[Verse 1]
Oh, you'll all know my wee brother
And his name is Jock McGraw
And he’s lately joined a football club
For he’s mad aboot football
And he’s had three black eyes already
And teeth knocked frae 'is gob
Since oor Jock became a member o'
That terrible football club

[Chorus]
Oh, he’s football crazy!
He's football mad!
And the football, it has robbed him o'
The wee bit o' sense he had
And it would take a dozen skillies
His claes to wash and scrub
Since our Jock became a member o'
That terrible football club

[Verse 2]
Now, the first match he took part in
I was there mе-sel', and saw
He had two half bricks for the goal posts
And a tin can for thе ball
And the Provost o' Glasgow, he was there
With lords and ladies fair...
Oor Jock ran out and kicked the tin can
Two miles in the air!

In the middle o' the field at Hampden Park
The captain says “McGraw!
Would ye kindly take this penalty kick
Or we’ll never win at all!"
So he ran like mad, and kicked the ball
And it went up like a cork
And the last we'd saw, it was over the stand
And headin' for New York

[Chorus]
Oh, he’s football crazy!
He’s football mad!
And the football, it has robbed him o'
The wee bit o' sense he had
And it would take a dozen skillies
His claes to wash and scrub
Since oor Jock became a member o'
That terrible football club

[Verse 3]
Now, his wife says she will leave him
That's if he disnae keep
Right away from football kickin'
In the nighttime, in his sleep
For he calls her Stanley Matthews
And other names so droll
Last night he kicked her oot of the bed
And shouted "It's a goal!"

[Chorus]
Oh, he’s football crazy!
He’s football mad!
And the football, it has robbed him o'
The wee bit o' sense he had
And it would take a dozen skillies
His claes to wash and scrub
Since our Jock became a member o'
That terrible football club