Love Hurts AND Stinks: Joan Jett’s best break-up songs

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Those of you who know about my obsession love for Edward Cullen must think I LOVE Valentine’s Day. Surely, a nerd romantic taken by a 108-year-old virgin vampire who lovingly watches his prey virgin girlfriend sleep would love Valentine’s Day, right?!? WRONG. Pink and red are my two favorite colors, and I’m all for getting frisky (with my Edward husband, and only my husband), but having a holiday for all of that stuff is a little creepy to me. I’m still trying to detox from all the Halloween candy I ate, for crying out loud. Candy hearts are bad, m’kay?

At first, I was going to completely ignore this day and treat it like any other, but then I remembered that Joan Jett has recorded some of the best break-up songs in history! Even some that newbies haven’t heard of! So, I’m going to share my favorites with you. I can’t think of a better way for me and my fellow Valentine-phobes to un-celebrate. I won’t bother to rank them, they’re all number one in my book anyway.

This list makes me want to dust off my cassette recorder and make a good, old-fashioned MIX TAPE. (*Sigh*. Someday, I will write a blog on what that whole process entailed, so future generations will remember. It was AWESOME.)

“Coney Island Whitefish” … “Baby, you’re a scumbag!” Best. Line. Ever. If you know what a “Coney Island Whitefish” is (it’s slang for something dirty), and are horrified, don’t be. The title doesn’t appear in any of the lyrics.

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“You’re Too Possessive” … Joan recorded this with both The Runaways and The Blackhearts. Here’s The Runaways version:

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“Someday” … “Listen to me, you sonofabitch…” Best. Rant. Ever.

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“The Only Good Thing (You Ever Said Was Goodbye)” … The title says it all!

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“I Hate Myself for Loving You.” … DUH.  B-94 used to be a good radio station in Pittsburgh back in the day, and every Friday night I would listen to their “Request and Dedication Party”. The list of dedications before this song was so long the DJs actually got tired and out of breath while reading it. That’s the way it sounded to me, anyway. In 2006, this song made it onto a compilation of break-up songs by various artists called Love Sucks.

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Breaking up with someone isn’t always empowering. Sometimes it’s just sad. If your lover leaves you beating your floor and crying hysterically, or lying comatose in a forest, Joan can help you with that too.

“Why Can’t We Be Happy?” …*sniff*

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“Lie to Me” … Do you think Bella would have sung this to Edward a split-second before he left the forest in New Moon? I mean, uh, what blog is this again? Oh, right…

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“Goodbye” This one is sad, but there’s a quiet strength there too. It takes guts to say this stuff to someone.

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I’m going to stop here, even though I didn’t list all of the good ones. (I don’t even have time to mention Joan’s covers of “Love Hurts” and “Love Stinks”!) What’s YOUR favorite Joan Jett or Runaways break-up song?

I made a few more Joan Jett-themed conversation hearts for you too. Enjoy! (Click for bigger. Thanks to my Twilight friends at LTT for the idea!)