
A U D R E Y
(following him) What’s settled?
#15B—SeymourPlots LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—97—
( A U D R E Y )
(HE pulls out a gun. )
A gun!
S E Y M O U R
And bullets... and rat poison... and a machete. Tomorrow morning... right after Life Magazine takes our picture you know who bites the dust!
A U D R E Y
Seymour!
(with great intensity)
S E Y M O U R
Right. They’ll snap the photo, we’ll be famous, I’ll take that T.V. job, and we’ll live a nice, quiet, normal life together No more night feedings No more squalling for blood!
A U D R E Y
(quickly)
What feedings? What blood? I don’t get it, Seymour Bullets, knives, rat poison You’re scaring me.
S E Y M O U R
(returning gun to his pocket and turning to her gently)
There’s nothing to be scared of (Beat. MUSIC becomes lyrical: Somewhere That’s Green theme.)
We’ll go away from here I’ll take you to that little development you always dreamed about and once we ’ re there we’ll live happily ever after, I promise. (putting an arm around her protectively and looking off into the distance)
Nice little house, nice little car... (beat)
And no plants. No plants at all.
You’re talking so peculiar, Seymour.
A U D R E Y
S E Y M O U R
(leading her toward the door, stage R.)
I’ll explain everything to you tomorrow Just go home now, Audrey Please
A U D R E Y
I can’t leave you in this condition
—98—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
Don’t worry about me (kisses her forehead quickly)
Don’t worry about anything (AUDREY exits. SEYMOUR closes the door to the shop behind her. MUSIC: Tic Tock theme. As SEYMOUR turns from the door, he pricks his finger on a vine. AUDREY II emits an interested “Oooh,“ to which SEYMOUR responds with a dirty look. He crosses R. to his typewriter, tries to work, but hurts his injured finger on a key and exclaims, “Ouch.” AUDREY II snickers and returns to upright neutral position. Meanwhile, the clock advances to midnight As it chimes twelve, AUDREY II speaks threateningly:)
A U D R E Y I I
Feed me!
Under no circumstances
Feed me!
I will not, so stop asking
FEED ME!
(rises and crosses L.)
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
I can’t take much more of this. Look, I’ll run down to the corner and get you a pound of rare roast beef Maybe that’ll hold you til Life Magazine gets here
A U D R E Y I I
(shaking its pod a sullen “ no ” and lowering its “chin”)
Uh Uh. No way.
S E Y M O U R
Look, it’s my last offer. Yes or no? #16—Sominex/Suppertime—Reprise
(AUDREY enters stage R. Forestage, wearing a white nightgown and clutching SEYMOUR’s jacket around her shoulders She seems troubled and Fay Wray-like She sighs and leans plaintively on the fire escape. As AUDREY enters, AUDREY II slowly pans stage R It magically seems to be aware of her presence When MUSIC ends, it turns back to SEYMOUR and says in a conciliatory tone:)
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—99—
A U D R E Y I I
It’s better than nothing
S E Y M O U R
Done Fine Great And don’t think you ’ re getting dessert (SEYMOUR exits. AUDREY II opens its “mouth” and pans R., toward AUDREY, holding strong focus on her.)
A U D R E Y
(SHE moves to down L. Forestage. In the shop, AUDREY II pans to follow her.)
TA
U R (AUDREY II subtly nods “ yes.”)
A U D R E Y I I
(sings from inside shop, straight in AUDREY’s direction.)
A U D R E Y
(turns with a start)
Who... Who said that?
A U D R E Y I I
A U D R E Y
(moving toward shop) Is somebody in there?
A U D R E Y I I
A U D R E Y
(opening the door slowly)
Seymour? Seymour?
I C O U L D N ’ T S L E E P
I TO O K A S O M I N E X
B U T V O I C E S I N M Y H E A D K E P T S AY I N G :
G O TO S E Y M O U R
L K TO S E Y M O
I D R A N K S O M E T E A
B U T G E E , T H E F E E L I N G WA S N ’ T G O N E
S E Y M O U R , S W E E T H E A RT T E L L M E D A R L I N G W H AT ’ S B E E N G O I N G O N ?
H E Y, L I T T L E L A D Y, H E L L O
Y O U L O O K I N ’ C U T E A S C A N B E
Y O U L O O K I N ’ M I G H T Y S W E E T !
—100—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
A U D R E Y I I
N O I T A I N ’ T S E Y M O U R
(AUDREY II rises to its full height AUDREY, just inside stage L doorway, sees it and freezes in shock.)
IT’S ME !
Oh my God!
A U D R E Y
A U D R E Y I I
Y O U R F R I E N D LY A U D R E Y T W O ! (Beat Spoken strongly and in rhythm:)
T H I S P L A N T I S TA L K I N G . . . (sweetly)
TO YOU .
I don’t believe it.
Believe it, baby. It talks.
Am I dreaming this?
A U D R E Y
A U D R E Y I I
A U D R E Y
A U D R E Y I I
No. And you ain’t in Kansas, neither.
A U D R E Y (turns forward on MUSICAL CHORD) Something’s very wrong here
A U D R E Y I I
(smooth)
Relax and go with it, doll. Do me a favor, will ya sweetheart?
A U D R E Y
(innocently) A favor?
A U D R E Y I I
I need me some water in the worst way (“looking” down toward stage L branch)
Look at my branches I’m a goner, honey
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—101—
( A U D R E Y I I
(sings)
C O M E O N A N D G I M M E A D R I N K .
)
(As AUDREY II resumes singing and grows more forceful, AUDREY’s physical attitude become more Fay Wray than ever She leans against the doorframe, clutching it in graceful terror.)
A U D R E Y
I don’t know if I should
A U D R E Y I I
H E Y L I T T L E L A D Y, B E N I C E .
A U D R E Y
(moves to just in front of stage L. work table, clutching it behind her, with honest but attractively-posed fear)
You just want water, right?
A U D R E Y I I
S U R E D O , I ’ L L D R I N K I T S T R A I G H T.
A U D R E Y
(her protective instincts getting the better of her)
Your branches are dry, poor thing
A U D R E Y I I
D O N ’ T N E E D N O G L A S S O R N O I C E .
A U D R E Y
(SHE relents and helpfully crosses to stage R. refrigerator.)
I’ll get the can
A U D R E Y I I
D O N ’ T N E E D N O T W I S T O
F L I M E !
A U D R E Y
(Pulling a watering can from atop the refrigerator, SHE moves closer to Audrey II, poised to pour water into ITs open “mouth ”)
Here you go
A U D R E Y I I
(as its stage R. Branch descends upon AUDREY, entangling her in its tendrils)
AND NOW IT’S SUPPERTIME !
—102—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
(
A U D R E Y I I )
(AUDREY screams and begins to fight with the Branch, desperately trying to escape. IT pulls her to and fro during the following:)
Relax, sweetheart, and it’ll be easier Come on, join your dentist friend and Mushnik They’re right inside.
(The Branch shovels AUDREY toward the Pod, which opens wide and chomps down on her. She is now inside the Pod from the waist up, bouncing up and down with it as it “chews”.)
A U D R E Y
Help!
S E Y M O U R
(charging in from L. with the roast beef, which HE drops)
Audrey! No! Get offa her! Get offa her!
(HE pries AUDREY II open and pulls AUDREY out. She has clearly been badly wounded and has to lean heavily against him for support. THE POD and branches lower to the floor, as if in disappointment, and lie perfectly still.)
Audrey... are you alright?
A U D R E Y
(wilted, exhausted, and clinging to him)
Yes.
(SHE collapses to the floor.) No.
S E Y M O U R
(HE sinks to his knees to cradle her in a “Pieta” pose.)
Don’t die, Audrey. I need you. Please, please don’t die.
A U D R E Y
(fading gracefully, softly, with total sweetness and calm)
You know, the plant just said the strangest thing just now. It said that Orin and Mr. Mushnik were already inside.
S E Y M O U R
(quietly tortured)
It’s true. I did it. I fed them to it.
#17—SomewhereThat’sGreen—Reprise
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—103—
A U D R E Y
(looking into his eyes)
And that’s what made it so big and strong and you so famous?
S E Y M O U R
I’ve done terrible things. But not to you. Never to you.
A U D R E Y
But. (Pause. Then, with great resolve:)
I want you to, Seymour.
What?
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y
When I die which should be very shortly (lyrically)
Give me to the plant, so it can live to bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.
S E Y M O U R
You don’t know what you ’ re saying.
A U D R E Y
But I do. (pulling herself prettily but with some difficulty to her knees, like a wounded Saint Joan having a vision)
It’s the one gift I can give you (beat; beaming now in saintly self-sacrifice)
And if I’m in the plant, then I’m part of the plant (beat)
So in a way We’ll always be Together (THEY are now both on their knees, facing each other.)
(SHE starts to try to rise, leaning on SEYMOUR for support HE rises to help her )
I ’ M F E E L I N G S T R A N G E LY H A P P Y N O W, C O N T E N T E D A N D S E R E N E
(SHE collapses against him a little )
Y O U ’ L L WA S H M Y T E N D E R L E AV E S Y O U ’ L L S M E L L M Y S W E E T P E R F U M E Y O U ’ L L WAT E R M E A N D C A R E F O R M E Y O U ’ L L S E E M E B U D A N D B L O O M
—104—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
O H , D O N ’ T Y O U S E E ?
F I N A L LY I ’ L L B E
(SHE kisses him gently on the nose.)
S O M E W H E R E
(SHE turns forward )
T H AT ’ S . . .
(And reaches out toward the place she’s always dreamed of)
G R E E N !
(SHE reaches further, takes her last breath, and dies as SEYMOUR scoops her up into his arms. MUSIC swells romantically)
#17ADeathOfAudrey
(LIGHTS mirror the mood. The sunset goes nuts. The image is one of Wagnerian splendor as SEYMOUR stands for a moment, holding the dead AUDREY in his arms, and U.S., AUDREY II’s mammoth trap opens very slowly. SEYMOUR turns U.S. and carries AUDREY slowly, ceremoniously, toward it. A choir of unseen voices provides an M G M touch, as SEYMOUR gently lays his love inside AUDREY II He then kneels and miserably watches AUDREY disappear, as if being sucked down into the monster’s insides Finally, when she is gone, The Pod slowly closes As the music turns from majestic to poignant, SEYMOUR silently rises, crosses down C. and sits on the edge of the shop platform. He is stunned, lost, numb. On the last strains of MUSIC, the clock on the wall has moved to nine o ’clock. A night has passed. As LIGHTS change to morning, CRYSTAL appears outside the shop, stage L.)
C R Y S T A L
That’s him, Mr. Martin. He’s right in there.
(PATRICK MARTIN, yet another sleazy opportunist, played by the same actor who played ORIN, enters stage L.)
M A R T I N
(slipping her a five)
Thanks, sweetheart Wait for me (enters the shop)
Krelborn? Seymour Krelborn?
(
A U D R E Y )
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—105—
S E Y M O U R
(Still shattered, HE does not move or look at him.)
Leave me alone.
M A R T I N
Patrick Martin, Licensing and Marketing Division, World Botanical Enterprises. I’ve got a gilt-edged proposition for you, boy
S E Y M O U R
(almost inaudible)
I’m not interested.
M A R T I N
Let me explain in more detail.
(HE pulls a contract out of his jacket, moves down C. to SEYMOUR, and crouches just up L. of him.)
It’s a very simple licensing deal We take leaf cuttings, develop little Audrey Twos, and sell them to florists across the nation. Pretty soon, every household in America will have one.
(Beat. SEYMOUR starts to get it. MARTIN crosses up L., toward door.)
I’ve got a truck waiting outside and some pots. If you don’t mind, we’ll start taking cuttings right now. Imagine boy, Audrey Twos everywhere.
(HE steps out of the shop and speaks to CRYSTAL.)
Why, with the right advertising, this could be bigger than hula hoops. (MARTIN and CRYSTAL exit, L.)
S E Y M O U R
(to himself as the whole thing comes together) Bigger than hula hoops.
A U D R E Y I I
(It’s voice deep and majestic now, the POD rising to a full standing position) MUCH BIGGER!
#17B—DeathOfSeymour
S E Y M O U R
Every household in America... Thousands of you... Eating. That’s what you ’ ve had in mind all along, isn’t it?
A U D R E Y I I
No shit, Sherlock!
—106—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
S E Y M O U R
We’re not talking about one hungry plant here We’re talking about World Conquest!
A U D R E Y I I
FEED ME!
You ate the only thing I ever loved!
Too bad!
S E Y M O U R
A U D R E Y I I
S E Y M O U R
(rises, pulls out gun, turns, and fires)
Take that. (Drum plays two rim-shots to indicate the sound of the gun firing. AUDREY II laughs.) And that (two more rim-shots) And that And that And that And that and
A U D R E Y I I
Give up, Krelborn!
S E Y M O U R
(crossing to stage L. work table) Never! (producing a container from a shelf under the table and flourishing it) Here! Rat poison! (crosses to AUDREY II and forces a handful of poison into the Pod.) Eat that! EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!
A U D R E Y I I
(It spits the poison out ) Feh! Give up, small fry
S E Y M O U R
(crossing to stage R. work table and pulling a machete out from under it)
Maybe you ’ re tough on the outside. But in there! In that pod... I’ll hack you to bits! I’ll get you from the inside! Open up!
(HE moves to just R of the Pod and tries to pry it open with the machete AUDREY II resists. )
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—107—
( S E Y M O U R )
OPEN UP! OPEN UP! OPEN UP!
(At last, the POD opens. SEYMOUR braces himself, takes a few steps down C., and brandishes the machete in the air. )
NOW!
(Sustaining the cry “Now!” like Custer crying “Charge”, SEYMOUR turns, runs to AUDREY II and dives inside. The POD slams shut on him, chews, and freezes.
MUSIC ends. A long beat of silence. Then AUDREY II opens a little, and neatly spits the machete out onto the floor. After another moment’s silence, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON, and PATRICK MARTIN appear stage L The GIRLS wear white lab coats decorated with green World Botanical Enterprises insignias. MARTIN carries a carton of empty flower pots )
M A R T I N
Mr. Krelborn? Mr. Krelborn?
(ALL FOUR enter the shop, the GIRLS crossing to C. and MARTIN holding at the stage L. work table, where he deposits his carton.)
Okay girls.
(HE distributes a pot to each of them.)
All you have to do is snip some of the smaller leaves and replant them in these pots. The truck’s waiting outside.
#18—Finale
(HE steps out of shop and calls out toward the audience with great importance:)
Open the van, boys! We’re ready to start loading!
(THE GIRLS look at each other ominously. MUSICAL CHORDS.
They begin to move, CHIFFON crossing up R , CRYSTAL up L , and RONNETTE crossing down L., by the work table. Each finds a leaf hanging on a vine, removes it, and places it in her pot Once RONNETTE has taken her cutting while the other GIRLS are getting theirs she moves ceremoniously to DS.C. edge of the shop. She holds her leaf-pot in both hands, like a religious icon, faces the audience, and sings with serious Gospel fervor:)
R O N N E T T E
(SHE steps off of the shop platform onto the Forestage. Right through the “wall” U.S. of her, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON start moving D.C. with a similar attitude.)
S U B S E Q U E N T TO T H E E V E N T S Y O U H AV E J U S T W I T N E S S E D
S I M I L A R E V E N T S I N C I T I E S A C R O S S A M E R I C A ,
—108—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
E V E N T S W H I C H B O R E A S T R I K I N G R E S E M B L A N C E TO T H E O N E S Y O U H AV E J U S T S E E N
(On the vamp between verses, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON fall into step and move in a stately manner to positions on the Forestage, flanking RONNETTE. Screens close behind them )
G I R L S
. . .
(As THEY continue to sing, they move with slow, synchronized processional steps to the edge of the Forestage.)
(THEY reach the edge and stop )
(CRYSTAL and RONNETTE run to the stage L. stoop and take positions there. CHIFFON runs to the stage R. stoop. Meanwhile, U.S. of them, the Screens open to reveal clouds of smoke that swirl around the AUDREY TWO, now with huge and powerful new branches, which make it wide as the shop itself. And something else has appeared on this creature Flowers Four of them And in the center of each blood-red bloom is the face of a dead character: MUSHNIK, SEYMOUR, ORIN, and AUDREY.
( R O N N E T T E )
B E G A N O C C U R R I N G
S U B S E Q U E N T TO T H E E V E N T S Y O U H AV E J U S T W I T N E S S E D , U N S U S P E C T I N G J E R K S F R O M M A I N E TO C A L I F O R N I A M A D E T H E A C Q U A I N TA N C E O F A N E W B R E E D O F F LY T R A P A N D G O T S W E E T- TA L K E D I N TO F E E D I N G I T BLOOD
T H U S T H E P L A N T S W O R K E D T H E I R T E R R I B L E W I L L , F I N D I N G J E R K S W H O W O U L D F E E D T H E M T H E I R F I L L A N D T H E P L A N T S P R O C E E D E D TO G R O W. . . A N D G R O W
A N D B E G A N W H AT T H E Y C A M E H E R E TO D O , W H I C H WA S E S S E N T I A L LY TO E AT C L E V E L A N D ! A N D D E S M O I N E S ! A N D P E O R I A ! A N D N E W Y O R K ! A N D T H I S T H E AT R E . . .
D E A D F A C E S , G I R L S
T H E Y M AY O F F E R Y O U F O RT U N E A N D FA M E L O V E A N D M O N E Y A N D I N S TA N T A C C L A I M B U T W H AT E V E R T H E Y O F F E R Y O U , D O N ’ T F E E D T H E P L A N T S !
D E A D M U S H N I K
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—109—
T H E Y M AY O F F E R Y O U L O T S O F C H E A P T H R I L L S
(Now this massive thing this PLANT starts moving down toward the audience, using its Branches like a monstrous botanical crab, to pull itself along As the DEAD FACES and GIRLS continue to sing, AUDREY II keeps coming toward us... toward us )
(AUDREY II stops If it went any further, it would be in the first row The Branches fan out, menacing the audience. AUDREY II pans the house, snapping at it, showing its teeth to one side and then to the other )
(On the last word, AUDREY II opens wider than we have ever seen it. And as it does, vines suddenly come cascading down at the audience from the ceiling over their heads. The entire theatre, then stage and audience has been taken over by the AUDREY TWO. AUDREY II’s “jaws” come snapping forcefully closed on the last beat of MUSIC And LIGHTS go to )
D E A D S E Y M O U R
FA N C Y C O N D O S I N B E V E R LY H I L L S
D E A D O R I N
B U T W H AT E V E R T H E Y O F F E R Y O U , D E A D A U D R E Y D O N ’ T F E E D T H E P L A N T S !
D E A D F A C E S & G I R L S
L O O K O U T ! H E R E C O M E S A U D R E Y T W O ! L O O K O U T !
A U D R E Y I I
H E R E I C O M E F O R Y O U !
D E A D F A C E S & G I R L S
H O L D Y O U R H AT A N D H A N G O N TO Y O U R S O U L ! S O M E T H I N ’ S C O M I N ’ TO E AT T H E W O R L D W H O L E ! I F W E F I G H T I T, W E S T I L L G O T A C H A N C E
D E A D F A C E S & G I R L S
B U T W H AT E V E R T H E Y O F F E R Y O U T H O ’ T H E Y ’ R E S L O P P I N ’ T H E T R O U G H F O R Y O U P L E A S E W H AT E V E R T H E Y O F F E R Y O U , D O N ’ T F E E D T H E P L A N T S
D E A D A U D R E Y & D E A D S E Y M O U R W E ’ L L H AV E TO M O R R O W
D E A D F A C E S & G I R L S
D O N ’ T F E E D T H E P L A A A N T S !
—110—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS—111—
#19—Bows
BLACKOUT T H E E N D
—112—LITTLESHOPOFHORRORS
M USICAL N UMBERS ACT 1 A. Prologue .............................................................................................1 1. Little Shop Of Horrors.........................................................................1 1a.Tick Tocks...........................................................................................5 2. Skid Row.............................................................................................6 2a.Skid Row—Playoff.............................................................................16 3. Da Doo..............................................................................................17 3a.One Strange And Interesting Plant....................................................18 4. Grow For Me.....................................................................................19 4a.WSKID Radio Jingle..........................................................................22 5. Ya Never Know..................................................................................23 6. Somewhere That’s Green....................................................................30 7. Closed For Renovation.......................................................................33 7a.Orin’s Play-On..................................................................................36 8. Be A Dentist......................................................................................37 8a.Orin’s Playoff....................................................................................41 9. Mushnik And Son..............................................................................42 9a.Sudden Changes.................................................................................47 10.Git It.................................................................................................48 10a.Dentist Chair Play-On.......................................................................55 11. Now (It’s Just The Gas).....................................................................55 11a. Act I Finale........................................................................................60 — iii—
ACT 2 11b.Entr’acte............................................................................................60 12. Call Back In The Morning..................................................................61 13. Suddenly Seymour.............................................................................67 13a. Melodramatic Chords.........................................................................72 14. Suppertime........................................................................................72 15. The Meek Shall Inherit.......................................................................77 15a. Thunder And Lightning.....................................................................87 15b. Seymour Plots....................................................................................87 16. Sominex/Suppertime—Reprise...........................................................88 17. Somewhere That’s Green—Reprise.....................................................91 17a. Death Of Audrey...............................................................................92 17b. Death Of Seymour.............................................................................93 18. Finale................................................................................................94 19. Bows................................................................................................100 — iv—
A #1—Little
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 1—
Shop Of Horrors
1
Shop Of Horrors
#1—Little
— 2—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
Shop Of Horrors
#1—Little
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 3—
Shop Of Horrors
#1—Little
— 4—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
Shop Of Horrors
#1—Little
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 5—
1a
#2—Skid Row — 6—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 2
#2—Skid Row L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 7—
#2—Skid Row — 8—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#2—Skid Row L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 9—
#2—Skid Row — 10—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#2—Skid Row L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 11—
#2—Skid Row — 12—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#2—Skid Row L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 13—
#2—Skid Row — 14—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#2—Skid Row L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 15—
#2—Skid Row — 16—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
2a
#3—Da Doo L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 17— 3
#3—Da Doo — 18—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 3a
#4—Grow For Me L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 19— 4
#4—Grow For Me — 20—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#4—Grow For Me L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 21—
#4a—WSKID Radio Jingle — 22—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 4a
#5—Ya Never Know L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 23— 5
#5—Ya Never Know — 24—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#5—Ya Never Know L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 25—
#5—Ya Never Know — 26—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#5—Ya Never Know L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 27—
#5—Ya Never Know — 28—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#5—Ya Never Know L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 29—
— 30—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 6
#6—Somewhere That’s Green
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 31—
#6—Somewhere That’s Green
— 32—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#6—Somewhere That’s Green
#7—Closed For Renovation L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 33— 7
#7—Closed For Renovation — 34—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#7—Closed For Renovation L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 35—
#7—Closed For Renovation — 36—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
7a
#8—Be A Dentist L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 37— 8
#8—Be A Dentist — 38—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#8—Be A Dentist L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 39—
#8—Be A Dentist — 40—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#8—Be A Dentist L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 41— 8a
#9—Mushnik And Son — 42—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 9
#9—Mushnik And Son L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 43—
#9—Mushnik And Son — 44—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#9—Mushnik And Son L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 45—
#9—Mushnik And Son — 46—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#9a—Sudden Changes L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 47— 9a
#10—Git It — 48—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 10
#10—Git It L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 49—
#10—Git It — 50—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#10—Git It L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 51—
#10—Git It — 52—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#10—Git It L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 53—
#10—Git It — 54—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#11—Now (It’s
Gas) L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 55— 10a 11
Just The
#11—Now (It’s
The Gas) — 56—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
Just
#11—Now (It’s Just The Gas) L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 57—
#11—Now (It’s Just The Gas) — 58—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#11—Now
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 59—
(It’s Just The Gas)
#11—Now
— 60—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 11a 11b
(It’s Just The Gas)
#12—Call Back In The Morning L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 61— 12
#12—Call Back In The Morning — 62—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#12—Call Back In The Morning L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 63—
#12—Call Back In The Morning — 64—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#12—Call Back In The Morning L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 65—
#12—Call Back In The Morning — 66—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#13—Suddenly Seymour L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 67— 13
#13—Suddenly Seymour — 68—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#13—Suddenly Seymour L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 69—
#13—Suddenly Seymour — 70—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#13—Suddenly Seymour L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 71—
#14—Suppertime — 72—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 13a 14
#14—Suppertime L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 73—
#14—Suppertime — 74—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#14—Suppertime L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 75—
#14—Suppertime — 76—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#15—The
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 77— 15
Meek Shall Inherit
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
— 78—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#15—The
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 79—
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
— 80—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 81—
Meek Shall Inherit
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
— 82—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#15—The
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 83—
Meek Shall Inherit
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
— 84—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#15—The
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 85—
Meek Shall Inherit
Meek Shall Inherit
#15—The
— 86—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#15a—Seymour Plots L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 87—
15a 15b
#16—Sominex/Suppertime—Reprise — 88—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 16
#16—Sominex/Suppertime—Reprise L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 89—
#16—Sominex/Suppertime—Reprise — 90—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#17—Somewhere
L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 91— 17
That’s Green
#17a—Death
— 92—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 17a
Of Audrey
#17b—Death Of Seymour L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 93— 17b
#18—Finale — 94—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 18
#18—Finale L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 95—
#18—Finale — 96—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#18—Finale L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 97—
#18—Finale — 98—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS
#18—Finale L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS — 99—
#19—Bows — 100—L ITTLE S HOP O F H ORRORS 19
