Anywhere But Here by Johnny D'Andre Williams pdf by Johnathen D'Andre Williams

Anywhere But Here Table Of Contents: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Throw It Away Duhhh Depression Valentine’s Day Is Everyday Monster F A Best friend 6. It Won’t Be Dark Forever 7. I Won’t Drown 8. Bear The Blame 9. All Alone 10. Free Johnny 11. Lord Jesus Eleven 12. Walking Dead 13. Hurt People Hurt People 14. March Massacre 15. Share Your Air 16. Banned From Burlington 17. Blame It On Anxiety 18. Marriage Is The Motive 19. 78 Plain White Tees 20. If It Pleases You 21. N'importe Où Mais Ici ( Co-written By Domi Bryant)

22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28.

The Way You Look At Me Lewis Smile Daddy Loves You You Can't Reject Respect Kiss My Underwear You Deserve Her More Chrysanthemum

29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35.

Unzip My Jacket For You Fighting NyQuil I Tell Myself Secrets A Little Push Dream Out-loud Front Row Seats Stars For Eyes 36. Peace Hug ( Co-Written By Whitney

Amber ) 37. Dang...Johnny's D'Andre Is Dead 38. Hand Out Of The Grave ( Co-written by Deborah Sims)

39. Only At The Stem 40. I Think This Is The End

Page Directory:

Page 1: Table Of Contents Page 5: Throw It Away Page 7: Duhhh Depression Page 12: Valentines Day Is Everyday Page 18: Monster Page 22: F A Best Friend Page 31: It Won't Be Dark Forever Page 37: I Won't Drown Page 45: Bear The Blame Page 50: All Alone Page 53: Free Johnny Page 62 : Lord Jesus Eleven Page 74 : Walking Dead Page 86 : Hurt People Hurt People Page 94: March Massacre Page 99: Share Your Air Page 101: Banned From Burlington Page 110: Blame It On Anxiety Page 118: Marriage Is The Motive Page 125: 78 Plain White Tees Page 137: If It Pleases You Page 143 : Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;importe Ou Mais Ici Page 146: The Way That You Look At Me Page 147: Lewis Smile Page 153 : Daddy Loves You Page 158: You Can't Reject Respect Page 162: Kiss My Underwear Page 163: You Deserve Her More Page 166: Chrysanthemum

4Page 169: Unzip My Jacket For You

Page 177: Fighting NyQuil Page 183: I Tell Myself Secrets Page 189: A Little Push Page 192: Dream Out-Loud Page 197: Front Row Seats Page 202: Stars For Eyes Page 205: Peace Hug Page 208: Dang... Johnny D'Andre Is Dead Page 215 : Hand Out Of The Grave Page 217 : Only At The Stem Page 222 : I Think This Is The End

1. Throw It Away Do we Throw It Away

All the memories we’ve had up till today Do we

Throw it all away If we let our love go this easy I will not know what to say Do we

Throw it in the trash We both know

That you can’t buy love with cash And love is blind

It can come and go in a flash Now both of us are sad

And now were stuck by ourselves Thinking about the times we had Everything I do makes you mad But have you ever lived life

Without knowing your mom or dad We shouldn’t throw it away We shouldn’t let this end

Why let money break away our trend Bend till I break

All the nights I lay awake

6 Thinking about all the things I do for your sake If we discard our love

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be some large shoes to fill My heart is hungry

And youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re blocking it from its meal If you want to do that then fine We can throw it all away

And let our love sit in a landfill

2. Duhhh Depression I'm determined to get better Intent on improving

If you saw where I was You would shriek and gasp what are you doing At 7 countries counseling clinic This process

I'm ready to begin it Cause the longer I wait The longer it'll take

For things to get back straight You got to want it

And I want it badly

Hands matching my heart Anxious, arty, and ashy

Slept on since I woke up in the world Even the doctors looked past me

It's January and I'm uploading pics from July on IG But people still add me Cause all of a sudden They're interested

Cause happy Johnny is Cool But depressed Johnny is epic Getting better is the goal But it's a lot of black to go through Heaps and heaps of charcoal

8 Attitude swole Trying to swim through

You and I are tired of my moping And I feel like I'm being chastised I'm choking Why me

Why was I chosen Bout to turn 20

And things get ballistic and bloody I just wanna get better

I just want a little bit more money Only thing that's keeping me afloat Is my hot and humble honey

How do you feel alone in a building full of people? They down you and degrade you

When they're pose to be your equals Facial expressions are like bullets Words are like needles

And they keep stabbing and stabbing Everything is ha ha numerous

But I am not laughing How do you feel dark In the middle of the daytime I wake up and feel fine Roll to my right and kiss my love that is mine But moments quickly pass And so does the time

And I be ready to bust out crying

9 A quarter till 9 People act like a grown man weeping Is a sign of weakness or a crime But if I'm not 100 I'm not gone be sitting up here lying I don't just get stabbed in the back I get sliced in the spine Whoa I dealt with this 8 years ago But the higher you go up in age The more you feel more low

Motley says some fellatio will help Motley says a good back rub will help But how I pose to come When I can't come to a conclusion The world is so dark

I'm for real not fooling When the little sliver of light does come around Its safe feeling and soothing New Year's Eve was a day to forget All tears no sweat

Hopefully the darkest life will ever get Crying like I just lost a million dollar bet Crying like my team is down 2 And I have the mindset that it's already over Thank god tears don't have an odor

10 Cause Motleys breast blade would be funky I'm up here boohooing while she's holding me She let go for a hot little minute

And I almost fell on the floor and became a rollie pollie I told wife later on that day

And she thanked Motley the next Little did I know while I was crying Wifey was crying 1.4 miles away Lord Jesus love is so complex Take me as if am Take me as me

All the inches standing short 2 quarters and 63 I don't want to feel like this when I'm 63 Not even when I'm 23 Not even when I'm 20 Cause days till I turn 20 I have 63 Some days be pitch black Both in reality and figuratively

Onlookers asking what's wrong Trying figure me Belittle me Strip me down to my emotions Without even undressing

Everyone is living their life

11 What's the use of impressing But I got to keep pressing

There's no other way to put it This is flat out cold dog hard depression Quit holding stuff in Johnathen I'm slowly learning my lesson

Thank you Johnny for understanding Acknowledging the problem And immediately start planning Thank you Motley for your New Year eve events And also thank you for the advice

But I owe a thousand thank you's and kisses To the wonderful Whitney my wife

3. Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day Is Everyday Her cognition is sporadic Longing for her to relax

And display calm tactics Lay on my chest like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a hammock When she isn't calm I can't stand it

Cause behaviors like these in women Can easily become habits

It won't happen to my woman She's in love That's it

She can sit in the couch

Or lay her marvelous body on the mattress By her side I am her servant At her service

She's my queen

No doubt she deserves this I observe frequent wants I analyze constant needs

And her dreams come with immediate results from me There's no such thing as greed Her expectations

I command myself to exceed Because it's my Heart she keeps stealing My feelings have no ceilings Have no walls

13 It's all about her everyday Answer her every beck and call Call me what you want

But she calls me John Boy And I call her baby

Every day is Valentine's Day for her It's called love far from crazy I daydream

And I fantasize She wants me to ratify I see it in her eyes

I see her thoughts Breathing harder Body getting hot

I love the uniqueness That lies inside her soul

I place Campbellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chunky Soup and some chunky kisses In her dinner bowl

When she doesn't get her way Her chest gets very swole Seeing her beam Is my daily goal

Go and marvel her under the covers Just like a mole

Bond with her berries This is my safe haven savior It's far from scary

This is the woman I enjoy every lick of

14 This is the woman I want to one day marry I still reminisce about our 1st kiss Now I shower her with kisses That led to other activities No matter how tired I am

She's entitled to all of my energy The Laughs we share Of course she cares

Together tackling lions, liars, and Bears Sleep together holding her in my arms All while we're holding hands

And it's my duty to bring Valentine's Day everyday That's how I ended up being her forever man Our relationship is steadily budding

I'm enjoying every step of the journey Cause we haven't even came close to the summit

I still want to meet Roddy and your other cousins Take Jayden trick or treating

And help him carve pumpkins It's February

But every day is Halloween Taste your candy

Vanilla filing comes out And so does screams Improved results

Since I put Coach Motley on my team My dream cum conclusion came true And so did my dream.

15 Drink that drink that Like its candy concocted codeine Drink her devotion

Cause she's my queen I'll do anything

No questions asked

No back talk or sass Get her a peace backpack from Razz Razzmatazz Write a poem about her past

Then write one about her time with Jazz Love her love her in every way It's about to be March

And for her it's Valentine's Day I'll fight every obstacle that tries to deteriorate Tax season

Give Pisces Paradise a little decorate We'll never desolate

Lewis told us to wait

So we'll get married when I'm 28 I hate relying on holidays

To make sure your heart is straight Every day is Valentine's days Every day is Xmas

Whether were racing go carts

Or eating McChicken no lettuce I'm proud of you

And more proud of us We made it through The Lew

16 And Erin's cloud of dust Go home and sit down

And watch Penny Proud and a Puff Put walls up from others We need to tint our car

But even before Creamy the Car

We have to remember what made us who we are Talking all night till the next day Hit a nerve

Then I wipe your tears away

Kiss like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the last time we'll meet I know what you're thinking No no need for you to speak

Legs tangled in the Spider-Man sheets Our senses are enhanced I give a glance

You start to feel the wander Of my curious hands

Your voice getting raspy Either you're Horny of getting the itus

The other stuffed are in the living room But Shadow and Am'Aya Mouse sleep beside us Cracking our toes in sync

Only setting us up for arthritis At least know what's coming We both hate surprises She's my highness

And I'm affectionate starving

17 Hearts is beating double time You can hear the echo throughout the apartment Rub your butt

Skin soft as Charmin

Every time you move I hear it and feel it because the headboards lose An effortless kiss

Is an extraordinary boost

It brings sonic rings and shivers down my spine The constellations align

No one can break our bond and bind Why start crying

When we're incredible fine You're my future, love, Xmas, Easter, my Valentine's But most importantly youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re infinitely mine

4. Monster If I told you would you listen If i told you would you perceive me as a monster If I told you would you go and judge My unborn beautiful daughter I'm warmhearted

With the potential to get even hotter But why bother I chose not to

And from that I'm perceived as moody Keep you on your toes It's my destined duty

A couple mean mugs and blank faces I keep a handful in my Arsenal Funny voices and laser looks What is this a carnival

If I told you would you scrutinize Feed me tables and lusty lies

I'm willing to explain it to you Here I lie

Wide open and ready

If I have the tenacity to tell you Would you brush it off and forget me If I told if I told you

And the sad thing is that I already did

19 And you just looked at me in disgust and called me an immature little kid Should i explain the blank faces and erratic attitudes

It would be easy to bloop on you with all my feelings But I dare be a different dude

Is it worth being exposed emotionally Do I want my feelings all up in the nude

I know all about you down to your ankles, diabetes, and glaucoma

Next I'm going to find out you have tumors Thought you could shoot me down with rumors But I chose to shoot you down with silence

And that really got your panties in a bunch Really baffled your bloomers See if I told you

You would use it as ammo People are messed up

And I know you would stoop that low If I told you

Which I have and I thought I was being sensual not stupid I'm tired of going through it Lord Jesus Lewis

Blank faces is my cover and I'm proud to be the author

You won't even bother to read my 1st page I guess I'm the perceived monster What do you have amnesia

The most important time that I need ya

20 You say I need to drink to help me think I'm not even old enough to look at a margarita Let alone buy one

I'm shutting down My words are all gone You didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t listen

I learned my lesson Now everybody is asking what's wrong And I can't stand partakers meddling I'm gonna start holding stuff in My faces are an outcry

This is not for play or pretend Do you think I put on a mask Just listen just listen That's all I asked

I thought you was gonna understand Am I kind of unique No no no I'm a monster I'm a freak Don't even hand me a tissue

When you see a tear hit my cheek Let it fall Cause that's what my hopes just did I reached out to you and you hid I reached out for the box of tissues

And you attempted to reach my heart

21 Access denied To you I cried

And you crawled I told you And away you shied

My hopes and heart died And you tried to resuscitate Get those clamps off of me You're a little too late

5. F A Best Friend What happened to us Taste of stardom We was on the cusp Until several time Fetching you dimes

I was almost in handcuffs You started to expect and demand stuff And you and I both almost ended up homeless You blamed it on your sis Cause she's the oldest You blamed it on me

Cause I love your sister My 1st friend was my was worst friend Last friend Maybe

Cause I don't want this to be a trend In July I declared it was the end Cause what's the point of stringing someone along You're trying get bucks and balance But they're worried about blunts and bongs Worried about the next Negro You get in danger And then me and your sis got to play hero

Then you complain you don't like our heroics

23 We're just showing that we care How else are we pose to show it?

Holly Hills showed every card in your hand How you pose to jump over mountains For someone who's now even your man Not even your cup of tea But you wanted his D Shoo you was better off going for Johnny D Turned out a lot came out of that package that was just 5'3

Too late now You can be jealous Please lower your eyebrows Take a bow Close curtains

I'm tired of hurting Because I've hurt more than a knife could ever cut me You was a pit-bull And me and your sis was your puppies You took our freedom Took our money

Thorntonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is right down the hill But we both can't afford a bag of gummies But you're buying blunts and rellos Ashes on your sonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pillow

And at the time Jayden was only 3

24 Dying for you to play with him All you had to do was get on your knees

But you got on your knees to please ya boys D I got to lie to your son while we're in the living room Cause y'all in your room being noisy I know it all Erin

That's why nowadays you tried to avoid me Cause I know the truth And so does your sister Wanna see my blisters

Wanna see my tear stained snot stained shirt Got to work my work shift then yours Cause you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to stay at work Your sis got to work 3rd shift for 2 years So you can have a babysitter

But when it was time to eat dinner You would always forget her But I think about her and bring her anything I can snuggle I risked losing my job

And that's way more than just getting into some trouble But she was worth it Her stomach was growling I know you heard it She wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t perfect

But she saw something great though her glasses cracked lenses

We would think you would see it because you're supposed to be her sis And you're supposed to be my freaking best friend Let's go back to Cross Hill Court Let's go back to 12th street But that lonesome night on Claire Avenue Is 1 that I'll never want to repeat That night on that bench

I realize I can longer weep in defeat I have to push the boundaries to the fullest they're aloud Even I have to kill, steal or cheat But maybe not kill But kill em with kindness

You're pose to be my friend Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not my highness To get some plus in your life Sometimes you have to minus You like to eat

But I know this is hard to digest The 1st time I spoke these words I nearly puked But sometimes u can't just scare people You have to leave them spooked Bad decisions become habits Bad habits become trends

26 And you would think you wouldn't be sucked into it Cause of your freaking best friend He only wanted you for your sex

And now you're stressed and obsessed You loved him for his lust

He loved you for your lips and breasts From the jump y'all wasn't compatible Honey Mustard, Nelson, Mac Sauce, Rashaun Some of yawlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s many battles Ridiculous and unpractical

Me and your sis coming to your rescue Cause you forgot his weed And he said F U What if he would have said that to your sis What if he would have said that to my nephew? Disrespect went both ways

And you always talked about how y'all was In the old days Going to the movies Going to restaurants y'all barely affording

Your son and sis were pose to be important But I guess they got bland And so boring No best friend or sister there To help monitor your mourning

You won't be a new person in the morning

27 But it's the start of you getting your life together It had to take something to get you back soaring I'm just so sorry

That it had to be Jordan He quit his job on February

And that's when things got financially scary Talk to him You dared me Because he liked the way I worded words He would go over Sydney's to sleep

And you would be stuck sleeping in his old shirts He liked you for your head And his head was is set Throwing your headset Sweaty headband

And headboard ended being broke Making all that noise Your 3 year old so. Always stay woke He even knew his whole name Because you used to yell when He stroked You always vied 4 his large fry

And you grew comfy with being choked Yawl would yell for me to pass the remote Then he would pass the blunt This went on for almost 11 months Same cycle

28 Very Physco Sometimes i used to grunt

Sometimes I feel bad when he calls U dumb B's and smuts In the beginning you was just catching feelings And then you ended up catching his nuts You was wrong and stupid No if ans or butts But I stuck by your side And rode the ride to the very end

And the only consolation prize for the whole ride Was to be your freaking former best friend It wasn't dark times all the time But a day like valentines was sad looking Cause he wasn't over your house

He was next door at Sydney's cooking And you invited Frank over to throw D I'm walking out and he's walking in Didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t leave till 11 after 3 In the beginning through my eyes You was perfect

Crying outside his door I know he heard it Sometimes u deserve it But sometimes u don't

And I've learned to sip my tea like Kermit

29 He did whatever he can to make you nut I did whatever to make you smile He pissed you off

And I was the 1st set of numbers you dial Your life was and is a mess Glad that's off my chest

All you cared about is weed, sacs, and sex Doing the bull you do There's no way you can make room to be blessed Haven't been to church in about a year I know I haven't either

But my Sunday schedule is never clear Your isn't though Must make that clear I remember you threw that party with all that weed, jello, and beer

Your rent was paid hella late next month Pushed back bills So u can have your blunts And then since youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not social U had me to go on the hunt

Sometimes I just couldn't find the words to say no I see you all sad And then my heart gets low Tynica's gone and I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know which way to go Mid October I hadn't cried in almost 2 years

30 But I find myself waddling in tears on your floor And that was one of the 1st signs That you was a good friend

You just wasn't meant to be mines To see through your lies

Read in between the lines I was that person Bring you a Diet Coke To cut down on the crying and cursing We was pose to last till the end

Till we both holding up our deepens with safely pins You can care about someone deeply You don't have to be kin I got Whamber, BK, and Angela Renee ,So now I'm like F a Best friend

6. It Wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Be Dark Forever Daylight dies Blackout the sky

Does anyone care Is anyone there Enjoy this life

Pop open a Sprite

Roll over to the right and kiss my wife She's fast asleep

Daylight is trying come It's trying creep

When she wakes up she feel the wetness of the kiss On her cheek She'll smile

And I'll feel accomplished Living life with her

I don't feel like a novice

I ponder all my thoughts cause they all have her in it At dinner until she sits down

My meal i won't even begin it Very often through the day she's swims and lingers through my mind

And sometime I have to crack myself in the jaw And ask is this beautiful girl really mine

Just thinking about how your dreads graze your face We was Waffle House eating bout to say grace

32 But my eyes kept poking open Heart was beating in and outta my chest It was cold so my Nipples was showing

It wasn't the access lotion that had my face glowing It was knowing that I get to live my life to the fullest

With the most special girl imaginable Any muck we will get through this Your eyes low and gorgeous

What you hide behind them only I know There was days where your room and the bathroom Where the only places you'd go But now tomorrow Ima fly you to the moon and back Ill pay for the trip alongs you pay for lunch I'm sure your cool with that Sweatpants Most likely all gray or black We've both came a long way And I refuse to backtrack I just wish I could take away your past pain October 16th i found myself in your arms and I cried And there was times I came over And I knew your tears you was trying to hide Both on emotional roller coasters A year later we're at Cedar Point riding rides We hundreds of feet in the air But next to you I feel super safe And you'll always be there

I don't have to worry or chase We was at Ruby Tuesday that one Tuesday

And you sure didn't mine putting me in my place I love just lounging around in our place

Cause earlier this year we both barely had one But now every Sunday either I wake u up with kisses Or we get awaken by the sun Everyday we soak it all up

No one other than you makes me feel the way you make me feel

And you don't get mad when I drink outta your cup Calm and at ease

Walking the bridge Through our ears we feel the breeze Small to the world

But to each other we feel like 1000 foot trees Siri says the weather is about 49

But whenever I'm around I'm around you it always feels like 104 degrees

Overdrive overdrive That's where my heart is going Right next your heart

That's where my heart is going Daylight is dim

And we just walking down 4th street

Your heart is pouring and it's far from boring And mine has taken a seat

34 And I don't miss those seats at the laundromat Hauling your clothes downstairs

Cause Erin is frugal, no fun, and fat House smelling like marijuana and old towels Old blunts and foul bowel

Battery's being switched from toy cars to the TV remote So sometimes you can't turn the dial Now we got 5 TVs

Both got full time jobs and a Ford Taurus from 2003 Bevelyn Kaye is proud of you

Angela Renee won't say it but I know she's proud of me It won't be dark forever

So smile a little bit and open up your curtains I know you're hurting

You have me so you'll be fine Open up your blinds and quit being blind

Blind to the fact that It won't be dark forever So drawl your curtains back

Both our worlds was was once dark and black But you had my back and I had your back I remember that look in October 2014

I'm up here pulling rent money out of my socks Both our living situations were on the rocks

Flash forward a year later we're at waterfront park Playing on rocks

And having you in my life rocks

Cause things are quick to get rocky

35 But we're just 2 young people living it up Now our peers try to copy

I remember that look in your eyes Walking down the chicken steps in July Dodging the heat and all those flies

But it's better than dodging Winston

Hunger pains and period pains kick in I'm concerned and you're wincing I hated to see you like that

Was I gonna have to start pimping

Nowadays when we pay rent we celebrate like we won a championship

Eating Wild Eggs, B Dubbs, and Chipotle To humble ourselves we eat chips

Every night before bed whether you're dog sleep or dog dead

The words I Love you leave my lips When someone utters your name

My heart turns front and back flips I love when you're you Yourself

If it's not you then I don't want anyone else We may not infinite money

But our love has infinite wealth Kisses from you

Are good for my health

You accept me as an elf

36 Shorter than the kids at Ice Skating I love you I love you

There's no doubt there's no debating F a promissory note

When it comes to bills There will be no belating

You saying yes to my future marriage proposal Is the only thing I am waiting

7. I Wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Drown I don't wanna just swim in your mind I want to swim in your waters

Have your heart running, skipping, jumpin Then have us a daughter

I want to have one the natural way No adoption or foster

She'll have Hershey chocolate skin And have a lightning smile like her mommy

She'll be a daddy's girl and rock daddy's world All the girls in her class will try to copy To provide for my loving family Nothing will stop me

Nothing will get in the way I am very determined

I want to meet Whitney the artist And Whitney person

Because we all have an untold story Behind the thick velvet curtains

I love listening to your endeavors It's poetry

Far from a burden So what if you're a virgin

I love that you're an introvert Each time I'm around u

U can see the mini drumbeat on the left of my shirt

38 U have my heart running, jumping, skippin It's obvious when you're around

And it's obvious when you're missing If you're not in my life it's hard to fulfill my godly mission I had bad eye sight

But it's u in my life I envision Pisces paradise

The smell of cocoa butter mixed with another mystical spice

There's a million cakes to chose from But I want your slice

I went from asking u life advice

To asking u for your acute heart Heart filled with peace, passion, and raspberry sprite So what if we're not the same height I can't hold it in much longer

Right now we're chasing checks But in the coming years we'll be chasing a toddler Then I'll be chasing your wheelchair Twisting your dreaded Grey hair

Our arthritis medicine we'll share Cause we both crack our feet

So what if others stare Let them stare and tell me to get their own 2417 is my address

But in your cozy arms is my true home You put me in such a stable place

39 Heart running , jumping , skippin Every time I view your face

My heart has been wanting this badly So I decided to embark and embrace I don't want this to end

I have a wonderful wife And inside her is an even better friend I'm on cloud Rondo How far up how far up I don't care and I don't even know

Each time I'm around you I get higher up Soon I'll be higher than the Suns glow I remember back in the days when u had the puff and fro I would long for the chance with u I was 16 at the time

So it's no telling what my hands would do Reach for your tit But intentionally touch your heart instead You look much better in a bouquet of flowers Forget getting u in bed

I want to get you in a wedding alter Dreaming of the day I see you walking down the isle Geared for the day I meet your father No more days filled with somber

No more days trapped in your room

40 Cause no one cares and won't bother I care and I'll bug

Won't stop telling you your mines Never will stop blessing you with hugs Sitting on Dixie die way

Hoping you'll look my way On a Wednesday Whitney Wednesday Music and smile on bray Sparkly smile even though I have 4 cavities The dentist asked me has my diet changed

Have I been eating anything sweet anything new I smiled and said yes And blamed it all on u Patience is a whirl pool Patience is a virtue

I promise to your mum and dad That I would love u and not hurt u Meeting your father was very special On oh so many levels

Cause you're like his gold medal And he's giving me his trust So taking care of u is s must I know sometimes we'll fuss But we'll jump on it and conquer Has a happy family

41 A proud family Like Trudy and Oscar

Have us a Bee Bee and Cee Cee We'll live so peacely I swear you completely complete me

Loving u comes so naturally and easy I know I say I love u repeatedly But that's cause I mean it I made a promise to your father And I intend to fulfill and keep it

You be having that glowing look in your eyes When u want me to eat it Who the f told u to make it that delicious The more you squirm and your legs makes me get even more vicious

Tasting your pastries motivates me and inspires Your purr is so fire And I want to eat it all here and now I refuse to let something so juicy and wet expire The more u rub my head I'm more anxious to lick it Your insides are a W rated movie And my tongue is the ticket You're r caroling my face Causing me to howl, bark, and ribbit Now is the time to act tenacious Not timid

42 Let it go Let the river flow

What u think I can't swim it Did u forget what I am When we eventually put that Caramel drizzle to use Then I'm definitely going ham WOAH man I had me a moment Sometimes I chosen to say I love u And sometimes I just have to show This is our time and our dream

And i refuse to blunder or blow it Cause I found my Whinderella And I hold the Adidas slipper Staring into your hazy eyes as we chow on dinner Sitting down eating homemade tacos One day we'll need a babysitter One day we'll both need a new liver Cause if you keep cooking like that We'll just keep getting bigger

People asking me Have You even to touched her or kissed her I laugh and say I don't know And I don't even remember We both know the truth

But it's something only we'll get

43 So it's evidently no use If I told you I loved you

Would you even believe me It's just comes so natural and easy I love to show it in many ways Not just when I eat the

Contents of your jubilation With each flick it increases stimulation Am'Aya is not what we're creating Moments is what we're making We could be sitting adjacent

And up away is where I'm taken Oh Cheri' I'm yours Your mine your mine Take me away

Take me Cloud Rondo number #9 If I told you I loved you Would you believe the words that I'd spoken You keep going down isle 14 And one day it won't just be for baby lotion Provide for u, ride for you This is my omen I made your a promise to your daddy And I wouldn't have firmly shook his serious hand If I wasn't ready

Your presence is a present

44 Baseball Alley But I feel like I won the purple pennant Everyday with is you is Christmas

And I enjoy how we so sly and secretive When it comes to stuff dealing with us Marrying you is a must But waiting is to Our relationship is like a pie And we got started on the crust We're gonna come across some sweet parts And yes some burnt parts

But as we travel through this pie I'll hold your hand while you hold my heart

8. Bear The Blame Internally you're dead Externally you're dead to me I must kill what's left of us

I must slay what's left of your lusty legacy

You don't deserve someone of my pedigree What happened to y'all

Everyone is begging me There is no remedy

There is no explanation How one day you're best friends And the next your silent enemies You struck a low blow

I almost wish u hit me where I pee One day you'll swallow your pride And it'll be like drinking piss I'll be relaxing with wife

While you're stuck to reminisce

They said if u want something done In life do it yourself Well this friendship aka Heep of hiss I'm ending this I insist

That bear sits at the bottom of my bed Even though she is not alive

Its no telling what kind of mystic memories it has in its cotton head

This moment I used to dread

46 But now it's reality Out of all the things on the world You gave that back to me

You know that would sadden me Because I gave you that bear

When I didn't even buy my moms a b day present Me and my moms are better now

But now I feel like a piss poor peasant

My moms bills wasn't all the way paid But she still gave me Tarc fare

Tarc fare to take something to you Something That you would eventually show u didn't care How dare I put you before my wife and mamma U didn't deserve that bear

Shoo I was better off giving it to Shonda It's sits at the bottom of my bed when I really wanna heave it

Wife said I should keep it

So at the bottom of the bed is where it'll sit We even named her Mariah Janelle Just to give it some life a bit

I rather give u back the hoodie I rather you push me

I rather you out loud that I'm a pussy And I don't get none either That bear cost $27

my moms wanted me to get one cheaper

But I insisted that one was the one Just thinking about this gives me the runs I would let my terds run all over u Enjoy all of my diarrhea

Slurp the juices like a margarita I see your bull in the eyes of that bear Even though I don't wanna see ya I don't wanna have any contact Don't come in my McDonald's

Cause I'm pouring chemicals and saliva all over your Big Mac

And I know u don't like onions A lot of em will be on there

you'll know it's me cause I'm not running Poke my head around the corner

While I'm at it why not poke my private part in your whole order

I told wife we fighting when I see you in person And she's not surprised that I'll do it

And I'm not stopping till I see bodily fluids Don't underestimate me Are u stupid

I know you very well I can easily predict your everyday movement

And if I cant do it then I know people that will Don't pay attention to me

You need to be paying your bills

48 You always talk about being real You always wanted me to steal

Well now your jaw is the only thing I want steal I'm gonna catch u slipping

Sooner or later you're gonna slip on a banana peel This is just how I feel I can't chill

I can't wait till this is over

Oddly and sadly it won't be over Till I get proper closure

And proper closure is I'm sitting here And you're sitting there

Hopefully you did your hair I need gratification No need for stares

I need it was my fault

I don't wanna hear I don't care Why u sit off the side of the chair Why are you big as Dejaun Blair This situation is the same size

Why don't you treat your sister fair Why did you allow him to hide out in your room Like it was it evil lair

U know your lease was bout to be up Why didn't you prepare

You let him rule your household like he was the mayor

49 While your sis is scraping crumbs off the dining room chair

You had me in the palm in your hands And that feat is rare

You allow him to beat on you like a snare Why do you have me buy you new clothes When u got a closet full of stuff to wear

When he wants something you're Usain Bolt But other times you're a hare Why did you do this

Why did you have to bring it out on the Breathless bear

9. All Alone I am all alone

Through the cracks My emotions roam

Swimming through the brush When it really needs a comb And they always wonder

What goes on inside Johnathens dome Two girls licking his legs

With some chocolate and some foam But I am trouble prone

When I was younger my mother stayed confiscating my phone

When I tried to plead my case

She always griped that she didn't like my tone Now I am in my zone

Chewing gum and laughing loud Whitney's talking about something But my head is in a cloud

Finally going to college in the fall My moms is Penny Proud

Graduated high school 3 years ago

So my educational consequences are mild I'm a grown kid

Nothing is wrong with exposing your inner child Pushing boundaries to the extreme To the fullest they're aloud

Through these glasses I see a lot

Through these frames I see pain

The friendships I have slain My heart is in the E.R

Its suffered 2 break ups and a busted vein Driving in the world of love

Its just some people can't stay in their lane Tears drop like transparent rice

My spirit drops like saggy breast

I have Karmy and some other friends But what happened to the rest R.I.P Eric Tellis

I used to go in public and get jealous

Cause I would see what others have and laugh If I didn't laugh then I would cry Everyone has a best friend But one less friend

One less problem to deal with I must admit

I never thought that being grown would be this hard In corners I used to sit

And I would sob and sob No tissues needed

I just let the tears run their track

52 I would never go back But I feel like every since I left the mental hospital I've been on mental house arrest and parole Life is black

Nightmares have replaced dreams In one of them I find myself running from a rapist I wonder if this occurs

To anyone on the A list

Forever 21 shirt, Levis, and some shoes from Pay-less Wasn't family that said

From family you're suppose to get smiles and greatness Don't judge me off body language Don't judge me off demeanor Relief

Have you seen her Courage I condone I'm still a gnome

Its right in my face I can't run

Will anyone ever join me Anyone Anyone

10. Free Johnny People like to pop up at random times And I don't have time

I haven't seen you since 1999 It's 2015 and I'm 1-9

U couldn't commit to chivalry U rather commit crime

You up in solitary segregation Your freedom I was waiting

But I was too young too save you I have more fish to fry

I'm to humble to hate u And I know being isolated isn't fun

I was banished cause of occupation U was banished for girls and guns You come back from exile

And you got a football team

What am I the running back But you den missed significant time developing your team And you can't get that time back A little rusty here and there

It's gone take some time getting back on track It's a colorful world now

But when you left it was white and black Kool aid for your kids

No more tittie milk and simulac

54 John Boy den got big Makes a living making Big Macs You pushed him to be self made Yes you did that

He tried looking for you Looking on google and the almanac Being in exile had to be hard No Jill

So you had to jack Off to the cognition while your memory picked up the slack

Pleasuring the penal while also watching people wanting your behind and back

You're behind on times

Ohhh you've missed a lot of fruitation and fun You got quarantine when you was about 21 Well I'm going on day 21 Day 22 and counting

I'm partaking not pouting I have bills to pay

So I kinda have no choice but to keep letting the Ill minded Keep faking and fouling To the back to the back

The magistrates are mouthing Emotions are diluted Off to seclusion

Ill minded situations

Barely improving I'm just trynna get this money for me and my family What else am I doing 22 mornings

22 afternoons I had pop these words out

Before I pop like a balloon I'm just trynna get this green to greater my family I guess with getting the green you also get gloom I have to remind myself that I'm only 19 Last year as a teenager Last year on team teen 22 days

Will I be isolated all the way up till I turn 20 I know what they're doing

I'm deranged not a dummy

Maybe deep inside they're jealous Cause I eat love for lunch

F a McChicken Extra lettuce Whoa

This is my last year as a teenager I'm not in jail, in the ground, the hospital, or in any grave danger

I think they know I'm not gonna let anyone get in the way of my paper

I start college in January

I refuse to live life as an order taker or waiter

56 I'm destined As I get older

I'm More careful of the people I let in It's been 22 days and instead of blooping I'm using these words as my Weapon The time period wears on you

My love sees that and her comfort is like medicine The treatment I have to suck it up

I'm grown now and I refuse to revert back to the opposite direction

Bills don't get lower And neither will the days

How do you cope with the disrespect Oh I have my ways Blue world

But it's been disrupted by rays of gray I'm more than just a smiling face

I'm more than a person with a dark colored race I'm 19

I'm at the tail end of teenage hood

And for an individual who has love, a home, a job, and sanity

I can admit I'm doing kinda good Stay positive and work hard is what you tell us But I'm doing that and more

I have a feeling you're jealous

I have a feeling if you was struck with 22 days

57 You would tangle yourself with the wires I've been a participant and been patient I'm tolerant but I'm tired

It's like 22 days being trapped under a tire As each day the situation will get dire

I guess the mono mechanisms caused me to get inspired But I guess the days will only get higher I just long to be free Why me why me

Will this continue

I'll see you on day #23 Day 23 and counting

The days are amounting Staring at the ceiling howling How did this happen I gotta pay bills

But I need to take action Cause if I don't say anything now The days will keep adding

My attitude towards this will turn to negated from nostalgic

This is the type of situation that makes you question life This is the type to make your balls itch I'm 19 and can't do this forever That's why I'm going to college

I'm just trying to do right in life I'm not trying to dodge it

58 This time will only fatten As I fatten up my wallet n'importe oĂš mais ici

sauter sur em Johnny

Why did this happen to me Why did this happen to me for I'm just keep quiet and type it I'll let my words roar

I see myself grow on this isolation tour I see plebeian pores

F it I'll see you on day 24 Ugh

I had a dream we wouldn't reach this point Did I allow this to prolong Am I the finger to point

I had a dream that I broke away On the 24th day

But instead I'm trapped

On the left is where my emotions lay On the right I have D'Andre drink I drink and pray

Under seclusion and sedation

Only the walls would hear me if I blurt I'm Johnny Cash hurt Puckered persona

To match my wrinkled shirt Visitors are none to little

59 Bound to the box By day 29 I'll be sure to shribble I'm stuck eating my heed

While passerby's are safe munching on Mcgriddles It's a hot and hungry day in hell

And I only have heat and heed on my plate Tell Tony the Tiger this is great The weather is getting frosty So my skin falter and flakes

My magistrate has chosen my fate I rather be trapped in the closet Not confined to a crate

I don't know what they be on All I know is I'm on day 28 I need a hero I need a hero

But you're a dollar short and a day late

This is why my social skills are the way they are So messed up and so contortioned

It's like your continuously killing my confidence I didn't know emotions could have abortions 31 days and counting

I've done yours and mines portion Patience is on life support Confidence is dead

I'm just Johnny Cash Trying to get some extra bread

I feel like I've been set up for failure

60 And they know this doesn't suit me Was they too lazy to get a tailor Constantly complaining

By day 23 I was tired of the nitpicking It's 32 now

And this is way too long is where I'm getting This can't carry on

This streak will end before thanksgiving Sometimes I behave emotionally dead

Heart is beating but in actuality I am not living You have to channel within

Even when your patience gets thin

People all around u they surround u But could you pinpoint a friend Room full of folks

But I engage in silence

You ask me what's wrong You start to get worried and your eyes tense I'm superbly calm

Not a lick of sweat in my palm Body is Balanced

5'3 and 2 quarters

But with state of mind makes me feel like a giant Sometimes you have subtract your voice and presence Ohhh the power of minus Silence can be killer

But even more powerful once you learn the science

61 You keep asking what's the matter But I'm calm and compliant

Breathing is seductive but soothing The peaceful is all over my body now Its erupting and oozing

You're not getting any answers outta me So you feel like you're losing

In my head I am dunking and hooping But in reality I'm on the bench

Bob the builder cant break the peacefulness I have Not even with his most powerful wrench To you I am stitch

Oh blue and confused But I've found me a Lilo And it's just us 2

We ca-joined and grew

We're magic not moody When you find our peace of mind It's like a wordless movie

11. Lord Jesus Eleven I was 11

When I wanted to go to heaven early Wondering around the world in JC penny's

While classmates tease me in their Hollister and Hermes I grew fear that everyone was out to hurt me And some did with their phrases

Other than school, moms job, and home I didn't go other places

She would try and drag me to different social locations But in public people tried to act all nice

When just 24 hours ago in school u was mean and degrading

Gradually got poor grades

And I blamed it on the teachers grading Remember I'm only 11

So there no real escaping A way out I was waiting Life I began hating

And I was a little 11 year old loner

This was my 1st taste of the real world And I was ready for it to be over

Hardly a spec of food in the house We was putting our toys in the toaster

Maybe they'll transform to something edible School, my moms job , and then home That was the weekly schedule

Tears and fears I had several Friends was Scarce

Ask me how life was I would reply up in the airs

On my 12 inch TV Watched Boston win the finals that year And I became a fan of Rondo and Pierce

One good thing though i encountered Thick'ems Bre in the cafeteria

Now i text her everyday and chat about those dark days In Hill-toppers hysteria

It turns out she was going through it back then to I guess u never know what the person next to u Is going through

Math test gets handed back Classmates getting 102s I'm getting 22s

That's what I get for not studying So the reason behind my score I have a clue

In the midst of puberty people around me feet taller Flustered is the only thing I grew At one point I quit eating

Candy and gum Is the only thing I would chew Pile up the depression Pile up the cavities

I felt like the people around me Either didn't like me or was mad at me This was before I was ever Johnny

64 And not a lot of people called me J Will My mother had physical pain and I had mental pain

I always wondered if I could heal my pain by taking her pain pills

I failed the same classes And my moms failed to pay the same bills Always been a Pisces

But I didn't have developed enough gills To swim away from my anemone Some days I quit talking

And became en-largely engaged in my internal enemies Right before I turned 12 I was ready for it to be the end of me

I was gonna make me history right after my class of history It wasn't like no one was gonna miss me

I just Graduated 5th grade top of my class I can't stand the misery

Black kids give me their dirty tissues White kids give me dirty looks My face drops

And then I drop my pile of books To a normal preteen this would leave them shook To me I'm just thuggin

Go home and expect huffing and puffin Go to school and expect nothing

When one bumps into me in the hall

Was the only time me and a girl would be touching

Real timid and kinda shy back then So I would be counting to 10 instead of cussing And then Ms. Anderson would yell at me

And an array of raw emotions would be erupting Yet again I didn't do my homework I'm calling the school counselor

While I waited all those times I became close with his clerk I'm just Little John

A little jumbled but I'm not a jerk I would be up all night sometimes crying

So in class it was a blessing for me to be alert Wearing uniforms it was hard having a fave shirt

Going through it was hard to have a fave moment All this going on

But I don't know who should be my 1st opponent Teachers, classmates, family, myself

Cause not eating consistently when your going though puberty

Can really F up your future health That's probably why Till this day I'm an elf I quit touching the books on my bookshelf And ironically I started writing

And people around like to meddle So my creations I was hiding

Deep inside my folders or at the bottom of my backpack When your constantly lonely That plays a huge impact

66 Lots of observation And lots of things to write about open eyes and open ears Closed mouth

Nobody was talking to me anyway Teasing me about my tests scores And asking me was I gay I'm straight I'm straight

Getting rid of my boy features I'm just a little late

I began to think it was Kentucky Longed to move out the state

Longed to move outta peoples lives Wished for a tragic car wreck every care ride

Wish someone would blast my head every time I lied Hoped the summer was so hot and I got fried But none of those scenarios ever happened And as 2007 turned to 2008 All I did was sadden It's 2007

Why am I playing 2004 Madden And my moms barely let me play anyway Cause my grades wasn't passing

Everyone had boyfriends and girlfriends I barely had associates

Sex was fresh in my life

So my minimal conversations remained appropriate

67 I longed for a female to care about me Have the key to my heart

But to my house I didn't even have a key Christmas break peers went on shopping sprees I went on crying sprees Crying in the cracks

Crying under the covers I ate my eyes liquid Instead of supper

One girl would give me one compliment And I would turn into a sucker

Soon I began making up imaginary females And saying I love her

Soon my moms cut off the cable So when I was home I was stuck watching Arthur and Buster

So worried about internal things School life suffered

We haven't even got to my social situation

I didn't attend one school dance or sporting event Cause being around the other kids would be deflating They was already mean during school hours

And I refused to let them turn my after school hours sour Valentine's Day didn't even exist

I would have been satisfied with a high five Didn't get that

Let alone a kiss

Kiss that holiday good bye

68 My moms still gave me whoopens But she would grow even angrier when I didn't cry 12th b day was a blur

And it was mainly cause of her

Got Me a U Of L cake, and 2 shirts all on this cart Cut me a slice and told me to go give my homework a start I didn't do any that day

Didn't read any passages of fill out any T charts It wasn't like I was gone do it anyway It's my b-day

So I gave myself some leeway Got in trouble in Art

Cause Taja gave me a dollar to eat some paper mache I can't lie it was kinda tasty

I wonder what she would give me if I ate clay Lust filled my St. Patrick And being out of it

Became a sick and sad habit I was writing more rapid

And even picked up the hobby of reading biographies

I read about Wilt Chamberlain, Bob Cousy, and Oprah When we did go out I wanted to be diverse So I started mixing my soda

Then a cute girl would walk past

And felt a tingle with my brown cobra I told you I was a late bloomer So sex was fairly foreign

69 My moms quickly bought me a robe For the male eruption that happens in the morning But it would be years later

Until I went into in depth exploring I had this huge crush on Lauren To be specific Lauren Schanz Every one in my grade

Got at least one chance

She had dudes taking her to the movies and dance Dudes buying her lunch for her And buying her silly bands

But when I when I went to step up swing my bat I got sent back and rejected

And from there my love reputation was kinda cemented I hated life I hated life

And everyone that was in it I hadn't even hit 5 foot yet

Yet I felt like a mortified midget National grab butt day

I would take everything outta my pockets Hoping some girl would hit it But I'm better giving up now

Was the behavior they a eventually began to exhibit I began writing way more

And I even wrote a remix to independent I kept all my writings in a yellow folder Scrawny frame

70 But I felt like I had Earth on my shoulders They're racist they're racist

I know at least 10 times I told her My moms insisted it was me And she didn't raise me this way

Some days great anger would pass through me I could feel it in my left vertebrae If I tragically got murdered What would they say

How would they react

I figured I could add happiness to many lives If I just subtract

Subtract myself out the equation My moms then turned to counseling

So she could decipher how I was behaving Little does she know

I was just an introvert in the making She was the maker

Each word she would yell Or the more she called my granny to tell I began to hate her

I wanted to add more holes she had

To that shirt with the Indiana Pacers Static Major died

And it turned out that a couple times I had played one on one with his son

All the games we played

I could never say I won I had hella speed, fiestiness, and hops

But each time I would would drive in the paint It would result in an strip or a block I wanted to be on the team so bad

But the coach only picked boys with some height I didn't even attempt to try out It wasn't even worth the fight

I remember being in Stars club And right before the girls b ball team got done practicing I would drink their remaining sprite Despite all my troubles I still remained polite Isolated and humble

They was sleeping on me! So I didn't have to worry about any one popping my bubble Even though I wasn't going to anybody's NBA Me and my basketball still cuddled My counselor ruined that dream Earlier in the school year

And when I told my moms a lawyer wasn't in my sights She nearly bust out in tears

So I walked around career less I doubt this would make any of the past bullies budge If they were to hear this

But they was sleeping on me Oh they was sleeping on me

72 I was plotting to either kill me or them Yes its freaking funny Messing with me

Pizza day u look up and your pizza is missing its pepperonis

I was already at rock bottom No one else below me

How to transition to a man

It would be nice if you showed me But you didn't

And the thought of me ending my life 8 years early is sickening

Thank you La Rosa, Lauren, Ms. Garcia, Kiara, Chynna You all deserve ribbons There's more of u

But I don't wanna give the galore to u Asking you for your lunch

Cause my moms could barely afford a McDonald's #2 I see how u do

Nowadays I see your filtered IG photos

Talking bout how u hate life and u feel abruptly low 8 years ago

U picked on the Johnny Cash with 1711 followers And out of all 4103 pics I have no captions on the pics to show

I do have internal scars that are hidden I don't intend for you to listen

73 I intend for you to be informed I'm done being Conner, Dotson , Blitzen

U jumped on me for too long and now Johnny Jumps On Em everyday just for u

I ever forget to mention Kids go through stuff to

Whether they're age 14 or 2 U gotta dodge stereotypes not just bullies Cause they'll try to take your life Not just your cookies

Don't the smile fool you Don't let the age fool u

We both 11 years young But your mouthing Lil Wayne and T pain

And these innocent words are jumping off my tongue I'm only 11 Life is not gonna leaven

Life isn't all the time gunna be cool Entering middle school

Well I was entering the darkness No help and no harness I'm 4'9 and so harmless This can happen to you

Discuss this don't disregard this 8 years later

I decided to make you a part of this

12. Walking Dead You're fully alive You're fully alive Why are you walking around like internally dead It's all in your head

Was it something that someone said I'm glued to your thoughts

While you're glued to the bed Did so much for one person

And they go rip your heart up in shreds

Then wrapped up and threw it on Brownsboro Today has turned into tomorrow

And life has been severed with sorrow You jumped on em Johnny

Now they're giving you a bravado I know it hurts

But you gotta wipe the sweat and barbecue sauce off your shirt

Leave the situation like a gentleman No need to yell and blurt Let you walking away Say all u need to say

You got your bills paid and you got Whitney You'll be A OK

You should have been and chucked em up It just happened that today was the day

You was stalling So this was a sign the process should have been spedded up There's money to be made Don't go give up

Whitney's hungry and need some affection So gather yourself and get up You had the time of your life You lived it up

But this doesn't mean quit living 3 years and 2 months

But it's been awhile since the clock started ticking The way it went down

Is startling and sickening No one said you had to quit reminiscing But that was back then Live in the now

Look at it like you lost a friend Unscrinckle your face

I see the anger in your chin Un-ball your fist

You're gonna get through this When Whitney gets home Give her a big wet kiss Tell her the story

One day y'all both laugh about this When y'all are 50 and 40

Maybe you'll lose some weight

76 But you'll always be a shorty People in life are gonna break u

But that doesn't mean you quit living It may evolve into some years until they're forgiven And when I do eventually enter the premises

I'm beating her from front counter to the kitchen Violence isn't the answer

And no I don't hit women

But the situation could have been handled Way more professional and efficient But it's whatever

All this has made me stronger and better I refuse to be salty Or even pepper

Cause pepper makes people sneeze And of you think this foolery has made me even flinch Negro please

I'm fully alive But to you I'm nonexistent

And I should have paid attention To the Persistence

Of me having to question if u had listened I'm sliced

I'm severed And the fact that I have to work right next to u Doesn't make it any better

77 This is painful This is pure hurt

And this goes beyond Me and John And way beyond work

I'm not saying put me before your work But since I'm your friend

U should know my emotions and triggers I already live a dark life

And u just made it even dimmer The more I think about it I get a clearer picture

The more I think the signs were there You've stripped me naked I feel exposed and bare I feel so embarrassed

And now I have to stare at my peers stare Thank you for messing me up even more

I should ninja kick you while you're in the manager chair But I'm not that grimy

But don't think I can't take it there I rather u throw me in with bears

I rather give me another pill to swallow

Cause this Is like trynna swallow a pear I rather you cut off all my hair

I rather you just said in the beginning that u didn't care I admit I have problems and imperfections

78 Yes yes I have flaws But if u didn't wanna deal with them

I rather that be the 1st thing that came out of your jaws Drug me along on this emotional ride

And when the pressure came crashing I chose to hide I told in the past I wasn't good under pressure U saw the womb and sprinkled pepper Oh it burned

Your silent actions hurt This is off pure emotion

It has nothing to do with work Cause I'm at a point in my life

That I've realized I hardly have anybody If it's not my love or me

Then no one else got me I say don't let the smile fool

But soon you'll be able to see through my smile even when I'm not jolly

But then I quit smiling And you're like this is not Johnny

What's wrong with u who did it to u I'm fine I'll live

But u just don't get it do u Staring out the window and it's raining Weather is about 72

Been staring at this same tree

Like its gone bring some luck and glee

Buts it's adding to my mood to a certain amount and degree For all the people that have walked out of my life I should have start charging a fee Cause if u just gone leave me be

Then at least u payed your $19.23 Please believe me

That getting over a person isn't so easy I want them but they don't need me

And that feels like they just kneed me Right where it hurts the most

Not in the balls but in the heart And since everyone likes walking out of the story of my life Then I guess i gotta play all the parts

One day we'll have that magic conversation That will finally get us on the same page

But I doubt everything will get straighten Cause they're feelings attached

It's more difficult than copying and pasting You bankrupted my heart

But I'm stuck making the payments U owe me way more than money can amount to I'm asking what did I do

But he's asking what that mouth do I told you from the beginning U better not say I allowed u

U step on me and several others

80 On your way to the top I lay down on Lindsay Avenue

These days you have luck finding a decent rock This is like halftime

Me and you are not complete Well the friendship is complete

And we both ended up in some sort of defeat When I say what I have to say

I want you to have several seats I'll even get u something to eat

Cause I want to shut up and listen Run to Kroger Deli and get u a piece of fried chicken Take your time and enjoy every bite I won't give you a sprite

U can wash it down with some guilt How dare you let some knucklehead

Tear down what you and your sis built How dare you let some knucklehead Tear down what were building

I wish you could feel how I'm feeling

Cause I've had way too many people just waltz out Whether it be something small I did

Or something minor that came outta my mouth And i really cared

But I guess they didn't Their hearts are on the Beach wild and free And my hearts gotta escape from prison

81 And then to heal my heart They go throw me a ribbon

U could at least throw me some glue or some tape Band aids , ace bandages, rope

But all that can't even heal heartbreak I got problems I got issues

I got people that chose to misuse My intelligence for their negligence

Then they get made cause life left a bruise Many times I've been left high and dry 11 years old u wanted a Razor phone 11 years old I wanted to die

14 years old me and death was dancing But she got tired of my poor coordination And I had a crash landing

At 14 you was popping it open

Just to see what dude could really get it soaken Maybe that made u who u are today

Using people to get what u want isn't very healthy ways And I called it that u would fall Ooh you have Falling

You root for Rondo and Boston But I root for your sanity

No reason to be mad at me I was your amnesty

82 When u was hanging by a thread I acted as tapestry

18 years young living my own reality I wasn't in your heart or best wishes I was in Saxony

While you had hella sex

All this won't take a day to fix You want to rebuild this building we had Well it takes time cause u using bricks People are broken by words Bones are broken by sticks I'm no longer a kid

I have no time for your tricks An apology is novelty

Cause how am suppose to perceive it Cautiously or comedy

For awhile things will be wobbly I'm getting my life together in modesty

At this point I don't need you stopping me Years ago I had me a colony

Now it's just Mom in law, nephew, sometimes Noonie, wife and me

Wife and I if u want to be grammatical At one point I thought u could never be tamed U was a wild animal

At times retarded and radical Plump and palpable

But I accepted u flaws and u When people said u can do better John

Back when people looked at u and say awe naww U had me breaking the law

While you're breaking me down internally I'm not even in the kitchen while you're cooking But some how you're burning me It was never your fault

So in perception it was me versus me I loved you and loved us most certainly But u surely took full advantage I felt it erupting in my heart

That's why for long periods of time I would disappear to my own planet

You eventually get tired of going to depressive to manic To manic to bout to pop a Xanax To texting your estranged ex

On how to escape from a charging t-Rex Our situation

Bob the builder can't fix

I don't like your attitude I don't like how all of a sudden yourself being mean to me I've seen folks fall before my eyes

And eventually they all hated to admit that they needed me The body language displays indecency This charade shows immaturity I just wanna sit down and talk

84 To make sure your comprehending and hearing me Just 2 weeks ago we was joined at the hip And now you're randomly hating

It's your fault you committed adulteration No D for you

I bet the masturbation is aggravating Like I said I've seen people fall

Monday you're driving a Cadillac

Tuesday you're riding the tarc bout to go make Big Macs You've put my heart through shredder I'm the walking dead life is black

I just wanna talk so I can get my life back on track

But when u fall and oh you're gonna fall hard believe that Just don't come crawling back

You not liking me is hella crazy You not liking me is kinda shady You not liking me motivates me

Alongs every other Thursday they freaking pay me 19 years young but I'm john Boy baby

BK, Am'Aya, Angela, Debra, and the lovely Whit Those my favorite ladies

Hot as Haiti but sweet as a pastry

I heard u wished upon me bad luck I heard u didn't like me much

I'm sore from 24 hours ago not from your words

85 Least u can do is get me a crutch Arguing about such and such

Arguing about the events that led Arguing about things that belong to me

You tried to take my sanity and take my bed You can't take back the feeling

You can't take back what was said You let him go in your coochie when she was red Your piss poor priorities ripped me to shreds

We fell upon hard times and my heart was the only thing that bled

You blew our relationship away Then u blew all my bread

I am torn to Reese's pieces

And I give you and Knucklehead all the cred You're Jason Voorhees and it's Saturday the 14th Fully alive but I'm the walking dead

13. Hurt People Hurt People Flirt with Whitney Flirt with fear Life is good

But I rather be anywhere but here Body aches from pushing out tears Driving on the road of life Eyes is watery

So I can't steer And I'm getting dizzy Stomach very queezy

Thank god for Sprite and tylonal

Thank god for my other half that completes me Haven't eating anything about in 22 hours Ate some cookie though

Way better than Wheaties

Some days I feel like Rafliki Other days I feel like Simba

D'Andre is down in the dumps Lord we have a dilemma

I'm face down like someone shot me Heart pumping heavy Nose snotty

Talking to the depression hot line on the potty

Walking out the bathroom I couldn't look at the mirror cause sometimes i don't like what the displays

And I know you get tired of my negative and negated ways But that's just how I feel

Am I pose to hide my feelings I said me and mirrors have an up and down relationship Not all the the time do I view myself as appealing One day I'll be happy with the way I look

It's like a banana that you have to keep peeling At the end of the day YOU have to be happy with yourself Disconnect all the self neglect

You can't just put your needs on a dusted shelf Spirit is broke

Plus my glasses are broke I can't see anything

But I can see the confusion My feelings are display This is not a dilutions

I don't need institution Talking to Whitney

Things are slowing improving Stomach is flipping

But I'm not pissing or pooping Words slowly pour out to Whitney I'm slowly regrouping

Her words are soothing

Mine are barely coming out Cause of the coochie I ate Exercise for my mouth

88 It was very good Correction very very great

My favorite thing to have on my plate Slowly improving my mental state

But my physical stature is feeling not so great Thank god for Wifey Thank god for Wifey Cause when I don't like me

At least she still love me and likes me The tears have stopped

My crinkled face stage is threw I kiss Whitney and then look past her And then my eyes come upon you Looking at you Makes my stomach hurt Thinking about you

Makes my stomach hurt

Just the sound of your name Makes me lift up my shirt And grab my belly

You need to start eating right That's what my peers tell me

But it's you that makes my bowels move

I could be be having the day of the duration And looking at you just throws my body outta groove It doesn't even have to be that time of the month

89 It's either hit you Or hit the blunt

Sorry to be blunt But your presence

Is far from a present You belittle me to near nothing To you I'm a peasant

But to me you're just the reason my stomach aches Tape handing off my chest

From repairing my heart break

I see you and rush to the commode I'm tired of feeling like this

Using all this toilet paper gets old You act nice on Tuesday and mean on Wednesday I don't know if I should be sold

I don't know if I can keep making these trips to the toilet Everybody thinks I got Wifey pregnant

But it's me and you that need to have an appointment The stomach pain is cause of you

I cramp up with your every word This feeling is for the birds I'm so tired of you

My stomach is tired of being terrorized with terds You enjoy seeing me unchill Gravely ill

My my my

90 My mental motivation gravitates Johnny Gill I just come and pay my bills Try to pay you no mind

But my confidence you kill My efforts you murder

Are you jealous cause your life is black and Grey Mine is purple and blue with a hint of sherbet Why do you try to hurt me so much I'm a grown man

Far from a Gerber

And Whitney told you I was just like her I know you heard her

Should I go on any further I'm just tired of getting treated like this Feeling like this

Feeling like a big hunk of piss It'll be a year in August

But will I make it to March

I've cried more tears over you Than my mother when she used to hit me with spray starch I may be little

But you've chose the wrong tree to bark I'm not scared of you I won't flinch or fart

The villain of all the virgerousity You must love playing the part

91 I have tried pepto bismol and other gizmo And stomachs still hurting

Milk of magnesia isn't working But I'm on my last leg

I just wanna quit being hurt I don't wanna have to beg So I thought I'd just ask

Even though we're not students

I thought we could have a little more class I feel like manure On the floor Tears pour

Comfort comes and I roll over and hear a crack It's my glasses

I can't stand this I feel like nothing

A rotten pumpkin I'm the ugly duckling

Quit making assumptions You need some D in your life Get to humping

With the tears comes the cussing

Mozzarella sticks I smell in the oven Can't bring myself to eat

That's why I'm still a munchkin I shouldn't be here

I should be Lindsay Lohan'n and Hillary Duff'in

92 Huffing and puffing Puffing snot

You could stab a person In the back With your smile on 100 watts

You've been cooking this up for a little minute I bet But don't expect revenge in my pot Bawl blockage and cum clots

I'm already suffering from this and what not I know you're hurting to

But to hurt someone else you said why not Why me

Please stop

Just because I don't live in a 4 bedroom house Doesn't mean I sleep on a cot

Your indirect comments and sneak dissing Are like having my glasses in your hand and your crush the lens with rocks

I know your life is on the rocks

But you don't have to take it out on others Just cause they're not the creme of the crop

I'm just sitting here letting you hurt me day after day I'm not gonna run jump skip or hop Something needs to be done I have the lock

But you got the key You gotta start somewhere even its its with building blocks Threatening my spouse with termination and glocks

93 You was looking for a reaction But a crinkled up face is all you got And I realized through it all

Me and my spouse is all I got

14. March Massacre Don't I

feel dumb I feel

So used I fell for your games

And your juvenile muse I can't still care You chose

what you chose

Whether it's to lose You're a grown woman But are you aware

Of the adult you're becoming I'm talking to you direct There is no running There is no one else

I'm starting to think There is no hope

What grown woman

Is alright with being broke One that has no control Not even with a remote

Popping depression pills And sorts

Out of her Ecko Red coat You have 3 kids

95 That need Essentials Smiles, sleep, soap

When I found someone Like I

I was insanely superbly stoked But I had to Learn

Had to be warned

That even those feelings That leave you cuddly warm Can be toxic to you Just in a different Form

I don't know what to Make of it

Make amends or mourn

Birthday the day before mine But I don't know

when you was born The month of March Has been torn

The 10th and 11th marks the split Marks where it was tore Tore me to pieces

This is my ending statement This is my

Thank you thesis

96 You play games Why keep this Like receiving

Piss as a present You play games

Like a preteen peasant

And I know this isn't pleasant The month of March ends on the 10th And then starts again on the 11th You didn't just Throw me under the bus You was driving

Barely any passengers But I know

Jealousy was riding Riding very far

You was jealous

That we took Creamy to get a car But that's your friend Since y'all been 10 I'm talking to you Adult to adult

I'm not venting

Did you forget who I am JohnDre

Not John Henson

97 Tell your 2nd baby daddy To quit pimping

There's only one Johnny And he's Whitney's Back when

I was going through it emotionally You was one person to get me

But while you was giving me advice You was throwing me under The #18 and #50

I could have lost my job I could have been in jail And when I come out And confront you

You'll probably show that one smile Shrug your shoulders and say oh well But there's no oh well about it It's your life

You're the pilot But your games have ran their course Your games

Have run outta mileage

You'll lie and say you're hurt But don't even

Have a single symptom It's never ever ever Your fault You're always the Victim

98 You're sneaky slimy snake I refuse to be injected With venom Your 3 kids

I would love To meet them

But if you lose your job How will you keep them Come on dog

Come on March 10

The month of March has split at the 11th and won't be put back together Ever ever again

15. Share Your Air You

keep looking back looking back at our old cracks and all that does is distract you I

have to move on

while you chose your Teflon Don but is our love all the way gone You

claim I hurt you

but that's not true you

keep looking back at me do you see the part that's stained so badly Can you

promise you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put me through anymore misery enough with your games and trickery i tried i tried to be friendly

but you intruded our privacy with enemies i donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want your sympathy I wanted us to be a pair

but you didn't seem to care I wanted to share your air

and now your sharing love with my ex asking you what is wrong

100

100 and asking God what is next You asked me would I still love you if you was bi

I still liked you but I guess you didn't like my reply

I'm waiting on God to reply with what is next Is it even right for your ex to go out with your other ex In a month in a half

We will be in the same building Sharing air

Sharing ceilings

And I can't be bailed out\ No matter the amount of schillings Is it worth it Is it worth it

Love electrocuted me with an open circuit Is it worth it, Is it worth it I believe In God

But I don't believe in perfect

101

16. Banned From Burlington I've pushed people I've pushed Boundaries

If you're not going to love me Then you can leave me exactly where you found me If you're not helping You're hurting

And multiple times I've been hurt by the same person It was cause of my own negligence Paying their rent

When I'm on not even a resident Now it's $1400 they owe me

Around them the feelings are so coldly You can't just tell me you care

I now require you to show me Are you even aware

Of the monster you've created

Half the people I claim as family Are stuffed animals or coworkers that I'm distantly related I'm John Boy I'm jaded

Friday I'll be 20 I've made a conscious effort to get my stuff together Toes have been stepped Ties have been severed

My depression has gotten better Still battling the anxiety

102

102 High off love and life I still battle with simplistic sobriety I'm in love with Whitney

Cause she sees me as a man

And not just a boy who's itty bitty I looked beyond the height I looked beyond the titties

And I saw a heart of amity One day some day

We'll create Some Wiggy Jiggy minis Patience paints a picture

Well I have 4,291 selfies

In order for someone to grant me with assistance I have to 1st help me

I go to counseling for my depression And sign in with the receptionist Chelsea Take my medicine

Between 6:30 and 6:10

No one is gonna want this more than me So for myself I have to fend

Sometimes you're gonna step on toes and offend I call my medicine The Hobey's

Cause I don't know the medicinal name One tab a day so I don't OD Side affects are a Mofo

The 1st week I was doing the Hokie Pokie You see and hear me everyday

103 But you still don't have the privilege to know me It's a conscious decision

So that makes knowing me even greater It was time to get my stuff together

Cause in 2 days I won't be a teenager I must admit That I am not innocent

There has to be a couple red hots in life Everyone is not going to be peppermints I do what i do

And leave no evidence Leave you speechless

I had to take those gloves from Family Dollar

Cause it was cold outside and far from scenic I had to take those cans of soup I quit taking advice

Cause I don't want a starving wife

I know the things I do aren't exactly right I'm content with the consequence Flirt with fear Life is tense

Me. Stephanie is always in my prayers There's no cure for MS So I can't save her

She comes through my drive thru So arm distance I have to savor

103

104

104 I text her every morning She saw something in me that was different but warming I was having one of those days

On the verge of an at work breakdown I was in the window

When I heard her voices sound It was the most comforting

Only cause Whitney wasn't around

I admit on the dark days I need guidance My face may say somethings wrong But out of my mouth results silence I didn't think you would listen So i gave you a bogus answer

So maybe you would quit fishing

Fishing for a fish that doesn't want to be hooked I've been judged off height Off looks

Never been judged by a judge though But I'm ready far from shook

I prepare for moments like this

Those days under the covers interviewing myself I kinda miss

Because it prepared me for me That I've blossomed into

When it comes to Johnny There's an array of things you can look at on his menu I'm depressed

105 I'm complex For the longest time I didn't even wanna have sex I just wanted to spoil her and write her notes Help her with life issues

And help her put on her coat But as you see now I never got that Girls don't want John Dre

They want Delquan the trap addict

They want Tremaine to pound them In their moms attic Social interactions didn't Come automatic I mean I've improved

But when it seems like I'm going somewhere with it I give up and allow myself to lose

I've allowed myself to turn into this person Where when I'm interested I'm interested

And I've grown to like the process of learning If you're not helping Then you're hurting

And in 20 years I've been hurt enough Yes I've done my share of hurting But those days under the covers

I worked on my approach and wording Worked on valuing friendships

Showing you care is answering the phone at 3 am Buying a slim Jim and a bag of chips It's my way of showing I care Whitney likes it F it

105

106

106 It's whatever My shoes are tied

But ties have been severed Sober civilian

But onlookers are hammered I have the tools for tolerance

But you threw me under the bus for that lanky heifer You wasn't with me yesterday

So I no longer need you never The Hobey's have me nauseous Have me irritable

Have my stomach doing the Dougie Out of all the things I possess

Why was my happiness taken from me Other emotions will have to step up Fearlessness Come and hug me You can't reject respect

I wish Karmy could have rejected that car wreck Get well soon Karmy

It all started in the darn department store Least the manager could have said was sorry Alone time is no longer fun time Especially at night

I remember being 11 trying to hide from sunshine

107 But nowadays night time brings out all of my fears and demons

Whitney's in her room My head is under the couch cushion screaming It's like 1:29

I walk out our the house with no jacket And walk to the school of the blind They have a track for the children

Brings back memories before my McDonald's days It's sad at age 16 I reached my athletic ceiling I was a foot shorter than my peers So my progression was basic I don't even have glasses on

I think I'm standing in lane 6 Pile of sticks adjacent Feeling like this I hate it I hate it

I feel my body giving out I need to get home quick

Before someone pops me in the mouth I left my heart with my beneficiary I left my phone on the couch

Walking down Frankfort avenue feeling down Old cement in the gutter spout

Almost trip but I Regain balance

Self doubt is am everyday challenge

107

108

108 I'm a cashew separating myself from almonds I'm just so scared to get hurt again

Friday adventures bring me to to Indiana's Burlington Black boy and a backpack I already look suspicious

Doing anything wrong In here

Would put me in jail the quickest And based on my size

I would be considered dazzling and delicious Intellectual and introverted

Depression makes me dawn on things Like is it worth it Define perfect

Will people look at me as a Ms. Piggy or Kermit Or when people do look

Do that glance at me for my entirety Mouths may not move

But I know people get tired of me

You won't even give me a high five So why would I ask for an artery Saving me from myself

Saving me from sovereignty Do I miss Erin

I rather you ask do I miss Motley You find someone just like you You enrich them

And they excite you

109 They ignite you To meet their kids They invite you

One misunderstanding

And then they wanna fight you What's wrong with that picture

Is it the photographer or the lighting fixture I didn't listen to the rumors Creamy would tell me

Motley tried to say I was gone hire someone to beat up Shelly

Not the 1st time a close friend has failed me Best friend, close friend , imaginary friend I have none

It's like having a drawer With no 10s, 5s , or 20s Only ones

I realize who I wake up , go home with, live with I see her from moonlight to sun Whitney's the one She's the only one

109

110

17.

Blame It On Anxiety

I self isolate How dare me

It's not that I fear people I'm just careful who I let near me Depression and anxiety

The combination is yet eerie

I start breathing heavy and my chest starts contracting World blackens Heart saddens

This is what I go through everyday Does it look like I'm laughing

Does it look like I'm conquering I stare out in space

I'm patiently pondering

Dancing with depression When Will offer its peace offering When will I be able to call Rocky And not fill up with anger Blood or no blood

It all can change on a piece of white paper I have my own family

I can't always be there to save her Who would be there to save me

Not to sound selfish or anything

But when I ask for help I get a no, um, or maybe

111

Maybe you work 3 jobs at age 18 Working back to back to back to backs Doesn't that make you want to scream

Maybe that will make you more appreciative

Isolate yourself from peers and majority humanity On Facebook block half your relatives Cause all they do is meddle

Lie about your work schedule

Cause you obviously don't wanna be bothered Bosses beg you to take an off day You surrender with honor Oh lord Jesus

What have life turned into Payday go to a restaurant

And whoa they have anxiety on the menu The depression has gotten better

But now the anxiety has become a major issue Only when need something

Is the only time they miss you Motley misses the conversations

Well I Don't miss missing my friend coming up missing You know I don't play about my better half So please quit with the sneak dissing

The talking out the side of your neck and side Comments We all grown

We have to stop it

All we needed to do talk

112

112 All it took was us to take the time and conversate We good now

But still some of your tactics make me raise an eyebrow I was willing to talk

Cause I wasn't willing to lose another pal One miscue, one argument And pow

I'm learning to take value

Cause Ima do want I have to do With or without you

With Wiggy number 1 And Faye Lew #2

They've taken the effort to understand JohnDre the man They know what to throw in my pot to get me to brew And when I get to cooking

Autist and furtivity is what's in my stew

You can't let everyone eat off your plate I worked hard to accumulate

Every cracker crumb and frosted flake And when I don't share

Then onlookers share their hate My mother in law and moms called me in the same day Call it progress

But the real question is did I answer Have to be honest Have to ask you

113

Would you answer if they always called with needs or bad news

F it I answered I remember when intense social situations came about I used to scamper

Used to always make wet situations a little bit damper It was the fear of people getting to Know me I needed help back then

Not head, handshakes, or homies 20 years old

And I still like for Whitney to hold me Cause the warm long arms allow me To crawl into the crevices of sleep

A simple kiss can make me drowsy

For some reason it all hits me at night time Outside its 72 and grass covered dew

But in the caverns of my imagination it's cloudy Outside the trees rustle

My stuffed animals in a corner They must be having a secret huddle My elbows buckle

My breathing is leaving

This is a minor description I don't think my facial expression says I'm cheesing Blame it on the anxiety Who fights inside me He who has no home

114

114 So the anxiety used my ID as notoriety Mood swings are a mofo

Sadly for me I have a variety F A Best Friend

And for the future F ups F yours She's the reason why I'm hesitant to folks fondle with my core

Together me and hesitation vacation

But to pick a destination we're hesitant Cause we wanna go somewhere not dark

And away from perpetrators and pesky pelicans Introverted by nature

A Pint Size Pisces by birth Anxious for answers

Answers of my self worth Worth all your undivided attention

Worth a pair a Nike's and Walmart rollback shirt I've been hampered I've been hurt

But did you give an F word Did you give a call

My number hasn't changed since 2014

So save the lie for your moms vaginal walls You say I've changed I'm just artsy and anxious I'm steadily getting better

115 You hate this You hate me

You hate that I'm happy Your recent behavior has displayed that lately This is a problem needs to be cleaned up Before it turns to split biscuit and gravy We are too grown

We are not toddlers or babies

Anxious for this anxiety to exit Anxious for answers Ask to articulate

Don't ask what is the matter Matter over mind

Push your problems far forward Let them over shadow mine Show a little concern

And you show linguistic You don't have to show up

Just show minimal manners I've lost Motley I've lost happiness I've lost myself

Even with the tool of paste, cut, and copy I'm regrouping Regaining

F and umbrella

115

116

116 Joy is in the clouds and it's raining Fall all over my skin

Follow my words within I've been patient for this moment since about 2010 Lord Jesus Eleven

If you're not going to help me get to the next step Then you can get to stepping

Thank you thank you Michele I really care

If you couldn't already tell We're All ninja turtles

It's just some of us chose to come out of our shells Short will always be sexy

I'll marry Whitney in 5 years If she lets me

By then I'll be fully recovered No rush to hump her

No rush to take her to the alter Have ourselves some fun Then have us a daughter Have me some joy

Then have me some Hobey's

I miss the times where me and my sis We're like Zack and Cody

Now I live a suite life on 2417 Pisces Paradise is the residence of my dreams Grateful for everything I have

117

My girl, job , and the car that's colored cream All the possessions and people I've lost I doubt I'll get back

But they're not the total reason the depression and anxiety Others have had a huge impact

I'm courageous and determined I refuse to end up corrupt I know what is takes I know what is up

It Won't Be Dark Forever

Dang Lil Johnny's starting to grow up

118

18. Marriage Is The Motive I bow down to you Your highness

I have your back and you have mine No need for an audience behind us

Shower you with unlimited amount of kindness A Divine connection

You've given me a clearer perception New breath in my heart Positive direction

Rock hard erections

Drown you in my afflicted affection One day I'll plant my seed

And 9 months will pop out a blessing Elevate you mentally In the bed

There's no such thing as symmetry Moving like a centipede

You have all my favorite foods in one So you need to feed I'm fully alert

You look the very best In sweatpants and in an old McDonald's shirt Have to be discreet at work But when we get home It's on

Massage and caress every bone

119 Candles and lava lamps set the tone You allow me to be myself

A hero, gentleman , and heartfelt Creamy may think it's soft

But when you're working together with your significant other

There's no need to have 1 boss I don't go home to her That's her loss

I come to home to Pisces Paradise To my Parfait Princess

Where I get to cater now and later And the Divine love is endless

Do you mind if I explore your mind

That's just the 1st thing I want to explore It's like taking a bite of your favorite food Knowing Darn well you want more I like asking the questions

That have never been asked before I'm Intrigued to know your wants Your needs and your passions Love that's everlasting Fall in love

With each word that you're grasping

Let's not think about doing the unthinkable Just hold my hand and let it happen

119

120

120 Let's intertwine And elope

Kisses take me to the moon Touches make me flawlessly float

Daylight breaching through the window The clock read 8 four zero

And we're contortioned like tetris I don't feel like walking in the kitchen So I go under the covers for breakfast Yum yum

All those fruits in your basket I chose to go for your plum

How you move mountains into Cotton candy Sweet for my tongue to taste My lips get antsy

Anticipation makes it better

It feels like we're shooting Safire stars And holding the sky together

This is what I always envisioned Marrying you is the mission

I express to you my hearts beating Though I love to give yours a listen An elbow or 2

Is the furthest I like to keep you at a distance You are woven in my flesh Take away my breathe

Take me away from this ordinary sanctuary

121 And place me within Whenever we're apart

I send you a kiss via the wind When you get it

It explodes to many Love worth a priceless amount Kisses worth a million pennies Drain me of my love for you

I promise I'll never be empty The universe in her pupils Surrounded By her skin which is chocolate maple She tells me a command and I do it No matter if I'm able

No matter the degree Cause out of all the people in the world She chose to love me So exuberant

To get through this depression She's my main influence Cause of her

I wanna do it

Her cheek bones are like poetry illusions Gets my heart up and moving I love the way she do it So fluid

Her hands cast spells

121

122

122 I'm in love with her But more devoted to her details

Fab five dreads, calves, fingernails Can't forget her chocolate rose

That lotion with the Shea butter leaves my nose exposed My heart beating to and fro

Next to her heart of pure gold Out of this world

And off the globe Out of this humane Galaxy

I learn more about her everyday But what drew me in was her personality All that I desire from you

It's all in the sweetness of your words And we'll get through it all

The curves , mountains , terrains, and curbs The warmness of your gestures This was pose to be a poem

But it's turned to a love letter All i desire from you Is all you can offer

I've been blessed to have you And maybe one day

We can bless the earth with a daughter

I promise to be by your side for the rest of your life But forever seems to be longer If your heart could sing

123 I would sit in awe and listen If you bit your lips

That would motivate me more to kiss them When you caress my skin I freeze for an instant

A year and a month with you

And I'm ready to go the distance Writing you this poem

I know you love me enough to learn the lyrics Sitting on the couch on a Sunday

Is when you'll probably want to hear it I dared myself to hope harder

And you trusted me with your feelings We've built our house into a home

But my feelings are greatly exceeding the ceilings Marriage is the motive Marriage is the mission

Walking down the River walk in San Antonio It'll be you that I'll be kissing

Marriage is the one of the final chapters But do we belong together

Marriage does not display that answer At the end of the isle I'll be waiting

Marriage is one of the final destinations When our Lips meet the stars will align

It'll be like we're kissing the correlations

123

124

124 Both in our onesie pajamas Your mama and my mama Rejoicing and reminiscing

Both their oldest children getting married Finally committing to their mission

Committed to the fact that marriage is the motive You can't just say

You have to show love

Young and misunderstood One day we'll be at the top Of the totem We'll make it work

Come on Wiggy let's show em

125

19.

78 Plain White Tees

Erin texted me yesterday Talking about $111

Only when it comes to money she bothers Badgers

Whitney's getting all pissed I told her she had to realize who really matters Who's real

And who's just actors

Who actually puts in legitimate effort To be in your life

And who just lets ties get severed One day I would love to accompany Lewis and Wiggy to dinner

O'Charleys on Breckenridge

When Motley was lashing out at me She called me a little kid I'm glad she did

It increased my intrepid

Increased my dislike for other humans Alongs my bills are paid and woman is happy Does it matter what Johnny doing

The Hobey's and Jays cause irritability

Sorry if it seems like I'm getting angry I'm gravy I'm alive

126

126 Things are a little less darker No pain is permanent

Not even the kind made by Sharpie marker I'm very determined to conquer farther The more hardheaded I am

The road will be less harder

The road will be laid out in 7 years For my Hershey Colored daughter

Mommy and daddy are your armor Built ford tough

It was October when I had had enough No bluff

No sugarcoating I was drying inside Slowly eroding

My chest was choking Leave life alone

The opportunity was silver and golden I didn't take it

Cause death shouldn't be beautified I could have died But I'm here

Just turned 20 30 days ago I told Whitney It Won't Be Dark Forever And most days it has an internal glow The poem was originally for her

But that wasn't how the story was pose to go

127

It was a better fit for my situation I later on got honored for that poem My murky path is what I'm paving Thank you Michele With 1 L For not let me take a L

Mucho gracias for believing in me down to enzymes Jelly time

They cant touch us We're porcupines

We're used to people not liking us for displaying a real human being

But if you see us as a threat

Then what are you really seeing We eat competition There is no fleeing

Throw Wiggy in the bunch

And I know for sure you'll start cheating John Dre's come a long way Wiggy saved me

Death would have been to easy and lazy But victory taste like cookie Boy it's tasty

I love my lady Boy all those restless nights

Back when even myself wasn't on the list of people I liked I blatantly hated me

I had fear I was gonna die in the dark

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128 And Whitney would get tired of me by age 23 But those didn't occur I owe it all to her

I owe Rocky that $70

I owe Whitney so much more Cause she's the one I would bother When the depression

Would take over large sections And I would pull on my hair

After the barber had made it look like Scottie Pippin Yes I was tripping

I was was traumatized I'm blessed to be here

Maybe one day I'll get baptized Short is Sexy

Don't mind my size

Fingers look like fat fries Leave me alone

Leave me abundant I'm going to feast on the frutation of competition Just wait till I get hundred

Yesterday Rocky called me And it awed me

We talked about my sister And her life blisters

Cause of one knucklehead boy

129 One mister Been telling her for 5 years

But my voice one she doesn't like to hear I'm used to being ignored To anyone else

It would hit a cord

But I've been hit in worst places Pouring out poems in back drive It's my obscene oasis

Whitney Comes to visit

But towards others I've been closed in lately Grow taller I just might Just wait on it maybe Love is very nice

But I love when you hate me Eat you for breakfast

Mm-mm you're so tasty I may be small

But I'm nobodies pastry Payday on Thursday

Come on Wizard Kelly Pay me

I'm very obtuse That's why I'm lucky that someone wants to date me I'm creative Not crazy

I didn't get here alone

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130

130 RIP to the homie JDC I am not wealthy

But I have 4,452 selfies If I need someone to help

I'll call Michele With 1 L to come help me It's been 3 years since I seen most family

Last time I saw them you wouldn't believe this Family tried to sneak diss You can drink fish piss

You don't have to like me But it's called logistics

You put ooo I wanna be like Johnny In your Santa wish list

Your mother can't cook

But she smell like fish sticks And causing pain ain't nothing but a chicken Wang RIP J Cain

He used to bring that thing

Your mother likes to listen to BeyoncĂŠ sing He would make them yoppers sing

And she'll be paying for your hospital bill F a class ring

And I know that words stings But you tried to beef with me

How dare you have the audacity and the decency My high school diploma is in my room You have D's and C's

131 And you still live with your mom and dad I live in 2417 Apt. 3

Owned by me and Wiggy Alongs Wiggy has Jiggy There will be no biggy

My name is Not important Do you hear me

Horton Hears A Who Hear me silently screaming at I and you Anxiety is crippling

World is purple and blue Blue bonnet

Wishing for a miracle

Whitney's dread piece in her hair is shaped like a comet You hate us so what

Save the negative and negated comments Come back Unc

Come back Casper Seems like you don't miss people Till they're long gone and after

Shooting game winners for my girl

One day I hope to see my jersey hanging in the rafters I'm blessed

But I'm a bastard I'm John Boy Baby With no babies

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132

132 But if I had one tomorrow I refuse to scatter Like my dad did Whoa

I hide the pain with various ad lib's Bevelyn Kaye my mother in law

She was in the same neighborhood as my crib

But she didn't stop by or seem to be want to be bothered She asked about my job

But failed to ask about her oldest daughter There's several things wrong with that picture She'll lend her youngest daughter money

And she'll go blow it on blunts and swishers

And Lil Jayden doesn't know what's going on Yet he remains humble and chipper

Some people can't just live plain and sane They have to F up and go chase glitter Family over everything

Um i have to beg to differ Time is nonexistent

There's never enough Just seems like something is missing Or is it someone

Depression is getting better

So in ways it's like I've already won But I refuse to settle

Always been hardheaded

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Head made of metal The Hobeys, Jays, and Head keeps me hovering Without it I would curled up in a ball crying

And wouldn't have my strong mental government I'm dedicated

Not dependent

You take a couple pills And people start to call you a drug addict Like you have to have it

But I'm functioning in society

With just a girlfriend and work friend Beside me The youngest out of the 3

Yet I'm fearless and emotionally savvy I like being around Lewis

Cause she's competitive and hates being second Her being 21 years older than me

Sets us up for some interesting conversations and lessons I like being around Whitney cause she's realistic Not pessimistic

She wears no lipstick

Wears her heart on her arm and backpacks Moody quite a tidbit I'm different

More irritable cause of the meds

Have trouble keeping people in my life Thinking about it makes the hate the time of day where it's time to go to bed

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134 I enjoy the people who hate me Even more than the people who like me

Cause that's just shows who I need to stay away from It's like avoiding poison ivy

One night the ones who care was on my mind And I ended up counting every single one of my White tees I counted 78 plain white tees

I guess each one is for the people Who don't think of me highly Get well soon Ms. Stephanie Battling MS

Yet she stills remains mighty It's the life she lives

Ans there's no one else to blame Other than her health

Nothing else will ever change

Having a friendship with Lewis is like having dollars Having a friendship with Creamy and Motley is like having change

They're both Dimes and pennies

Refuse to just get them a Forrest Gump But they're making pissy decisions like Jenny Success takes time

It's not something that comes tomorrow or automatic Build your shoulders up

It's your own fault that you're carrying that baggage Stuff Happens

135 But you got clothes falling out the closet I found myself drowned by my old 2314 shirts I knew i hadn't lost it

I knew I would be able to pay all my bills and some It's just going to 5th 3rd to make the deposit I learn from mistakes

I learn from those who are willing to coach me Approach me

Like you want me to shoot the game winner You don't have to like me

Just make sure when I win the game for us You drown me in Hi-C No Gatorade

That's overplayed

With certain things and people I've reached max limit The key to downing this depression

Is to tackle problems with Self Image I feel like I'm ugly some days

And that makes Whitney livid Self worth and self esteem are my other dilemmas Doing the job of Mufasa

When years ago I struggled to be Simba I still struggle till this day

At least I don't struggle alone Whitney is my Timon

In Pisces Paradise we push hakuna matata I just want to get better

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136

136 Anywhere But Here would be the title of my opera My request are simple Interesting not insane

Recover and then spread the cure to others Glance at what I've became Glitter isn't for this guy

The proof is in my 78 white tees plain My mother used to hate my wardrobe

But with my decisions she slowly accepted White is a sign of cleanse and purity

Would you rather be display that or be naked

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20.

If It Pleases You

Use me

If it pleases you I was there when he depleted you

You was boo hoo'n in my messager He no longer needed you

And it wasn't very pleasing The crying emojis told me

That the crying would turn to wheezing The scrutiny doesn't prevent you from using me What the frappe is wrong with folks I've paid the price to be your friend

But when will I get tired of being broke I've felt pinned down to please others

They're not my sister, aunt, or brother If you wouldn't share your air

Then how could I expect you to share covers I'm not letting go

I'm letting you know That I still have wounds

I didn't receive anything in March for my b day So don't expect a gift in June

I'm still hurting from September Not to dig up the dead

But it's impossible not to remember I would come home in tears

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138 And being depressed made things even more dimmer I still suffer to this day But I'm better

I've matured from my tears and endeavors Be careful who you hurt

Be careful who you're mean to Cause they could be depressed

And if you only knew what the power of meanness could do

But these days I'm built for these moments The wave of you I rode it

My story I rewrote it

The record for hurting me Unfortunately you own it My own mother doesn't know about my depression But you do

Everyday I ask the question Would you use it as ammo

Your true colors are bleeding on the walls

And i know you're capable of stooping that low I should have corrected history

Before it turned into present day misery A year after being her friend

To you Whitney's still a mystery

139

You make me feel like nothing You make me feel unwanted We didn't fix the past

And now we're being haunted

Everything is milk and cookies alongs your're getting all the pleasing

I admit I act distance But there's a definite reason

If I told you Would you listen Even if it's just for 5 minutes What if it's a long story

And it's a story that you're not in it I'm timid I'm hurt

Are you that blind that you can't see the blemish If You're not listening then I won't finish

I'll stop at mid sentence

And with you I seem to do that a lot Just care just a tidbit

I've never quit caring about you Michele Despite all the mountains and hell obstacles we've been through

I still care because the mission was to get you out of your shell

even when things got rocky It rocked me

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140 I never quit caring If it pleases you

Was you scared that I would leave you it's clear that right now you have a mountains Skeletons in the closet and old residue

obstacles in your life that are really hard to overcome

Me and Whitney are Fred and Velma from scooby doo Solving the mystery of this misery

But lately it's felt like we've fallen in gorilla glue You love eating competition

And we're next on the menu It's OK to eat us

But we can't dare lay a finger upon you go through it alone

You didn't have to Lew my heart is open It's golden

Your had to take advantage of someone And I guess I was chosen

my ears fear that they'll hear what they don't wanna I moved out a year and a half ago

But i still remember quotes from my mama She warned me about folks like you

Older people like you with messed up motives and thesis are like chronic diseases

That will get something out of someone I have nothing more to offer

141 But your hand still squeezes Why do you need this Why do you need me

You're not here to please me Negro please

I was there with a napkin when you sneezed Was there with oxygen If you couldn't breathe I'm shell shocked

You're stuck in your own box Well I'm stuck In own ways

I'm used to people severing my vertebrae

Johnny you need help with your depressed self That's typical of Michele to say

Away from competition I don't stray But pettiness won't be tolerated Is it pose to be fun

Worrying about when you're going to unload your gun It's sad

For the typical person it would make them frustrated But if I go down by calling you out and sadly being degraded

At least I stood up to you I'm fine with being the most hated I remember when i almost lost you Just when I got you back

141

142

142 And I think back And ask myself

Do I want those words back Cause having my friend back

Honestly it hasn't been worth it Did it you sabotage on purpose Did I deserve this

Did I jump in your waters too soon And make you nervous

Make you think about how you're affecting Jay, 6'5, and Curtis

Too many men

Too many f'd up ways and you cover it up with Being proper

It shouldn't be what pleases you What about your flustered son and clone daughter Your story is f'd up

Can't blame anyone else cause you're the author Yes I'm calling you out

Yes I'm calling you a monster

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21. Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;importe

Ou Mais Ici ( Co-

Written By Domi Bryant)

I find myself more appreciative

Of the more simplistic gestures in life Throughout my existence It was love I was missin

The love required for personal growth has been An estrangement for my development The support that is needed Is jaded and beaded

Has been voided of me My only supporter

Was my grandmothers daughter I lost my soul

And soul searching is torture

Those that have wounded me Have left me to deal with physiological pain on my own Its saddening

But I'm strong Its hurtful

But now my senses of empathy and sympathy have heightened

Move like a thief

But operate like a titan Its only acceptable to look down on someone If you're extending a hand to uplift them

144

144 Quit playing the victim Its been years since I've played the viola The first people to screw you

Are the people that knows ya

I've reached the point of my life where I want to be Anywhere But Here I'm not running away

I'm ready to flirt with my fears Kiss heartbreak on the lips

And make out with my tears Mind is drifting

Swimming from constellations

Returning back to my souls location Heart racin

How did I get here I push the boundaries to the fullest they're aloud So make sure the boundaries are very clear Where do I want to be

Somewhere where I can't be transported by a dream Can't be transported by local transportation or stream Time doesn't exist

But I still remember the I heard a swish by Taquan Dean I'm no longer a blind, baffled teen I'm 20, triumphant, and boomin

I know exactly what I want and what I'm doing I still want to be Anywhere But Here

even though the status of here is improving

145 If I don't Jump On Happiness and Never Neglect Myself Then I need to keep it moving

145

146

22. The Way That You Look At Me The way that you look at me Its weird

And I can see it in your eyes

You didn't expect me to catch you But I did

For your surprise The way that you look at me

It looks like you've been hurt inside You seem so confused

Your tears use my eyes So they can hide

The way that you look at me Has me puzzled and I want to know I just keep asking myself

Why won't your emotions and feelings show Its the way Its the way

Its the way you look at me

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23.

Lewis Smile

Who told you you could still love me I'm not yours anymore I'm Whitney's hubby

Who told you you could still love me Love me from a distance Cause you don't listen I told you long go Please stop

All you're going to do is get your hopes up And get your heart in knots Are you mad cause you don't make me Lewis Smile My old notes

You still glance at the pile

Cause that pile is written memories 4 years ago you ended it with me

You haven't made me Lewis Smile in 4 years But for your broken heart that feels like centuries You're part of the past

I let go awhile ago that part of me There's not a bone that wants to go back Not even an artery

When I met you I was depressed

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148 Up writing songs with each toss and turn not getting any rest

Dealing with my moms and money issues I was 16 years old nonetheless Now I'm 19

Have a car, a house, a job, and the love of my life 4 years ago that was just a dream I told you my dream

But did you help me reach it If my heart was that important to you

Then you would have worked hard to keep it I admit for the longest I was bitter Walking around depressed And meddling on Twitter

I really cared about U Alyssa Large Pizza Alyssa

I never let anybody meet my moms But I let you meet her

Now Whitney calls her whenever the desire The 2 top women in my life

No female can get any higher That's day in late November My heart had a seizure

For awhile cause of you when a girl said they loved me It was hard for me to believe her

But now I believe you need to invest in someone's else love

149

Cause you was like a shoe 4 times too big And my better half now fits like a winter glove I'm not even comparing the 2

Cause Whitney has no competition We race on PlayStation3

And her foot is always on the ignition Some how always beating me Pissing off my piston

But it's those priceless moments she tells me to enjoy I just had to learn to listen I enjoyed the times when I was holding your heart Not holding your left breast

But when I went to go hold your hand

You had a look on your face like a was a perpetual pest Walking down Cleveland avenue

Lewis Smiling cause I'm free with the one I'm with now And that her is not you

The Taste of my lips back then was tasty when it lasted You just left me in the library

You left my heart miniature and matted 4 years later I've cleared all the static

I give all my love and Lewis smiles to the one I love But that love isn't coming at you

Had me froze in time like a marbleized statue But loving you the way I did was cautious and scary

You butchered my heart right there in the school library

150

150 A week before that was Our anniversary The next week I was pose to pop the cherry

You walked away when it wasn't even necessary But now I'm a man and mature With Whitney and merry

In 4 years we'll be married

And we'll eat baked BBQ lays in your honor But F the past cause my future is gorgeous So then again I might not even bother 3 years later I wrote U happy b day And I know U read the message

This is not 2012 Johnny that U knew Back then I was torn and timid It's 2016 and I'm tenacious

I've took pictures and been places

Places you never took the time to venture Smile big as Lewis's at cedar point

Cause Whitney knew I wasn't going if I couldn't go with her

Love me from afar Or help yourself and just quit loving me I was in the bathroom pissing

And you came to mind suddenly

I guess from the time you pissed me off But I have to focus on what's in front of me

Both me and Whitney's b days are in a month

151 And I'm planning on writing a cute note in her cutlery I know that you hate it

I'm actually hella elated 4 years ago I thought we was gonna rekindle things Cause forever I was Putting cream on all my stings That you created

I'm not your same J Will I have moved out and moved on and graduated You've lost your virginity

But deep down you should have waited Patience is very basic

But I'm focused on what's adjacent

I have someone special now that's all mine And I get the opportunity to show I care

Whether we go on an adventure or intertwine Go deep in oceans

And swinging on vines Check my sheets if you think I'm lying

But our privacy is where we draw the line Now you're stuck drawing Lewis smiles on your face and everyone around you knows it's not real

Cause you don't have to force it if it really took place A Lewis smile is huge smile that comes natural Makes you feel the highest of highs

Makes you not wanna get off your saddle You could be having the roughest days

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152

152 And seeing the one you love smile helps you get through the battle

any smile is a smile But I like the Lewis Smile cause I'm picky I don't smile nor frown cause of you

But when I smile it's cause of Whitney

153

24.

Daddy Loves You

You're not even here yet But I want the best for you already And I know how boys are

I'm going to have to buy a mashetti

I'm not going to play about you Am'Aya Cause I don't play about mommy If no other dude loves you

You'll always have Johnny

Daddy loves you unconditionally Even though you'll me pimping me For dollies and dollars

I want you to be a little girl as long as possible Pig tails and flower collars Never rush to grow up

I I know a this world is corrupt And I know that one day you won't be just drinking outta tea cups

It'll be real cups

Alongs you make the right decisions Then daddy can rest easy and not have to be tripping There will be times you won't listen I had that same issue

Then I'll be all sad and upset Using my comforter as a tissue

Daddy doesn't want that for you

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154 Come and cry on my shoulder We can talk about the problem till it's all out And till the crying is all over

Decorate your room in Minnie Mouse posters

Go outside and play hopscotch, chalk, and red rover Ill play with you

While your mother takes pictures Daddy's glad to be with her

I wouldn't have it any other way Daddy's 2 special girls

Whitney Amber and Am'Aya Janae You can't reject respect I'm talking about in general This goes way beyond sex

You don't have to dress like a nun

Buts don't go around showing all your goodies Cause Lil boys feed off that

Then try to shove you their woody Some boys just don't care If it's bushy or bloody

That's why when the time is right

Mommy and daddy will sit down with you And teach you about boys sticking their straw in your Sprite

Mommy and daddy talk in code Cause people be meddling

155 Rich, poor, short, and old Your daddy's piece of gold

You'll never fade in my eyes I won't be there for every time that you cry But I'm a phone call away You're not even here yet But for you I still pray

I pray you look like your mother But have daddy's slickness

You gotta be sly In this world Its survival of the fittest

And you'll be physically fit We'll make it our business

I'm not saying you have to be a gymnast But you'll be in shape

No candy before a certain age

But I will introduce apples and grapes I'll introduce you to snakes

Snakes the animals and snakes the people Buy you a dry erase easel

Draw the night away till it's bedtime I'll be your 1st best friend Your 1st valentine

The only person that will go behind your moms back And get you a pet porcupine

Whatever path you chose we'll support you Cause we know you'll shine

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156

156 You have an amazing mother One day when you get older

We'll bless you with a sister or a brother Gotta teach you to share early Food, love and the covers

Take you swimming in the summer Mommy will teach you

Cause daddy barely knows how to doggy paddle Put all your accomplishments In the living room mantle Expectations will be low

Nothing you can't handle

You won't be living for mommy or daddy You gotta live for Am'Aya J

We're just you're imperfect parents Here to lead the way Am'Aya mouse

Daddy's princess

You're not even here yet And I'm already ready to invest For you

I want the best

I feel like I have you in my heart And you're not even living Whitney A and Am'Aya J

By my side I have 2 of the best and beautiful women

157 Mommy and daddy will spoil you Daddy adores you

If you turn out alright Then we'll make more of you Unless it's your heart

Don't let any dudes explore you You're not even here yet

But all my hard work is for you

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158

25. You Can't Reject Respect Don't let that boy call you that You're a beautiful baby girl Nothing close to fat

Bad words you can't erase

Bad memories you can't erase Have him take out to eat and to the park

Why does he wanna rush and go to his place If he doesn't call you beautiful

He shouldn't be calling you nothing at all He should be giving you his devotion and bravery Why is he in in a rush to give you his balls

Come on baby girl you gotta respect yourself 1st Know your man and his plan Plus know your self worth

You can give him your starburst But just makes sure he respects the whole candy store Cause if he's knocking over shelves Then he doesn't deserve anymore He has to like from the inside out From your heart to your core

And make sure he really likes you for you And it doesn't feel like a chore

In like 5 years Ima tell my daughter Am'Aya the same thing If he doesn't accept you as a beautiful girl Then don't accept his ring

159

What it be Tera Lee

I know you've been with your man for 5 long years But it's time to break free

Since he wants to go out and cheat Then he doesn't respect you emotionally And I know it's hard to leave

But a man wasting a woman's time Is one of my pet peeves

I'm a Pisces to so yes I know

Me and 314 will help you grieve Come on 310

Work on yourself and your kids If you can't find quality in one of these men

If he's sleeping around then that won't be tolerated Cause his respect for you has been annihilated But respect goes both ways

You be dangling the coochie over his head That's not a good way to play

Don't be stingy and play mental bending games Cause while he's doing what he does to you On his heart you're leaving stains

If y'all not gone respect each other Then why be together

Something must have worked for 5 years So ties shouldn't be immediately severed Does he tell you you are awesome

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160

160 Do you make his day better You feel great without being acknowledged You doing good things Motley

Even though you didn't graduated from high school or college

Does he respect your eye problems Better yet does he understand

If he doesn't respect you as a grown woman Then it's time to find a new man Once I lose respect for you Its basically a wrap

And there's nothing left of you I have no time for games and residue Cause I have respect for myself 1st There's a lot that I've been through My mind wanders

Sometimes my mind wanders

Why girls wear the things they do in the summer Low cut tank tops and flip flops

Then they wanna get mad when boys look And wanna yell stop

But you gotta dress accordingly Cover up your body baby girl Even if it looks boringly

I'll tell my future daughter Am'Aya the same thing If he doesn't respect you with your finger naked

161 Then he won't respect you with a wedding ring

Respect goes both ways

When it comes to ones I love I don't play

You don't just respect someone when you feel like it It has come to everyday And to everyone Yes everyone

Or you'll have no one You'll have no fun

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162

26. Kiss My Underwear Kiss My Underwear

make me feel the breeze I’m wearing Hanes boxers and 2 plain white tees most of the time

when people meet me they don’t like me

I don’t understand I just live life

trying to be a be a better man was this Gods plan

you probably don’t even care you're just spending time plotting what lipstick you’re to use

when you kiss my underwear when you kiss my underwear

163

27. You Deserve Her More She’s yours now Today is the day

Don’t let me get in the way Say what you want to say She’s beautiful Don’t even lie

and usually in the past i would cry Nikita was about to leave you but I said no

he’s the way to go I am to

but my mind is going through some stuff I’m not buff and my hands are rough life is tough

Nikita wasn’t crazy, mean, or a hoe of course i still like her

but its time for me to be a man she likes us both i understand

but alongs you treat her well I'll be yall's number one fan my life is at stake my life is a steak

If i didn’t have a headache from all this candy i would shout

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164

164 cause my all my heart and head is doing is continuing to pound

the room is spinning round and round wherever is my pillow i need to lay down

drown my sorrows in sugar so i can think

the candy is going to my brain i can barely blink

i stumble to the sink

the waters light pink I can’t see myself making into tomorrow

I’m going to drown in these sugary sweets because of my sorry sorrows because of Nikita

why do I even continue to put in effort there's no need to put on lotion my soul has been stripped

and all you do is ask whats the commotion lotion and love is the potion

i would make this situation classy but instead I’m walking around loveless and ashy I’m drowning I’m drowning I’m down in the dumps

right now i can’t see

165 my vision is 20/70 where are my glasses

sugar is suppose to heal my sorrow i guess I'll have to wait till tomorrow things can only go higher I'm a realist not a liar

pajama attire

concentration on the wire the emotions of me leak and pour

at least you know what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going through but why do i feel like this for

165

166

28. Chrysanthemum

She kissed my lips

tasted like ranch dressing potato chips whenever she feels like it she lets it rip

she adores me But I'm taken by Shiqual

I seem a little uninterested But she couldn't tell

I'm like fine then oh well It'll hurt her heart later Her mom is a waiter

Her dad is a fan of the gators Her mom comes home

And gives her daughter her extra tips Her pants have a big rip But she doesn't care Beady headed hair

she goes to the local store

To see if they have flowers there They always do

She drops 10 on the counter And she out of there like a scared mouse Then she walks 10 miles away To my warm brick red house Twice she rings the doorbell I come out

167 And oh she was there I could tell

I can smell her bath and body works lotion And the soap from her shower I was about to go in

But as I glanced down

I saw some plain beautiful flowers I didn't notice But this went on for 30 days

She walked through the suns hot rays Then I started to go through guilt Im over here loving Shiqual While shes loving lays

Everyday at 3:11 the doorbell rings Her heart might be sad But the flowers sing

Some beautiful Chrysanthemums Are the face of this fling

But on the day of m 16th Bday There was 3 knocks

At the door stood a old man With some pants so high

You could see the top of his crew socks In his brown rusty hands

He held some Chrysanthemums and a brown box

He told me inside the box was a girl named Ashley

167

168

168 She had killed herself at 3:11that morning And at her house her parents were mourning The love she had for me was a bit much She used the flowers as a crutch

She thought if I didn't want her no one did As the man told me this My emotions hid

He said this wasn't my fault

Your love couldn't be bought He told me the funeral was tomorrow

But by that time he was already crying I didn't think I wanted to go

If I was the cause of that person dying The man handed me the Chrysanthemums and left I thought to myself

We are who we are

Adults in our lives always tell us to reach fr the stars And I guess I was her star But I guess

Yes I guess that she reached too far

169

29. Unzip My Jacket For You Im done

I'm done I'm done playing your games It's all over

How do you forget your glasses at home Regardless if youree sober

I'm telling you to get your stuff together When you're 17 years older I looked up to you

Now I've had enough of you You're deceitful A Slytherin

Lewis told me cause she's a real friend

Her and Wiggy are keeping my heart from ripping I'm done I'm done A friendship with you isn't good for my progress Your lies have lingered for too long And it's up to me to stop this I've gone places I shouldn't have gone Still went there

Yes I was wrong

I've cried tears that was pose to be smiles That's what I get for not listening

The hardheadedness started when I was a child

170

170 It all comes back to haunt me I hide my true feelings

Hide them by being onre I'm conservative Closed in

I try to let you know

Without actually letting you in to begin Hear me out

Hear my outcries Sometimes I wonder if the setting I'm in Would be better without I I'm done trying to justify

Can't blame it all on the depression and anxiety I could be right in front of you figuratively But I still won't let you find me

It could be all sunny and bright outside But who says in my world it's shiny Oh it's not

And cause I chose to self isolate I am often forgot

I just want to be cared about And be In someone's number #1 spot Wishful thinking

I glance at my jaded journey And it's passively paining

Had to be realistic with myself Everything's not the Caymans

171

Everyone's not your friend Not your buddy, associate, or compadre Sometimes a fresh start is needed

That's why when I was 14 I went by D'Andre It ddnt last very long

But look at the meaning behind it People will be intrigued with you

If you remain perpetually private People became frustrated

Cause they thought the wait was a waste They couldn't stand looking at me

And even I hated glancing at this misconceived face My methods wasn't working

And I'm drown myself in self doubt and curious questions If i don't get it together soon

Then I'll be 20 with wasted potential and wasted erections I kept coming in 2nd

Mind you I'm only 14

Height and charms wasn't a blessing 6 years later

Life is depressive but decent Anybody else would beg for credibility

But I'm not everybody else so you can go ahead and keep it Dancing in daydreams Me hiding me from you

Is like asking Sonic where does he hide his rings

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172 Am I hiding Or refusing

I know exactly what I'm doing Dancing around derogatory Hopefully my writings

Will answer all the unanswered questions for me Shameless shorty

But the littlest things in life leave the biggest stain I'll open when my jacket zipper is broken

But it's lasted me for almost a lifetime of agony and vain Did you forget 2314

You must have forgotten JohnnyGill is one of many names I'm done I'm done I'm done giving to the greedy When I 1st got my car

I used to give free rides To Creamy But she started to act wishy washy

Just like her friendship with Motley It shocked me F it

Life won't be forever glossy I have to move on

I have to show its not affecting me I have to show Braun Jump On Em John

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Realize who's revelent At one point of time I felt like I was campaigning for friends

I'm running from darkness not for the president Running my mouth in my iPhone Notes And the pain is evident

In backdrive was were about 44 poems were wrote Written

Proper grammar is like good riddance You're back there with 3 walls and 2 registers Very well hidden

Very well forgotten

Mind you this is at work So leaving before 3 isn't an option

So forgotten i forget to take off my jacket Regardless the weather

I keep it on and zipped cause of habit And when I feel uneasy inside

I zip it all the way up to hide my magic To hide what's inside

As the zipper goes higher I'm keeping the stories of rave ride Closed off to the public

A zipped jacket keeps curious minds away

Being honest since society is obsessed with keeping it one hundred

Mood swings make my facial expressions plummet

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174 I'm not bipolar I quit caring about others as I get older As the bourdon bounds my shoulders I just don't care about You It's apparent

You can fear it

My opinion is set and stone Could I have called on you

The week I couldn't pay the bill to my phone Wasn't like anyone had text me

Just my moms ex boyfriend, 5th3rd bank, and Ms. Stephanie

Thank you Creamy for not getting me I'm not for you to grasp

Pushing the boundaries to the fullest their allowed And jumping on me is my very simple task Don't knee me Just need me

That's all that I ever ask When will I take off this jacket

When will I take off this flannel mask Labby ladies linger with lies and lashings Ive been ready for this reckless ride My seatbelt is already fastened Time is moving so fast

I was already 20 before my granny could quit gasping Let me love and live

175 Just let me just happen I chose who I want in my life

Me and your choices are most likely not matching I ddnt chose you No sorrys

Alongs I treat you with respect And tray you semi godly

Don't like my post and tweets Go block me

Don't like me calling you Go block my number

You're bothered cause I refuse to let you in That's the real bummer

That's your personal issue

I live in 2417 with my queen Cuddle season it's an igloo Pisces Paradise

Inside it may seem like a Paradox We have 5 tvs and colorful rocks I'll never take you there I'll take of my socks

Before I take off my jacket You want me exposed

From my mental basement to attic

I ate Chick Fil A instead of getting a haircut My hair is matted

The longer I won't let you in

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176 The more eager you are to have it In my past

There's been havoc There's been hurt

There's been Change Change so drastic

I had to alter my last name Despite what happened in the past Inside my zipper jacket You won't get past

The past affects the future And now affects the then

Whitneys arms causes zen The younger me had been hurt enough To the murderers it was a trend

So hurt that i started to go by Johnny

Cause the part of me that died was Johnathen

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30. Fighting NyQuil I'm extinct

I'm irrelevant Rare off day today

Go to to store and see if I can pilfer a couple xmas presents Raise me this way My moms ddnt

But my deviation has allowed me

Woke up this morning with a headache Plus I'm drowsy

Took the wrong Quil And now I'm feeling too gnarly

One wrong step and I'll take a spill Against NyQuil you won't win

I really need to sit down so my head can cease its spin But I'm a little too determined Head is still hurting

I feel like an invisible person

But I'm a black guy with all black on Oh he look mighty harmless

So he's someone we'll pass on If you say so

Legs feel like play dough Already dealing with depressive symptoms Days like this I feel so low Wife is at work So I'm solo

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178 I have a different mindset with her vacancy I wanna get her something nice She's not making me

It's just how I feel towards her

I feel lucky to have someone so exceptional F a dime she's like 9 quarters 9 quarters that I have on me But it's for laundry

And either I pay for this Bluetooth speaker Or we're wearing clothes that smell onree I make a different choice

And there no one around to witness my existence It's been awhile since I've heard my own voice I'm patient but I'm poised

Earphones to block out the noise Of these ladies debating about how their daughter shouldn't be with boys

Medicine makes my eyes low And my mouth moist

When I return to the car in wife's arms I'll remember this moment and rejoice Something cheap is what I seak Got to the bathroom

And I almost laugh at the person in the mirror above the sink

It's myself

Eczema clearing off on my cheek

179 NyQuil at its peak Fully awake

But my body wants me to sleep Wants a deep sleep Last night it was the Tylenol Gave wife the night off

Answered to her every beacon call She deserves it

But me cleaning the whole house sedated Makes me kinda sorta nervous Waddle to the kitchen

Give the living room a lil vacuum It's already 11:02

So gotta go to bed soon Eyes low and hazy

Wife tells me to go get her a bottled water and other request

But with the tylonal it doesn't faze me That's my baby

That's my everything And when I get outta this dark place She's the 1st one to get a ring

Putting her through this stings But my world is aphonic

And if there's anyone who will be there to listen Then she's on it

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180

180 I love swimming in her waters But right now i don't feel too equatic I feel crestfallen

Last week I was crying, snotting, bawling And when I cry

It takes awhile for to me to start talking The tears take over

This is my real feelings on display

And I'm not emotional just cause I'm not sober Thank god tears don't have an odor

And it's hard to keep going sometimes My other half has to be my motor Cause it's a conflict

Who else gets depressed on payday And when they get direct deposits

Trynna remain positive even though I'm not prominent I'm tired of feeling this way I'm tired of it People at work aren't nice to me NyQuil isn't nice to me Life is one hyperbole

19 years and 297 days on this earth And I feel like no one has heard of me Why are you fighting this medicine Lay down and go to sleep Let it win

181 Let it win But I'm bAttling

Mentally stranded out in the water But I gotta keep paddling Life is obsidian

Am I the reason this is happening

I keep fighting cause I'm disputatious It won't be dark for ever

And for the events and people who made it dark You hate this

I'm don't with you feeding me lies I'm done drinking your ape piss

No room for convulsion in life anymore My life is no longer spacious Hugs not drugs

Well right now I need a hug for the ages The symptoms are disappearing

The end of Wifeys work shift is nearing And I'm still still Lord Jesus

I gotta have a plan

Have to perfect my prosthesis Wear a size 8

But I feel big like I'm wearing Wifeys size 10 adidas Walk inside the building Music coming from one

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182 And texts coming from the other phone Hand wife her umbrella and $5 She hugs me and I feel at home

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31.

I Tell Myself Secrets

I'm in total shock I'm in utter disbelief

Wednesday I turn over to go to sleep And I find out

That my brother had to leave He was in the process of turning over a new leaf Some leaves make it to the ground

And some leaves get overlapped by the others By why did the one leaf have to blown away

The one that was being turned over by my brother I wish Rocky didn't have to suffer She's already been through a lot Yea she has 3 daughters

But I'm now he only son she's got And sometimes the only crutch

Why does it take moments like this For family to finally come in touch Texting Destiny

Wondering the pedigree of my destiny Cause when I die all will be left is my reputation and identity

Identify theft is high nowadays

But sometimes there's nothing you can do But keep your fingers crossed and pray Talking to Destiny on the work phone

I hear her son in the backward while he plays

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184 I'm proud of her because she turned being 18 and pregnant To the brightest situation in every way Yes there was tears wept

But there was no pity parties thrown Cause she knew she has to provide

To make sure her son had a food and a home Why can't more teenage mothers do just that

Play with your child and continuously provide Cause the path of life is a bumpy ride

And the child will get all types of bumps and bruises You got kids killing kids

And toddlers being ruthless

Will my nephews be alright Living life without their father

As much as I would want to control the story of their life's I am not the author I am not the father

I'm just the young gun uncle

That writes poems and does Spider-Man puzzles And when gets puzzled

I'm the one people run to Whether they're stuck in financial funks Or they're stuck in fundoo

It's a hunt or be hunted world

And if you're hunting with me Then I'll be hunting you

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Nothing I do is a mistake It's a lesson learned Progress to make Thank you Jalyn

You used to let copy your homework senior year When I was failing

The feeling of not graduating Was exhausting and exasperating

Both me and Jalyn ended up walking across the graduation stage

Barely But they don't write barely on diplomas Fast forward 2 years later

And Jalyn is at McDonald's handing out sodas Bout to move out of his mothers house And I'm proud

Cause he's thriving He's gay but he's not in hiding I'm straight

But its time for homophobia to start dying

Because I'm not going to stop talking to someone Based on their sexual preference

Gay people should be able to walk down the street Without sweating and stressing

Having Jalyn has been the ultimate blessing Has been the ultimate supplement We went from stealing yearbooks

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186 To one day someone was picking on him And I was about to throw some left hooks Rashaun you're the bomb

You're one of the reason i don't play

When it comes to people picking on gays We're all a bunch of chips

Some of us are Doritos and some of us are Lays Don't look at the different flavor Look at the quality of the object Times have changed

So dogging gays is complete nonsense We all have holes in our hearts And a bunch of answered questions I didn't go to prom

I was chilling with my 2nd mom Tynica

She said the day I get my apartment I need to invest in a heater

In the game of life you must earn your stripes

Before you get the checks you have to get your Adidas I call my mother at least twice

because she just turned 48 and she's at that iffy part of life Uncle Gordon died young And so did Uncle Jerome

I have to thank thank my mother

Cause she's helped me obtain my current life's throne

187 We loss Uncle Willie's son And we can't forget the loss of Grandpa Jerry Add in big bro

And you have a Chocolate sundae with a cherry Eat these words and swallow spirits Big Bro is on to bigger things

No I know you don't wanna hear it But he wants us to be strong

He wants his legacy to carry on EJ, Manny, Eariel, McKinley are our golden tickets I know the feeling is superbly wicked Yes Rocky has another son named I

But there will never be another Erik D. Pickett There won't ever be another Eric D. Tellis No matter how much rah rah you tell us He's gone in the worst way On his birthday

And everybody that knows ya

Is blowing up his moms Ms. Nicola's Motorola Hollering about I told Ya He was living piss poor Comments like that

Just make it hurt more Pray for Dejanay

Her mom is no longer with us No matter if she fusses or cusses

Her mother is now heavens duchess

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188

188 That's why I'm there for Dej always Cause she's way to young Death found her mother

And Ms. Harris got stung

I have to enjoy folks while they're here Not while they're going in the ground I love Cierra and Jade Brown

We don't talk everyday like we used to

But they know I care and I'm still down Those my sisters from 8th grades 1st semester To be exact 2009

I'll always have their back

Alongs Cierra's brother has his 9 Give them the pants from my legs And my last dime

If I'm Anywhere But Here then I want them to be with me So we can Jump On Em one last time

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32. A Little Push Push me

Push boundaries Don't push me out the way

Just push me to be a better person than you found me Push me to the point where i have no other option And I scream out loudly

With thanks and glorification Cause you didn't clown me You just moved me

I didn't like all the things you said But it wasn't meant to soothe me

You was just doing your friend duties Do you know what the darkness do to me Does to me

I speak to Dr. Whitney fluently Consoling and hugging me

If she didn't push me out the reach of darkness Then Things could have turned ugly And from time I feel ugly Sometimes when I feel that push from you I have to question if others still love me If others still care

About John Boy their buddy You can have an impact in other ways

You don't necessarily have to touch me

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190

190 Push me to better places Just don't push out in traffic Have you seen Dr. Whitney

I'm an addict of her medicine Let me at it I have to have it Just a push or 2 will do One day I might be pushing you Sometimes it feels like the darkness is holding me captive With gorilla glue

I could always push myself But what's wrong with a little help I don't want help from anyone You're asking how could I be so picky Dr. Motley

Dr. Whitney Even Lewis has done some pushing We had our rough patches And that felt like everyday i came to work I was getting a whoopen

But I never quit coming to work I never quit Handing out orders and cooking Lewis mentally pushed me further Way way further

When it comes to her

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It goes beyond making burgers Cause me the living walking dead I don't miss those days

Horrid days both me and Dr. Whitney both crying to bed Lewis made me stronger

Cause she has a way of getting smart aleck Even though she speaks very proper I killed her with kindness And read In between the lines We stuck our chest out everyday And she never saw us crying I never ask her to push me But some things are given without question 21 more days till 311 Dr . Whitney has been more than a doctor More than just the person that I'm effing She's the salad to my dressing Just improving no impressing Dr. Whitney told me It Won't Be Dark Forever Yes I think I learned my lesson

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33. Dream Out-loud I had it I'm an addict but I lost it So tragic

When I saw it I ignored it

I was scared to get a Extorted I was scared to get used

I was scared that it would be perceived By my mother as retarded

Named after Grandma Johnny The X was on my back as soon as I started Little man with big plans

I'm short heightened but big hearted I rather reach for Rondo

You can reach for Pete Maravich

Call me what you want When it called I rejected At this point of life I want to Be Anywhere But Here Sorry if you get infected

Been writing for 9 years I've failed I've perfected

Pulled my life out from wreckage An F350 was on top

193 I refuse services from the cops If you can't get my mother Then fetch Tynica Flood

She thick as 5 Thursday's But so is our relationship cause that's like 2nd blood Intoxicate with refreshments

A player may only be putting up 3.11 points a game But I'll still make the investment Cause time is worth more than money But I'm sure I'm worth a piece of your time Your life may be easily stimulated But that's not the case with mine Aboulic agency Awaken me I'm hating me

My roots are spread out adjacently I'm about to timber It Won't Be Dark Forever I had to remember Why settle for silver

Why be OK with just any old answer Grandma Johnny has breast cancer Should I be able to rest Knowing that her left breast Might Not be there

When we lay her to rest

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194

194 I miss the hugs of Nesha I need ya

I need to wake up Do you give make up To a person that's ugly on the inside Tattooed with terror

And yet its pretty people that avoid to look in mirrors Patience Paints A Picture Well Nesha will you create me something that doesn't depict mediocrity

I manipulate easy But don't look at me like a heap of toxicity Some of us are corn The rest are cob and hominy Can you feel my words wave Can you dig my depiction

Before I or Grandma Johnny digs our grave I'm not killing her before she even has her surgery But Its hurting me That others acting like cancer is like Strep Throat or something

Grandma Johnny has a legacy And through name I'm the 2nd coming

I wish I could say I'm dreaming I am

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But reality is over here dominating I hate it I hate it

That's its you that I'm hating Slipping while I'm sleeping Depression gets worse in the evening I believe in life after love

Tynica was the one who told me keep believing She had just put her weave in And was telling me about female dogs No not the ones that go bark

The ones that got 56 missed calls in their call logs And you really care But they're more focused on blunts, boys, and hair Tell me I didn't give my all Don't you dare

Don't you dare try to get mad at me me for beating you At the favorite game that you play I'm a kid at heart I'll be 21 in 23 days And I notice you saw my life shining

And you tried to steal some of my suns rays You was my 1st and only best friend Erin Take that to your grave I financially supported and forgave I robbed and raved

To help you live your dream

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196 Meanwhile you was trying to trade me to another team Nesha told me

Tynica told me Even people who didn't like me and was mean 21 21

I've made it almost 21 years without shooting a gun My words have been held back My words have been amo I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me at all I don't need viola's and pianos

Life is full of enough Pinocchio's and Gepettos Life needs more Whitney's and Jade's Need 's more Jalyn's and Ms. Stephanie's You can have insight But still lack the integrity

Sprinkle some Karmy's, Gabby's, and Cierra's Life wouldn't have anymore tears Anywhere But Here Anywhere But in denial Thank you Erin former best friend your contributions have been vital and shaped this title

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34. Front Row Seats Front row to see you fail Boy who am I

I was making sure my checks was high So you could get high

But I wanted to see you fail I had front row seats

Back when our thoughts Was the only thing we could eat

You would cry and waddle in defeat Your sis meanwhile was scrounging up pennies to buy detergent and laundry sheets Running up Mt. Holly

In combat boots no cleats But we wanted to see you fail

Fall and fail

Running around Crescent Hill buying weed We both can't afford bail But I know you would tell Tell BK that Run and tell her that

Your sisters laying in the bed starving While you got the munchies getting fat I brought her a pie and Big Mac But you snuck and ate it

While she was in the shower you ate it

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198

198 Her needs are basic But Erin comes 1st

And we put you 1st But you put the next dude 1st Up until the time he lay In a Hearst Sitting on a smoke and cum filled couch Dividing up starburst Cause sometimes that's all we had And almost a year and a half we don't even talk It's very sad But when have I ever said I didn't want the best The utmost best

Can't find your blue bra So the tan one is the only one to cover your breast Find some change in the couch You would have me walk and get you 3 legs and a breast But I did it cause I cared We both cared Putting together pennies to make tarc fare So you can go to the west end and buy hair We had front row seats

Just quit throwing your sisters name in the dirt You don't even have to speak Her name belongs in someone's heart No in the dirt

Didn't she give you her last clean work shirt

199 Cause you didn't wanna do laundry Who knew having front row seats to your suffering Would cause you to later on bomb me Lord Jesus You're in a much better place in life But you still need us Need us to listen

Cause we still care Quit sneak dissing Sorry to bring up the past I'm reminiscing

We're 2 people that understand You lost everything You didn't just lose your so called man You got behind I gave you mine

You needed a jacket with fur Whit let you wear hers But no no no We wanted to see you low And to see you fail We was in the front row Where was your Day1

Did Frank ever watch your son Did Tamia ever sacrifice her sleep and fun

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200

200 To make sure your bills was paid We was worried sick about you

But you worried about getting licked and layed For somebody to genuinely care about you Are you afraid

Are you scared of 2 people Who can cheer you up Cause his words were like needles Making sure the coast was clear outside Cause you fear birds and beetles We had front row

For when you was high literally And hella low We know you're jealous Your June behaviors showed You had your chance

But that's another poem for another day Just telling you in advance We was in the front The very front

He would light you up Then tell you to light the blunt OK your sis a lil reserved And I'm a runt

But we're still concerned

201 And you treating us this way Yes it burns

Usher burns Carpet burn When it came to you moving in We had to be stern

We had to think about us Cause in the past you didn't You had us front row But now you look up And we're missing

We didn't leave the auditorium We just moved a row back We figured you can use the whole row To get your life back on track Johnny round of applause Whitney round of applause You had your hands all over this production Those Pisces paws BK get the gauze

Jayden get your balls Mr. T got the peanuts We gotta help someone special break her fall

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35. Stars For Eyes Oh we've been through so much But I didn't believe the rumors I wanted you to be my wife

I wanted to be like Maria and Gumer I remember the 1st day I met you God had to work extra hard to invent you I needed someone special in my life And God just happen to send you

Tho you shouldn't let your son hit you I can't even lie I do wanna hit it But the way that I view it I probably won't get it

Everybody nags at me for being a virgin But you didn't find it disturbing We're both 5'3 But my love for you is 7 feet Fruit is your favorite thing to eat

And your my strawberry shortcake Your the 1st thing on my mind when I wake And yes I want to get you wetter than a lake But I also want a future Want a soulmate, friend, tutor To guide me

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Someone who want hide me Someone who looks beyond the birthday on my ID Your heart is the sun

Your attitude is the moonlight Your eyes are stars that I was could shine all day I wish it would never turn back to daylight Life is short Love is short and blind we're both 5'3

And coincidentally we're both blind Alongs I got u in my life I know everything will b just fine I remember the day I met your moms I sweating bullets

But I tried to act calm I could tell she raised you very well I don't know what to call it But we just happen to gel Outta everybody I know

You didn't want me to fail And I refuse to fail But I fell in love You taught me to love takes time And it's not all about me putting my finger in your glove For putting you in my life

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204 I always thank the man above I know I'm not perfect and yes I do sin But who said it was a sin To love you Nesha Every moment that I need ya

Need a hug or simple happiness You're innovative You're an activist Everything I see you I can feel my heart beating through my chin And even tho things are contortioned We may still end up being kin I may be your husband, your soulmate, your other half Oops all those are the same thing Alongs a smile is on your face

Then you'll get rewarded with a ring It's a sunny day today Lets sit at the Waterfront at watch the runners and kids run Your heart is the sun

Your attitude is the moonlight Your eyes are stars that I was could shine all day I wish it would never turn back to daylight

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36. Peace Hug ( Co-Written By Whitney Amber ) Under the weather But being under you is the only remedy The vibe that you're sending me

Just makes me vye more for your everlasting synergy My heart is part of yours There is no symmetry

It's just pleasure and passion The words you utter to me are pure poetry

Once upon a time they were words I could only imagine Sweatpants is our fashion You're the only one I see

No matter how many people are passing

The words you bellow slowly trickle into my skin To feel this good is against the law To feel this Great has to be a sin

Your words just aren't just words It's like you're delivering sermon

The words your heart is spilling out are hitting spots I didn't know I had It's obviously these syllables are working Coming from a special person I feel like a special person I feel oh so anointed Been cut so many times

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206

206 But you're the magical ointment Being cut up by the bugs They're so irrelevant

Your words are beginning to hug Hug my heart tightly

You've said you love me like 3 times now And I know you don't say that lightly I love you more more more

More than any dictionary word can ever explain The sun across the street from is a shade of Blaine I'm on an internal airplane

Hugging you made me high Made me joyous Made me fly

Made me question why It took me so long to so long to succumb Made me appreciate

The feeling of being numb Being swept off my ankles

See a Santa Fe have a good day I can't stop singing that jingle

Everything we’ve been through

We've been through bigger moves than Max Keeble There’s good in you I see past the evil

So warm hearted

Yet you’re anemic

207 If it happened in the past That’s where we’ll keep it Cause none the less

We’ve made progress

You’re still my favorite Just being honest Make amends Make peace

Life is too short for quarrels and beef Life is Johnny short

Being around you is like being on the beach I'm just sitting on the reef Dynamic duo

Chemistry like ours is something you can't teach I'm giving you a piece of my heart And a piece hug

Giving into to you gives me peace of mind To compete for your spot There's such a long line

In life there's leaders and cabooses

And you just happen to be the line leader of mine

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37. Dang...Johnny D'Andre Is Dead Johnny He died Out of the blue Tragically Weird time to tell you

I hope you're not mad at me It just happened All of a sudden Now let's see who's steps up and cares Let's see who's heart will start erupting Cause Johnny kept this thing jumping But Johnny's no longer here anymore And I hope not too many people come out the woodwork's Cause he wouldn't want it be a war

You wasn't crying when he was alive So why wait till now for you to cry for He knew who has his back He knew who had his best interest But it wasn't you who was dancing with him In the world of the demented He was a reserved person Who loved listening and learning

Could talk to you about Homophones

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Then chat about Julius Erving But you didn't give a F word about him A little overboard at times But he was a gem He was courageous

Could write a poem about love and devotion For 1000 pages And yes it mainly be about Whitney But when it came to people he let have his heart He was picky

He was scared Cause dying alone For the longest was his scariest nightmare Bevelyn Kaye had an affect on him Cause she motivated him to treat Whitney like the queen that she is

He texted her good morning every morning But he still didn't let her in their biz He hugged her more than his own mom But lord Jesus telling her he's gone Will be like dropping a bomb But let's drop names Specific names Names that mattered to Johnny Cash Names that were by his side When he didn't have to ask

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210 Cedric you're 1st Yes you're 1st Now ya boys In a Hearst

What you have to say RIP John-boy Dang he's Dead How are we pose to tell His Granny Weezy How are we going to tell the stuffed animals in his bed Cause before there was a Whitney

They was there even though they're kinda kiddy RIP John Dre He loved you Cousin Creamy He loved you Bevelyn Kaye Okay

alrighty then Jiggy lived a simple life With the occasional hint of sin But he won't conform now Cause he never conformed then Very weird In ways

Only his wifey can't orbit in his world and nebula But Johnny's dead bruh Johnny dead bruh Uggghhh

211 Johnny's gone He won't be back

But we can talk about his significance To help differ and distract Lean clean and 19

Long live his legacy Dancing with depression Love from Whitney was his remedy You can die any day Tomorrow might be the end of me Fairly a loner

No portus or poesy Tera Lee Motley Birthday was the day before his And wanted him to mentor her 4 kids

Cause he had qualities that displayed female courtesy Though you he joked on the butt Of his manager from Germany Poor Casper poor Casper He would give her butt the jokes

When you see her at the funeral you can ask her But he cared about her And he didn't care about many 7th grade he accepted the fact That he was going to live a life itty bitty 5'3 don't forget the 2 quarters

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212

212 He wanted to grow with Whitney till infinity And one day be intimate and grow inside her 2 twin daughters

He always told her if his time got cut shorter To freeze his sperm in the freezer He's in a better place

But yet still he will need her But Johnny perished Oh he perished Out blue into the clear blue sky I'm asking why

Asking why you're bawling your eyes Did you take the honest time to get to know this guy You had time Make time

At least try But your trial period is over Now don't try and join him to die He wants you to live longer Prosper not ponder

Knowing him was an honor Angela Renee he cared so he bothered Shar, Roscoe, Sinbad Please Listen to your mother Gabby, Jayden, and Crayola he loved you No need for imposters

213 EJ, Manny, Erial, Rocky You was irreplaceable in his life Virtually impossible to copy

Ms. Stella, Michael, Grandma Johnny Lewis we've been through this Big impact on ya boys life

Though you're the height of Tyler Ullis Am'Aya and Am'Are you're not here yet But you're not useless You pushed your daddy get through this And Whitney wifey wonderful Whitney You was his #1 You was his sun You was the reason he would see a TARC And run You saw the bullets in him

and you happily pulled his gun You pulled him outta bed When non positive thoughts was in his head You gave him his cred And some

His roughest days You called him handsome You put up with his tangits and his tantrums Peace and communication was yall's anthem Sat and watched Barney and Danny Phantom Now his phantom is in the house

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214 It lingers He never proposed to you

But remember one of those sweet speeches he said to you And put that ring pop on your finger Blue raspberry

You're the one he wanted to marry Wanted to eat you till he ate the cherry Telling you he loved you every day was necessary No adversaries I wish we could bring him back And we would spare me

He didn't play about you Far from carefree You was his Bambi One day y'all meet again I know you're antsy

Me myself I can't control my emotions Johnny D'Andre is dead Now it's all out in the open This news is potent Women are crying Kids are choking But to deliver this omen Why was I chosen Ooooo the intensity got just hotter Johnny D'Andre is dead

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But I myself am the author

38. Hand Out Of The Grave ( Cowritten By Deborah Sims) A loved one moves on From their physical body But never out of our hearts Wednesday I turn over to go to sleep And I find out

That my brother had to leave Memories thoughts Things they said I'm in utter disbelief Change the way we see the world

He was in the process of turning over a new leaf Some leaves make it to the ground They remain in our hearts and minds And some leaves get overlapped by the others Until we come together once again

By why did the one leaf have to blown away The one that was being turned over by my brother I wish Rocky didn't have to suffer

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216 Do you ever feel at a loss Not sure what to do or say

Do you ever just stand in place With an uncomfortable look on your face Do you ever look around the crowd And wonder what I'm doing here Do you ever feel like you are Coming out of your skin As doubts and fears attacks Do you ever look around and wonder is this all there is

I'm in total shock Brains, charm, and a smiling face Others words Displayed all in Grey

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39. Only At The Stem Words tell a story But tears make those words supernova I'm here to listen I told ya

And Friday you took my ears and poured Poured out every content and drop And I know there's more At 3clock you didn't want to stop Jermaine took Johns spot And Unc took ours Thought about the magical 3 hours we had As we retreated to our respectable cars It was like we picked up were we left off in August If there was an audience they would applaud us But its just us only You've tried to confide in others But you want me And I'm here to tell you I care Hope that makes you less lonely Hugging you made me high Made me joyous Made me fly Made me appreciate everything that's we've been through

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218

218 There's good in you And I see it

Warm hearted But you're anemic If it happened in the past

That's where we'll keep it Cause nonetheless We've made progress You're still one of my favorites Just being honest

Honest to you in everyday And my old motto used to be If I see a Santa Fe It'll be a good day And lately we've had some good ones I'm on cabinet

And you're on buns Dynamic duo Chelie Chel would know I'm still here to catch you emotionally and physically Just in case in case you topple Other than my mom You're my next role model I admire the mom you are to your babies Still your babies

Even though it's been awhile since they've had a bottle

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I've heard so much about them Will you let your daughter get a dog Is your son touching the rim

If there's anyone that can withstand the deep depths of you

I'm the one that can swim Swim with you Even when the water gets grim Our relationship is like a flower We're just as the stem

Stem into something great Cause you don't provoke me You push me Put in some hotcakes And then go drop some cookies When you started crying

There's was no time to be a rookie I had to be a veteran and show up Despite me being 19, 25 Whatever

You've mentally pushed me to grip up And I won't let up I enjoy hearing all that you've been through 20 years in the game You've probably seem all types of food on the McDonald's menu

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220 I'm drawn to you There's something in you

John told me to tell you hi Thankful for you and him As he would say

me and your relationship is growing Into a beautiful flower And we're only at the stem Growing takes time Takes patience

Takes maturing It took me understanding in depth What exactly you were enduring And I love to learn

Love your language Love to listen I think some of the days you had attitudes Was the days you needed someone to listen I was here the whole time But it took time

For us to have our time And we did I hope to have more time soon With this pace

Our stem flower will take no time to bloom

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We both have to power Have the peace

Have the prerogative To progress the stem grown flower This beautiful plant It is ours And it's just at the stem To show you someone you care You don't have to be kin

You don't have to be buddy buddy You have to be willing Cause the Williams getting to work with is fulfilling The Williams and The Lewis Friday was proof we can make a killing

I look forward to growing this flower of a relationship Hopefully one day it'll grow past the ceiling I know how you're feeling Feeling like we're growing the speed of your sons lanky limbs

But it's more like an extravagant flower That's only reached the stem

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40. I Think This Is The End I used to ask what is wrong with me But now I ask what is wrong with u They told me u was f'd up

And it took me when I finally grew

To mess around and find out it was true I bought u this and that

And I bought u the who's and who's Got mad at me countless times and I still bought u shoes U bought me some green socks and some Taco Bell U bought him some Jordan socks And I still remained swell

But deep down inside i was swelling up And feeling like poo

You don't know what u do

But I'm going let you do what u wanna I gave you my whole world and the rain forest And u still wanted his iguana U cussed out my mamma And I still forgave

If I would have did that to Ms. Bev I would have been in the grave

For awhile u did nothing but piss me off

That's why it took awhile for your contact name to get saved

You need some savior

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The old u I'm missing Your common sense is missin I'm talking to you before a cop ends up talking to you And u still won't listen Heart slowly ripping

And u don't care because piss poor decisions Are the only ones u like picking You pose to be my Scottie Pippin But instead you're acting like Larry Hughes I've paid your bills and paid my dues

U want someone to jump when u say jump My name is JumpOnEmJohnny I'm not a kangaroo I almost got jumped for u Oh if you only knew

But you're quick to jump to his defense When he tells you to get a clue That's clearly a clue Get your life together U want me to buy u some glue Walmart Brand or Elmers

The people around you are like Lord Jesus please help her She's so dickmatized There's nothing we can do or tell her

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224

224 So we worried about herself and that f'd up feller Hotheaded like a kiyan pepper

This is like a teacher telling a kid to get it together At the end of the semester I've been a mediator And a babysitter

You've been a sinner You have less sense than Kendall Jenner Overlooked me and I looked on to your sister It's not f'd up its common sense

Day by day this plot gets even more dense You're a druggy just like Pete Wentz Him and weed make your life a mess You don't even look the same Are you possessed

How u gone have a small heart with those big chest A damsel in distress Have u look at yourself in the mirror It's like a substance that's eating all your flesh I can wait to see the look on your face

When he leaves u and your living behind Pay-less I can't wait to see the look on your face When you see your sis walking down the isle in a purple wedding dress You're not in my thoughts But you're in my prayers

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You much rather chase him Than chase paper

I'm just trying to help I'm not being a hater I just need some closure

I was just telling your sis that I think it's over You've been struck by a boulder That I refuse To help u move You've thrown any and everything away Just for one knucklehead dude

Never in my 19 years of existence Have I ever disliked a human being so consistent And he's the driving force Knucklehead is the motor and the piston I'll never ever forget

But for things like this am I pose to be forgiven How bout you look at your life And glaze at who is missing BESTFRIEND, mom, job, and your oh so favorite sibling The game we're playing has concluded I'm done shooting and dribbling Shot clock violation

Severely severed correlation I hate it I hate it

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226 That its you I'm hating The way oh treat me Is foul and degrading It hurts it's paining A year ago I couldn't picture this This turned out worse than a Bryson painting Patience paints a picture

Well when it's complete I'll be waiting Waiting on proper closure Waiting on an apology Waiting on the escape from this negated novelty

Waiting on how u shattered matters so diabolically Creative chaos No no no Hectic harmony You was harming me

And from me living lousily It allowed you to creep and crowden me Starve me some Calvary To live lethargically You was allowing me

Whitney told me to stop many times I don't know how many Low cut tank tops and flip flops Arousing me

The present day John Boy is clowning me

227 And I'm not the same John Boy from a year ago But I'm sure he would have be proud of me

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Thanks You, Thank You's, Merci ! Thank you Whitney Amber for all the love and inspiration you've helped contribute to this book.

Several poems wouldn't be in existence if it wasn't for your push and the countless adventures,

tribulations, and obstacles we had to overcome. Your critique was hard to decipher some of the time but you defiantly played a huge role in this writing

process. Your airheadness is oh so cute. That's why you're right by my side. 1411. Valentines Day Is

Everyday!!! Tall thank you to the tallest lady I know and the tallest support. Thank you to my mother

Angela Renee for all the support and the truthful

words. You always taught me to always have a plan . You used to turn $2.50 into a full course meal. I don' know how you did it but if you could do that then I

could write a 120 page book. I love you and the dogs so much. Roscoe and Sinbad ya'll are the best dogs anyone could ask for . Roof Roof! Granny Weezy

where do I start. All those whoopens you saved me from. I should have been dead a long time ago. You

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saw the bright light at the end of the tunnel even

when it was pitch black. I don't know how but you saw it. I swear those glasses you have can see into

the future but they can also see the good in almost any situation. I know you hate me hugging you hard but I just want to give you a big hug and lift you up off the ground. I love you forever and forever .

Thank you to my grandaddy Michael for all the casual conversations and being a male role model. There are not enough productive black males buy

you're one of them. Thank you to Ms. Stephanie for always knowing what to say. Even in the most

pressure situations you're calm. You taught me to

value my mother because she won't always be here. I took those words to heart and live by them each day. Despite your illness you're one of the strongest

people I know. Your 4 lovely kids ( and grandson) are so lucky to have you in their lives each day.

When the day comes and they find a cure for MS I want you to be the 1st one to have the medicine. I

love you dearly ma'am. Thank you to Tynica Flood. If there was ever a person that I have so much pure

respect for it would be you. You've inspired me and

let me know countless times that despite my size and

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age anything was possible. Whenever I talk to you I

feel like I can conquer the world. You're so tough on the outside but your warmness on the inside is what draws me to you. I wouldn't have the mental

motivation as certain points if it wasn't for talking to you and you syking me up to do it. Huge thank you to Jalyn Finn. I don't care if you liked boys, girls,

dogs, or fish. You will forever be awesome in my book. Your personality is not be messed with and

you can always guarantee a good time whenever I'm around you. Your tenacity and energy are

contagious and I love to feed off that. I wish there was more awareness towards gay marriage.

Whoever you find will be a lucky dude because they have you by all means. Thanks for the extra push

senior year. Walking across that stage was top 5 best moments ever right after writing this book. Love you mane! Jade Natori you're the absolute best. Gracias for all late nights we used to stay up on the phone talking about life problems. Your humbleness is

exactly how I want my daughter to be. You was also motivation to call my mother more. I love the

relationship you have with your parents. Good luck in college and stay focused. I love you like a sister.

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All the years don't add up to the love and devotion I have to you. I would start at 2009 and not do a single thing different when it comes to our

relationship. Everyone needs a Jade in their life. Thank you thank you Oh thank you to my sister

Sharleeta. Where do I start? We've overcome soo much . Words or poems can't describe how proud I am of you. Stay focused in college and reach the heights I'll never reach. You're one of the best

dressed people I know and you always have my same mindset in life. I love how life and struggles

have made us closer. I wish Eric and Erik was alive to the the beautiful woman you turned out to be . I'm happy to have someone so vibrant and so loving in my life. No one could ever replace you. You taught

me that being emotional isn't bad at all. I swear we can be watching any movie and you'll bust out

crying. But tears talk and yours defiantly have a lot to say. I'm always a phone call away always . I love you sissy! I can't mention Jade without mentioning Cierra Nicole. I'm so proud of your growth as a

woman. If there is anyone that has made the biggest leap and improvements it's yourself. You've come a

long way from the socially shy and Jordan wearing

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girl I met in 2009. I have to give you the biggest

hand clap and round of applause of all. Thank you for all the helpful words and all those long phone

conversations. I swear we set the record for longest phone conversation with 6 hours and 50 minutes.

Whew! I can't remember what we talked about but I know both my house phones was dead afterwards.

We've created memories I'll always cherish forever. I love you like no other. I absolutely can't forget to say Thank you to Tera Lee! Right after Whitney you're like the female Johnny. When I 1st met you I felt

connected to you instantly. I felt at home when I talked to you. I felt like I was talking to another me

some of the time. I appreciate all the advice you've

given me. I don't listen to everyone's advice but I for sure listen to yours. Not only because I can

relate but because its real and genuine. I feel like

more people should take the time to listen to you. You may be misunderstood by them but I

understand you completely. You're the example of how a friend should be always. Your height makes up for your short memory. I swear you always forgetting something! But never ever

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forget that I love you so much and that there

wouldn't be a March 11th without a March 10. NaTasia NaTasia NaTasia! My biggest regret was not mentioning you in any of the poems. But I guarantee you'll have your own poem in my

next book. Your hair is the absolute best. You could put dog piss in your hair and it would turn out amazing. No lie. Natural hair isn't for

everyone but it's defiantly made for you. Your advice is pure gold and your hugs are

unforgettable. Thank you for always texting

back. Whether it be 11 in the morning or 11 at night. I can't thank you enough for all that you do. We're not related forreal but I don't even

care ! I'm claiming you before I claim some of my real cousins. ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY

ROCKY! Can't have a thank you section without mentioning you. Your're flamboyant and

emotional but that's what shapes you. Your

iconic walk is also unforgettable to. Our present is way better than our past. I enjoy the

relationship we have. You crack me up and you're not afraid to be yourself. Even if other

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don't like it. Thank you for coming to my defense countless times. You're living proof that Pisces

( You, Myself, Tera, Whitney) are good people. Many times you gave me your lost dollar that

was in your bra. I can't thank you for all those

times you helped me. Thank you. Destiny Corbin how many texts can I send you letting you know how much I care about you. I'll send one

everyday just to prove your importance in my

life . The last name Williams couldn't make us closer. From giving each other pen tattoos in math class, to struggling to pass math senior

year, to you becoming one of the best teen moms of all. We've come a long way. If there's one

person in my life that will tell me NO it will be

you. But hearing the word NO is not a bad thing at all. It means that you're not a yes man and there are a lot of yes man in the world these

days. I have to give you a lot of the credit of the

man that I shaped out to be. Progress was made and I grew. Not in height but as a person into a honorable man into society. You've looked out

for me countless of times and you taught me the

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importance of putting my foot down. A big hug

and high five go out to you , your son, and your mommy for helping me out and unimaginable ways. I love you fam. Thank you to Thick'ems

Bre! You're the prime example of how a young

lady is suppose to carry themselves. You're living proof that you don't have to be thick to be pretty. You're pretty in your own way and I couldn't

thank you enough for the motivation. Your heart has always been pure ever since the 1st day I met you. I can't say that about everybody but I can

defiantly say that about you. Your work ethic is untouchable and your thickness is out of this world. Thank you for all your blessings. Lord JESUS!!! Thank you to Jayden Boogie for

teaching me that kids aren't so bad. I enjoy playing horsey with you and crawling on my hands and knees to entertain you. You are a

burst of pure sunshine and pure joy. I don't ever

want you to be like me in life because I want you to be better than me. Alongs you have the energy

and the big heart that you have you will go far in life Boogie Man. If I don't ever tell you just know

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that you have been an absolute bright spot for

me in life. KAAAAARMY!!! Hiiya friend! Thank you for always being there at the wee hours at night. Whenever I'm up at 1 in the morning

you're the 1st person I message. We may be a

couple time zones apart that doesn't affect our friendship. You have been an absolute blessing to me and my motivation to write. You're a

strong person even on your sick days. I have to give you the biggest hug for all that you've

inspired me to do. You taught me that mental

toughness trumps physical toughness no matter how old or tall you are. Plus your hair is fiiirrre! I'll trade you for your hair any day. I love you

friend! Thank you so so much Dej for showering me with unconditional love at all times. I don't

claim everyone as family but you will always be family to me. Your smile is one of the best and you always manage to smell good. I'm glad I

have someone of your character in my life. Big hug and a big kiss go to you. Thank you to Nesha W.! We didn't spend a lot of time together but

the moments we spent was refreshing turn in my

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life. I felt free and felt rejuvenated. The smallest

amount of time with a person can also have the biggest affect. You've had a tremendous affect on me. Down to how I carry myself as a person. I

want to be a positive influence on my daughters and on females because of your motivation. If I

never ever tell you I just want you to know that I love you like no other and you'll always be

accepted by me with open arms. RIP to my big brother Erik D. Pickett. I'll never get another

brother and would never want another brother because they couldn't add up to anything like you. Your voice was so unique and funny at

times, it'll always be engraved inside my head. The love that you have for your 4 kids is how I

want to be one day times 10. I'm sorry you're not here but I am not sad. I am strong for you and

strong the kids. RIP to Eric D. Tellis. If there was one person that knew how to hustle it was you. I

always admired your methods to getting a dollar. It wasn't always the best at times but that craft s

a craft that couldn't be taught. You had a certain charm about you that couldn't be matched or

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duplicated. I wish you had lived a little longer

and I wish I had got a chance to tell you happy cake day. So HAPPY CAKE DAY from me on

Earth to you up in heaven. Thank you to Michele Faye for all that we've been through. You're a heavy influence throughout this book. Even

though we're not on good terms at this moment. I have to give you the utmost credit. At a dark

point in my life you helped me get out and have

pure fun. I used to love coming to work knowing that I would see you and knowing that we had each others back. To ask for that from a friend

you care about is priceless. Jelly-time wasn't just

a time of the day it was a lifestyle, it was a brand. We was on top. I'll never forget it and I'll never forget you. Thinking about the times we had makes me sad but it just also makes me care

about the friends I have now even extra. At one point of time I could call you a friend but now I guess Jelly-time had an expiration date. The silence gets us nowhere and neither does

pettiness. When you're ready to be friends again and realize I was a good friend I won't be here

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waiting for you. And lastly Thank you to Erin Lynn for all that you did. You also had a big

influence on my writing and just my life alone. Things with you wasn't always bad as they are

now. We used to have some good times together. Best friend Friday use to be the staple of my

week. I couldn't wait to spend time with you. I

still look back on those days and smile. But your mentality and lifestyle drew us apart. You can't

discredit people for the influence they've had on your life. Just like I'm giving you credit now it can easily be returned but your maturity is

preventing that totally . Thank you for pushing

me forward in life and helping me open my eyes to a lot of things I was blind to. I had to accept

the sad reality of not ever being friends with you because of your selfish and devilish ways . I'm

more than happy to bless you with compassion and credit. But as far as me wanting the best for

you. I don't. Thank you to my favorite neighbors Mr. Rob and Ms. Meka, to my favorite McDonald s customers of all time Ms. Tasha and Ms. Ericka, to my dawg Milly, To Cindy, To Domi Byrant, To

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Gabby, To Ms. Vickie, To Cedric, To my mother in law Ms. Bevelyn, To my father in law Mr. Tony, To my granny in laws Ms. Stella, Ms.

Shirley, & Ms. Barbra, to My True big sister Catrice, To my dear friend KenKen , To my

favorite McDonald's mom Ms. Ashley Brooke, To my favorite McDonald's auntie Ms. Renecca, To my nephews EJ, Manny, Issac, & Adrian, To my neice Eariel, To my 4th and 5th grade teacher

Mrs. Kaufman- Gallagher, To the best English teacher Mrs. Teresa Baldwin, To Jesus and God, AND TO YOU, YOU, AND YOU!!!

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About The Author: Hello my name is Johnathen D'Andre Williams. You

can call me Johnny. I am 20 years old and graduated from Ballard High School in 2014. Of course my

favorite subject was english. I also enjoyed sociology as well. I was born and raised in Louisville,

Kentucky. I'm the middle child. I have an older brother named Erik ( who is deceased) , and an older sister named Catrice. I also have two younger sisters

named Sharleeta and Breana. I have an older brother on my fathers side and 5 sisters on that side also. I

have 2 amazing energetic dogs named Roscoe and Sinbad. They live with my mom and I visit them about once a week. I'm a big sports fan. The

Louisville Cardinals are my college team. I like the Cleveland Cavaliers, the New York Yankees,

Cincinnati Reds , the Louisville City FC, and The Louisville Bats. I'm also a Rajon Rondo fan. He was

born in Louisville also. When he was a kid my uncle used to babysit him while his mother was at work. I'm a little on the short side. After age 14 I quit

growing and stayed 5'3 and 2 quarters. I live with

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my lovely girlfriend Whitney. We've been together

since January 11, 2015. I'm a big spider-man fan. To relieve stress I put together spider-man puzzles and glue them on my wall. I'm an avid hat collector. I

have over 152 hats on my bookshelf. I love shoes to. My favorite pair to wear is Stefan Janoski's. I'm

currently employed at HR Block. I'm team Apple. My favorite number is 14. My girlfriends favorite

number is 11. My birthday is on March 11th and

her's is on March 14th. Our birthday month is the 3rd month of the year and our apartment number is the #3 in the building. I was the 3rd child born and im 5'3. I gradated in 2014 and was born about 5:14 p.m. I've been writing since I was 11 as well. We

both had the lowest years of our life when we was 11. The movie 11:14 is also an amazing bible

scripture and amazing movie. Just a little insight on 1114. My favorite food is candy filet mignon and candy. I love the shows Everybody Hates Chris, 2

Broke Girls, and Arthur. I've never smoked or drink and never plan to. In my free time I like to play NBA

2K and Grand Theft Auto on my PlayStation 4 and 3. I love life and love all my readers. Thank you thank you thank you.

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Twitter

: JohnnyDAndreW

Facebook : Johnathen D'Andre Williams Instagram : Johnny.Unitas Email

: Jiggy@myself.com ,

johnathendandrewilliams@gmail.com , Phone

johnnydandrew@icloud.com : 5023867285